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Kwanini kuchelewa kupata mtoto kunaweza kuvuruga ndoa?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mzee Mwanakijiji, Nov 28, 2011.

  1. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

    #1
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    Kama kuna wakati mgumu wakati mwingine kwa wanandoa wapya ni kuchelewa kupata mtoto. Wakati mwingine watu wanaamua kwa makusudi kutopata mtoto mara moja huku wakijitahidi kujipanga vizuri. Mgogoro mkubwa huanza mwaka mmoja baada ya ndoa kama hawaoni kile kinachoitwa "tunda la ndoa". Maswali yanabakia:

    a. Je watu wanaweza kukaa pamoja na kuamua kuishi pamoja bila kutaka watoto?
    b. Je ni lazima kupata mtoto mwaka wa kwanza wa ndoa? au hata mwaka wa pili?
    c. Ni kwanini watu ambao hawajajaliwa mtoto huona bora kuachana kuliko kuchuka mtoto wa kuamua kulea (adoption)?

    MMM
     
  2. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    MMM kwa dhana ya sasa na suala la ugumba lilivyo hakuna kitu kinachoitwa eti kupanga. Mnaweza ndani ya nyumba mkawa na mipango yenu kuwa tutapata mtoto may be baada ya miaka miwili ya ndoa yetu ila ulimwengu wa nje hawatawaelewa
    Kumbuka kuwa walimwengu bado wana ile dhana kuwa mwenye matatizo anaweza kuwa mwanamke zaidi ya mwanaume
    Kusema tuu nyie ndani ya nyumba mnapanga kutokuwa na mtoto kwa kipindi fulani bado hamtaeleweka kwa dunia ya nje. Bado mtaonekana mna matatizo
    So mpaka ulimwengu wa nje uelewe kuwa ni kweli mmepanga inachukua muda sana mkuu
     
  3. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Kwasababu ya maneno ya nje (ndugu, marafiki, majirani) ,pia mwanaume kutaka kuonyesha kwamba sio yeye mwenye matatizo. Kwenye jamii yetu bado wapo wanaume na ndugu zao wanaoamini kwamba wasipojaaliwa mtoto kosa ni la mke. . tatizo ni la mke na haiwezekani likawa la mwanaume. Kama vile tu wengine wanapoendaga kuzaa nje eti "natafuta mtoto wa kiume/wa kike" akidhani mwanamke ndie anaeleta tofauti kumbe yeye ndio hana kinachotakiwa kusababisha mtoto wa kike/wa kiume.Sijui hawakusoma bailojia, maana watu wenyewe utakuta wamesoma.

    a) Ndio inawezekana ila inategemea na malengo yao... na inabidi malengo yao yafanane au angalau kuwe na makubaliano kati yao.
    b) Sidhani kama ni LAZIMA. . . ila sisi tumeshajizoesha kwamba ndivyo inavyotakiwa. Kwahiyo watu wakichelewa kwasababu yoyote ile tayari maneno yanaanza . . . na kama hao wanandoa ni watu wakuridhisha watu wa nje ya ndoa yao zaidi lazima wataanza kukorofishana ikiwa mmoja hatokua tayari/hawezi kufanikisha hilo takwa la ndugu/marafiki/majirani. Na hapo ndio huo ULAZIMA unakuja.
    c) Kwanza kabisa inatokanana ego. . . .kila mmoja wao au mmoja wao tu utakuta anaamini kwamba mimi sio mwenye matatizo sasa kwanini nisiwe na damu yangu?Bora nitafute mtu mwingine nizae nae. Hayo mawazo ya "mimi niko fit" ni kimoja ya chanzo.Ila kingine ni kwamba bado kwenye jamii yetu hatujazoea swala la kuadopt. . . nadhani kuna siku hata hapa JF mtu aliweka thread akiulizia process kwasababu anataka kuadopt watu wakamuuliza kwanini asizae tu wakwake? Yani bado tuna yale mawazo ya "kwanini nimlee mtoto ambae sio wangu wa damu". . . tusubirie siku tukibadilika labda na baadhi ya ndoa zitasurvive.
     
  4. kashengo

    kashengo JF-Expert Member

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    Nov 28, 2011
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    Sometimes external forces huleta presha kwa wanandoa hasa upande wa mume na kama mna hamu ya mtoto na hamjampata kw mwaka au miwili basi mwanamke huathirika kisaikolojia akiwaona wenzie wajawazito au wana watoto wao (nimewahi kuwauliza kadhaa hii) na hujisikia vibaya zaidi kama mtu atauliza baada ya mwaka au miwili vp shosti una mtoto wa kike au wa kiume?

    Atajibu kwa kunung'unika wapi? Bado rafiki yangu...

    UKIJA kwenye uhalisia sio kweli eti kukosekana mtoto huletwa na mwanamke la hasha! Lakini ye huwa victimized sana kwa kweli....watoto ni ishara ya upendo ndoani bila ubishi....
     
  5. Brine

    Brine JF-Expert Member

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    Nov 28, 2011
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    Ni mipango tu ya wanandoa maana wao ndio watakaohudumia hao watoto, sema ndugu wengi hasa wa mwanaume huwa wanaingilia wakati yote ni mipango ya wanandoa na Mungu pia maana ndoa ni ya watu wawili na siyo watatu na Mungu ndio msaada wao na kimbilio lao.

    Kuachana ni kutokana na maneno ya wanandugu mara nyingi ndio yanachangia hayo na kutokuwa na uelewa wa kutosha kuhusu adoption hususan hapa tz
     
  6. ndyoko

    ndyoko JF-Expert Member

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    Wakuu ndoa yenye mtoto ina raha yake, acheni kabisaaa! Mimi nna jamaa yangu hadi leo hii, tar 28/11/2011 hana mtoto na hakuna dalili kabisa maana wamezunguka nadhani hospitali zote dar, ngoma bado bila bila.

    Juzi kati nikakutana nae nilipomuuliza kama ana mtoto, alibaki kuangalia chini, wala sikuendelea kumuuliza nikajua it was not a good question.

    'Mgonjwa' poleeeeeeee! Usijali 'utapona', hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
     
  7. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    umenitonesha hapa, acha nikae kimya nisome comments tu
     
  8. ndyoko

    ndyoko JF-Expert Member

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    ni wachache sana, 10/1,000,000 ambao huwa wanaamua 'kupitisha siku' bila kuzaa baada ya ndoa. wengi wetu huwa tunataka immediate outcome coz kwa baadhi ya wanawake, mtoto ni security na ni 'strong bond' ya uhakika kwa familia ya mume!
     
  9. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    BT pole mwaya. . .
    Tuambie basi kilichokusibu?
     
  10. ndyoko

    ndyoko JF-Expert Member

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    Mhhhhhh! hii thread inaleta udadisi zaidi, maana wapo ambao wanapoolewa tu kwao hupenda kuzaa, tena mwanamke anatamani apate mtoto wa kiume. Inapotokea mtoto hapatikani, mashaka huanza tena kutoka ndani ya wanandoa wenyewe.
     
  11. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu nakubaliana na wewe kabisa kuwa mtoto ndani ya ndoa ana raha yake sana. Yaani kiujumla mtoto ndani ya nyumba yenu ana raha zake sana na kukosekana kwake pia ni karaha sana kwa wale wanaojitahidi kumtafuta
    Sometimes kweli ni mipango ya wanandoa ila presha za nje ya familia hasa kwa wazazi, marafiki, mawifi na dada wa wahusika wanafanya wanandoa wengi kupitia kipindi kigumu sana.
     
  12. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Kabisa mkuu. Na katika hali ya sasa ni wachache wenye moyo huo wa kusubiri miaka miwili bila mtoto hata kama wamepanga. Presha za nje zitawafanya watengue mipango yao
     
  13. N

    Nsuri JF-Expert Member

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    Ikumbukwe kuwa kabla ya kuoana inabidi wanandoa wajue kuwa wanaoana kwa vile wanataka kuishi pamoja kama wenza lakini co kuwa na watoto. Watoto wanakuja tu kama zawadi ya ndoa na pia majaaliwa ya mwenyenzi mungu. Hapo ndo wanandoa wengi wanapokosea, wengi wanaoana kwa ajili ya kupata watoto na mara nyingi wanaishia kuachana kama hawatapata watoto.
     
  14. Vin Diesel

    Vin Diesel JF Gold Member

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    analysis nzuri Lizzy....umezaliwa majuzi na akili za kutosha
     
  15. Elia

    Elia JF-Expert Member

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    kwa waafrika tulio wengi baada ya ndoa tunataka matunda, na matunda hayo yasipoonekana, kwa kupanga au kwa bahati mbaya maneno kutoka jamii iliyo kuzunguka yatakuwa mengi sana... na asikwambie mtu huwezi ziba masikio ukajifanya uko kisiwani, itaku disturb tu.
     
  16. Matola

    Matola JF-Expert Member

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    Nadhani kwa udadisi wa mwanakijiji lengo lake ni kupata mawazo kwa nini siku hizi vijana wanazaa kwanza halafu ndoa baadae au mabibi harusi wengi wa sasa wakiwa kwenye wedding na mimba ya miezi sita juu.
     
  17. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Kukwepa pressure za "lini tutapata mjukuu" na kuhakikisha anayemuoa/olewa nae hana matatizo.
    Wanaangalia uhakika wa bidhaa I guess.

    Vin Diesel . . . thank you dear.
     
  18. Maundumula

    Maundumula JF-Expert Member

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    Kuwahi sana kupata mtoto ndio kunaweza kuvuruga ndoa
     
  19. s

    sawabho JF-Expert Member

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    Pamoja na msukumo kutoka kwa jamii inayowazunguka wanandoa husika, hasa katika ulimwengu unaondelea Bara la Afrika likiwemo, inategeana mmeingia ndani ya ndoa kwa malengo gani. Kuna ambao huingia katika ndoa wakiwa wamekubaliana kuwa hawataki kupata mtoto, au watapata mtoto baada ya muda fulani. Ukweli ni kwamba wengi wanaoingia kwenye ndoa lengo linakuwa ni kupata mtoto mara tu baada ya ndoa, ila tatizo linatokea kuwa hawafahmu afya zao kama zinaruhusu mimba kutungwa, maana kuna tofauti baina ya kufanya tendo la ndoa na uwezo wa kupata mtoto, kwa hiyo ingekuwa vizuri kama wawili hao wangepima kwanza kabla ya kuingia kwenye ndoa, hii ingetoa suluhisho la kuchelewa kupata mtoto maana kila mmoja angeingia katika ndoa akiwa amejiandaa.
     
  20. Horseshoe Arch

    Horseshoe Arch JF-Expert Member

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    Ooooh...napenda sana watoto na to be frankly wamekua wanachukua muda wangu mwingi sana...na pamoja na mambo mengine zawadi kila kukicha kwa watoto,watoto wa wenzangu...tutazunguka sana,tutajenga hoja na fact mbalimbali kuhalalisha hili la mtazamo wa jamii ama makusudi ya so called kujipanga kwanza kwa maana ya kupiga maisha then watoto baadae lakini jambo moja li dhahiri...nalo ni "mtoto wa kumzaa mwenyewe ana raha yake bwana"...tumekula sana maisha na mpendwa girlfriend wangu kabla hajawa mchumba na bado tumekula maisha sana kwenye uchumba...vije mwaka mmoja baada ya ndoa? Natafakari!
     
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