laugh out loud loooooool

[Mshume Kiyate]

Little Boy: Dad, How was I Born..?

Dad: Well, Son... Ur Mom & I Got Together At "Jamii Forums". We Set up A Date Via "E-Mail" & Met In "Cyber Cafe"

Ur Mom Agreed To "Download Data" From My "PEN DRIVE".
So I put it in ur mom's USB "Port", & just When I Was About To "Transfer",

We Realized That None Of us had "Installed" any "Antivirus".
It Was Too Late To hit "Cancel"

Nine Months Later A "Pop-up Window" Appeared Saying
"You Have Got A MAIL"

hii pasua kichwa nimecheka sana

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

A woman from tz is sitting in a bar in new york with 2 guys beside her.
The 1st guy says 2 the barman "johnie walker single".
The 2nd blurts "jack daniels single".
After that, the bar attendant approaches the lady & asks "& you madam?" "asha selemani. Married."

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!

 

[Diehard]

Basi pata na hii..... This seem fair what do u think? Husband & his wife agreed dat anytym dey wnt 2 v sex, dey wil cal it 'Fone call' so dat d kids wil nt knw. 1day,d husband was horny & snt his son 2 tell his mother dat he wnts 2 make a fone call.Mother replied: Tell ur father,d network is bad 2day,father says: tel ur Mother dat if dere is no network @ home I wil go 2 d 'public fone' wife replies: tell ur father dat if he dares go to a ''Public fone'' den I wil open a call center

CALL CENTER?????????????lol

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

CALL CENTER?????????????lol

Yeah Call Center yaani hapo ni pesa zako tu ukitaka hata kuongea masaa sita lol

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

4 Men In A Prison Cell
1 Rapist
1 Murderer
1 Psycho
1 Gay
Rapist : If there was a cat here i'd f#ck it till it die.
Murderer : Once you're done with it , I'd torture it to death.
Psycho : Ooh Yeah and once it's dead , i'd f#ck it till i die..
The Gay in the corner softly n slowly says :
Meeeowww..

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

"Bra Sizes" Have u ever wondered why
A,B,C,D,DD,E,F,G,GG and H are the Letters
used 4 bra sizes? If u have wondered why,but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for,Well its about time you got to know!
(A) Almost Boobs...
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Damn!
(DD) Double Damn!
(E) Enormous!
(F) Flippin hell
(G) God Damn.
(GG) Got 2 Grab
( H) Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!:rain:
============ ========= ===
X Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...:hand:
============ ========= ===
[] New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.:wink2:
============ ========= =====
Q: Why is sex like shaving?
A: Well, because no matter how well u do it today... tomorrow u'll have to do it again...:baby:
============ ========= =====
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday & women will bleed to death.:A S 114:
============ ========= =====
Q: Why do 90% girls have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed..:hurt:
============ ========= ===
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When u pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when u pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME !:mimba:
============ ========= ===
[] Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!:hug:

 

[afrodenzi]

Shossi my dear
kwakweli umenivunja mbavu zangu..
borea nitoke nirudi naona senks zimeniishia..

My dear I did miss ur jokes a lot...

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

Shossi my dear
kwakweli umenivunja mbavu zangu..
borea nitoke nirudi naona senks zimeniishia..

My dear I did miss ur jokes a lot...

Ukirudi uwe umeandaa mbavu za akiba................................

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

Haya majina nayo! barca ars...usisome kwa sauti mbele ya watoto wa kileo ni noma! baka ass!!!

Baka na Ass....................:A S 13:

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

Husband and wife meet in heaven, wife says we are finally together again. Husband says girl I am free the deal was til death do us apart :wink2:

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

Chinese to an Arab:

Chinese: I've 10 children, 1 more & I'll have my own football team...

Arab: I have 17 wifes, 1 more & i'll have my private golf course of 18 holes..! =))=D

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!


After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

 

[Sanja]

Chukua na hii Mkuu,


A Cucumber, An Onion & A Penis Were Talking About Life. The Cucumber Said When I Get Big & Hard They Chop & Toss Me In A Salad, The Onion Said You Got It Easy Mate, When I Get Big & Hard They Skin Me & Drown Me In Vinegar, The Penis Said That Is Nothing Compared To What I Go Through.. When I Get Big & Hard, They Put A Plastic Bag Over My Head, Shove Me In A Damp Cave & Keep Banging My Head Until I Throw Up And Faint! =D =))

duuh we ni mkali sana. I real like your post

 

[MUREFU]

ha,ha,ha,ha,haaa yaukwel alafu kama inaukwel furan hv

 

[komedi]

Chinese in Kariakoo

A chinese came to do some petty business in Kariakoo in Dar with his newly married chinese wife. After a year she gives birth to a purely black bouncing baby boy.

He names him ''Sum Tin Wong''.

 

[mja]

A woman from tz is sitting in a bar in new york with 2 guys beside her.
The 1st guy says 2 the barman "johnie walker single".
The 2nd blurts "jack daniels single".
After that, the bar attendant approaches the lady & asks "& you madam?" "asha selemani. Married."

ha ha hah haaaa

 

[Mohammed Hamad]

Mr. Bill Gates resigned from his job as d chairman of Microsoft after receving a letter frm a Sardar-
Sir, I have some Ques. to ask-
1) Keyboard alphabets r not in ordr, when wil u release d correctd vrsion?
2) There is START button bt no button to STOP ?
3) I'v learnt MS word, whn wil u release MS sentence?
4) There is Recycle-bin bt no Re - Scooter/Re-car bin. Y ?
Finally 1 prsnl ques- Y is ur name Gates when u sell WINDOWS.

 

[Michelle]

Na mimi nimefurahi kukufurahisha pole sana kwa yaliyokufika jana jamaa walikuwa wanawachezea sana nyuma lol Barca completed passes 724 n arsenal completed passes 199 yaani kama vile Barca walikuwa wanacheza na Taifa stazi.....

Asante sana...ninaamini pamoja na kuchezewa sana nyuma tungeweza shinda kama si ule uamuzi wa kumtoa Van Persie kwa kadi nyekundu...ile iliharibu saikolojia ya wachezaji wetu....pass si ishu sana,tulichotaka pale ni ushindi na kusonga mbele....anyway,yameisha sasa tusubiri jumamosi na MAN U.....naomba iwe salama....nitakuwa napita hapa kujifurahisha hadi machungu yaishe....l.o.l:hand: