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Kutoelewana ndani ya mahusiano

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Akili Unazo!, Aug 18, 2009.

  1. Akili Unazo!

    Akili Unazo! JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Wakuu kuna hiki kitu kimekuwa kikinitatiza saana kujua chanzo halisia cha wanandoa kutoelewana kila kukicha wakati wa uchumba wao walikuwa wanaelewa na walikuwa pamoja kwa kila kitu.


    • Hivi hiki kitu kinatokana na mmoja wa wanandoa kuridhika na hali ya ndoa? au
    • Inatokana na kutikubali kujishusha hata kama amekosea ila atalazimikia kuawa juu wa wababa? au
    • Inatokana na watu kutokubaliana kumaliza tofauti zao pindi zitokeapo na kualika watu wa njee ili waje kuzimaliza kana kwamba ndoa ya watu wawili ni ndoa ya jamii?au
    • Inatokana na mmoja wao kutokubali kubadilika na hali halisia ya ndoa kuwa kila kitu kina kuwa kimoja badala yake kila mmoja anaendelea kukumbatia tabia aliyokuwa nayo kipindi cha uhuru wake kabla ya kuoa au kuolewa?

    Na je pindi tatizo ndani ya ndoa litokeapo ni nani hasa anastahili kuja kutatua na kupatanisha toafuati zilizopo?


    • Je ni wapambe wa harusi?
    • Je ni wazazi wa pande zote mbili?
    • Je ni marafiki wa karibu hata wale ambao hawajaoa japo ni marafiki?
    • Je ni washenga ?

    Nisaidie tafadhali
     
  2. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

    #2
    Aug 18, 2009
    Joined: May 15, 2006
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    Saa ingine kuna kuchokana tu na suluhisho la hilo ni kila mtu kuanza kivyake. Unajua kuwa na mtu huyo huyo day in day out kunachosha? Binadamu tumeumbwa kuwa na matamanio na matamanio yetu hutufanya kuchoka na kutamani vingine.

    Kwa mfano, wakati bado mko wapenzi wapya mlikuwa mnapendana sana. Mlikuwa mnakumbukana sana. Mwenzio ndio alikuwa mwanzo na mwisho. Lakini baada ya kuwa pamoja kwa muda, mnaanza kuonana wa kawaida sana. Ule u-special unapungua. Katika muda huu unakuwa tayari unajua ushuzi wa mwenzako unanukaje. Harufu ya mdomo wake ikoje asubuhi akiamka. Unakuwa unajua harufu ya mavi yake. Mwishowe anaanza kukutia kinyaa. Haya yote yanapelekea kuanza kumwona mwenzako kuwa wa kawaida sana na pengine kuanza hata kukuudhi. Na ukishaanza kuudhika basi ujue huo uhusiano umefikia hatua mbaya.

    Mahusianio ni mambo magumu sana. Yanahitaji uvumilivu wa hali ya juu.
     
  3. C

    Chief JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Wakati wa uchumba mmoja/wote walikuwa wameficha makucha yao.

    Aina ya tatizo ndio in determine nani wa kutatua. Mfano kama mke anatumia tendo la ndoa kama silaha, nadhani hapa wa kulitatua ni wapambe wa arusi especially kama ni couple.
     
  4. B

    Baba Mkubwa JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Aug 18, 2009
    Joined: Oct 18, 2008
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    Kama ningekuwa mwalimu wako basi kwa maelezo haya yenye uwazi na ukweli basi ningekupa 98% (2% kwa ajili ya wino...si unajuwa si vyema kumpa mwanafunzi 100%)....Big up Nyani Ngabu!

    Mapenzi huwanza kama kichaa vile..yaani siku za mwanzo huwezi ambiwa kitu..kila mara dear, upo wapi..ninakula..nila cheka n.k as days are numbering issue zinaanza. Sijajuwa tuwe tunaoana for 6 months then divorce maana ndoa nyingi sana miaka ya leo ni kukurubushana..lol
    Ni kweli marriage is a complex relationship because it involves people of diffent knowledge bachground, parceptions, n.k hapa kwenye mtazamo ndipo pagumu sana maana nataka hivi, ungekuwa hivi, tungeenda hivi n.k

    Sijajuwa na ugumu wa kutafuta fedha unaweza kuchangia mtu kuwaza sana jinsi ya kuzipata such that you forget your spouse...anyway wataalamu watusaidie. maana unakuta mtu unalipwa laki 2 na nusu, matumizi yanazidi kipato..na ole wako uwe na extended family kubwa ambayo inakuangalia wewe utatamani ukimbie...that's life dude!!!
     
  5. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

    #5
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Hehehehe...ishu zikishaanza hata kulana denda mtu unaona kinyaa!! Haya mambo magumu sana aisee
     
  6. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Ndugu yangu hakuna yeyote kati hao watakuaidia, sanasana watawajua mapungufu yenu na siri zenu halafu watasikitika na kugeuza story behind your back; Its you, your partner na kumuomba mungu awasaidie.... Hakuna HUman being aliyena upeo wa kutatua issue za mapenzi, kwani mara nyingi solution ni wapendanano wenyewe

    Hakuna penzi la watatu, na likichacha dawa ni kusepa kabla ya kupeana vichaa na ulemavu
     
  7. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Ndo maana mimi siku zote iwa nawaambia ni bora kuishi bila kufunga ndoa mnaishi kama mnaibiana vile na kuzaa watoto mbona mahusiano haya yanadumu sana lakini pindi ukitangaza ndoa tu mamamama umekwisha sijui kwenye ndoa iwa kunakuwa na mdudu gani? Mliopo mnajua lakini nimeshuhudia watu wanao ishi maisha ya kumegana wana enjoy sana kuliko waliopo kwenye ndoa.
     
  8. Mfamaji

    Mfamaji JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Mke akitemebea nje ya ndoa hata baba mkwe angesuluhisha ni bure tu. Doa haliishi
     
  9. Mhafidhina

    Mhafidhina JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Wee mtu unalichoka gari lako ambalo hata haliongei, haligombani, halinuni, halikupangii matumizi ya hela zako, halijambi...! Ndio sembuse mtu anaekukemea kila subui, anaekutukana na kukugombeza kama mtoto mdogo, anakujambia ndani ya shuka, anaekupangia matumizi ya hela na kufuatilia nyendo za matumizi, anaekusema sema vibaya, anaefuja matumizi ya hela zako, unaemuambia jambo anakasirika....!

    Bwana kuchokana kupo sana, kuna wakati unaweza ukamuuliza hata Mungu kwani aliumba hawa watu wa jinsia nyingine, but ukweli unabakia kwamba hao ndio dada zetu, hao ndio mama zetu na hao ndio shangazi zetu...! hatuwezi kuishi bila wao...!

    Kuna msemo unasema " all women are the same except your Mother so as all Men are the same except your Father".
     
  10. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

    #10
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Perfecto!
     
  11. Kigogo

    Kigogo JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Mkuu NN hapo umepiga ikulu.Dahhh mule mule
     
  12. Q

    Queen Sorais Member

    #12
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Ongezea pia - Mume anapotembea nje ya ndoa nako ni doa linalosababisha ufa mkubwa sana kwenye ndoa.Wanaume hilo hawalijui na hufikiria wanawake nao wana moyo wa jiwe.
    Kutolewana ni kitu cha kawaida kwa watu iwe ndoa au huhusiano.Ila kama walivyosema wengine hapo juu,kuchokana nako ni kitu cha kawaida.Hata wanawake huwachoka wanaume asikuambie mtu.
     
  13. I

    Inviolata Member

    #13
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Kuna kitu kwa lugha za wenzetu wanakiita "Passion" Mkiwa wachumba au hata girlfriends huwa kuna mapenzi ya hali ya juu, miili huwaka moto kila mnapogusana. Mnapooana na kuishi wote muda mrefu mnazoeana, mwenzio akikugusa unaona kawaida tu, hakuna ule muwako wa mapenzi uliokuwapo mwanzo.

    Unachotakiwa kufanya baada ya kuona hali ya mazoea inakuwepo, kujaribu kubadilisha mazingira, unajua hata nyumba yenu mnayoishi inaweza kuwachosha, try to change environment now and then, tokeni ndani ya nyumba badilisha mazingira, jaribuni ku-save na kwenda kulala hotelini angalau mara 2 kwa mwezi. Kama mna uwezo safiri "adventure", etc.

    Hakuna wa kuwashauri zaidi ya wewe na mwezio, It is ur marriage nyie wawili tu period.
     
  14. M

    Mwanazuoni Member

    #14
    Aug 18, 2009
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    Pesa ni jibu la mambo yote ingawa pesa siyo mambo yote,

    Ni kweli kabisa kuwa hali ya pesa ikiwa ngumu kwenye ndoa, mara nyingi sana unakuta mnashndwa kuelewana hasa mahitaji fulani yanapojitokeza na munashindwa kuyaatend...hasa wanaume wanajikuta wamekuwa wakali sna na wenye majibu yanayoumiza. hali hii inajitokeza hasa kwa kapoz zinazoanzia kwenye kuwa nazo halafu mambo yanabadilika na hali ya uchumi kuwa ngumu.

    Pia kuna nazo huwa ni mwanzo wa matatizo hasa inapokuja issue ya matumizi, nani amilikia au atawale nini, nk, nk.

    Pia wanandoa wengi wanaweka mbali misingi ya imani yao katika ndoa na hawajishughulishi kujua Mungu anasema nini kuhusu situation wanazopitia hasa kutokana na uvivu wa kuyajua maandiko.

    Mwanzo na chanzo cha ndoa ni Mungu mwenyewe hivyo watu wanapomweka mungu mbali na ndoa zao (hata kama wao wanajiona wanamjua Mungu) wategemee chochote kati yao kwani kiunganishi cha wao kuwa pamoja kinakosekana. Kama wanadamu tulitoka katika mazingira tofauti ni ngumu sana kuishi pamoja na kuvumiliana madhaifu na ujinga wetu bila neema ya Mungu katika yetu.

    MWANAMUME+MUNGU+MWANAMKE=NDOA YENYE AMANI, UPENDO NA MAFANIKIO KATIKA MAMBO YOTE
     
  15. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 19, 2009
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    cdhani kama kuna wasuluhishi wazuri wa ndoa zaidi ya nyie wawili, mie nachukiaga wazo la kusema unaenda kumweleleza cjui paroko, mama mkwe, mshenga...khaa wa nini wakati mlipendana wenyewe?....kuchokana kupo sana tena, kuna wakati mwingine unamuona mtu unahic kama vile unapita daraja la salender....lol
     
  16. Akili Unazo!

    Akili Unazo! JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Aug 19, 2009
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    mhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nyamayao kweli Fidel analijua hilo au ndo anakomaaaa tu?
     
  17. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Aug 19, 2009
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    huyo bado kujua kabisa.....lol, jokes aside, kama mie kuanzia mwanzo wa urafiki ckufichaga makucha, sie tulianza mikwaruzano kuanzia alipokuwa boyfrnd mana hakuna aliekuwa na subira mwenzake akimchezea rafu, so tulipoingia ndani uliyaona machache yaliyosalia lakini mengineyo kuanzia nje tulikuwa tunapambana....so kwangu mie kutookuelewana sio kwenye ndoa kuanzia mwanzo wa urafiki....
     
  18. Che Kalizozele

    Che Kalizozele JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Aug 19, 2009
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    Nilipokuwa chuoni,mwalimu wangu aliyekuwa akinifundisha management alisema ya kwamba yeye anapokwenda katika interview ya kumtafuta new manager,yeye swali la kwanza analowauliza wanaotafuta nafasi hiyo ni je umeoa au umeolewa!baada ya hapo uendelea na mambo mengine.Kipindi hicho nilimuona mwehu,lakini baada ya kuingia ndani ya ndoa,at least najua alikuwa anamaanisha nini!
     
  19. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Aug 19, 2009
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    Teh teh teh nalijua kwanini nisilijue?
     
  20. Z

    Zion Daughter JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Aug 19, 2009
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    Kuchokana na jambo la kawaida ambalo ni lazima ujue litatokea hata kabla ya kufanya maamuzi ya kuoana.
    Sio lazima pia mkimbilie maamuzi ya kutengana,mnachopaswa kufanya ni kuwa wabunifu zaidi ili kunusuru ndoa.
    Pia hicho kipindi cha kuchokana ni kifupi kama mkiwa mnawaza mawazo chanya ya kujenga.Na kikipita kinakuja kipindi kingine cha kupendana zaidi kuliko hata kwenye uchumba.Na hapa ndo unakuta mume na mke wanakuwa kama wamefanana.
     
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