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Kuishi Pamoja Kabla ya Kufunga Ndoa Kunaua Ladha ya Ndoa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by MziziMkavu, Jul 25, 2009.

  1. MziziMkavu

    MziziMkavu JF-Expert Member

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    [​IMG]
    Kuishi Pamoja Kabla ya Ndoa Kunaua Ladha ya Ndoa Wednesday, July 15, 2009 8:50 AM
    Kuishi pamoja kabla ya ndoa kunaua ladha ya ndoa na wapenzi wanaoishi pamoja kabla ya kufunga ndoa, ndoa zao huwa hazidumu muda mrefu kulinganisha na ndoa za wapenzi ambao huanza kuishi pamoja baada ya ndoa. Ripoti ya utafiti uliofanywa na watafiti wa chuo kikuu cha Denver, Marekani imethibitisha kuwa wapenzi wanaoishi pamoja kabla ya kufunga ndoa huwa na mapenzi yasiyoridhirisha wanapoamua kuoana.

    "Tunafikiria kuwa wapenzi ambao awali waliamua kuishi pamoja bila ya kuwa na mpango wa kufunga ndoa unaoeleweka, huwa na maisha yenye mapungufu ya ladha ya mapenzi ya ndoa wakati wa ndoa zao" alisema mmoja wa wadau wa utafiti huo Galena Rhoades.

    Asilimia 70 ya ndoa zinazofanyika nchini Marekani hushirikisha wapenzi ambao tayari huwa wanaishi pamoja kwa muda mrefu.

    Watafiti hao walisema kwamba ndoa nyingi za wapenzi ambao awali waliishi pamoja kabla ya kuoana huwa hazidumu na huvunjika mapema kulinganisha na ndoa za wapenzi ambao walianza kuishi pamoja baada ya kufunga ndoa.

    Katika kuchunguza sababu za kwanini wapenzi huamua kuishi pamoja kabla ya kufunga ndoa, watafiti waligundua kuwa wapenzi wengi huamua kuishi pamoja ili wawe karibu na kutumia muda mwingi pamoja.

    Utafiti uliofanyika awali ulionyesha kuwa wapenzi wengi huamua kuishi pamoja ili kujaribu uhusiano wao kama wataweza kuishi pamoja.

    Watafiti hao walisema kuwa uhusiano wa kuishi pamoja kama majaribio husababisha matatizo mengi wakati wa mapenzi ya ndoa.

    http://www.nifahamishe.com/NewsDetails.aspx?NewsID=2512186&&Cat=7
     
  2. Killuminati

    Killuminati JF-Expert Member

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    Hell No. Si kweli, moral tunaweza kusema hivyo kuwa its not right. Hizi chunguzi za dunia za kimagharibi sio kwamba zinaweza kuwa applicable kwenye jamii yetu hususani Afrika. Mzizi Mkavu tuletee tafiti ambazo zinahusu jamii zetu rather than comparing us with Americans.

    Killuminati.
     
  3. X-PASTER

    X-PASTER Moderator

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    Killuminati nawe ungeleta tafiti zako ili kuunga mkono maneno yako, si kukataa tu bila ya vidhibiti.
     
  4. R

    Rodelite JF-Expert Member

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    Inategemea na watu wenyewe....mimi niliishi na wife kabla ya ndoa kwa miezi kadhaa...na sasa huu ni mwaka wa 13 tangu ndoa....na Mambo safi tu...
     
  5. Babylon

    Babylon JF-Expert Member

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    Hivi nikulizeni nasikia kuna kabila fulani huko mikowani inaruhusika kuishi na msichana pamoja mpaka mkaza watoto ,halafu ikiwa utahisi hujaridhika unamrejesha kwao hii ni kweli ?kwani wenzetu mnautamaduni wa aina nyingi.
     
  6. Barubaru

    Barubaru JF-Expert Member

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    Hakika hii ni kinyume cha maamlisho ya muumba. Muumba amekataza zinaa.

    Siungi hoja mkono hata kidogo. Ukitaka kuoa basi oa kabla hajala tunda.
     
  7. GP

    GP JF-Expert Member

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    bana lazima kubanjuka kwanza kwa muda, utauziwaje mbuzi kwenye gunia, ukikuta ni chui je utafanyaje?.
    kuishi pamoja kabla ya ndoa ni muhimu, kwani unakua unapata nafasi ya kumsoma na kujiridhisha na mpenzi wako ila msipitilize mpaka mkazaa na watoto lukuki.
     
  8. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 4, 2009
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    ....other people's opinion related to living together before marriage

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By whitep1 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:06 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Recently, there was a social gathering with a prospect and her friends (2 males/2 females). This question was asked by her female friend: "Would you marry your significant other without living together prior to marriage?" As a male with his own home, I said "hell no". So NA family, would you move in together with significant other prior to marriage and if you did move in together, how was the outcome of the marriage? The consensus from the group was live together before marriage gives both an opportunity to see if it will work before finanical investments,emotions, and kids are involved. I have strong moral values and feel the covenant is not established when you live together prior to marriage.

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By andromeda on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:12 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    you contradicted yourself

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By eastatlslim_2 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:14 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Just live together forever.
    Don't get married.

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By eastatlslim_2 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:17 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=-2]I saw that too[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By nopimplesondass on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:19 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Lawd. LOL
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By stlscorpio100 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:25 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    why get married ? whats the point?

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By andromeda on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:28 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    yeah, whisper it, let the "mean one" be all loud! LOL!!!

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By hot_2_def on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:41 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Talking out of your mouth is called "output".

    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By lilmamainny on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:42 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    YES I DID, MY HUSBAND AND I NEVER LIVED 2GETHER PRIOR 2 MARRIAGE

    AS FAR AS THE MARRIAGE OUTCOME U LEARNED MORE AND MORE ABOUT EACH OTHERS GOOD/BAD HABITS,LIKES/DISLIKES

    WE DID NOT HAVE KIDS PRIOR 2 MARRIAGE BUT OVER ALL IT BEEN CHILL
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By alphaamale on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:50 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    i have but i wouldnt do it now...

    "I have strong moral values and feel the covenant is not established when you live together prior to marriage."..but i'll bet your moral values dont stop you from f'in outta wedlock. i dont mean that as a putdown, im pointing out that people make excuses for their bs. a major issue is people either wanna be halfway in or halfway out.
    lets say a couple doesnt want to marry bcus, like you said, "The consensus from the group was live together before marriage gives both an opportunity to see if it will work before finanical investments,emotions, and kids are involved"...so what are they gonna do? dont pay ne bills and not pool their monies to build a better foundation for themselves? live together but keep their love/heart separate from the relationship? leave their kids w/parents or other relatives? thats a ridiculous argument against marriage, w/that mindset, they're sabotaging the relationship. and trying to make it easier for themselves to walk away, whereas in a marriage, most times people try harder to keep it together..
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By eastatlslim_2 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:53 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=-2]Yep[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By one_pritti_gyrl on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:56 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    I don't think you should live together before marriage. IMO it takes all the excitement out of marriage. What's the fukkin point of getting married then if you're already recieving most of the benefits.....a certificate. I don't even attend weddings of associates and friends that lived together before they decided to get married....again what's the fucking point....wasting time and money JMO...SMH
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By rackem___smackemm on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:58 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Get in where you fit in and fukk what anybody else has to say about it. What works for one might not work for somebody else. I've seen folks break up/stay together under all kinds of crazy scenarios. I've found that if you find somebody that wants to put up with the majority of your bullshit and you with hers, then the relationship has a pretty good chance of working out; regardless of the living situation...
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By kchitman on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 5:59 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    You sound like the Tennessee state senator caught fucking his 22 year old intern. He preached about sex outside of marriage, ole' bastud needs to be hung by the testicles from the arch in the Lou'
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By the_mentalist on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 6:00 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1]3 out of the 4 people said live together? [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=+1]There are a lot of people who say test drive the car before you buy it. They apply that same saying to relationships and marriages. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=+1]If you date long enough and get to know that person on other levels outside of sex, then shacking up would not have to come into exists. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=+1]one_pritti_gyrl some people want a wedding and not a marriage.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By andromeda on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 6:01 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=-1]wuss[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By geto_boy on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 6:12 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    heres wut i think .2 me shacking is the best way to learn your otha half.bills pay em,if she helps out its even betta.got kids raise em.if it wuz your house at 1st in most states it YALLZ after marriage.as willie dee would say "if u worried bout a nicca driving yo car livin in yo house when you gone STOP MARRYING DEM HOES YOU WONT HAVE DEM PROBLEMZ"
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By classicdeville on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 6:22 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    I have never lived with a man to whom I was not married. Which means that over my lifetime, I've only lived with two men! If I didn't do it when I was young, I know damn well I wouldn't do it now!

    FOR WHAT? I don't need a training seminar to know what is right and proper toward someone I care about and who is showing the proper care and concern for me.

    I see the many benefits the majority of men derive from shack jobs, but cannot for the life of me see what any woman gets out of it. Especially, if the goal is to lead to marriage.

    I understand that marriage isn't for everyone. In fact, I've never really wanted to be married. But, because I did meet a man that I wanted to be a part of, more than I wanted my next breath, that was what we needed to do. He didn't want to marry either. Had been divorced about 25 years when we met. But, for the good of the whole, he made that commitment.

    If a couple decides to live together, that's totally their right. But to live together as a precursor or practice for marriage is absurd.
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By badmouth on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 6:25 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    If I had to do it AAALLLLLLLLL over again I would definitely live together, cohabit, shack-up, ...what ever you call it before I would marry. And that's cumming from sumbody who been married a long, long time to the same woman....

    It takes a lot of time to really find out about ones self and what it takes for ME to do before I can help make a married relationship work.

    Marraige ain't for everybody. A lot of marraiges fail simply because MARRAIGE AIN'T FOR EVERYBODY!...Ain't nobody evil or hurtful , just wasn't meant to be. You can find that shyt out (sometimes) when you live together..

    But, if I find out you are lazy, sexless, evil, spiteful, emotionless, et al after we are married...Then either that's going to make my life and your life miserable or we going to split/divorce....

    ....Like if I had know that my wifey did not REALLY, REALLY like to suck my dick, I never would have.....had all these good years and my children and grandchildren and the good life I've had had with her...lol[​IMG]
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By kitykat2 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 6:57 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Lmao @ sucking dick as a make or break requirement for marriage. Lawd.. can't get anymore base than that.

    Anyway, I totally agree that the benefit of shacking is more for men and not women, as the division of labor, care, and nurturing of the household and family falls mostly on her shoulder.

    So, NO - I don't encourage it for any woman unless wedding plans are set, ring on finger, and the date's imminent. Screw all that longgggggg drawn out 'milking the cow' mindset of most men nowadays, and of the past 30 years.
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By lickuandsticku_ on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 7:04 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    I think the two are seperate questions:

    If I wanted to live with a woman, I would live with her. Those who think it is morally wrong are as backwards as the kids who want to remain virgins, but have anal and oral sex. If you are having sex outside of marriage, you are already morally wrong, and refraining from cohabitating with someone because of "moral reason is just for show. You don't care to do what is "right". You just want to LOOK like you are doing what's right.

    As far as marriage is concerned, I don't think living with a person determines how a marriage is going to last. Everyone has this fairy tale view of marriage from TV and movies, but the truth is, that if two people live together, there are going to be LOTS of things about each other that trouble them. The point of commitment is to stay together despite those things.
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By succulent_1 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 7:43 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    When I was a teenager, I said I'd never shack up.

    When I was in my 20's, I didn't want to get married but kept dating guys that allegedly did and I ended up shacking twice and was grateful, because I am sure it saved me from marrying both of them.

    Then, in my 30's, I realized that if I lived with a man before marrying him, I'd probably never marry him, so if I thought I wanted to marry someone, I'd better not shack with him, first.

    Now I'm like, WTF, why get married, ever? I'm not having any kids and I've got my own and he'd better have his own (to which his kids will be heirs), so I don't see the point.
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By thechandlers on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 7:54 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    there's no way in fucking hell im playing wife for free

    if u want all the benefits of a wife then (legally) get married

    i never lived w/ my husband before getting married

    and ur setting urself up for failure if u do
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By thenewest_newshit on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 10:08 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Hell NO, as the saying goes "you will never know someone until you live with them!" and that is sooooo true.
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By drummr22 on Monday, August 3, 2009 - 10:41 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Well, I believe U can make an argument for both. My ex lived m/ me 2 yrs before I married her - didn't find out she was "Satan's daughter" until after we married, so there ya go.

    Lickandsticku makes a good point. Lots of folks have a really delusional idea of what marriage is supposed to be like and usually are disappointed. Perhaps I was guilty of this as well, but I didn't know physical abuse and gettin' spit on was part of what "being married" was about... my bad. *shrugs shoulders*

    "Anyway, I totally agree that the benefit of shacking is more for men and not women, as the division of labor, care, and nurturing of the household and family falls mostly on her shoulder."

    UGHHH!!! More poor, poor, pitiful female, "I-gotta-do-all-the-damned-work-around-here", psycho babble bullshit. I'm willing to bet there are more men out there that DO NOT fit into that stereotype than do.
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By kitykat2 on Tuesday, August 4, 2009 - 1:11 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Drummr - none of that was psycho-babble; just common sense truth gained from 50+ years of real-life experiences. As to whether or not more men do not fit 'that stereotype' - well, it's all a matter of perspective, now isn't it?
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By classicdeville on Tuesday, August 4, 2009 - 1:28 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    Psycho-babble my foot!

    In anyone's family, neighborhood, community, church, work situation TODAY, there are significantly more circumstances where a man is not just living WITH a woman, he's living in HER PLACE with her!

    Not saying that some men who live-in might not share an equal or almost equal share of the major expenses; rent/mortgage payment, utilities and food. I am saying that a significant number of these men do NOT contribute to household expenses, nor the various and sundry duties of the household.

    In working for a women's empowerment/self-sufficiency group, I soon learned the single hardest thing for some women to do is help a woman arrive at the knowledge that she's infinitely better off by herself than with a man who is in her home to only eat, sleep and fukk! Even the few who might work, may not feel obligated to take financial responsibility for the household, especially if the woman has children. His logic ... they ain't mine!

    Seeing a woman liberated from that type of thinking is very rewarding. That doesn't mean that same woman can't love a man with all her might. Doesn't mean she shouldn't be as good to her man as she can possibly be. Doesn't mean she isn't free to fukk him until he foams at the mouth.

    It just means that she does not have to provide home and hearth to someone who is at best temporary in her life. But, at worst, he might be someone who uses and misuses her to a point of no return!
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By his_trophy_wife on Tuesday, August 4, 2009 - 1:35 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    interesting topic...

    Hubby and I moved in together after we were engaged. we were already fucking so I didn't see the problem with shacking...sin is a sin. We were engaged for nearly one and a half years before we tied the knot. I didn't consider it playing wifey, hell...we had double bills and we cut down our expenses significantly by moving together. It was more economics than anything! LOL! But we've been together for some years now and our marriage is pretty good. **shrug shoulder** guess i'm one of the lucky ones.
    [SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By nitas_baby on Tuesday, August 4, 2009 - 1:50 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
    I see the many benefits the majority of men derive from shack jobs, but cannot for the life of me see what any woman gets out of it. Especially, if the goal is to lead to marriage.

    @ Auntie(please don't trip cuz of the name...whew)

    well in my case it's not that way.. been married for 10 yrs left hubby ova a year and a half ago.. met the man of my dreams that is a white swedish dude(lawd i hear yall stirin..giggle)
    and he just bout us a house... Yes I'm shackin and luvin it.... as soon as my divorce is final... then we will I gather soon marry...

    but truth be told.. we r soooooooooooo not in the stone age anymore... why not live togetha... u get to see all that a person is.. b4 u say I do... and hell it might make u say uhhhhhhhhh I don't
     
  9. B

    Babuyao JF-Expert Member

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    Ni kweli kuishi pamoja kabla ya kufunga ndoa kunaua ladha ya ndoa kwa sababu: kwanza mnakuwa tayari mmeshazoeana. Pili, hakuna "kipya" tena katika uhusiano wenu. Kila mmoja anajua cha "mwenzake". Hakuna kigeni.

    Utamu wa ndoa ni pale unapokuwa na HAMU ya kukutana na SURPRISE, na kile usichokijua kwa mwenzako. Shauku hii ya kukutana na hicho "kipya" ndiyo utamu wa siku unafunga ndoa. Unakuwa unaisubiri siku kwa hamu. Na mambo ya siku hiyo ya kula tunda la ndoa hutayasahau kwani yanaacha impact kubwa kwa wanandoa wapya. Ndoa hiyo ni vigumu hata kuvunjika hata kwenye shida ngumu. Ndo maana ndoa za wazee wetu wa zamani ambao walikuja "kujuana" siku ya kufunga ndoa zilidumu.

    Kumbe kutoishi pamoja kabla yakufunga ndoa kuna maana sana. Labda niongeze kwamba siyo kutoishi tu bali pia bali pia kutofanya ngono kati ya wachumba wawili kabla ya kufunga ndoa. Wasipoishi pamoja lakini wakawa wanafanya ngono, hata wakija kufunga ndoa hawatakuwa na furaha sana kwani hakuta kuwa na kipya sana zaidi ya -labda- kuwa na mazingira mapya/makao mapya.

    Na hapa ndiyo kwenye shida kubwa. Watu wengi wanaanza na ngono/mapenzi. Baadaye ndio wanafunga ndoa. Hapo hakuna kipya sana kwa sababu tayari wanajuana kwa kila kitu. Hakuna msisimko wa pekee. Ndo maana ndoa nyingi pia zinavunjika kwa sababu wanashindwa "kuishi mapenzi katika ndoa" au "kuishi ndoa katika mapenzi". Inakuwa zahama! Nawasilisha.
     
  10. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 4, 2009
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    Hii si kweli.
    Ukiwa mnaishi kabla ya ndoa mnakuwa na maisha ya raha na fraha tele.
     
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