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Kumwacha ndio suluhisho?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Iteitei Lya Kitee, May 22, 2009.

  1. Iteitei Lya Kitee

    Iteitei Lya Kitee JF-Expert Member

    #1
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Jan 2, 2008
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    wana jamvi tusaidiane hii scenario,nimekua nina mpenzi kwa muda wa miaka 2 sasa huu waenda 3,katika muda wote huo nimekua nikiona mapungufu mengi lakini mengine nimeyamezea na kuyavumilia kwani ndio kwanza tulikua katika take off now sasa ndo tuko highway kuelekea kule kwa sahihi yaani ndoa.
    Sasa kinachonitisha kati yangu na huyu mdada ni kua hayuko aggressive katika mambo yaani amepoa sana.Yeye kila kitu kinachohitaji effort anakua hawezi au sio makini.Example baada ya kumaliza shule yake amekua katika mchakato wa kusaka ajira lakini cha kushangaza ni kua uombaji wake huambatana na makosa ya hapa na pale mpaka binafsi niamue aidha kuedit au kutuma cv yake kwa kampuni husika.Kwa sasa anafanya kazi katika kampuni moja ambayo kila kukicha analalamika hawajampa ajira nimekua nikijitahidi kumtumia matangazo ya kazi ili awe anaomba lakini amekua haombi hizo kazi kwa kisingizio cha kua amesahau au eti ana mambo mengi kiasi cha kushindwa kuapply.
    Kilichoniudhi zaidi ni pale alipofikia hatua ya kupoteza cheti chake cha kuzaliwa wakati ni muhimu sana katika maombi ya fursa mbali mbali.
    MBAYA ZAIDI haonyeshi kuappreciate kile nikifanyacho ili aweze kupata kazi nzuri anadai siko supportive to her while matangazo yote mie ndo nayatafuta,kazi zingine mie ndo ninaziomba kwa niaba yake,pia mie ndo natuma appliation zote kwa njia ya posta etc.
    JE HUYU NI MWANAMKE ANAEFAA KWA MTU AMBAE NI AGGRESSIVE KATIKA MAISHA YA KILA SIKU?
    Kwani haeleweki kabisa kiperformance nikimaanisha kua kila utakachomwagiza afanye then wasi wasi hunijia kama atafanya kwa usahihi kama inavyopaswa,kwa mfano unamwagiza aombe kazi anaweza tuma cv na covering letter akasahau vyeti.
    Je ni sahihi kama nikijitoa katika maisha yake?as tukiachana kwani binafsi ni mtu ambae nahitaji mwanamke ambae ni mpiganaji kweli sio ambae kila kitu anahitaji monitoring au usimamizi.
    Wadau nikwamueni/.
     
  2. H

    Hondo Member

    #2
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: May 6, 2009
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    Wewe unamatatizo kwani usichanganye ndoa na uaggressive wewe unataka mke sio uajibikaji sasa tena bora huyo amesoma alafu ana ka cv sasa je angekuwa hana inamaana usingetaka hata kumwona.Kama ndio udhaifu ni huo tu basi huyo ni mzuri kwelikweli .njoo nikupe pledge.
     
  3. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #3
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Apr 29, 2009
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    Bwana Iteitei,

    Mke/mchumba wako, kimsingi, ana akili sana, namshangaa!
    Huoni kafaulu shule zote hadi kufika hapo?(japo hujasema kiwango).

    Pia nataka nikufahamishe kwamba suala la kumsaidia kutuma application za kazi ni jambo la kawaida, wala usione kama ni favor kubwa saaana!
    Kwa wanawake walio wengi, wana tabia ya kukosa confidence, hasa inapokuja mambo ya ku'counteract na public, nadhani ana shida hiyo ndogo ya kisaikolojia!

    Hali hiyo humpelekea kuwa na wogawoga fulani, hata wakati mwingine anasahau kuambatanisha vizuri documents zake.

    Sasa, tiba ya jambo hilo si kumwacha ndugu. Kama ana MTAJI wa akili, hiyo inatosha sana. Ungesema ni MBISHI SANA, basi ningekushauri otherwise.

    Lakini, utatuzi wa jambo hili uko katika maongezi zaidi, na jitahidi kuwa MPOLE na kumwonyesha huruma.
    Sometimes utakuta UKALI wako unamfanya achanganyikiwe kila ukiwa mbele yake, nimeshaona situation za hivyo maishani. Hivyo na wewe JICHUNGUZE!

    Kwa mtazamo wangu, huna sababu ya kutosha kumwacha mdada huyo mzuri. Kuna vichwa ambavyo wakimpata, utajuta kumtema!!

    Nawasilisha.

     
  4. A

    AbbyBonge Member

    #4
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Apr 2, 2009
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    Huyo mwanamke ana akili kuliko wewe, na anachofanya ni kuitumia nafasi yake ya uanauke na kukuachia wewe nafasi yako ya uanaume, yaani umuongoze kwa kila kitu, kazi ambayo unaonyesha imeanza kukutoa jasho.
    Isitoshe tofautisha tamaa yako ya kuifikia mipango yako ya maisha na mahusiano yako ya kimapenzi.
    Uliposikia baba ni kichwa cha familia ulidhani wanamaanisha nini?
    Suluhisho hapo ni kuchagua moja, upigane kuhakikisha anabadilika au uwe unasimamia kila jambo analofanya na unalotaka afanye. sawa mdogo wangu?
     
  5. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

    #5
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Jan 22, 2009
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    kwahiyo kama anataka mke achukue mke mradi mke tu? kuna raha yake kuwa na mtu anaejituma/jiamini/mpambanaji kwenye maisha, hapo utakuwa na ka uhakika kwamba hata leo nikiteleza kuwa na kumpiga tafu na mambo yanasonga, sio akiteleza mmoja mteleze wote, kuhusu mrembo nadhaani ana ka uzembe na kupuuzia vitu sana mana hapo kwenye application ndio kaniacha hoi inaonyesha jinc gani asivyo serious na maisha kiujumla.
     
  6. JosM

    JosM JF-Expert Member

    #6
    May 22, 2009
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    Ndugu yangu unajua hakuna mtu kamilifu,kila binadamu ana mapungufu yake,mbona huyu msichana wako hana tatizo kabisa tena inaonekana ana rekebishika huyo.cha muhimu kama ni mtulivu (mwaminifu) ana kufaa.
     
  7. Iteitei Lya Kitee

    Iteitei Lya Kitee JF-Expert Member

    #7
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Jan 2, 2008
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    Wana jamvi nawasoma vizuri nakuchekecha vizuri yote hayo lakni kwa nn haonyeshi ile appreciation ya kile nikifanyacho?
    Ina wezekana ukawa na kazi moja usiyoipenda alafu ukasahau kuomba nyingine itakayo kutoa kule usipopapenda?
    Suala la ubishi kweli nakiri ana ubishi ambao sio wa msingi,kwa mfano niliwahi kumtumia na kumwelekeza nini cha kufanya wakati wa kuomba fursa au kazi lakini yeye anakalia kusema mie sijui chochote na kile anachotaka kufanya.
    au kwa kua twalingana kiumri inakua ndo sababu?
     
  8. nkawa

    nkawa Senior Member

    #8
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: May 11, 2009
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    Huyo mwanamke yuko poa kabisa, ana hali fulani ya kuzubaa (not taking issue seriuosly) ila wewe una papara, na hizo papara zako atakumwaga kabla wewe hunyammwaga. Kwani alivyosoma hadi kufukia hapo alipo ni wewe ulikuwa unamsaidia?
    Take easy man and talk to her!!!!!
     
  9. Iteitei Lya Kitee

    Iteitei Lya Kitee JF-Expert Member

    #9
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Jan 2, 2008
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    Kusoma wanajamvi sio ishu kwani hata mie nimebukua weeeeeeeeee tena saaana tu.Kusoma ni ishu nyingine na kuweza kuhimili mikiki ya kimaisha ni ishu ingine.Unaweza kusoma lakini bado ukawa mtupu au bomu.
    Nlimjua wakati anaingia mwaka wa 3 chuoni yeye kasoma kozi ya miaka 4.
    Suala liniumizalo ni hiyo hali ya kutochukulia mambo siriazi au uzembe.Sio hatari kua mzembe katika maisha?
     
  10. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #10
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Apr 29, 2009
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    Well bwana Iteitei,

    Pamoja na majibu mazuuuuri, Je umeshawahi kukaa naye "kama kamati", na kuongelea kwa urefu juu ya swala hili while you are only two of you?

    -Aliadmit tatizo hilo?

    -Yeye ali'raise madai gani juu yako? maama ni lazima na wewe una udhaifu!

    -Je hujaona kwamba wewe labda ndo msingi wa uzembe wake? (may be you dont appreciate anything she does, na vitu vingine viiiingi!)

    U know what, nna imani huenda umekuwa biased katika tuhuma hizi.

    Usikute umepata nanihiii kule nanihii, ambaye anakunaniiiii......nadhani umenipata... Sasa matokeo yake, una'compare btn ze two!!!
     
  11. Kapinga

    Kapinga JF-Expert Member

    #11
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Nov 20, 2007
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    I have been following this thread quietly but mkuu i will have to agree with you the most..relationship problems are both ways..jus because one partner is doing well na wingine anasota isiwe sababu ya kuvuruga mapenzi..sometimes its egos clashing..us humans are emotional beings...na mapenzi ni mkataba wa mavumiliano..
    In this situation kama huyo mwanamke kasoma mpaka chuo kikuu to me she is a step closer to success!! all thats needed is patience and support mpaka afike aendapo..mtunda yake utayaona mwenyewe...kama boyfriend au mume vumilia na kuwa mpole..hizo expenses and time u spend helping her sio lazma u point out..yeye mwenyewe kama binadamu anaona na anaappreciate labda stress ka zimaisha tuu zinamfanya akupe majibu ambayo wewe unaona kama dharau.
    Binafsi haya nakumbana nayo kila siku...mchumba wangu naye hivyo hivyo very beautiful and smart (university educated). she has lots of dreams and ambitions (but she appears to be talker not a doer) her attention to detail is poor, she never acts on her own or call shots, anaburuzwa na mimi na marafiki zake wote kwa ufupi hana stance, memory yake mbaya and has a short temper ukimsema in my mind sometimes i think kwakuwa ni mchichana pekee kwenye familia yake aliyedekezwa mpaka basi (she is the type to receive 3 to 7 calls a week from her parents, na ukubwa wote huu)..
    Kama anavyo sema mkuu hapa kwa we should also look at our selves as men..kama kunavishawishi au la? mimi binafisi nimegundua kwa kuwa mimi ni overly agressive , i have a huge ego, great memory and likes things done asap and perfectly i tend to throw the pressure on her thinking that she should be like me.
    Tukubali binadamu wote tunatofautiana tuvumiliane ili tuweze kuendelea...
    mvumilie mchumba wako na usichoke kumsaidia...milango yake ikifunguka mtakuwa mnachekelea wote and u can proceed to marriage..

    many of us are on the same boat but it doesnt mean we dont love our women and appreciate them..ni mipango tuu ya kutaka maisha bora ndo maana tunakuwa na hasira sometime..its all love..
    wish ya all the best.
    kwa kweli hii thread imenigusa nyumbani
     
  12. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #12
    May 22, 2009
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    Thanks for the support Mheshimiwa Kapinga.

    Watu wengine tuna midomo mizito kuongea mambo haya , but they do happen daily in our families, tena mengine ni worse, actually they are like the order of the day!
    Unakomaa kijinsia... ndo misalaba hiyo babaake!
     
  13. Kapinga

    Kapinga JF-Expert Member

    #13
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Nov 20, 2007
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    Im with you man, tusiwe waoga kujianalyse wenyewe kabla ya kuanaylse wengine especially those close to us...to me finding a beautiful educated tanzanian woman is a blessing, kila siku nagundua mapungufu yangu na najitahidi kuyashughulikia ili mapenzi yasigonge muamba bila sababu za maana. Ni vitu vidogo vidogo kama hivi mtu unapoteza penzi, what we should keep in mind is how good we got it..kuna watu who have worse problems!!...fight for love and be ready kukutaka na misukosuko..huwa naona wazungu wazee (70+) mume na mke wanashikana mikono barabarani, kitu ambacho hadimu bongo!! (binafsi tangu zinaliwe sijawahi kuona bibi na babu wakishikana hata mkono, na wazazi wangu ndo usiseme kabisaaa)..najiuliza mimi ntafika huko na mchumba kama vitu vidogo tuna stress hadi kuwaza kuachana?...ni maswali ya kujiuliza kila siku kwenye relationship..breaking the ice is key!!! Mnajikuta mnajicheka na kujitania kwa aibu!
     
  14. D

    Dina JF-Expert Member

    #14
    May 22, 2009
    Joined: Sep 18, 2008
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    I support you fully...Mara nyingi tofauti inakuwa the man is over aggressive while the woman wants to take things slowly, kiasi kwamba wako wengine wanaonekana ni wazito kufanya maamuzi. Kama walivyosema wachangiaji wengine, kila binadamu ana mapungufu yake, sasa ni jinsi ya kuchukuliana kwenye hayo mapungufu. Vinginevyo kakaangu, si tungekuwa huko barabarani tunaachana kila kukicha? Kwa sababu siyo kazi ndogo to take in the mapungufus ya wenzi wetu.
    Mimi nafikiri kumuacha wala siyo suluhisho, unaweza ukamuacha na ukaja kupambana na mwingine pasua kichwa ukabaki hoi. Kaa naye kama kamati, na umpe changamoto, kama wa kusikia atakusikia tu, ila don't drag her! Nisikudanganye, I sometime choose to do the opposite myself when I feel that my huz is trying hard to 'force' me to be him! (tabia mbaya eeh?). But it surely makes me feel better! (kwa wakati ule of course)
     
  15. Kapinga

    Kapinga JF-Expert Member

    #15
    May 22, 2009
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    The fact that ur here expressing yourself is a plus! Clearly unania njema na ndoa yako. Mshauri bwana wako apitie hii thread...mimi mchumba anachukia JF, if she only knew navyojiexpress humu ndani...LOL
     
  16. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #16
    May 22, 2009
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    ...Kipenda roho!

    kwa sifa zake hizo hizo usizozipenda, kuna mwanaume mwingine anajiuliza atampata lini.

    ...chagua kuyapuuzia hayo mapungufu na kuyaangalia mazuri yake, ama achane nae ukabahatishe mwanamke mwingine 'mpiganaji' lakini mwenye kasoro zake nyingine.

    Kumbuka, 'hulka' za mtu hazibadiliki.
     
  17. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

    #17
    May 22, 2009
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    jitwike msalaba wako na usonge mbele, safari bado ni ndefu. Naam kwa maana hakuna kati ya hao (wanawake) aliyekamilika na kukosa kumuudhi mwandani wake. Na ndio maana ni vyema kuishi nao kwa akili ili wasitutie vitanzini. Na hii kweli ikae ndani mwenu siku zote.
     
  18. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #18
    May 22, 2009
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    ndugu yangu...hiyo safari yenu to be husband and wife is a non-starter.
    It looks like you want a package ambayo huyo mtu wako siyo kabisa.Endelea kuangaza may be utaipata.Ukiendelea na hali hiyo na huku una dissatisfaction wakati huu wa uchumba, ukija kuoa utaona mapungufu hayo ni makubwa zaidi na ni mzigo mzito sana kwako.Matokeo yake u will live a miserable life.
    Kumbuka kuwa siyo kila mtu atakua na vile unavyovitaka wewe. Labda kaumbwa hivyo mzubao au mtegemezi.Huenda anaweza kupata mtu wa kumchukulia alivyo zaidi yako na maisha yao yakawa poa sana.
    vumilia au move on.
     
  19. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

    #19
    May 22, 2009
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    mkuu hata kama umemfumania uamue tu kumezea, kwangu hapana.
     
  20. Abdulhalim

    Abdulhalim JF-Expert Member

    #20
    May 22, 2009
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    Wewe utakuwa umepata kitu kipya ..unatafuta tu njia ya kum'mwaga..vidume bana..lol
     
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