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Maisha ya usingle mother je, how do I cope?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by noella, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. n

    noella Senior Member

    #1
    Jun 18, 2012
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    Naandika post hii nikiwa sijui pa kuanza, il a kwa kifupi tu, nimeanza maisha mapya ya kuwa single mother.

    Mimi na baba mtoto havijawork out kwa kweli na imenibidi nifanye maamuzi magumu.

    Ni mwanaume nimekuwa nae kwa muda wa miaka saba ila hatujaoana, tumefanya mambo mengi ya maendeleao pamoja,ila gafla tabia yake ikabadilika akawa ni mtu wa kunigombeza bila sababu, chochote nikifanyacho kwakwe ni kibaya,lugha anayotumia kwangu akiwa na hasira ni mbovu, ila at the same time anasema ananipenda,nimekuwa ni mtu wa kuumia moyo kwa muda wote huo,najiuliza ni kupenda gani kwa namna hiyo.

    Hivi karibuni nimeamua isiwe tabu kila mtu aendelee na ustaarabu wake,yeye amekuwa akitumia mtoto kunisema nina roho mbaya, sina huruma na maneno kedekede,ila kusema ukweli nimevumilia vya kutosha na sasa nimeona basi inatosha, ninampenda ndio na ingetokea miujiza abadilike ningemrudia ila ndo hivyo.kwa hasira amegoma hata kumuhudumia mtoto anasema akifika miaka saba nimpe sasa hivi akimuona atasikia uchungu kisa mimi simtaki.

    Kwa wenye uzoefu jamani naanzaje kuishi maisha ya usingle mother wakati kila siku lazima mtoto aulizie daddy au hata akilia atalia daddy dady,nitakuja kumwambia nini akiwa mkubwa?na je nikija kuanza mahusiano mengine mtoto atanionaje?
     
  2. PetCash

    PetCash JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jun 18, 2012
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    Pole sana dada @noella, Najua its so hard to raise a kid and most especially as a single mother.
    Kwa kweli ladies labda niwashauri. If a man loves u enough lazima atatangaza ndoa! Achaneni na hao wanaume wengine wetu ambao wanaiponda ndoa takatifu na kusema wanajaribujaribu matokeo yake ni hayo mtoto then mnakuwa forced to live together then mara things are not working. Kwa nini tu usisubiri upendwe kwa haki na uzalie ndani ya ndoa?
    Trust me ladies mwanaume hata akiwa player namna gani akikudondokea kisawasawa lazima atangaze ndoa ili asikukose na akumiliki kihalali....
    Dada we tulia lea mwanao and there will come a man who will love you truly na utasahau kama uliwahi pata shida kwenye ndoa...Just pray,
    Mtoto atakuja elewa tu- kwani we ndo wa kwanza?


    Jamani fungukeni rate ya watoto wanaolelewa na single parents Tanzania inaclimb sana!
     
  3. Tuko

    Tuko JF Bronze Member

    #3
    Jun 18, 2012
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    Hata Obama alilelewa na single Parent (mother), na akawa great. Jiamini tu kuwa unaweza, wala usihofu. Amini mwanao atakua na kupata vyote anavyohitaji, kwani mapendo ya mama na wengine watakaokuwa karibu naye yatatosha sana...
     
  4. Watu

    Watu JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jun 18, 2012
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    Ndoa haivunjiki? hata itangazwe ndoa mwanamke kama huyu will end up in the same situation!!! ni design ya wale wanawake wa beijing ''tunaweza" "naweza type"

    rate ya single mothers inakua kwa sababu wadada wamekuwa liberated wanasahau nini maana ya mwanaume
     
  5. PetCash

    PetCash JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jun 18, 2012
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    Simaanishi kwamba ndoa hazivunjiki but its obvious kwamba kama kwenye mahusiano mwanaume yuko tayari kufanya mambo kihalali basi probability ya mahusiano kuvunjika inapungua. Ofcourse I know kuna mambo mengi ya kuangalia zaidi ya hayo but trust me, I am a man na nnajua watu humaanisha nini wanapotaka kuishi na mwanamke bila kumtambulisha kwao na kumuoa.
    Halafu tena watu wengi hawapendi watoto wao wakulie nje ya ndoa so wanakuwa forced to stay with the woman they impregnanted na hapo vigezo havijalishi tena kwa sababu inconvenience ishatokea
     
  6. E

    Elizabeth Dominic Platinum Member

    #6
    Jun 18, 2012
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    Japokuwa umeamua lakini naona kama sababu za kuachana ziko katika nafasi ya kurekebishika kama bado mapenzi yapo ya nini kumuhangaisha mtoto kiasi hicho?
     
  7. stroke

    stroke JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jun 18, 2012
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    pole, toto anahitaji mapenzi ya baba na mama..hata kama matunzo yanaweza patikana upande mmoja..ila luv toka kwa wote inahitajika..
     
  8. n

    noella Senior Member

    #8
    Jun 19, 2012
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    Wapendwa, asanteni kwa michango yenu.

    Kusema ukweli mpaka nimefikia maamuzi haya nimevumilia sana.Ndani ya miaka hiyo saba kwa miaka mitatu mimi nimekuwa ni mwanamke wa kunung'unika tu mara nikutane na texts za ajabu akiandikiana na wanawake,pale napomuhitaji siku zote amechoka au amelewa,kugombezwa,kupigwa pasipo sababu za msingi halafu the next day ataomba msamaha eti alisikiliza maneno ya kijiweni kuwa mwanamke akipigwa ndo anakuwa na heshima.

    Na pia katika muda wote huo hatujawahi kuishi pamoja,kila mtu anaishi kivyake ila tu numba tulisaidiana kujenga na anaishi yeye kwa sasa.najiona mwenye mkosi kwa maana haonyeshi mapenzi kwangu na amekuwa akisema kuwa yeye hapendi ila anatamani. kila akinipigia simu kw amfano sijaisikia akipiga tena ni ugomvi nilikuwa wapi na nani?najiuliza kwnaini aniwazie vibaya yawezekana ayawazayo niyo ayafanyayo. kwetu wanamjua na kwao wananijua,na kila siku akiulizwa maswala ya ndo anapeleka mbele akisema bado hajaaccomplish mambo mengi.

    Kuna aliyesema kuwa mimi ni design ya wale wanawake wa 'beijing' la hasha, mimi ni mwanamke ninayependa nisipopendwa, kipindi cha nyuma tuliwahi kuachana kwa muda wa mwezi mmoja kwasababu ya maneno yake ya kejeli na kuniambia kuwa hakunipenda alikuja kwangu to prove a point to his friends but akajikuta yupo tuu..ila mimi kwa kumuwaza mtoto nikaona nimrudie,lakini naumia,sijui nielezeje mjue kuwa nina machungu kiasi gani yanayosababishwa na mapenzi haya. kila nikisema simtaki ananiambia wimbo wa taifa na sina ujanja wa kumuacha eti nisipompenda yeye nitampenda mwanaume gani. ni mambo mengi sana yanayonipelekea nifanye maamuzi haya,naandika post hii machozi yananitoka maana hata asubuhi hii binti yangu kataka kuongea na daddy kwenye simu.sijui ni jinsi gani nitacope na situation hii kwa kweli.
     
  9. by default

    by default JF-Expert Member

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    Dada mmepishana umri miaka mingapi usikute jamaa bado yupo foolsh age .ila pole sana kuwa na moyo wa subra
     
  10. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 19, 2012
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    Yaani haya maisha jamani

    Pole sana dada mungu ni mwema sana ..jiweke busy mjali sana mwanao .angalia maisha yako taratibu utafanikiwa na kumsahau huyo mtu asiyethamini utu wako mamy
    Na mwisho wa siku utayashinda haya majaribu
    Kama huyo ndo amepangwa kuwa wapo basi atakuwa wako katika mazingira mbayo hutarajii.
    Na kama sio wako basi omba mungu sana akuchagulie wako wa kufanana na wewe .
     
  11. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 19, 2012
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    nini maana ya mwanaume?



    je jukumu la kulinda ndoa/ uhusiano ni la mwanamke tu?
     
  12. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 19, 2012
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    kwanza pole sana kwa yaliyokukuta,
    pili hongera kwa kuchukua maamuzi magumu....

    hakuna haja ya kung'ang'ania uhusiano ambao upo abusive, kama ni magomvi yasiyokwisha hapo humjengi mtoto bali unamuharibu.......

    inasikitisha kuona huyo mwanaume anakimbia majukumu yake......kwa kutoa visingizio visivyokuwa na mashiko...
    kama una uwezo wa kumlea mwano mwenyewe na huhitaji kumpeleka ustawi wa jamii, ni vyema dada....

    kikubwa ni kumlea mwanao kwenye maadili mema, ofcourse hutoweza kuziba nafasi ya baba yake, ila utaweza kumjenga in such a way kuwa mtoto asijenge chuki kwa baba, kuwa single ni kazi, maana unachukua nafasi ya baba na mama...
    just be strong kwa mtoto wako...
    mpe yote atakayoyahitaji...
    maadili ni muhimu sana.......

    akiuliza "daddy" yuko wap[i labda umwambie kasafiri....
    au atarudi....
    mpaka pale utakapoona inafaa kumueleza ukweli bila kumuumiza hisi zake na bila kumjenga chuki.....
     
  13. n

    noella Senior Member

    #13
    Jun 19, 2012
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    amenipita miaka minne,he is not at foolish age at all, ingawa kwa mfano mambo mengi ya ajabu ajabu aliyofanya mwaka jana yeye anasema he was not grown up, at 36 u r not grown up jamani!!!???
     
  14. n

    noella Senior Member

    #14
    Jun 19, 2012
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    Asante BD,

    Kuhusu kumuhudumia mtoto nitaweza bila kumpeleka ustawi wa jamii,ingawaje itabidi tu nimuhamishe shule mana aliyopo kwa sasa ni expensive kidogo sitoweza kuafford peke yangu. Nitajitahidi kumlea malezi yaliyo bora ila ninapata mawazo mengi sana baadae nitamjibu nini akiniuliza what happened between me and teh daddy, she is only 3 yrs now ila anampenda sana baba yake,tangu nifanye maamuzi haya sasa ni wiki mbili na nimekuwa nikimdanganyadanganya tu sitaki amchukie baba yake. na amekuwa akinitext kuwa ameanza relationship nyingine na blabla kibao mi sijamjibu.
    Naomba Mungu anisaidie kwenye hili.Mapenzi yanauma jamani asikwambie mtu,mmh.
     
  15. n

    noella Senior Member

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    Jun 19, 2012
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    Asante FL nashukuru
     
  16. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 19, 2012
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    Kwanza, kwa hali ya kawaida kuwa na mahusiano ya miaka saba bila kuoana tayari inaonyesha hamkuwa tayari kuishi pamoja labda kama huyu kaka alikuwa mme wa mtu.
    Kwa kijana singe aliyeridhia kuwa na mahusiano na wewe angesharekebisha ndoa kiukweli.

    Lakini pia sikubaliani na PetCash kuwa lazima mtu azae akiwa ndani ya ndoa. Je ni dhahiri kuwa kila mtu anapenda ndoa kiasi hicho? Mia hapa naona hii ni stigma tu kuwa mwanamke kuzaa nje ya ndoa ni '????' Hii ndi inasababisha wanawake ambao ni weak kwenye maamuzi kung'ang'ania kuolewa na watu ambao hawakuumbwa kuwa 'akina baba au wazazi'
    Si kila mtu yuko designed kuwa mzazi, mke au mme.


    Nikija kwako noella, wee ugumu hasa uko wapi?
    Ni kwamba huna uwezo wa kipato? Hauko strong emotionally? Hauwezi himili stigma ya single mother?

    Suala la baba kujitenga kabisa na mtoto eti kisa wewe humtaki ni njia ya kukushinikiza wewe kuendelea kuwa kwenye mahusiano hayo ambayo wewe huyataki.

    Na mkiendelea kwa mtindo huu atakayeathirika ni mtoto maana mara nyingi chuki baina ya wazazi hutranform kwenda kwa mtoto. Ni haki ya mtoto kuendelea kuonana na baba na mama yake hata kama nyie mmeachana ili akue akiwatambua. Kumtenga na mmoja itamfanya asitambue umuhimu wake au kushindwa kuelewama naye vizuri.

    Nimechoka bwana, kwanza mna umri gani?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  17. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 19, 2012
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    Ngoja waje ma single mother wakushauri!
     
  18. Nyalotsi

    Nyalotsi JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 19, 2012
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    sijaoa na nilishaapa,siwezi oa mwanamke ambaye amelelewa na single mother. Bora aliyelelewa na baba
     
  19. WALIMWEUSI

    WALIMWEUSI JF-Expert Member

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    Pole dada kwa yaliyokukuta, I experienced the same ila naomba nikushauri.

    Kwanza elewa kuwa life is too short my love, kwa nini upoteza muda wako kuwa na mtu asiyekupenda? Tafuta furaha katika maisha yako mpenzi, umeamua kuachana nae na uachane nae for good! Utapata mwanaume atakayekupenda na utamsahau kabisaa huyo mwanaume.
    Kuhusu kuwa single parent, ebu jiulize ni wanawake wangapi ambao waume zao walifariki na hadi sasa wanaishi tena kwa raha na amani? Ni watoto wangapi ambao baba zao walifariki lakini wapo wanaume ambao wamekuwa wababa kwa hao watoto?
    Ondoa shaka mpenzi, na umshukuru Mungu kwa kukupa huyo mtoto ambae atakuwa faraja kubwa maishani mwako. Zaidi ya yote kuwa mtu wa sala, toba na ibada! Mungu ni mwema atakusaidia
     
  20. Nyalotsi

    Nyalotsi JF-Expert Member

    #20
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    huwezi kumleta waziri wa uwekezaji aje kushauri hapa!! Atakachofanya ni kuongeza kubomoa ili wagombania waume za watu wawe wengi.
     
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