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Kuponya Maumivu ya Kuachana; SOMA HAPA

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Nov 3, 2009.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Nov 3, 2009
    Joined: Nov 22, 2007
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    Kwa nini maumivu ya talaka au kuachwa na mpenzi huwa machungu zaidi ya kifo?
    Kawaida inapotokea kifo jamii nzima huhusika kwa kuwa ni suala la jamii nzima yaani msiba, watu wote wanakuja kulia na wewe, kuimba na wewe, kukuliwaza na zaidi hata kutoa michango mbalimbali kuhakikisha unakuwa na maisha.
    Unapoachana na mpenzi wako au kupewa talaka hakuna mtu wa kuwa na wewe ni wewe peke yako (no shoulder to cry).
    Hakuna mkusanyiko wa jadi, dini, jamii, tamaduni, marafiki au mtu wa kuja kukutia moyo na kuombeleza kuachwa bali wewe.
    Unapoachana na mpenzi wako ni shida yako mwenyewe (lonely hell)

    Unapoachwa na mpenzi au kupewa talaka hofu ya future huanza kukuwinda na unaanza kujiuloiza maswali kama vile nani anakuwa responsible kwa majukumu mbalimbali, nani atatunza watoto nani atakupa support ya kifedha.

    Pia unapoachwa na mpenzi au talaka ukienda mtaani siku moja utakutana na yule alikuacha au achana naye na kama una hasira naye hali huwa mbaya zaidi ila kama ni kifo hutaonana naye.
    Unapoachwa hisia zako hujigawa pande mbili ile inayosema unaweza kuwa na mahusiano mapya na ile inasema ukiwa na mahusiano mapya utaishia kuachwa kama mwanzo.
     
  2. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Nov 3, 2009
    Joined: Nov 22, 2007
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    Kawaida mahusiano yoyote ya mapenzi yanapofika kwenye mzozo mkali (battlefields) huwa na matukio matatu tu.
    Kwanza mmoja huamua kuondoka zake na kuanza mbele au pili wote au mmoja huamua kuendelea kuishi katika mahusiano ambayo hata hayaridhishi/bora liende au tatu wote au mmoja huamua kuanza kupenda upya katika hali zote kuhakikisha mahusiano yanarudi kwenye mstari.

    Hata hivyo inakuwaje pale mmoja anaamua kuanza mbele na kumuacha mwenzake kwenye mataa?
    Mara nyingi mahusiano yanapokatika iwe uchumba au iwe ndoa au iwe urafiki a kawaida unaweza kujikuta umechanganyikiwa bila kujali ni wewe uliyeamua kumuacha mwenzako au wewe uliyeachwa (The Dumper and The Dumped).

    Kujiamini hurudi ground zero, maumivu ni makali, unajiona ni failure na kikubwa zaidi maisha yanatakiwa kwenda hata baada ya kumpoteza Yule ulikuwa unampenda.
    Bahati mbaya ni kwamba si wote wenye uwezo na nguvu za kujikusanya na kuendelea na maisha kama kawaida kwani wengine hudhoofishwa na kufikia mahali wanaona maisha hayana maana tena.

    Kila mahusiano lazima yatakufikisha mahali ambapo utajifunza na kukua haijalishi yanaendelea au yamefeli. Hata hivyo mahusiano yanayoshindwa hufundisha zaidi na hutoa uzoefu mkubwa kwani mafanikio huja si kwa kurudia makosa yale tumefanya au kuchukulia vitu for granted bali kuepuka yale tulifeli mara ya kwanza.

    Nimewahi sikia mtu mmoja muhimu sana akiongea maneno haya:
    “Nisingeweza kufikia mafanikio yote haya kama si kuwa na mtazamo mpya na kuongeza juhudi kujenga taaluma yangu baada ya kuachwa na mchumba wangu wa mwanzo na hatimaye kumpata mume bora niliyenaye sasa”

    Inaonesha ilikuwa muhimu kwake uchumba kuvunjika ili akaze kamba kuendeleza taaluma yake na hatimaye akapata liubavu lake; huko si kukaa na kuhuzunika na kujiambia kwamba “I am finished”.
     
  3. Mkereketwa

    Mkereketwa JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Dec 24, 2009
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    It is very true, the point we are missing is to learn how to challenge the status quo.
     
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