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Kwani lazima kuoana?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Game Theory, Mar 7, 2008.

  1. G

    Game Theory JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Mar 7, 2008
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    Personally nadhani ndoa ziko overated siku hizi na siamini eti ndoa inakuepusha na mambo mengi.

    Wanawake sasa hivi wengi wameamka na nadhani it's better to be careful kabla hujaingizwa kwenye huu mtego wa commitment especially na wanawake ambao wako in their early 30's kwani they have this biological clock na cha ajabu ni kuwa hata choices zao zinapungua from Mr PERFECT to MR RIGHT

    Nimeona bora niwape heads up kwenye hilo; you don't wanna lose everything kama hiyo ndoa isipowork out au ukiboreka.

    Sijui nyinyi mnaonaje?
     
  2. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

    #2
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    GT,

    Sasa wale wanaume mabachela at 35 wafanyaje? Nao waendelee kuwa mabachela au watafute dogodogo? Nao hao akina dada at 30s na 35s ambao hawajaolewa unashauri wao wafanyeje?

    Ila kweli mdada akiona umri umefika 30 na sasa 35 na hajaolewa au kupata mtoto..yaani wanaweza kufanya hata mambo ya aibu!

    Ni bora wote tuwe makini!
     
  3. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    Personally, I wish kungekuwa hakuna ndoa, watu wapendane tu bila kusign legal document ya aina yoyote. What wabongo hatutaki kuamini ni kwamba marriage ina expiry date- this is true, lakini kwa kuwa hili halipo kwenye tamaduni zetu utakuta watu wengi wanaishi tu kwa mazoea kwa kuwa eti walifunga ndoa kanisani hawawezi kuachana.
    Wengi tumejikuta kwenye mtego wa ndoa kwa kuwa siku moja, hata wewe GT utakutana na kabinti, katakukoleza na utataka saa zote uwe nako, usipokaona siku moja tu unajiskia mgonjwa kabisaaaa! lakini masharti utakayopewa ndio hayo- "kama unataka tuwe wote siku zote basi nioe" na utaishia kufuata moyo wako badala ya ubongo lakini baada ya muda ukishtuka its too late, you are trapped and theres no way out for you.
     
  4. Yunic

    Yunic Senior Member

    #4
    Mar 7, 2008
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    Mimi naona si kweli (all the time). ndiyo, kuna mabinti ambao wako 30's na wanatamani sana kuolewa na/au kupata watoto, na wanaweza kufanya kila njia ili kupata wanachotaka. A man may/should choose to avoid these type of girls.

    Lakini basi, maneno yako yanapelekea kulenga kwamba ndoa si mali kitu. This is not true. Kama ulivyosema hapo juu, wanawake wengi sasa wameamka (kielimu na kiuchumi), sasa huoni kama mwanamme nae anaweza kufaidika kama akiungana na mwanamke...mathalani mwenye elimu, au mwenye uchumi mzuri?

    The bottom line is, marriage is between two people. And if you get a chance to love someone, and decide to spend your lives together because you think she's the right person, then don't hesitate to do so. That's just me thinking!
     
  5. C

    Chuma JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    GT umeoa?...kwa namna swali ulivyoweka hujaoa!!! kama nimekosea niweke sawa kaka!!!.

    Ndoa muhim[faida za Ndoa, watoto,kuunganisha Udugu, Tulizo la Moyo etc],

    Si lazima kwani kuna watu wagonjwa...NONINO haisimami, wagonjwa wa muda mrefu. Machizi,Mataahira etc
     
  6. Mtu wa Pwani

    Mtu wa Pwani JF-Expert Member

    #6
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    ukiwa mzima na afya yako lazima uoe au uolewe.

    vyenginevyo ni kutafuta shari na dunia na wenye dunia yao
     
  7. Njowepo

    Njowepo JF-Expert Member

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    Jamani ndo a ni mapokeo.na kwa mwenye akili timamu ni razima atadhimini why anaoa?Otherwise kuo kwa kufuat mkumbo yaweza kukutokea puani bure hasa ulimwengu wa sasa ambapo sula la mapenzi ya dhati kati ya mume na mke ni ya nadra kuwepo.

    To me ndoa ni kumtafuta mwenza wako ambae mwaweza share ideas for life as well as atakakufariji na kukushauri wakati wa shida.

    Issue inakuja pale motive za kuoa.Umekurupuka ukamuoa binti kwa sababu ya urembo wake which is a temporal thing as anaweza zeeka.Over a short run unampiga chini.

    Mpaka sasa sijaoa though hoping kuoa.

    Mwisho namalizia 'you can have friends and not wives"

    Wale walioa/kuolewa big up,ila kwa wasiolewa/kuoa jitaidini mfanye ivyo mpate wenza wenu mtulie si mnajua aka kadunia na haya magonjwa ukiwa na mwenza atleast kunakuwa na woga fulani.

    Ila kwa wale walioamua kutoao/kuolewa and they are convinced na maamuzi yao big up just like one of my aunt.
     
  8. Mfamaji

    Mfamaji JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Mar 8, 2008
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    Kuoa si lazima ni hiari.Tatizo ni kushindwa kuzuia tamaa zetu za kimwili,za kupata watoto, za kuwa na msaidizi aitwae mke au mume. Inawezekana watu wakaa kwao kila mtu kivyake na wakawa wanatimiziana tu lakini sijui kwa nini wakae pamoja siku zote1!!!1. Nadhani toka zamani ilijulikana kuwa ndoa zina expiry date ndio maana wakaweka vishikizo kwenye huo mkataba eti..hadi kifo kitutenganishe n.k Kwani kuna sababu gani ya maneno haya? mbona hayapo kwenye vyeti vya ndoa? Wengine wansema ndoa ni sacred thing. Ni kitu kitakatifu na ni fumbo.........

    Lakini hebu jiulize siku nyingine huyo mkeo anakuwa fisadi,hata matumizi ya nyumbani anakuwekea cha juu .Akienda sokoni anadai hela haikutosha kumbe nako huko kahonga,( ukitaka kujua siri za wake zenu fungua banda la kuuza bidhaa sokoni) anajipatia fedha ulizotokea jasho wewe na anakozipeleka ajua mwenyewe. Tena basi si golikipa , anapiga mzigo sehemu na mshahara wake hujui ni sh. ngapi na pengine hutakaa ujue hadi ufe.Asubuhi anakusachi kuona kama jana ulibakiza chochote .Anakupigia makelele eti una dogodogo kumbe kavizia simu yako kakuta msg ya utani za kingonongono zilizoko kwenye mitandao.
    Mwishoni na wewe unahisi anatembea nje lakini huna ushahidi ,Kinabaki rohoni tu. Unajiuliza maswali mengi yasiyo na majibu. Eti sasa kwa nini nibebe misalaba yote hii ? Lakini bado uko naye tu 24 -7 -30 -360 days and for ever if you are can indure.( uvumilivu)

    Unaweza kudhani ndoa ni kitu kizuri lakini wakati mwingine unajiuliza why should it be there in the first place.

    Kama unaweza kuishi useja na fanya hivyo. Kama huwezi kuzuia tamaa zako za mwili na uoe.

    Faida za ndoa na hasara zake huwezi kuzijua hadi umeingia humo. Ni hivyo tu.
     
  9. L

    Lione Senior Member

    #9
    Mar 8, 2008
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    U
    Ukifikia hapo,tayari unakua umeshapotea,nakwako ndoa ni fasheni si wajibu,pole saana mkubwa.
     
  10. H

    HeartBreaker Member

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    Mar 8, 2008
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    Kwa mawazo yangu nDoa ni lazima hasa kama huwezi kabisa kuishi useja. Pia ndoa ni lazima kama una ndoto za kuwa na mtoto coz anatakiwa awe na malezi ya pande zote. Pia ndoa ni lazima kwa sababu ukiwa na familia utakuwa na akili ya kupanga matumizi yako knowing kuna watu wanakutegemea. Cha muhimu ni kuoa au kuolewa bila kufata fashion eti kila rafiki yako kaoa au kaolewa, au kuolewa au kuoa kwa kufata material things au kufata urembo au u handsome wa mtu or kwa kuangalia umri umeenda so whoever comes. Ni vizuri watu waajuane inside out ili unapoamua kusema i do uwe ushamjua mwenzio na pia uwe tayari kwa lolote. Ni vizuri ujue pia ndoa is not always a bed of roses. Just imagine hata ndugu yako wa damu mnaweza kukosana, iwe mke au mume utaeishi naye siku zote? Kibinadamu lazima mikwaruzano ipo, so unaoamua kuianza safari kama ilivyo safari ingine yeyote kuna milima na mabonde. Kuwa mvumilivu tu ESPECIALY KWA MAMBO MADOGOMADOGO AMBAYO HAYATISHII UHAI WAKO.
     
  11. Kapinga

    Kapinga JF-Expert Member

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    "Kuwa mvumilivu tu ESPECIALY KWA MAMBO MADOGOMADOGO AMBAYO HAYATISHII UHAI WAK0".

    Amen to that!! PERSONALY I'd like to think this is the key line to a good marriage..wengi wamecheat on their spouses kwa kususpect mambo ambayo hayapo na majuto yake ni makubwa!!
     
  12. Steve Dii

    Steve Dii JF-Expert Member

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    Mar 8, 2008
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    Mfamaji, ni kweli kuwa ndoa si lazima bali hiari. Kama Mtu wa Pwani alivyosema, ndoa ni hiari inayoweza kuzuia shari.

    Kuhusu ndoa kuwa kitu kizuri au sikizuri, vielelezo vipo kwenye jamii. Tutakuwa vipofu na wapenda shari kama tunashindwa kuona vielelezo hivi kuhusiana na mabaya na mazuri ya kuwepo kwa ndoa. Ndiyo kuwa ndoa nyingi zinazidi kuvunjika siku hizi, sababu zinazopelekea hili ni nyingi, lakini kamwe sababu hizi zisifanye tuwe wavivu wa kudadisi na kuona kuwa kwenye jamii zetu wengi wenye mafanikio ni wale wanaoweza kuvumiliana wakiwa kwenye fungamano hili la ndoa, na pahala pengi duniani, ni familia zinazo ongozwa na mafanikio ya wawili katika ndoa ndizo zinazokuwa mwangi mkubwa kuakisiwa na jamii inayozunguka.

    Wengi wetu baada ya kuishi nje ya nchi yetu kwa muda mfupi na kurudi kwetu au baada ya kupata elimu, vyote viwili vikiwa muhimu maishani, tunajikuta tukijiuliza maswali mengi zaidi, na mojawapo ni hili la umuhimu wa ndoa. Majibu tunayo sisi wenyewe maana ndiyo wenye uamuzi wa mwisho. Hata hivyo tunateleleka kwa kuona kuwa umuhimu wa ndoa katika kujenga jamii endelevu haupo. Hili ni swala la ubinafsi, ni kimaanisha kuwa jamii inajengwa na mimi na wewe, tunavyozidi kukwepa majukumu kama haya kwa kutaka kuonesha tu kuwa binadamu anaweza kusimama dede pekee kwa vile tumesoma sana, kwa vile tumeona mengi, ni kuiangusha jamii yetu.

    Jamii iliyo momonyoka kimaadili ina mea na kukomaa mizizi polepole. Majuto ya kuharibika kwa maadili kutaonekana tu baada ya kama miongo miwili hivi. Pale tunapoanza kuona kuwa vijana wetu wengi wamelelewa kwenye 'single family', whether kwa single mothers au fathers bado athari ni zile zile. Tumejionea kukua kwa magetto kule US... na tumejionea kuongezeka kwa maadili maovu ya vijana pahala pengi duniani, ambayo chimbuko lake kubwa ni kuondoka kwa family values. Ule mshikamano wa mume na mke umetoweka au kupungua maana watu hawa heshimu ndoa tena. Na jambo hilo hilo ni sababu mojawapo ya ndoa nyingi kuvunjika. Lakini kikubwa ni kuwa, kutokuwepo kwa mshikamano kama huo kunajenga jamii isiyojali kabisa family values. Watoto wanaokua au kukuzwa ndani ya familia iliyo momonyoka, yaani isiyo onesha jinsi baba na mama wanavyoweza kutatua migogoro mikubwa na midogo ya ndani kushirikiana katika raha na majonzi, nafikiri wanakuwa na wakati mgumu pia wanapokutana na mambo hayo.

    Na mwisho, Mfamaji, sidhani watu wanaoa kwa ajili ya tamaa zao kimwili. Kama kila mmoja wetu angekuwa na wazo kama hilo, maisha yetu yangekuwa hatarini kweli kweli. Vielelezo vya faida za ndoa ni vingi. Uamuzi ni wako maana ndoa ni hiari.


    HB, ujumbe wako mzuri sana na nimeupenda. Ahsante!
    Labda tu kwa kuongeza, ukianza hiyo safari ni muhimu kujua kuwa gari ulilomo, linahitaji mafuta, spear na ujuzi wa madreva kuweza kubadilishana usukani pale mmoja anapochoka, alimradi tu mnafika mwisho wa safari. Katika hilo, ni muhimu kila mmoja ajue kuwa mafuta huisha, matairi hupata kipara na kukaa kwenye usukani kunachosha. Hivyo basi ni vyema kwa kila mmoja kuwa mstari wa mbele katika kuhakikisha safari inakuwa nyoofu na ya kuridhisha pamoja na kukumbana na milima na mabonde hayo.


    Kapinga, very true! Si ku-cheat tu; wengi pia wameondoka kwenye ndoa zao kwa migogoro midogo ambayo ingeweza kabisa kupata suluhu kutokana na kila mmoja kuona ni fahari kuliko mwenzake.

    Unajua nini, mimi siyo mtaalam wa mahusiano, lakini nina imani kubwa kuwa compromise kati ya wawili ni muhimu. Na compromise hiyo inabidi iwe kubwa sana mwanzoni mwa uhusiano. Maana mimi ninavyofikiri hapa ni kutokana na kuwa, watu tumelelewa katika familia tofauti, tumekulia katika mazingira tofauti, tamaduni na pahala pengi elimu yetu inashabihiana na au kutofautiana kabisa. Na kikubwa, saa nyingine hata dini/imani zinatofautiana....

    Basi, tunapokuja kukutana kwenye mahusiano, tukiwa kwenye late 20s, late 30s au early 40s zetu, ni vyema kujua kuwa tumeshajijengea mambo au misingi ambayo saa nyingine ni vigumu kuibadili ghafla. Na kwa mara nyingi misingi hii au mazoea tuliyo nayo hayatoweki kabisa kupitia compromise. Kinachohitajika ni kukubali kwa mmoja ndani ya mahusiano hayo kuwa, mwenzangu anamapungufu haya au yale, lakini kuna mazuri na mema haya na yale. Sasa, cha kujiuliza ni kuwa... utayakimbia mapungufu hayo daima?!... jibu hapa nadhani ni hapana. Na ndipo ninaposema kuwa, katika mwanzo wa kujenga mahusiano, compromise inatakiwa kuwa kubwa sana ili ku establish rapport kati yenu itakayo wasukuma seamlessly ndani ya fungamano lenu.

    Kwa age kama hizi za (26 - 39) zilizojaa hapa JF, kuna waliozoea wizi, kuna waongo, kuna wema, kuna walevi, kuna wavuta sigara, kuna wanao koroma usiku, kuna wanaopiga chafya bila mpango, kuna wanao penda material things, kuna wapenda mambo ya asili, kuna ma introvert na ma exrovert, kuna ... kuna... kuna.... kuna wengi na wenye mengi!!

    Lakini pamoja na mapungufu au sifa zote hapo juu, watu hawa wote au basi wengi wa hawa wanahitaji mwenzi maishani mwao. Je, wewe ukiwa mtu wa kutiki box, kama GAME THEORY alivyosema, uta weka cross au tick kwenye hayo yote hapo juu ili kumpata MR. RIGHT?!! (Samahani kwa wanaume, ili ku balance argument, ngoja niseme MISS RIGHT pia !! :) )

    Mfano nilio nao mimi ni kuwa, kama unajenga nyumba yako ya kuishi wewe mwenyewe na hauna resource za kutosha; mvua ikija na kujaza plot yako maji baada ya kuwa umeshachimba shimo la msingi na kuanza kusimika msingi upande mmoja, kweli utakimbia plot yako na kwenda kujenga kwingine?!.......... jibu siyo hapana wala jibu siyo ndiyo... jibu langu hili hapa chini....!!


    ...HAPANDIYO...

    Nikimaanisha kuwa
    -kama umechunguza pembeni (jambo ambalo ni muhimu pia) na kuona hiyo sehemu haiathiriki na mafuriko mara kwa mara, HAPANA usitafute sehemu nyingine, rekebisha au subiria mvua itulie uendelee kujenga nyumba yako. Labda niongeze kwa kusema tu kuwa, ni bora zimwi ulijualo...

    -kama umechungza pembeni na kuona kuwa hiyo sehemu inakumbwa na mafuriko kila msimu na kuathirika vibaya, NDIYO tafuta sehemu nyingine ununue plot ya kujenga, hata kama katakuwa ka plot kadogo kupita awali kutokana na resource zako kuwa chache, katakuwa poa zaidi kuliko plot kubwa yenye mafuriko kila mara na adha za kusafisha au kukausha nyumba yako kama utafanikiwa kuisimika!! Na hapa niongezee kwa usemi kwamba -you can't fight nature...

    Nimeweka blue na pink kwenye HAPANDIYO... maana hiyo ndiyo naiita compromise kati ya wawili!!

    Nawatakia siku njema wote.

    SteveD.


     
  13. Mfamaji

    Mfamaji JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    Mkuu HeartBreaker,
    Sijazungumzia fashion kwenye hili.Soma between the lines na ona vitu muhimu, hiari, uvumilivu, useja, nk.

    Mbona wako washkaji kibao hawajaoa na hawana mpango? huo ulazima u wapi. It is a personal decison based on the two choises available celibacy, and marriage.Lakini in mariage there too much things to be desired .
     
  14. DMussa

    DMussa JF-Expert Member

    #14
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    Sure Mac!
    Ndoa sio lazima lakini time comes when u just find urself inside it!!
    Kingine inatubidi pia sisi kama binadamu tujue kwamba siku zote things will never be smooth ila ndani ya ndoa inahitajika at least muwe na 70% of the things you share interest na 30% muwe na uwezo wa kuadopt kulingana na wakati!
    I think marriage is a best option when it comes to u....

    Vijana wenzangu tusiogope ndoa..
     
  15. Shishi

    Shishi JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Mar 10, 2008
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    Kuoa/kuolewa ni majaaliwa! Tena ni amri ya mwenyezi mungu ndiyo sababu Mungu alipomuumba Adam aliona ana upweke sana akamuumba Hawa. Maoni yangu ni kuwa ndoa ni muhimu, for the sake of the family institution, hutaki kufikia uzeeni mpweke huna hata mwenzako wa kukupa maji ukiwa mgonjwa.Tena ukiwa unataka kupata watoto ni muhimu kuwalea in a complete family set up.Jamani tutii amri za aliye juu!
     
  16. M

    Marandu New Member

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    Oct 16, 2008
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    Kama kweli mtu ni mzima na hauna matatizo yoyote kuoa ni lazima hata dini na mila zinatambua hilo! Tusitake sometimes kupotoshana!
     
  17. Che Kalizozele

    Che Kalizozele JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Oct 17, 2008
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    Nimesoma thread ya GT na ile ya Pdidy,nikahisi kuna haja ya kujadili ni kwa nini watu wanaamua kuoa au kuolewa na si vibaya kuchalange the varidity of the reason.Si lazima yawe mawazo yako,labda uliwahi kumsikia mtu akisema kwamba mie nitaoa au kuolewa kwa sababu hizi na zile na wala haitajalisha kama utazipinga sababu hizo.Pia kuna uwezekano ukawa unafikiri wengi uoa au kuolewa kwa sababu fulani na unaona si sahihi,tupe na utueleze kwa nini unadhani si sahihi.Mwisho ebu tuambie na wewe unasemaje,unafikiri kwa nini uoe au kuolewa,kumbuka wana JF watakuwa na nafasi ya kupinga mawazo yako au kuyaunga mkono.Ninachotamani,mwisho wa mjadala kila mmoja wetu atakuwa anajua ni kwa nini anaoa au kuolewa.
     
  18. M

    Mama JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Sijui kwa nini watu wanaoana. Mimi sikuwa na sababu ya kuoana, nilijikuta tu nakubali kuoana tu,Its the chemistry between the two that matters.

    Sijui kama kweli kulikuwa na chemistry.
     
  19. Che Kalizozele

    Che Kalizozele JF-Expert Member

    #19
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    Kuna watu hasa wakina dada ambao uamua kuolewa na wakati mwingine hata kulazimisha kuolewa kwa kuamini akishaolewa atakuwa huru zaidi kwa kuhisi pale nyumbani anachungwa sana.Wakati mwingine haja hii ya kuwa huru ufikia hatua ya kupunguza hata uwezo wake wa kulifikiria uzito wa lile analoliendea,lakini uwa haichukui muda anagundua kuwa moto alioukimbilia ni mkali zaidi kuliko ule wanyumbani.kuna dada yangu mmoja aliwahi kusikika akisema,"kumbe ndoa ndo iko hivi"alikuwa kesha kuwa bored.You know what it means,huyu kuna kitu alikuwa akikitarajia lakini hakukikuta.We should be reasonable when we are trying to reason
     
  20. Che Kalizozele

    Che Kalizozele JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Oct 17, 2008
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    No my dear,ni lazima kulikuwa na sababu.Inawezekana uliamua kuingia katika ndoa kwa sababu tu ndivyo utaratibu jinsi ulivyo,mtu wa umri wako ni lazima awe katika ndoa.Lakini lazima kulikuwa na sababu
     
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