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Love vs Sex

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Kana-Ka-Nsungu, Dec 30, 2007.

  1. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Dec 30, 2007
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    Nimekua najiuliza siku zote kwanini relationship nyingi zinavunjika eti kwa kuwa mwanaume ame have sex na mwanamke mwingine? Ndugu zetu wa kike eti wanaamini kuwa uki sex na mwanamke mwingine ni kwamba huwapendi wao tena na hapa ndio ubishi wangu ulipo leo.

    Wanaume, tofauti na wanawake, tuna uwezo wa kutofautisha sex na love. I can just have SEX with a woman and treat it as a mechanical process- just bang, bang, bang and off I go- without having to indulge my emotions at all, just for the sake of relieving myself. Nikirudi nyumbani kwa mke wangu- I make LOVE to her- I put my brain, heart and soul into it. Mwanaume anaweza kuwa kiwembe ile mbaya lakini at the end of the day anakuwa na mwanamke mmoja mbaye ndio roho yake.

    Naamini wanaume wengi kama mimi, if given an option, tungependelea ku have sex with more than just one person wakati tukiwa kwenye ndoa zetu. Sijui ni tamaa au ni ulafi lakini kila ukitembea barabarani unakutana na majaribu and we are so weak.I think its biological!!! In contrast, wanawake wengi wanakasumba ya ku attach emotions zao kwenye tendo la sex, for majority hadi 'akupe' ujue kuna viji feelings na emotions involved. (I understand ni tofauti kwa wazungu na wale 'waafrika wazungu').

    I know most of you will be like "What on eath is KS on about today?" Im in trouble this weekend bse my wife has found out that I slept with someone when she was away, na najitahidi kumuelezea kwamba it was just a one night stand,I cant even remember the girl's name, it absolutely meant nothing to me-(JUST SEX) and she (My wife) is still the one I would die for.Sijui nifanye nini ili nieleweke.
     
  2. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Say I am sorry give her you assurance that you will not repeat that mistake again and ask for her forgiveness. Do not try to justify what you did, IT WAS WRONG. How would you feel if your wife had done the same while you were away!?
     
  3. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

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    Bubu thanks for your advice and I know im in the wrong but- Im not talented in telling lies, I know I'll do it again, I just cant imagine 'doing' it with the same woman for the rest of my or her life!
     
  4. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #4
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    That is okay...but please give her the permission to do the same because she too is tired of the of doing it with the same man for the rest of her life...She too would prefer to have some chachandu and different mipigo...:) By the way how long is your marriage? If you don't mind my question.
     
  5. Nzokanhyilu

    Nzokanhyilu JF-Expert Member

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  6. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

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    Its fine as long as I dont find out,10 years of marrige eating the same mboga? kuna tofauti bwana- mie namwaga taka nje, yeye azileta ndani! And what if she gets impregnanted? and as I said earlier- there is a risk of her falling for someone else if she is allowed to do it while for me its just a pure FANTANSY!
     
  7. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

    #7
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    Aaaghh, have to wait till I get home after my shift, niko job hapa na system admin tu ndo anaweza download......

    In order to play this video, you must have Flash 8 or higher installed on your computer, and you must enable Javascript.

    Flash is available for Mac, Windows, and Linux, and can be downloaded free of charge here.
     
  8. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuki kwa nguruwe kwa binadamu mchungu....:) It is not for pure fantasy my friend, you too may fall for someone. You may kick it with someone and conclude that was the best sex ever in you life. This can force you to make love to that other woman more frequently as compared to your beloved wife i.e. negleting your wife when it comes to making love. She can use protection...if you would allow her to do so...:)
     
  9. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

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    My advice for married men who just want to inject a bit of fun into their boring marriages is to go for "quickies" or just one night stands, if you go back to someone for more, youare inviting troubles. Marriages, in my opinion, would have been so boring without cheating and flirting, hope you agree Bubu- you will understand what im talking about if you are married, are you? . At least Im being honest and I dont have a "nyumba ndogo" like most of our "dingis" in BOngo.
     
  10. Mtaalam

    Mtaalam JF-Expert Member

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    hahaha interesting debate..ingependeza zaidi na wa kina dada wenyewe wakachangia...ila in ma opinion ndugu yangu ka ukimruhusu mkeo naye a do the same sawa sawa kabsaaa...wala usitetee kuhusu kuleta taka ndani si anaweza akaweka ndoo ya taka akawa naye anaziacha huko huko nje??n abt falling in luv naye si atakua kama wewe tuu anataka kubadili mbiga then basi anakurudia??
     
  11. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

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    Mtaalam ukweli ni kwamba- watu wengi, wake kwa waume haswa walioko kwenye ndoa muda mrefu wanacheat, may be im just the first to admit,ndio maana kila siku maugomvi na suspicions haziishi kwenye relationships. Wewe unaweza ukajinyima raha ukijitia kumtunzia heshima mwenzio kumbe anaburuzwa kichizi, the best way to do it ni kuwa smart, usishtukiwe tu. My approach is its fine, as long as she doesnt find out, au unasemaje mkuu.Waafrika hatuna tabia ya kudivorce kirahisi, especially mkishakuwa na watoto,watu wengi wanaishi tu pamoja kwa mazoea lakini feelings hakuna kabisa, wenzetu weupe wanajua kuwa ndoa ina expiry date, wakichokana wanaambiana na kila mtu anatambaa kivyake lakini kwa kuwa kwetu kuachana ni aibu- ndio maana cheating itaendelea kuwepo siku zote.
     
  12. Mtaalam

    Mtaalam JF-Expert Member

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    sasa kama mtu wajijua kuwa u cannot kula mboga moja for ur life tym kwanini uoe??si ubakie kuwa bachela tuu uenjoy milo yooote?
     
  13. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    Wee Mtaalam, unaonekana kama hujaishi bongo weye, pressure ya kuoa toka kwa wazazi na ndugu kwa ujumla ni kubwa, especially kama umri wako umesonga. Na pia heshima katika jamii inapungua kama hujaoa, wengi wanafunga ndoa just for the sake of it.Hata baada ya kuona bado kuna pressure ya kupata watoto, nakumbuka nilipoo niliamua kidogo nile maisha na wife kabla ya kuanza mambo ya nepi, tulivuta kama miaka miwili but every time I was on the phone with my mum she would say-"jamani, mnaniletea lini mjukuu au mnataka mpaka nife ndio mzae, hebu jitahidini mnipe heshima yangu nikiwa hai...." I got away with it for that long coz tu niko kiwanja lakini kwa wengi walioko Bongo- No chance at all!
     
  14. Nzokanhyilu

    Nzokanhyilu JF-Expert Member

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    na mimi nimetaka kuuliza hivyo. ila kwavile sijaoa inabidi nisikilizie tu hawa wahuni wa ngono wanasemaje. lol.

    kuna mshikaji kaoa, anapenda kuonja nje, ila nikimwuliza maswali kama mkewe akifanya hivyo itakuwaje? ananuna ananiambia hawezi kuongea na mimi kwavile sijaoa.

    Ndio najiuliza, kama kuoa ni ngono, kwanini muoane?, zaeni tu, halafu mechi zinapigwa tu.
    Anyways, chekeni kidogo (ila kuna lugha chafu kidodo);

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=iWmTz8VnRFU

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=sZb2H4AK1po

    women cater to our ego,

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=PJyV4qGvsJA

    Kama kuna ambao hawajawahi kuona Raw au Delirious za Eddie Murphy, basi mambo kama haya ameongelea. And this was in the 80s.
     
  15. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Boring to both parties in that marriage or you're the only one who is bored? Congrats for your honest, but you should be fair to your wife too. When this saga is over try to discuss with your wife what you (both of you)like and dislike in your sex life. Hopefully this will inject a new life in your marriage. It's always a good idea to try something new and different...:).
     
  16. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

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    Sijui kama mwenzangu na yeye ni bored, and she doesnt know that im bored. Ndoa ikishakuwa na watoto, mapenzi yanapungua, attention inahamia kwa watoto, we hardly find time for each other. Kinachoboa zaidi most of the time mwenzangu amechoka but I cant blame her- kazi kwa sana na akirudi home watoto wanamngoja na kazi za nyumbani,kuna magoli mengine napiga ya kulazimisha tu sometimes ili nisishtukiwe nakula nje lakini kutokana na uchovu wake hata quality yake ya service yake inapungua.
     
  17. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Dec 31, 2007
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    Msaidie kazi za nyumbani ili asiwe anachoka sana, kuna baadhi ya kazi za nyumbani ambazo unaweza kuzifanya vizuri basi hizo zihamishie kwenye dept yako. Kama kweli unampenda na unataka ndoa yenu idumu basi ni lazima muongee kuhusu sex life yenu bila kuogopana, na kila mtu aseme ukweli bila kificho chochote ili mjue matatizo yenu. Hii itakuwezesha labda na wewe kujua mambo toka kwa mwenzio ambayo yatakuacha mdomo wazi. Kila la heri.
     
  18. K

    Kasana JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Dec 31, 2007
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    KKN je unampenda mkeo?
    Ndoa yako ilitokana na mapenzi au shinikizo?
    Ni kitu gani kilikufanya ufunge naye ndoa?

    Kazi za nyumbani zinachosha na zinapunguza munkari wa mapenzi hata kitandani. Kuwepo na watoto si sababu kubwa ya mapigo kupungua.

    Hebu fikiria wote mnafanya kazi (Dar),
    inabidi mama awahi kuamka kuwatayarisha watoto waende shule na kisha akutayarishie chai wewe.Akirudi kutoka kazini inabidi achakalike jikoni, awahudumie watoto, n.k, at the time anamaliza shughuli hizo ni usiku yuko hoi. (labda wakati huo wewe uko online JF au unasoma gazeti au unaangalia news).

    Kutoka nje kwa kisingizio cha kubadili mboga ni hulka ya mtu. mbona kunastaili nyingi tu za kujamiiana, kama mtakuwa wa wazi na kuwa wabunifu mtabadili mboga wenyewe kwa wenyewe.

    Wanaume wengi wana wivu wakiona wake zao wanajivinjari nje hata kama watakuwa wamewatelekeza.
     
  19. L

    Ledwin JF-Expert Member

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    Kana,minakushauri iboreshe ndoa yako mapema sana,MINAKWAMBIA UKWELI SIWEZI KUSHANGAA MKE WAKO AKALIPIZA NA AKAKOLEWA SANA,nahapo ndio mambo yanaharibika yote,mwanamke sio mtu wa kuchezewa kabisa tena wao ndio rahisi kutokumjua akitembea nje,na most wanawake walioolewa siku hizi wana wanaume wa nje pia ,tena usije hata kushangaa ni rafiki yako wa karibu,kumbuka unavyodokoa huko nje ,na penzi kwamkeo linapungua ,nayeye ataenda pia nje hilo sikufichi,naelewa ni ngumu ila jitahidi sana mbadilishe sex life,mfanye na yeye nyumba ndogo,jaribuni kila kitu nakwambia mtafurahia tu,hawa wanawake wa nje watakuharibia tu ,hawana mapenzi ya kweli ,na ukizoea hutaweza kuacha.
     
  20. Madela Wa- Madilu

    Madela Wa- Madilu JF-Expert Member

    #20
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    Kama umeoa mwanamke asiye na kipato utafanya chochote utakacho na bakora yako.
    Lakini kama mkeo ana kipato cha nguvu na madaraka au hata biashara yake na ana safari nyingi za kikazi ni wewe ndo utakuwa roho juu kuhusu mijamaa kuchambua kitumbua cha mkeo.

    One Night Stand ni nzuri kama wewe mwanume unafanya akifanya mkeo je?
     
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