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Mahusiano na Wakwe/Mawifi Nini kifanyike?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by MwanajamiiOne, Jul 29, 2011.

  1. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #1
    Jul 29, 2011
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    Wapendwa natumaini mu wazima na furaha kuwa weekend imefika.

    Naomba tusaidiane katika hili. Ni mara nyingi kina dada tumekuwa tukishutumiwa kkwa kutokuwa na mahusiano mazuri na ndugu zetu wa upande wa mume yaani mama mkwe au mawifi.

    Kumekuwa na clashes za mara kwa mara kati yetu na hawa second halves wetu kiasi kwamba sometimes mtu hata kabla hujaingia moja kwa moja kwenye mahusiano unaanza kufikiria uhusiano wako na mkwe, mawifi utakavyokuwa.

    Sababu nyingi zimetolewa mfano mambo ya wivu.eti mama mkwe humwonea wivu mke wa mwanae; mama mkwe anakuwa hana imani kama mke huyu anawezamtunza mwanae (Kuna wengine wamefichiwa mpaka kipande cha paja hapa) n.k.

    Nauliza tu je kuna vitu maalumu ambavyo ukiviobserve vema vinawezatupunguzia hizi clashes? Nini ambacho tunawezamfanyia mama mkwe/wifi ili tuishi nao kwa amani na upendo?

    What are the limits inapokuja katika mahusiano yetu na hawa wapendwa Are there any sacrifices ambazo sisi kama wake tunapaswa kuzifanya ili tuepushe migongano hii?

    N.B: Simaanishi mama wakwe wote au mawifi wote inakuwaga ngumu kuishi nao la hasha. (Naomba nielewekek hapa)

    Aksanteni
     
  2. Rejao

    Rejao JF-Expert Member

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    Watu wengi wakioa huwa wanajisahau. Antention inabadilika kabisa, ukaribu aliokuwa nao kwa dada zake na mama yake unapungua!
    Hata kama mimi ni mama au dada mtu, lazima nikuone kama wewe ndio umekuja kusababisha utengano wetu! ni dhahiri kuwa sintakupenda.
    Cha muhimu ni kuwapenda mama mkwe wako na wifi zako,
    Jifunze kukubaliana na kila hali..
     
  3. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #3
    Jul 29, 2011
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    MJ1 hili suala ni nyeti saana na kama wahusika woote wangekua wanajiuliza haya maswali ya Msingi saana uloouliza basi mahusiano mengi saana yangekua ya amani saaana, na kupunguza unnecessary clushes na inlaws wowote… Nimependa kweli your topic….

    Sababu nyiingi hua sio za msingi saana… Kubwa kuliko yoote ni kua shida hutoka saaana upande wa mwanaume toka kwa dada zake na mama yake (for mara nyingi akina dada/mama ndio tatizo)… Hii hutokana na ukweli kwamba Mwanaume yeyote hata kama anapenda/anajali familia yake vipi akishaoa…

    his center of attention ni kwa mke na familia yake mpya ambayo kweli kabisa inahitaji attention yake yoote na input kubwa tofauti kabisa na nyumbani kwenye familia yake ya zamani… Hili huwafanya Mama/dada kumchukia saana wifi yao wakisahau kabisa kua hata wao na waume zao wameishi hivi…

    Hizi kasumba ndio ufanya wanawake ambao sio wastaarabu kuchukulia advantage na kumfanya mwanaume asahau kabisa kwa thru techniques mbali mbali kama kua over demandive… n.k Bahati mbaya saana pande zoote mbili husahau kabisa kuweka in consideration source (mwanaume) katika swala zima la kumuweka ktk hali ngumu ya kubalance hio amani....

    Hii mara nyingi hua effective saana kama dada wa mume atakua na nia ya kujenga a good relationship na wewe mke wa kakake… Yeye mara nyingi saana akiwa mtu wa amani na kukuona wewe ni mwanamke mwenzie na kukufanya rafiki mara nyingi saana uhusiano hua successful….

    Hata hivo kwa Yule yanaemkuta na ndio mke, ukijishusha to some extent na kuwaelewa where it is coming from ni rahisi in the long run na wao kujishusha (kutegemea na ustaarabu wa in law lakini….)

    Sometimes hata ku demand an audience na inlaw wako – na kumueleza ukweli you don't like uhusiano wenu ulivo mbovu na unataka muweke a truce ya kujenga amani yaweza saidi… tatizo tu ni kwamba ni mara chache wanawake tunakubali kujishusha kwa wanawake wenzetu…


    Mwanamke yeyote ambae ni a wife… and loves being a wife… and loves her husband… and akatambua kua kufanikiwa kwa ndoa yake kunategemea kwa kiasi kikubwa input yake psychologically, emotionally, wisdom, energy and strength… hufanya sacrifices kila saa na mara kwa mara…

    Pamoja na kusema mara nyiingi huu ni mtihani most tuna feli… unafaulu yoote but washindwa tu handle inlaws… kitu ambacho kama uko relaxed na kutuliza akili… inakua rahisi in a difficult way…

    Na kushinda hii ya mahusiano Sacrifice is not an option… lazima u-sacrifice pride yako… ili uweze jishusha (ili mradi isizidi wakakukanyaga…) lazima u-sacrifice furaha in some cases (ili mradi isizidi ikakufanya mtu wa chuki kila saa)..

    lazima u-sacrifice your beliefs…(ili mradi isimame katika misingi ya morals bora…)… ningetoa mifano ya hizi sacrifices na the way ina play part but naona the post inaongezeka mno and I am pressed with issue…

    Pamoja Saaana
    ADI

     
  4. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Mimi nafikiri kabla hata haujaolewa unakuwa tayari umeishakutana na wakwe na wifi so unakuwa unafahamiana nao vizuri tatizo linaanza pale baada ya mtu kuolewa anaanza kuweka barriers kwa ndugu wa mume ili hali wale ni tumbo moja and no matter you do nothing can separate them,

    wengi wao huwa wananyenyekea wakiwa wanakaribia kuolewa baada ya kuolewa ndugu mtajuta kumfahamu wifi yenu cha msingi ni kuishi nao vizuri kama vile siku ya kwanza ulivyokutana nao simaanishi kubembeleza la hasha ila kuishi nao kulingana na akili yako binafsi ikiwemo heshima kwa pande zote mbili ila kama mtu akikosea anaambiwa amekosea.
     
  5. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jul 29, 2011
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    akubaliana nawe humble finest! it doesnt bother me mwenza kuwa karibu na ndugu zake, ni ndugu zake anyways! umemkuta mwenzio na ndugu zake, they have been thru rain and sunshine huko walipotoka koote hadi umemuona handsome at 25 say! muhimu ni kuongea pale privacy yako inapokuwa intruded.

    lakini ukiwachukulia wakwe na mawifi kama ndugu zako tu, and not fussing over small stuff maisha yanaenda tu. huwezi kukwepa lawama kwa asilimia mia,lakini just play ur part. iliyo haki yao wape,ya kwako hakikisha u stand by it. confrontations kwenye kila kitu nayo inakufanya unakuwa a ajabu,vingine unapotezea tu.

    japokuwa nadhani mara nyingi mwanaume anakuwa na sehemu kubwa ya kuweka familia ya kwao na ya kwake vizuri kama atasimama kama mwanaume. kuna aliyewekewa paja humu, akarudi na mkewe sebuleni akamuambia mamake usijali,huyu mwanamke anajua kunitunza ile mbaya! siku hizi nimezeeka sili kama wakati ule nakua!

    approaches tu! akifanya kitu mama mkwe ama wifi,jiulize kama angekuwa mama/dada yangu ningewasha moto hivi? ama ningepotezea?
     
  6. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #6
    Jul 29, 2011
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    Rejao.......hili ni geni kwangu aksante mwaya unajua mara nyingi nilikuwa najisahau na kudhani kuwa mkaka akiwa bado hajaoa huwa si kivile saana kwa ndugu zake (apart from mambo ya finances au misaada ya hapa na pale)

    okay so unachotushauri hapa kina dada, tuweke nafasi na effort ya kuwakumbusha wenzi wetu majukumu yao kwa dada na mama zao (majukumu si lazima pesa au mali- hata kuwa karibu nao kisalamu na kujuliana hali ni jukumu pia au siyo?)

    Mimi sijui kwa sababu nilibahatika kupata mama mkwe na mawifi (5) ambao yaani they are lovely kwa kweli.
     
  7. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    King'asti,

    Aisee hili neno, kwa maneno haya katupe kabisa hiyo machine gun banaa.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  8. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Dah!!! Mjukuu una hazina hebu nigawie mmoja basi
     
  9. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #9
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    AishaDii..............duh yaani nitakutafuta for more infomation. Umenisaidia sana mydia aksante na Ubarikiwe.

    Ni kweli kabisa wote tuna majukumu ya kuhakikisha maisha yanarun smoothly kati yetu na hawa inlaws lakini je ni kweli wanawake wengi hatulijui hili? Mie nakumbuka kuna kipindi tuliishi na bibi yetu mzaa baba pamoja na shangazi, jamani sijawahiona wanawake wenye midomo kama wale wawili!!

    Nakumbuka I was in std 2 by then yaani wao ilikuwa wakienda kufua bafuni wanafua wote basi ni kusogoa tu kumsema mama yangu ambaye yaani kwangu ni mpole sijapata ona na sometimes anawasikia na kuishia tu kucheka.......... imatokeo yake mie ndo nikawa naumia! (Binti wa darasa la 2 naumia nini kama si umbea tu!!) lakini nilikuwa naumia.

    Since then tuliendelea kuishi nao mpaka mie naolewa!! napata mwana wangu wa kwanza yaani hawakubadilika!! na si kwamba walikuwa wananyimwa kitu au attention ya Mzee ilikuwa imehama la hasha, baba aliwachukua toka huko kijijini akawaambia mkiwa huku ninawamiss sana njooni mkae nami yaani siku tukila maharage wananuna-

    kwa nini tule maharage na watakaa macho hadi Mzee arudi toka kwenye viti virefu vyao waone yeye analishwa nini! Mwe!! kule ndo nilijifunza vituko vya mawifi....... but sasa wanazeeka wote na mama yangu masikini (shangazio ndo kabakia but hivyo vituko vyake!! sipatisimulia- kila siku ni kesi (si na mama yangu bali watoto, wajukuu ilimuradi ni mahakama bubu!)
     
  10. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    hii machine gun haina shida,ila ikinilazimu nai-koki na ukiskia paaaaah! ujue umepona,lol!

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  11. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #11
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    .......Hahahaha kwa wale aisee utapata shida bure maana hutaoa mmoja utakuwa umenioa mpaka mimi!! upendo wao sijawahiushukudia kusema ukweli..na si kwa mimi tu, bali hata hao wenzangu! Basi tu kaka zao ndo sometimes mwezi mchanga!
     
  12. bacha

    bacha JF-Expert Member

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    kwa mfumo huu wa maisha yetu ya kitanzania, yaani extended families................
    mahusiano mengi ya wifi/mkwe Vs mke ni kama paka na panya.......


    ngoja ntarudi baadae kidogo MJ1!!!!!!!!
     
  13. Mkirua

    Mkirua JF-Expert Member

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    1. Nakubaliana na mtoa mada na nadhani hii ni changamoto kwa wengi wetu kiasi kwamba kabla ya kuoa au kuolewa wakati mwingine tunalazimika kujiuliza kama mwenzio atakuwa na mahusiano ya namna gani na wakwe zake. Awali nilidhani ni tatizo letu tu hapa Tanzania lakini lol..... It is a common practice to third world countries.

    2. Mwanjamii maswali yako ni magumu sana ukiyatafakari kwa undani kwani hakuna jibu la moja kwa moja liltakalo cut across! Pia sitajibu moja baada ya jingine bakli nitatoa maoni ya ujumla.

    3. Cha msingi ni sisi wanaume kuwa tu na msimamo na usipende familia yako kuingiliwa na wazazi wako, dada zako nk. Kama unaamini huyu ndio chaguo lako ni ubavu wako ni mwenza wako then lazima awe wa kwanza na hao wengine watafuatia.

    4. Sikatai kwa wake zetu kuwatunza, kuwapenda na kuwaheshimu wazazi lakini ni muhumu wazazi na ndugu wakatambua kuwa hawana haki ya kuingilia na kuhamua yanayohusu nyumba familia yako wewe mwanaume.

    Tatizo hapo ni wazazi na ndugu upande wa mwanaume kutokutambua na kuheshimu mamlaka halali ya familia na kutaka kuendelea na uhuru walikuwa nao kwa kijana wao kabla ya kuoa. Wakati mwingine sio kwa madada tu hata mashemeji nao hutaka kuwa sehemu ya amri na maagizo kwa mke wa ndg yao hatimaye mwanamke anabaki kujiuliza ivi nimeolewa na watu wangapi?

    5. Kuhusu sacrifices na limits zake nadhani mnatakiwa kuwachukulia kama wazazi wenu (wapya) na msiwabague panapostahili huduma wahesahimiwe na wahudumiwe kama unavyoweza kumhudumia mzazi wako though some have negative attitudes and they will never change so get prepared to face any situation.... La msingi ni msimamo wa mwanaume kutambua haya yote na kuhakikisha nyumba yake haiingiliwi katika hali yeyote.
     
  14. Dr. Love Pimbi

    Dr. Love Pimbi Member

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    Asaante sana AshaDii na Mwanajamiione kwa mada hii nzuri na yenye kuleta tija katika Mahisiano yetu
     
  15. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Nafikiri uko sahihi King'asti kwa mantiki hii basi wanawake sie ndo vyanzo au nimekosea?
     
  16. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Hahahaha!!! Lol
     
  17. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    mj1, sio 100% wanawake tunachangia, bali na mume nae ana sehemu yake. kuna mwanaume anything atakachoongea na nduguze (at least kinachohusu maslahi ynenu pia,hata muda na resouces) ni lazma atawaambia ngoja niongee na wife then nitawapa feedback.

    hii inasababosha hata wale wakorofi kuona hakuna pa kuingilia.shida yetu wanawake ni kushindwa kuwafananisha wakwe na ndugu zetu. mfano mj1, ww ukiwa umekutana na kakako aishiye mbali, u would want space muongee issue zenu na umbea kidogo...(nina rafiki huwa ananiambia 'njoo tumsengenye mume wangu' and we laugh it out na mumewe)

    cant u do that kwa mwenzio,manake hao ni ndugu zake! piga ua lazma wana mambo yao ya kifamilia ambayo utapewa briefing kijuujuu,dont demand for more! same as na ww na familia yako. ila in the end bwana, mume ni kichwa cha nyumba. akiwa legelege kama govt hii ya jk,mambo yoote vululuvululu..

    <br />
    <br />
     
  18. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Ah The Finest umenikumbusha heartbreaker wangu ambaye tulishafikia mbali, nshafahamika kwao akasepa kabla ya kufunga pingu za maisha.....akampata mjuzi, mrembo MwanajamiiOne na surale ka panya nikaachwa nalia na mito na kujifunika shungi la aibu. Leo hii anarudi kwa madai eti Mamake ananitaka mie! (Emotional roller coaster)......

    Sasa hapa najiuliza je ningeingia bado huyu mama angekuwa na upendo huu au ndo kwa vile yule ndie aliolewa na hawaivi!!? najiuliza tu.

    Lakini mbona sijawahi kusikia matatizo ya mke na shemeji zake? (yaani kaka/ wadogo wa kiume wa mumewe?) kama ni suala la kaka yao kupunguza attention kwa ndugu zake kwa nini mama na mawifi tu ndo iwaume?
     
  19. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    ila kiukweli sisi wanawake huwa tunavumilia wazazi wetu kubaguliwa aisee. kwa wale wenye wenzi, ukimuuliza mume mara ya mwisho lini alimpa hela au kasuti hivi baba mkwe wake sijui kama atajibu! ndo maana eiyer namuambia sie wanawake lazma tufanye kazi pia banaa,manake wake niwaangalie na wazazi wangu pia! dah...

    well, i dont need to fuss abt it lakini hapo huwa hakuna usawa. na ukiangalia hela zote mnakuwa mnaweka pamoja,ila ukiongelea kwenu mwenzio anasita kidogo,lol!
     
  20. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    Mjukuu leo una vituko lol!! halafu matatizo ya mke na shemeji zake yanatokea lakini ni mara chache mara nyingi mke na shemeji zake huwa wanaelewana na kupatana sana, mimi shemeji yangu naweza nisiende kwake muda ukipita ananizukia nyumbani na kuanza kuniuliza wewe mbona hauji kwangu una matatizo gani.
     
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