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Kutoroka familia: Ni busara, kulogwa au tatizo la kisaikolojia??

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by PMNBuko, Mar 13, 2011.

  1. PMNBuko

    PMNBuko JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Mar 13, 2011
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    Katika hali isyo ya kawaida, jamaa fulani hapa mtaani kaamua kutoroka familia yake na kukimbilia kusikojulikana kwa sababu ya ugomvi usioisha ndani ya familia yake, yeye na mke wake wa ndoa. Ameacha nyumba, shamba, biashara yake, mali na watoto. Ameahidi kutorudi kamwe. Aidha, amepoteza laini zake zote. Hataki tena mawasiliano kati yake na familia yake. Tatizo kubwa ni ugomvi wa zaidi ya miaka mitatu hivi kati yake na mke wake. Wote wanatuhumiana kutokuwa waaminifu ndani ya ndoa yao. Mwanamke ni mkali sana, mwanaume ni mkimya kiasi. Anadai siku nyingine mwanamke humtusi usiku kucha. Hugombana kila mara, lakini ugomvi (matusi) haukomi. Mwanamke licha ya kumnyima unyumba mumewe mara kadhaa, hata chakula alikuwa akimpa kwa taabu na saa nyingine kukosa kabisa. Siku moja mwanaume aliamka usiku wa manane, kashika panga ili amchinje mkewe, lakini aliahirisha kwa kuhofia wote kufariki au kufungwa na kuwaacha watoto wakitaabika, aliahirisha azma yake hiyo. Sasa juzi Ijumaa, kaamua kuondoka. Hapatikani. Baba yake, Mama yake na sisi marafiki, tumemshauri asiondoke bila mafanikio.

    Je, hiyo ni busara, amelogwa au ni tatizo la kisaikolojia???
     
  2. Dena Amsi

    Dena Amsi JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Mar 13, 2011
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    Hatujui ugomvi ulikuwa ni nini kiundani.

    So ngumu sana kushauri
     
  3. roselyne1

    roselyne1 JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Mar 13, 2011
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    mie sijui kama ni busara au la kutoroka familia...ila nampongeza kwa kumuacha huyo mwanamke aliyekuwa anamuabuse psychologically and physically .....jambo ambalo angepaswa kuweka kny consideration ni watoto wake, future yao na yake mwenyewe.......nahisi amekuwa abused sana mpk amesuufer low self esteem kiasi na anafeel worthless yeye kama baba ndio maana kakimbia..........mie ningekushauri mumtafute anaweza kujiua,mumpe ushauri aachane na mkewe ila wapange future na jinsi ya kulea watoto wao..........msisitizo mumuonyesha kuwa watoto wake bado wanamuhitaji,na mmpoint yale mazuri aliyoyafanya anayoweza kufanya kwake na familia yake ili arebuild up his lost confidence.
     
  4. kisukari

    kisukari JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Mar 13, 2011
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    akiwa tayari,atawatafuta,au atamtafuta mtu wake yoyote wa karibu.kwa kweli inasikitisha.pengine huyo mke kwa sasa kwa kuwa mume hayupo ndio atamkumbuka.mpaka kufikia kutaka kumuua huyo mke,huyo jamaa anahitaji ushauri hasa.
     
  5. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Mar 13, 2011
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    ...maskini wee...!
    wanaume wengu huwakumba hali hiyo, hasa katika nchi za magharibi.
    Wanaishia homeless na alcohol abuse mpaka u mauti utapowafika.

    Depression hiyo. Mbaya zaidi, mfumo dume hautaki mwanaume ashtaki eti anakuwa abused na mkewe.
    "Anakufa na tai yake shingoni." Akishtaki, anabughudhiwa na kashfa kibao kwamba ni mwanaume suruali.
    Na nyie marafiki kwanini hamkuingilia na mapema?

    Anyway, I hope hatajidhuru huko aendako japo kwa asilimia kubwa inaonekana amesha give up!
     
  6. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Mar 13, 2011
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    Mlishindwa kumsaidia tangu mwanzo.
    Sasahivi ni too late.
    Mimi naona ni busara.
    Kwanini uishi sehemu ambayo huna amani! Kwanini ukose furaha.
    Mungu amlinde anapoenda, maisha ni popote na mtoto wa kiume hashindwi maisha.
     
  7. Gaga

    Gaga JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Mar 13, 2011
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    Huruma sana ila wanawake na sie kwa midomo? haafu huwa inatuponza sana, haya kaondoka sasa sijui atampigia nani makelele yake. Kwa nyie marafiki kwani hamjui anapofanyia kazi? nina imani ana sehemu yake ya kazi au biashara atapatikana huko, mumshauri aangalie na watotokama yeye ndio alikuwa tegemezi.
     
  8. nnunu

    nnunu JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Da!! inasikitisha sana ,POLENI WOTE MLIOKARIBU NA HIYO FAMILY. jaribuni kumtafuta huyo mwanaume kama mkijua yupo salama huko alipo, msimshauri arudi haraka nyumbani kwake, bali mpeni muda wa kukaa peke yake ili atafakari kwa undani nini cha kufanya huku akifanya juhudi ya kuonana na wanasaikolojia ili apate msaada zaid. LAZIMA kuna walipokosea wote wawili ndiyo maana wamefikia kwenye ugomvi mkubwa kiasi hicho,,sikuzote tatizo huanza kama tone la maji usipolitatua mapema basi madhara yake ni makubwa zaidi...kuendelea au kutoendelea na ndoa yao ni maamuzi yao wawili tu huku wakizingatia maslahi na haki za watoto wao.
     
  9. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

    #9
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Kama alifika kwenye kona ya kuchagua aidha kumkatakata mke wake mapanga ili kumnyamazisha au kutimka aende kwingine basi uamuzi aliouchukua waweza kuwa ni wa kiakili zaidi - maana wengi wakishanyanyua panga halirudi bila damu. La maana ni kumuombea huko aliko aweze kupata uponyaji kwanza na vile vile awe tayari kuanza mahusiano mapya na watoto wake bila haja ya kuwa na mahusiano na huyo mke wake. Mwanamme kama alivvyo mwanamke akisukumizwa kwenye kona ya kukata tamaa anaweza kuchukua uamuzi ambao kibwagizo chake huitwa majuto na kiitikio chake msiba. Amefanya vyema.
     
  10. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Mbu,
    Kuvunja ukimya kwa wanaume nako kwaja taratibu.Hata wanawake walikuwa hivyohivyo hawazungumzii manyanyaso hadi miaka ya karibuni tu.
    Ndoa nyingi zina shida hii ya GUBU na kero zisizoisha.Uvumilivu ni kitu kizuri kama tu hakuna madhara ya kisaikolojia au kimwili.Ndoa inaweza kuwa hukumu ya kifo kama huwezi kuachana na mwenza wako.

    Kwa uliyeleta mada na kutaka ushauri, nitasema hivi;
    Njia bora siyo kuwafanya warudiane. Kurudiana itakuwa kurudia mlolongo wa mateso. Mtafuteni jamaa yenu muongee naye.Muonyesheni kuwa mko pamoja naye na asijiskie kuwa kashindwa maisha.

    Wanaume wengi hushindwa kabisa kupambana inapofikia hali kama hii na kama Mbu ulivyosema hapo juu, UKIMYA unawatafuna wanaume wengi tofauti na wanawake.Wanaume wengine hutafuta nyumba ndogo kama "tiba mbadala" ya gubu kama hili pale wanapohofia kuachana na wake zao kwa sababu ya matunzo ya watoto.

    Wanaume nao waache kuwacheka wenzao na kuwaona dhaifu pale wanaposema kuhusu mateso yao ya ndoa au mahusiano.
     
  11. Fugwe

    Fugwe JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Tunawajua wanawake wengi ni 'VUVUZELA"
     
  12. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Nice Move - Mwambie asirudi kamwe - sana sana ni kutafuta jinsi ya kuwasiliana na watoto - and that is it!

    Kuna wanawake wengine kukaa nao "for life" inabidi uwe na roho kama ya "mwendawazimu"!
     
  13. Edson

    Edson JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Mar 14, 2011
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    hata ndugu yangu aliwahi kuondoka hivi hivi na mpaka leo hatujui aliko........chanzo alikuwa mkewe, mkali, matusi, kugombana,kufuja mali,roho mbaya na mengine kibao.........

    ndugu yetu aliondoka kimya kimya na kuacha kila kitu pale kwake...mpaka leo hajuilikani alipo.........

    kangu ni uamzi sahihi
     
  14. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #14
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    ...naaam mzee mwanakijiji. Busara ya mambo haya ni kumpa muda mwanaume huyu ajitambue tena upya. Kwa experience yangu ya mambo haya, huyu mama tayari amesha wa influence watoto ku side zaidi na yeye (mama) kuliko baba yao.

    ...mtihani huu uhadithiwe tu, yakikukumba utatamani dunia ipasuke.
    Katika kipindi hiki ndipo panapo pimwa u ndugu na urafiki wa kweli.
    Hawa ndugu na marafiki kama ni kweli wanamjali mwenzao, watamtafuta na kumliwaza
    mpaka atapoweza kujiamini tena na maamuzi 'sahihi.'
     
  15. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    Mar 14, 2011
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    Inasikitisha bw Edson,...labda nikuulize? wewe binafsi umemtafuta? na
    umetumia njia gani kumtafuta? Familia yake wanaendeleaje bila yeye?
     
  16. Chauro

    Chauro JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Mar 14, 2011
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    umesema vema WOS wanaume wenyewe wanasema mwanaume shujaa/shupavu ni yule anyekufa na tai shingoni,jamii inabidi ibadili mtizamo kuhusu hii institution nzima ya ndoa kwakweli maswaibu watu wanayopata mengine huwa yanaharibu kichwa na maisha ya mtu kabisa.vitu vingine hata ufanyaje huwa havitoki,umeshikiwa kisu,kesho umebakwa ,mtu anakuabuse kila upande.

    hata kama ni uvumilivu mwisho wa siku unatuua wenyewe.



     
  17. Utingo

    Utingo JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Kuna baadhi ya makabila hapa nchini petu, familia ikisha kuwa hivyo kwenye red, mwanamke huanzisha vituko ili ndoa ife mgawane na aanze maisha akiwa alone anapoona ameshindwa kusababisha msiba.

    Huyo mke ni kabila gani? Kama ni wa mojawapo wa hayo, jamaa kafanya jambo la mbolea, kasalimisha maisha yake. Cha muhimu asiwasahau watoto wake.
     
  18. Roulette

    Roulette JF-Expert Member

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    Nadhani kila mtu anahaki ya kua happy. Kama alifikiria na kuona hapiness yake haiwezi kurudi tena hapo, ni sawa kabisa aondoke akaanze upya. Kuna baadhi ya watu wana negative vibes. yaani kila dakika wanalalamika, wanakera na wanasumbua. ukiwa na mtu kama huyo unaishia kua kama yeye. Ni jambo la courage kubwa kuacha kila kitu nakuanza upya. Mwacheni tu. aki-settle atawaita tena na atareconect with positive people of his old life. Popote alipo namtakia kila la kheri na pole kwa watoto, malaika wale wanateseka bila kosa.
     
  19. Maty

    Maty JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Hata mimi nina kaka yangu yalimkuta hayo hayo sasa ni mwaka wa 8 hatujui aliko yaani hataki kabisa kujulikana amesusa mpaka familia nzima kisa mkewe, jamani wamama tuwe na kiasi
     
  20. PMNBuko

    PMNBuko JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Mar 14, 2011
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    Mkuu, asante kwa ushauri. Nakubaliana na wewe kabisa. Huyu mama bila shaka naye anataka kurithi mali za mwanaume. Aliwahi kuniambia kuwa".... hadi nifike hapa, nilimtoa mwanaume kwao, amenijengea hapa karibu na kwetu, siwezi kutoka hapa, labda yeye aondoke." Kabila lake ni Mhaya. Sijui ni target group yako???
     
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