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Kwa yale maisha ya kupigana na kukashifiana, maoni tafadhali

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by carmel, Jul 4, 2011.

  1. carmel

    carmel JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jul 4, 2011
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    Sijui ni mimi peke yangu ndo naliona hili au kuna wengi pia mmeligundua. Kuna ongezeko kubwa sana la domestic violence (kwa maana ya wanandoa na walio kwenye mahusiano)kwa vijana wa umri wa kati, wasomi, wenye kazi nzuri (professionals), Nasema hivi kutokana na experience ya watu wangu wa karibu, ndugu, marafiki na hata wafanyakazi wenzangu. Mimi nilidhani watu wakipata elimu na kupata kazi nzuri wanakuwa na uwezo mkubwa wa kutatua matatizo yao ya kimahusiano bila kutumia nguvu, kupigana, kutishana, kuumizana nk.
    Hivi kwaa nini inakuwa hivi? Inakuwaje watu wanaopendana wanapigana? Japo kuna kesi za wanawake wanaopiga waume zao, lakini ile ya waume kupiga wake zao ndo zaidi niliyoiona, tena wanapenda kupiga sehemu za usoni, unashangaa mtu kaja ofisini kavimba uso au ana bruises mwilini, kisa kapigwa. Ningependa tupeane experience kwa kudiscuss waziwazi tukitilia mkazo vipengele vilivyopo hapo chini ili tujue picha halisi ya mahusiano yetu na jinsi ya kuyaboresha ili kuepusha ndoa kuvunjika na kujazana kwa watoto wa mitaani. Guiding questions ni:
    Umewahi kupigwa au kumpiga, kumkashifu na kumtisha mwenza wako?
    unadhani ni vema kufanya hivyo?
    Ulitoa taarifa police? Kama hapana kwa nini?
    Athari zake je kwa muhusika ni zipi?
    Domestic violence ina athari zozote kwenye career yako? Toa experience yako.
    Ukiacha kupigana na kutishiana, ni njia gani zingine zaweza kutumika kuresolve issues za mahusiano?
    Ukijikuta uko kwenye uhusiano au ndoa yenye domestic violence utachukua hatua gani?
    Je unaweza kuongea na kushare na marafiki zako au jamaa zako masahibu yanayokukuta?
    Ni jinsi gani tunaweza kuzuia domestic violence?
     
  2. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jul 4, 2011
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    Kwenda shule sio kuelimika.Na kusoma bila kuelimika hakumfanyi mtu msomi!!

    Najibu swali moja tu...jinsi ya kuweza kuzuia domestic violence ni kwa wale victim kukataa kua victim.Zaidi ya hapo mwanaume asiyejua kuresolve mambo reasonably na kistaarabu ni ngumu sana kumbadilisha.Utamshtaki leo kesho anakuongezea kipondo...utasamehe leo kwa ahadi zake ya kwamba hatorudia tena baada ya siku mbili tatu huyo tena.Kwahiyo muhimu hapa ni mwanamke/mwanaume kukataa kufanywa kitu/kifaa cha kushushia hasira za juu juu...ukiona hamna dalili za mabadiliko walk away...hukuzaliwa kilema...michezo yote hatari ya utotoni haikukupa kilema sasa usisubirie kuja kukipata ukubwani kwa mapenzi ya mtu uliyekutana nae ukubwani na wala sio ya Mungu.
     
  3. carmel

    carmel JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    Thanks Lizzy, japo umejibu moja tu. Naona watu wameingia mitini, nilijua hii topic ngumu, na inawahusu wengi.
    Lakini ni vizuri kudiscuss, kuna victim wengi sana wa hili na ni wasomi na wenye kazi zao. tatizo ni nini?
     
  4. T

    Tall JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jul 4, 2011
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    1.Hakuna tabia chafu na ya kishamba kama kupigana. Haisadiii kabisa.(HAPA HAIWAHUSU WALE WA MUSOMA)
    2.Sijawahi kunyanua mkono kumpiga mwanamke yeyote.
    3.Ukikaa na mpenzi wako...na taratibu na kwa upendo mkuu umweleze kakosea wapi itamuuma sana,hiyo ni zaidi ya FIMBO MIA.
    ............WENYE TABIA HII IACHENI MARA MOJA( UKIONDOA WATU WA MKOA WA MARA)
     
  5. drphone

    drphone JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    kwa kweli ni k2 cha ajabu sana kuona mambo kama hayo yanatokea zaidi inauma pale unapokuta mwanamke au mwanaume kasoma lakini ustaharabu o kabisa fikiria una gf wako mmeanza tu urafiki wakawaida mara unagundua tabia ya mwenzako na unamwambia yy anakuwa mbogo ustaharabu unakwisha matuc yanaanza, kejeli, unaanza kusemwa kila mahali nakujitapa uwezi kuniaacha marafiki zangu nilishawaambia.
    nafikiri kama watu wakiamua kukubali ukweli na kuyasawazisha wenyewe na kuyaeshimu maamuzi yao wenyewe shida zingekwisha kabisa
     
  6. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jul 4, 2011
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    "wheel of balance" (wheel of life)...inasaidia kuepuka domestic violence kwa kiwango kikubwa.
    Mara nyingi, hasira zitokanazo na mmoja wa wanandoa kukosa majibu ya busara
    ndiko kunakopelekea kurusha ngumi nk...

    Hasira haziji hivi hivi bila sababu,...twahitajika kujifanyia evaluation wapi tunapozidisha na wapi tunapopunja/njwa
    tunapokuwa kwenye mahusiano na wanaotuzunguka. Ukishanza kuchapa watoto, hutaishia hapo...
    kila mnyonge wako ata suffer consequences hizo hizo, either physical au psychological.
     
  7. Tango73

    Tango73 JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jul 4, 2011
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    Mimi kwa ezperiance yangu ni kuwa: Nimenunua chokoleti aina kadhaa na nimeweka ndani ya fliji. KIla tunapogombana na mke wangu siwezi kwenda kulala mpaka tukate chokoleti. Ni sheria niliyoiweka mimi mwenyewe ili kutolala na viporo vya ugomvi kigwani. Hii inapunguza sana kwa victims kuwa na murderous thoughts. Nimefanya hivyo kwa msalaba wa watoto wangu wawili wasije kosa penzi la baba n a mama maishani mwao. Sitaki kutalaka wala kuoa mke mwingine. Kama tukisha gombana na umepita muda wa saa kadhaa, basi utakuta mke au mimi naanzisha topic. Let us share the chocleti! pamoja na donge la maudhi kichwani tunajikuta tunashare chokoleti na tukiisha kula tuu najisikia kama vile dudu baya limetoka mwilini. kwa mentality hii haijatokea hata siku moja mtu wa nje kuja kutusuhisha maugomvi yetu. Jaribu na wewe baasiii!
     
  8. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

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    Carmel kweli ni issue ngumu..nitakuja baadae hapa
    asante sana kwa kuliona hili
     
  9. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

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    safi sana ...
     
  10. kisute

    kisute Member

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    Jul 4, 2011
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    Tabia hii ya kunyanyua mkono kwa nia ya kuadhibu au kuonya inatokana na kutumia silika kuliko busara.
    Kwa wanaume wenye busara haizalishi kaumizwa kiasi gani au katendwaje. Siku zote wanawake ni ubavu wa mwanamme hivyo unao uwezo wa kuwatawala si kimabavu bali kimawazo. Mie mwanamke namwona kama mwanangu tu niliyemzaa, jinsi nimpendavyo mwanangu na mama yake hali kadhalika. "Watu wangu wanaangamia kwa kukosa maarifa" Tujaribu kuwa karibu nao sikiliza asemacho kifanyie kazi, usikimbilie tu adhabu hapo utakuwa una haribu kila kitu. Kwa wale jamii ya Singida wanyiramba ukimpiga mwanamke hatonyamaza kutukana, pigo moja tusi jipya. mwanaumme mwenye hasira utauwa baba, watoto atalea nani wakati huo nae huko lupango???????????
     
  11. carmel

    carmel JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    Hii ishu inakuwa kwa kasi mno kwa vijana wengi wa sasa, inaogopesha ndo maana nimeamua kuiweka hapa. Mimi sioni umuhimu wowote wa mtu mzima kumpiga mtu mzima mwenzie, naamini zaidi katika discussion za kistaarabu ambazo hazihusishi matusi na ngumi. Labda wanaume waje wengi hapa watueleze huwa inakuwaje wanafikia hatua za kupiga.
     
  12. Chapa Nalo Jr

    Chapa Nalo Jr JF-Expert Member

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    Kofi la mpenzi haliumi, labda utumie nguvu sana. Chris Brown alimdunda Rihana, wakaachanishwa na mahakama lakini wao bado wanapendana na wanafanya kwa kificho.

    Kuchapana kidogo( sio sana, mara chache) kunaongeza penzi nyie hamjui tu
     
  13. VoiceOfReason

    VoiceOfReason JF-Expert Member

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    I beg to differ hapa nadhani Domestic Violence imepungua hususan kwenye nchi zetu baada ya watu kupata elimu na kuelimika kwamba mke sio ngoma ya kupiga au punching bag ya kufanyia mazoezi pia watu wameelewa zaidi maneno yanaweza kuwa na effect kuliko violence na kumpiga mtu hakukupatii heshima bali mtu anakuogopa

    Vujo ugomvi na kupigana ni hulka na tabia ya mtu haiwezekani mtu awe sio mgomvi au mtu mwenye hasira katika maisha yake ya kawaida alafu akawa mgomvi kwa mkewe. Hii ni tabia ya mtu eitheir ni Bully au ni mgomvi

    Binafsi sijawahi kumpiga mwenzangu as sio mgomvi lakini kutoka kauli ya kumuuzi mtu inaweza kutokea kwa kila binadamu ila sio intentionally. Kwenye Hasira Busara huondoka, kwahiyo nikipata hasira bora niondoke au nikae mbali na mtu (take a breather) as ninaweza kufanya jambo ambalo naweza kujutia
    Ninajua kwanini watu huwa hawatoi taarifa polisi sababu polisi watakusaidiaje, kumfunga baba watoto?, kumpa faini?, je kumpeleka kwake polisi kumtamfanya aogope au aache tabia yake mbovu... Ushauri wangu ni kwa mtu ambae yuko abused aachane na huyo mtu anayemu-abuse sababu that is not a healthy relationship

    Kama nilivyosema hapo juu jambo la msingi ni kutoka kwenye hiyo relationship sababu its not healthy; kushare na mtu ni vema sababu unaweza kupata ushauri mzuri kuliko kusononeka mwenyewe..., kuizuia labda kama unajua jamaa yako anazo hasira si vema kum-provoke (although provocation is not an excuse)
     
  14. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

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    Dah! Sijawahi hata kufinywa.
     
  15. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

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    mkuu kiporo cha ubwabwa je hakifai? Au chokoleti ndio poa?
     
  16. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #16
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    MBU,
    VAW na GBV ni tatizo la kidunia na siyo la Tanzania au Africa Pekee.Tusione violence kama vipigo tu tutizame kwa mapana yake yote.
    Kikubwa ni kukosa maarifa ya ku solve conflict - mtu dhaifu kujenga hoja, au mwenye inferiority complex na mqwenye kujiona ANAYO POWER YA PESA, MADARAKA,MDOMO AU MAUMBILEI, hukimbilia MATUSI, KUPIGA, KUKOMOA, KUNYANYASA, VITISHO NK.
     
  17. charger

    charger JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu hapo kwenye red inamaana hao watuhawahusiki na huu ushauri wako
     
  18. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Kupiga hakuna cha usomi, ustaarabu wala nini.Kumbuka NI SWALA LA KIJINSIA ZAIDI YA KITU KINGINE CHOCHOTE.
    Jinsia ni mahusiano baina ya wanawake na wanaume yanayofundishwa kupitia malezi tupewayo kwenye familia, jamii pana na hujumuisha mila, desturi, sheria, imani za kidini na pia huwekewa msisitizo kitaasis.

    Tukiangalia ni vipi wavulana na wasichana wanajifunza "kuwa wanawake au wanaume", tutakuta mara nyingi tabia za ubabe wa wanaume huendekezwa na hapohapo tabia za wasichana/wanawake kuwa wanyonge na kukubali matakwa ya wanaume nayo husisitizwa.Kwa mwendo huu, na ukizingatia mifano inayoonekana ndani ya familia jinsi baba anavyomnyanyasa mama, au jinsi wanawake wanavyotendewa na wanaume kwenye jamii pana, unyanysaji kuendelezwa.

    Miaka ya nyuma mambo haya yalifichwa hayakuzungumzwa na ndio maana tunadhani kwa vile siku hizi yanazungumzwa sana na bayana, basi YANAONGEZEKA. KUONGEZEKA HUKU NI KWA SABABU YA KUVUNJA UKIMYA NA SIYO LAZIMA VIMEONGEZEKA ZAIDI.

    Umaskini wa kipato nao huongeza unyanyasaji.Wanawake wanaoonekana wana uwezo zaidi ya wanaume kiuchumi au kimadaraka hukutana na unyanysaji zaidi.Ukitaka kuhakikisha hili angalia wanawake wanaonyanyaswa profiles zao ziko vipi.Utakuta ama wako na maisha ya umaskini ( mwanaume mpigaji hapa hutumia hii kumaliza hasira na frustrations zake kwa kushindwa kujionyesha ni kiongozi katika familia.Huhisi kudharaulika na hivyo kugeukia silaha hii ya ki primitive zaidi); au mara nyingine mwanamke ana kipato cha kutosha kinachoonekana tishio, au ana madaraka fulani katika jamii.Vyote hivi ni tishio kwa mwanaume kwa sababu jamii inamtarajia mwanaume ndio awe na pesa na madaraka.

    Mwanaume asiyeweza ku cope na hali hii kwa vyovyote atakuwa mbabe bila sababu au atatafuta kisababu tu cha kumaliza hasira yake.
    Wanaume walio na inferiority complex, au waliokuwa wakiamini wana haki kumdhibiti au kumuadhibu mwanamke kama mtoto hunyanyasa zaidi ya wale wasio na mtizamo huo au mwelekeo huo.
    Mwanzisha mada pengine ukipanua wigo wa vitendo vya unyanyasaji ukaingiza humo - emotional violence ambayo mara nyingi ni vitendo visivyohusisha physical violence kwa maana ya vipigo. Ulishawahi kusikia gubu, manyanyaso ya maneno, unyimi nk.
     
  19. M

    Mary Glory Senior Member

    #19
    Jul 4, 2011
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    the post is very useful.me nafkiri magomvi hutokea pale ambapo mmoja kati ya wapendanao hataki tofauti zilizotokea zisuluhishwe fairly.unakuta anatumia mabavu hasa wanaume kumnyanyasa mwanamke.anaweza akaenda mbali mpaka kutumia kejeli na matusi,tu kwa sababu anasema he is a man.mwanamke ana haki zake japokuwa ni mke.na si kwamba coz ni mwanamke avumilie kila kitu hata yale ambayo ni ya maudhi ya makusudi.alot of women wananyanyasika sana tena kwenye ndoa zao.hawana tena test ya maisha.wamechoka.its so sad.but me nafikiri wakati umefika wa sisi kutafuta njia sahh za kutatua haya matatizo yanayotukabili.
     
  20. M

    Mary Glory Senior Member

    #20
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    Yan umongea zaidi ya ukweli.kuna baadhi ya watu hata ufanyeje habadiliki.its like a stone
     
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