kwa nini wanaume wengi hawataki ndoa/ama kukimbia ndoa

[Pdidy]

kwenu wana jf;habarini za mchana kwa waliomchana ;tumejitahidi kuona na kusaidia jinsi mtu anavotakiwa kuishi baada ya ndoa;tumeona watu wengi wanavyofanya sherehe ya harusi kubwaa ama ya kawaida wanaishia kuachana mapema...masilan tumeona watu wengi hivi sasa wameamua kuishi kama familia bila kudhinisha uhalali wa NDOA.yaani ((Uzinzi.))...Bado kichwa kinauma katika haya mambo kwa nini wanaume wengi wanaogopa ndoa hivi sasa
pili naomba msaada kwa nini ndoa nyingi hivi sasa zinakaa muda mchache wanaachana......embu kabla ya kuwasaidia kukimbilia ndoa tuwasaidie kupata suluhisho ata least watu wanaenda kwenye ndoa wakiwa na amani mikono yao miwili...kwenu washarika

 

[Malila]

Ndoa zinafungwa moyoni sio makanisani/misikitini/dc na kote unako kujua,la pili tunaishi ktk zamani ambazo uhuru hauna mipaka (uhuru wa kusema na kutenda),uhuru huu/mmonyoko wa maadili pamoja na teknolojia kubwa iliyopo inafanya sheria za ndoa nyingi zichemshe.

Nitoe mfano:Zamani baba anaagiza koti litangulie nyumbani kwake na yeye anafika hapo baadaye sana hata masaa manne, huku akipiga mluzi tangu mbali. Kwa hiyo mama kama alikuwa hajaweka mambo sawa,anapata muda wa kuweka mambo sawa. Siku hizi jaribu hivyo uone moto wake.

 

[Kang]

Haiko kwenye nature ya mwanaume nadhani. Plus watu huwa nanajiachia wakishaolewa.

 

[Preacher]

Ni kweli NDOA inafungwa moyoni - makanisani/misikitini/BOMANI - ni kuwa mbele ya MASHAHIDI tu - Wanawake wengi wako independent sana - hivyo akinyanyasika kidogo lazima aondoke - sio enzi za zamani - mwanaume alikuwa ndie breadwinner wa familia - siku hizi ngoma draw. Wanaume nao wamezidi kuwa selfish - ukiwaona wakila masupu, nyama choma, mapilau etc. sehemu-sehemu unajiuliza hivi nyumbani familia inakula hivyo?? NDOA ni umoja, upendo, mwelekeo wa maisha pamoja etc. ADAMU NA HAWA WALIWEZA KUISHI KWENYE BUSTANI - WALIHESHIMIANA, WALIPENDANA NA KUSIKILIZANA. - LEO ni ngumu sana - KUACHANA NI JAMBO LA KAWAIDA WAKATI ZAMANI ILIKUWA NI JAMBO LA AJABU...........

 

[Baba_Enock]

Mama Mia

Unafanya utafiti juu ya mahusiano ya mume na mke? Nikiangalia thread zako zina a certain pattern kuelekea huko

1... Majimaji kwenye nonino

2... Wachaga na Mapenzi

3... Wanaume na kutotaka Ndoa

 

[Joyceline]

Wanaume wengi siku hizi hasa vijana hawataki kuoa kwa sababu ya ubinafsi,
wanaogopa kuoa sababu anaona nioe halafu hivi vitu vyangu nitumie naye viwe vyetu badlaa ya vyangu so anaamua kuishi na mwanamke bila ndoa ili wakigombana hata kwenye swala la kugawana mali anampa kidogo tena ndo awe hana mtot balaa

 

[Masanilo]

Wanaume wengi siku hizi hasa vijana hawataki kuoa kwa sababu ya ubinafsi,
wanaogopa kuoa sababu anaona nioe halafu hivi vitu vyangu nitumie naye viwe vyetu badlaa ya vyangu so anaamua kuishi na mwanamke bila ndoa ili wakigombana hata kwenye swala la kugawana mali anampa kidogo tena ndo awe hana mtot balaa

Dear J nasubiria PM yako duuu....

 

[kisale]

sio kana kwamba wanaume hawataki kuoa,ila ni khali halisi ya ndoa ilivyo ngumu,msilete masihara na kujibinafsisha bwana,makubaliano yakiwepo mbona wanaume wanaoa?tena akina dada msiwe mnalaghaika na maneno ya wanaume eti nitakuoa..sijui nini!mwanaume wa kuingia na gia ya kukuoa ni mwongo huyo,urafiki angalau mwaka 1,then unaweza kufikiria kuoa.

 

[Kuntakinte]

Mama Mia

Unafanya utafiti juu ya mahusiano ya mume na mke? Nikiangalia thread zako zina a certain pattern kuelekea huko

1... Majimaji kwenye nonino

2... Wachaga na Mapenzi

3... Wanaume na kutotaka Ndoa

Mkuu Baba Enock kula tano kwanza.

Mama Mia, heshima mbele, siku za karibuni ikiwa pamoja na leo naona kama umekuja na mada ambazo naona kama hazijaka sawa sasa sijui ndio una malizia questionnaire zako ama. Ila haina shida nitaendelea kuzisoma na kuchangia kwa zile ambazo zitakuwa zimekaa kimaadili hasa.

 

[MzalendoHalisi]

Ndoa ya nini wakati ..ni bure tu na wanawake hutongoza wanaume?

Ndoa ni kifungo! Alafu angalia VVU kwa walio ktk ndoa ni kubwa zaidi!

Sei heri kuishi kivyakovyako??

 

[Penny]

Kuna chemically fulani zimekuwa planted ambazo zina haribu ubongo wa binadamu mwenye cells za kiume ambapo akizimwaga (in action) kwa mwanamke zinamuaffect maana kinga za kike nazo zimepungua nguvu ya ku resist. Ndo maana uanaona kunamgongano kama huo. Punde si punde utasikia kuna chanjo ya walio kwenye ndoa sasa hivi ( world business). Shughuli!

 

[Pakawa]

Swala la ndoa nadhani limeingiliwa kwa nyakati hizi. Ndoa si lelemama jamani ni shughuli nzito ambayo inahitaji uvumilivu na mapenzi kwa wingi. ndoa za soulmates zinadumu kiasi kulinganisha na ndoa za urafiki wa kawaida wa kujuana katika kipindi kifupi. wanaume wamegundua wanawake wengi wanataka kuolewa for opportunities and not for love kwani wengi wanapenda vya mteremko!!!

 

[Timtim]

Wanaume wengi hawataki kuoa kwasababu wao ni Mafisadi tu na pia akina dada zetu wakome kuwa easy kugawa mambo.

Sio kweli kuwa wanaogopa majukumu ya kifamilia, ni ufisadi uliokithiri kuharibu wake na mabinti za watu.

Si ajabu kwa tabia hio mbovu baada ya miaka unamkuta mtu anafanya mapenzi na binti yake wa kumzaa bila yeye kujuwa.

 

[Sahiba]

Guys the truth is the divorce rate is getting higher every single day appart from some marriages are forced to stay together just because they can not afford to get divorce here in America considering the cost of living after divorce,children custody,child support and weath distribution.
Coming back wanaume wengi hawataki kuoa kwa sababu ya uoga kwa hawa dada zetu.Wengi wao wanajifanya wazuri lakini ukishamuoa tu wanakufanya kama roommate instead of husband.wanaume wanalijua hili na linawatisha hasa mwanamke akiwa na kipato kidogo.Instead of kumkimbilia huyu mwenye kipato kidogo ndio anazidi kukutisha is against the reality.Kule minazi mirefu kama mnasema mna problem huku ughaibuni ndio usiseme.Dada zetu utatoka nae minazi mirefu pamoja akifika huku akapata dola mbili tatu na akitizama show mbili tatu za Oprah na Tyra Bank na compyuta anayo nyumbani akijua kuitumia kidogo unarudi nyumbani yuko busy kwenye mtandao unaonyeshwa refridgerator na microwave bila hata ya aibu.Kinadada mnapojaribu kufuata hizi culture jitahidini kutenga zile zinazobomoa kwa faida zenu otherwise miaka ijayo tutakuwa single moms and dads wasio na hisabu.Kwa maisha ya leo malezi ya watoto yanahitaji sana walezi wawili.All I can say to my sisters kabla hujafanya maamuzi yeyote ya kimaisha just fikiri mara mbili. Think Twice.


SAHIBA.

 

[Pdidy]

Guys the truth is the divorce rate is getting higher every single day appart from some marriages are forced to stay together just because they can not afford to get divorce here in America considering the cost of living after divorce,children custody,child support and weath distribution.
Coming back wanaume wengi hawataki kuoa kwa sababu ya uoga kwa hawa dada zetu.Wengi wao wanajifanya wazuri lakini ukishamuoa tu wanakufanya kama roommate instead of husband.wanaume wanalijua hili na linawatisha hasa mwanamke akiwa na kipato kidogo.Instead of kumkimbilia huyu mwenye kipato kidogo ndio anazidi kukutisha is against the reality.Kule minazi mirefu kama mnasema mna problem huku ughaibuni ndio usiseme.Dada zetu utatoka nae minazi mirefu pamoja akifika huku akapata dola mbili tatu na akitizama show mbili tatu za Oprah na Tyra Bank na compyuta anayo nyumbani akijua kuitumia kidogo unarudi nyumbani yuko busy kwenye mtandao unaonyeshwa refridgerator na microwave bila hata ya aibu.Kinadada mnapojaribu kufuata hizi culture jitahidini kutenga zile zinazobomoa kwa faida zenu otherwise miaka ijayo tutakuwa single moms and dads wasio na hisabu.Kwa maisha ya leo malezi ya watoto yanahitaji sana walezi wawili.All I can say to my sisters kabla hujafanya maamuzi yeyote ya kimaisha just fikiri mara mbili. Think Twice.

Yeah there your!!!

 

[Mbu]

...pili naomba msaada kwa nini ndoa nyingi hivi sasa zinakaa muda mchache wanaachana......embu kabla ya kuwasaidia kukimbilia ndoa tuwasaidie kupata suluhisho ata least watu wanaenda kwenye ndoa wakiwa na amani mikono yao miwili...kwenu washarika

View attachment 3930

..."...hiari yashinda utumwa!"​

 

[BAK]

Katika pita pita yangu mtandaoni nikakutana na haya. Nikaona si vibaya nikiyaweka hapa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The most common reasons why black marriages fail/ your input

By 804_niagrafallsdrinka on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:37 pm:

Break down in communication

Adultery, non emotional affection at home

please add on,,,

By tallblktexan on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:39 pm:

Money,
greed,
friends and inlaws...

By ~tanchoclit~ on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:43 pm:

not wanting a marriage and only wanting a wedding

which leads me into my other thought

folks just plain ole not being ready to marry

By 1lowkeysix9 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:44 pm:

Married women be tight with the pussy...Wife taking her husband money and leaving the fool broke all the damn time...Wife stop sucking her husband's dick...Wife always complains about the little shit and want give the man a break...

By ddaone4u on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:46 pm:

no communication, and a lack of maturity.
Sadly, so many of glorify false role models and movies stars and think our lives should be modeled after them. For instace, I heard a young woman say she want to live like Beyonce, but does she know if Beyonce is really happy. We so often let others shape and mold us to dicitate to us what happiness is.

and the bigest problem is other Jealous people who claim to be freinds often kill a relationship fast. No married person or a person in a committted relatisnhip should be out with freinds 12midnight , hanging out, this is a recipe for drama, remember misery like company

By i_am_legend on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:48 pm:

agrees with all the above answers. I'm studying Marriage/Family/Couple counseling in the fall and I'm looking forward to hearing some statistics and facts about the matter.

By stuffer on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:52 pm:

some blacks dont think before they speak. some are natural haters. some are stuck on stupid and ignorance. some think they got what they got by themselves and forget where they came from and who paved the way. jmo

By case1 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:52 pm:

Finance

By mrdevine1 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:54 pm:

Too competitive in the home, too many chiefs not enough indians, no one taking time to learn their partner. Also what happens in the bedroom is between husband and wife, not your friends, family, society, the internet, co-workers, neighbors, frat brothas and sorority sistas. If people concentrated on their mate and their needs instead of what everybody has or is doing, marriage would be everything it cracked up to be and more.

By doggg98 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 05:55 pm:

All of the above plus,

When some women, not all say I do... They start feeling like they have the ONLY pussy on earth and want to start rationing it out to the man along with when she gives him head.

Some women just don't realize that what you did to get me, you have to keep on doing to keep me, so you start rationing the pussy don't get mad if I stop running home after work....

Be thankful I'd rather do something constructive like work on my career than to something destructive like find some outside pussy because you feel like now you got me so I CAN ONLY https://jamii.app/JFUserGuide WHEN YOU WANT TO NOW.

I guess that's why I'm on Wife number 3 and we just got back together after a lonnnngggg seperation. LOL


I told them all I DON'T PLAY THEM PUSSY GAMES AND I MEANT IT!

By 804_niagrafallsdrinka on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:01 pm:

One of the greatest things I've noticed is the man and the woman somehow forget to say thank you and appreciate one another

By the_mentalist on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:03 pm:

Communication is a deal breaker in any marriage/relationship.

My input: being selfish, letting others know everything about your marriage, not being able to express wants and needs, can't adapt to change, and money.

By i_am_legend on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:04 pm:

HOw many of the people who have answered are married? been married?

By biggurlsdoitbetta804 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:04 pm:

#1. When you don't have God as the head of your house.

lack of communication


family and friends all up in your business

immaturity

when you have nothing at all in common (you should know this before you marry but some don't even care)

when your ex baby ma/baby dad are just plain unreasonable

one mate being selfish

finances

cheating

running the streets the clubs EVERY weekend with out your spouse

By succulent_1 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:06 pm:

The criteria that many people use to decide who to marry are not the same characteristics that will nurture a long term relationship.

People choose based on sex, looks, money, jobs, any and all of which are/can be very transient things.

Commonalities in values, goals, interests, respect and a bonafide friendship will go further in nurturing a long-term relationship.

Also, as stated, your 'marriage' should already be in force BEFORE you walk down the aisle.

In other words, if he's still chasing skirts before you marry, you'd be STUPID to think that's going to change afterwards.

JMO

By 804_niagrafallsdrinka on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:08 pm:

Im married and that's one of the things my wife and I keep a foundation on communication, taking the other partner's emotional feelings into consideration and most important we do not allow anyone on the inside(family) or the outside(friends) to get into our business been married now 7 years and loving every minute of it

By mrdevine1 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:11 pm:

Whatever you did to get your partner and made them happy and wanted them to marry you, don't start slippin, slacking letting yourself go, when the ring is on your finger. Marriage is always changing and evolving but somethings must remain constant. Damn all that unnecessary material shit. Be realistic, get a home and reliable car not a mansion and a ferrari. Live within your means, not the rich and famous.

By themoneyupfront on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:15 pm:

The first time somebody hauls off and smacks somebody, its downhill from there.

By 804_niagrafallsdrinka on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:18 pm:

Bottom line is marriage is a job it doesn't work on itself like someone else said earlier, the things you did in the beginning keep it up upgrade yo game

definition- easy come easy go

By ofmiceandmen on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 06:38 pm:

Few people are getting married nowadays
Lack of a role model, most people come from single parent homes or ones that are dsyfunctional so they dont have an example only fictional shit on TV
Poor values, the one who keeps hooking up with jailbirds
Not wanting to be in a committed relationship, in it for the long haul - making it work
Having someone you click with with good communication and accepting of each other
Immaturity, Trauma, situation in life, dont give a damn

By dwayne160 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 07:03 pm:

Lack of communication. Unrealistic expectations. Lack of listening. Too much TV!

By gr8girl on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 07:17 pm:

I once heard a teacher say that the reason blk men don't stay with their families is because back in the time of slavery they were taken from their tribes and now have inherently lost the sense of family and community.

This teacher was White....

I think it is lack of role models and infidelity.

By ofmiceandmen on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 07:37 pm:

@gr8gril The teacher being white is/was a problem...

By calibibrotha on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 08:05 pm:

Interesting that only biggurlsdoitbetta804 mentioned "religion."

When I consider all the 50 years+ Black marriages that I know,
the overwhelming majority embrace the same component:

The couple attended church together, AND were active members.



By hopeulike63 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 08:32 pm:

https://jamii.app/JFUserGuide Religion! Really that got nothing to do with doing what you need to do in a marriage.

By kitykat2 on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 08:51 pm:

*Apathy or general disregard
*No concept of, or experience with reciprocity: mutual exchange of feelings, goods, or efforts re: mate.
*Poor or unlearned communication, problem-solving, and conflict resolution skills.
*Different and unexpressed expectations (unevenly yoked; unreasonable or non-negotiable gender-based).
*Lack of basic courtesies and consideration.
*Allowance of outside influences which tear the fabric of the primary marital unit: friends, parents, prev. rels., children).
*Lack of understood and agreed upon personal boundaries
*Emotional baggage from previous relationships including issues stemming from childhood.
*Substance abuse.
*Inability to understand or manage finances.
*Criminal lifestyles.

* Not taking the time to discuss and agree/or not on these issues PRIOR to getting married.
*Unwillingness to renegotiate changes as they occur or impact the relationship.

It's a misnomer and perpetuated myth that Black marital relationships are somehow different from those of other races. These very same deficiencies are found across the racial, economic, environmental, class, and geographical spectrum.

Black American life is just more emphasized, researched, and castigated.

By mytongue on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 08:58 pm:

O.K. Surprise, Surprise...I have been married for 40+ years...Count em'..I think all the above is true but what has kept ours together is a desire to stay together....recognizing early on and accepting that there would be a lot of shyt to work thru to make it work.

Most black married couples today don't have good role models. My wife and I both come from 2 parent committed parents...

You have to learn not to make yourself the center of your married relationsship...that avoids hurt feelings which leads to bitterness,etc..

If you don't both have serious personal goals then one cna pullon the other or so it is perceived and it voids a marraige sometimes...

As a pair you must share a committment to each other and really work hard as hell to make it work..You cannot change your spouse, you can only change yourself, is what I always say...Well I didn't always say it but I do now..lol

By ofmiceandmen on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 09:08 pm:

Alright Doctor Phil, I didnt know you visited NA and licked choclate too

By ofmiceandmen on Friday, March 20, 2009 - 09:09 pm:

Over 40+ year, omg. Yeah you are now certfied to give marriage addvice anytime

 

[Fidel80]

Uhusiano wa mme na mke wa kihawala ndio unadumu muda mrefu sana kuliko ndoa hii inatoka na kuto jiamini kwa wawili kuwa muda wowote mtu anaweza kumwagwa kwa hiyo anakuwa makini katika upande wake na kucheza kwa umakini wa hali ya juu na upendo unakuwa na kukuwa tangazo ndoa uone maugomvi baada ya harusi binafsi napenda sana huu mfumo.

 

[Mbu]

Uhusiano wa mme na mke wa kihawala ndio unadumu muda mrefu sana kuliko ndoa hii inatoka na kuto jiamini kwa wawili kuwa muda wowote mtu anaweza kumwagwa kwa hiyo anakuwa makini katika upande wake na kucheza kwa umakini wa hali ya juu na upendo unakuwa na kukuwa tangazo ndoa uone maugomvi baada ya harusi binafsi napenda sana huu mfumo.

...naam, kutofungamana na upande wowote useja una raha zake kwakweli!

 

[Fugwe]

kwenu wana jf;habarini za mchana kwa waliomchana ;tumejitahidi kuona na kusaidia jinsi mtu anavotakiwa kuishi baada ya ndoa;tumeona watu wengi wanavyofanya sherehe ya harusi kubwaa ama ya kawaida wanaishia kuachana mapema...masilan tumeona watu wengi hivi sasa wameamua kuishi kama familia bila kudhinisha uhalali wa NDOA.yaani ((Uzinzi.))...Bado kichwa kinauma katika haya mambo kwa nini wanaume wengi wanaogopa ndoa hivi sasa
pili naomba msaada kwa nini ndoa nyingi hivi sasa zinakaa muda mchache wanaachana......embu kabla ya kuwasaidia kukimbilia ndoa tuwasaidie kupata suluhisho ata least watu wanaenda kwenye ndoa wakiwa na amani mikono yao miwili...kwenu washarika

Mama Mia,
Kuna mambo mengi yanayochangia. First, women independent, wanawake wengi kwa sasa wanayamuda maisha yao kwa kiasi kikubwa sio tegemezi tena. Mahusiano ya ndoa katika tamaduni zetu za kiaafrika Baba anataka kuwa na sauti (masculinity namaanisha), sasa kama mama ni mwelewa (educated), ana kazi yake nzuri ya kumuwezesha kuishi, hatakubaliana na mabavu ya Baba. Baba naye ataona anadharauliwa hivyo kinachotokea hapo ni kila mtu kuchukua chake. Second, is the wave of change in marriages, if you look worldwide, kuna mabadiliko makubwa katika ndoa. watu wengi kwa sasa wanajaribu kusahihisha makosa ambayo yamekuwa yakijitokeza kwenye maisha ya ndoa. utakuta mme na mke ni vurugu tupu, Baba na mama wamegawana vitanda, kila mtu anapartner wake huko nje kinachowakutanisha nyumbani ni usiku labda na watoto tu. Sasa watu wanajifunza kwa kuona na kusahihisha mambo yanayotokea kwenye ndoa za marafiki au ndugu zao. Matokeo yake sasa ni kuogopa maisha ya ndoa na mtu kuamua kuishi pekee yake au kuwa na mwanamke/mwanaume kwa ajili ya kupata sex service.
Ukiuliza watu waliomo ndani ya ndoa wanatamani kutoka ingawa wamechelewa.

Kwa wale wageni na ndoa, hakuna fomula ya ku-maintain ndoa. Sawa, watu watasema upendo, kuheshimiana na mengine mengi lakini narudia kusema hakuna fomula, hayo yote unaweza kuyafanya stil ndani kusikalike. Vijana karibuni kwenye ndoa ndoano. Ombeni Mungu atawasaidia ndoa idumu.