Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Kuponya Maumivu ya Kuachana (4)

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Nov 4, 2009
    Joined: Nov 22, 2007
    Messages: 25,602
    Likes Received: 1,637
    Trophy Points: 280
    Nimeachwa, nimechanganyikiwa, sina mwelekeo!

    [​IMG]

    Kuvunjika moyo, kukatishwa tamaa, upweke, nk ni maneno yanayoelezea feelings za uzoefu ambao binadamu hupitia pale mahusiano yanapovunjika iwe urafiki wa kawaida, uchumba au ndoa.


    Wakati mwingine aliyeachwa huamua hata kutishia kwamba atajinyonga wasiporudiana au tishia kufanya kitu chochote au kujitoa hata kuhonga chochote anachoweza na bado juhudi zote huzaa nothing na hali kuwa mbaya zaidi.

    Kuachwa hasa uchumba huumiza sana wakati mwingine kwa sababu aliyekuacha (dump, abandon) anaweza kumuoa/olewa rafiki yako au ndugu yako au mtu kwa karibu na wewe unayemfahamu na zaidi unakutana nao mitaani na inaawezekana wewe ni mzuri zaidi yake.

    Kila survivor wa kuvunjika kwa mahusiano huendelea kuwindwa na mabaki ya hofu na mashaka ya mahusiano yatakayofuata.

    Wapo ambao baada ya mahusiano kuvunjika huanza mahusiano mapya ambayo huvunja moyo tena kama mara ya kwanza na hawakati tamaa na hujifunza kwa kuondoa hofu na mashaka na kujenga trust upya na kuendelea kufurahia mahusiano mapya tena.

    Wengine huruhusu vidonda (emotional) kuendelea kuwatawala na wanakuja wamejifungia (locked) kutoruhusu kupenda na kupendwa upya.

    Jambo la msingi ni kwamba maumivu ya kupotelewa au kuachwa na mtu unayempenda ni moja ya maumivu makali sana na baada ya kuachwa kupenda tena huwa ni moja na hofu kubwa sana mtu anapitia katika maisha yake kwani wengi hujikutana wanakutana na walewale.

    Unapompenda mtu kwa moyo wako wote na hisia zako zote na kwa mapenzi yako yote, mahusiano yanapovunjika maisha hubadilika na kuathiriwa kiasi cha kusimama ghafla.
    Kuna usemi kwamba
    “Usually the first love lost is the most painful”

    Jambo linalostua zaidi ni kwamba wale wanauumia zaidi ni mwanaume au mwanamke ambaye hata baada ya mahusiano kuvunjika (mfano uchumba) bado hung’ang’ania au kuendelea kutaka warudiane kwa kuwa walikuwa deep na attached kwenye hilo penzi, hujisikia bila huyo mtu hupo desperate na hana control.

    Na wakati mwingine hufikiria mbali zaidi kwa kuamua kufanya kitu chochote kuhakikisha wanarudiana kibaya zaidi partners wao huwa walishafanya maamuzi na hawawezi kurudi tena.

    Pia unapoachwa na mpenzi feelings zako hujigawa pande mbili, upande wa kwanza unakwambia unaweza kuanza mahusiano mapya sasa na upande mwingine unakwambia usifanye na ukifanya au jiingiza kwenye kupenda tena utaishia kuumizwa kama mwanzo.

    Pia kuacha au kuachwa hujenga kujisia hatia (guilt) bila kujalisha wewe ni uliyeachwa au uliyeacha, rejected au rejecting, dumped au dumper wote huwa na hisia za kujiona ni failure.

    Kujisikia hatia hujenga hali ya kujisikia kutojiamini na kutojiamini huzaa hofu ambayo huendelea kukuwinda kila mara unapokumbuka mahusiano yalivyovunjika.

    Hiyo hofu huingia akilini na kugonga kama nyundo kukumbushia machungu na makali ya kuachwa hadi unafikia hali unajikuta kuchanganyikiwa kama si kupaniki.

    Vilevile hofu hii huweza kupooza hatua yoyote unayotaka kuchukua ili kuanza mahusiano mapya na unajikuta huwezi kuwekeza tena kwenye kupenda na kupendwa upya, unakuwa mwoga kupenda upya na unaogopa pia kukaa mwenyewe bila mtu wa kukupenda, ni kizunguzungu tu.

    Jambo la kujiuliza kwa nini unajisikia hatia je, ni kweli ni wewe uliyesababisha mahusiano kuvunjika au ni illusions tu?

    Je, ni kweli ulivunja kiapo (vow/covenant) ulichoahidiana na mpenzi wako?

    Je, ni kweli hukuwa responsible kwenye mahusiano hadi hajavunjika?

    Kama si kweli basi unajichukulia lawama ambazo hustahili.

    Je, ni hatua ngapi mtu aliyeachwa anaweza kutumia ili kuponya maumivu yake na kurudi kwenye maisha ya kawaida?

     
  2. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Nov 4, 2009
    Joined: Feb 12, 2007
    Messages: 13,582
    Likes Received: 332
    Trophy Points: 180
    kuna mtu alisema mapenzi ni kama daladala, unapanda unashuka na mwingine anapanda nawe unapanda kwenye daladala nyingine! no hard feeling man!
     
  3. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Nov 4, 2009
    Joined: Apr 29, 2009
    Messages: 16,234
    Likes Received: 105
    Trophy Points: 160
    Kuna Msanii mmoja sijui ni wa asili ya Congo anaimba..."Mbaya zaidi ni vile yule aliyekuacha ananenepa wakati wewe unayempenda unaendelea kukonda!"

    Ndugu yangu haya mambo ni mazito!...Usiombe ukaachwa kama bado unapenda, maana utaona dunia inakuchapa fimbo za ugoko!

    Dawa ya haraka ya kuponya jeraha la kuachwa haipo. maana utaendelea kuwaza saana, na mtu akikwambia "usiwaze ndo anakuchochea kuwaza zaidi!

    Muda huwa unaongea!
    Baada ya kipindi fulani automatically mawazo yanaanza kupungua! Dawa ni hiyo!....MUDA!
     
  4. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Nov 4, 2009
    Joined: Feb 12, 2007
    Messages: 13,582
    Likes Received: 332
    Trophy Points: 180
    so they say PJ, its about time............But I wonder why people are scared to death of kuachwa/kuachika even if they are not madly in love. watu wanasahau kuna mazoea na mapenzi. kama mmezoeana tu hakuna kuchanganyikiwa,sana sana yatakuwa mawazo ya siku mbili tatu then kwishinei.

    ISSUE NI KWAMBA, UNATAKIWA USIFANYE MAAMUZI YOYOTE NDANI YA HIZO SIKU CHUNGU, UTAHARIBU!!
     
  5. n

    nestory Member

    #5
    Nov 5, 2009
    Joined: Jul 21, 2008
    Messages: 22
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 3
    dawa ni kama alivyo jamaa yangu hapo juu,dawa ni muda lakini pia nataka kuongezea kitu:pia tafuta msicahana mwingine haraka ambaye mda mwingiutakua naye inaweza kukusaiia kupunguzza mawazo.kama utapata huyo mtu na akaweza kukubali vitu unavyompa,automatically utaona no need kuendelea kusumbua kichwa kumuwazahuyo mwanadada.najua mda unajiona kama hauwezi kitu,and u know nothing about love.....NO.is just that hukumpata yule aliye wako wa ukweli
     
  6. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Nov 5, 2009
    Joined: Jul 29, 2009
    Messages: 16,200
    Likes Received: 104
    Trophy Points: 160
    inabidi kuwa mtulivu na kufanya maumuzi ya yasiyokuwa na papara unaweza jikuta unaruka mkojo unakanyaga mavi
     
Loading...