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Kubebana kabla ya ndoa ni suluhisho la wanandoa??

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Aug 9, 2011.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Aug 9, 2011
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    [h=3]Kubebana![/h]

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    Kwa nini jamii nyingi za vijana wa leo huchukua uamuzi wa kuanza kuishi pamoja kinyumba kabla ya kuoana rasmi na ndipo kuanza maisha?
    Wengi hutoa sababu nyingi mojawapo ni kuokoa fedha za kutumia kwani badala ya nyumba mbili huwa nyumba moja, kutumia muda mwingi pamoja, kuwa karibu kihisia (feelings and emotions), kuzoeana kimapenzi (sexual intimate) pia ni kitu rahisi ambacho hakina gharama.
    Zaidi wengi hutoa sababu kwamba wanaishi pamoja kabla ya kuoana rasmi kwa sababu wanajitahidi kuangalia namna wanafanana na kufahamiana ka undani zaidi na kujaribu kama itawezekana (testing) kuishi pamoja na kuridhika kwamba waoane (wanaogopa kununua mbuzi kwenye gunia) kwa kuchunguzana mazingira ya masaa 24 siku 7.
    Je, ni kweli wachumba kuishi pamoja kwanza hupelekea kuoana na ndoa kuwa imara baada ya kuoana?
    Ukweli ni kinyume chake, tafiti nyingi zinaonesha kwamba watu ambao huamua kuishi pamoja (Cohabitation, common law, kuvutana, kuishi katika dhambi, kuchukuana nk) kwanza huongeza uwezekano wa kuachana baada ya kuoana na mara nyingi wengi hata kuoana huwa inashindikana huku kila mmoja akiwa amejeruhiwa vibaya kwa kupoteza muda wake na mali zake.
    Kubwa zaidi wapo ambao hufikia hatua hata ya kuzalishana watoto na hata kabla ya kuoana huachana huku mwanamke akipelekeshwa na maisha ya kutunza watoto wakati baba anaenda kuona mke mpya.
    Hii style ya kuishi pamoja kabla ya kuoana si lolote wala chochote zaidi ya kupotezeana muda na kuharibiana maisha na kuweka rekodi ambazo huwa gharama kubwa kwa maisha yote ya mtu kwamba aliwahi kuishi na mwanaume au mwanamke a hakuoana naye, unakuwa umejiwekea kibandiko (label) kwamba wewe ni moja ya failures na itaku cost kujisafisha katika ile jamii.
    Kwa nini ni muhimu sana kuoana kwanza na ndipo kuishi pamoja?
    Pamoja na kwamba kuoana kwanza ndiyo utaratibu wenye Baraka wa ndoa zote, kuingia kwenye ndoa si mchezo au jambo dogo (kids game) bali ni agano kati ya wawili wanaoana na Mungu kwa maana hiyo lazima kuwepo kiapo (commitment) kit ambacho hufunga wawili wanaoana kuishi maisha yao pamoja bila kujali nini kinatokea mbele “No matter what”
    Kiapo ambacho unaapa kwa mwenzi wako siku ya kuona ni kukubali kuishi naye maisha yako yote yanayobaki hapa duniani na ni msingi wa ndoa na kwamba hiki kiapo ni unconditional kwamba utaishi naye hata kama ni matajiri au maskini, afya njema au ugonjwa, katika shida au raha, kuwa na watoto au kutokuwa na watoto hadi kifo kitakapowatenganisha.
    Wanaochukuana au kubebana na kuanza kuishi huwa katika risk ya kuachana muda wowote kwa kuwa hakuna kiapo, hakuna ahadi (covenant) hakuna commitment, hakuna furaha ya kweli, hakuna amani ya kweli kwa kuwa si utaratibu wa ndoa na ni njia nzuri ya kuachana na kuharibiana maisha na mara nyingi anayeumizwa zaidi ni mwanamke.
    Jambo la msingi na la kukumbuka ni kwamba unapofahamu kwamba mwenzako yupo fully committed kwako hii husababisha ujisikie vizuri (security) na huweza kuimarisha kujisikia kitu kimoja na wewe ni mali yake na zaidi mnaimarisha ile bond ya kuzoeana na kuwa karibu kimapenzi kwa kuwa unafahamu mwenzangu amejitoa na kunikubali maisha yake yote.
    Kubebana na kuchukuana na kuanza kuishi pamoja kabla ya ndoa ni njia nzuri ya kufanyia mazoezi ya kuachana.
     
  2. BlackBerry

    BlackBerry JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Aug 9, 2011
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    Kule kwetu inaitwa nzogwi twigashe
     
  3. Elia

    Elia JF-Expert Member

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    Big up kaka umemaliza pande zote!
     
  4. Shantel

    Shantel JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 9, 2011
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    makubaliano tu
     
  5. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 9, 2011
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    Sipendi kubeba wala kubebwa. Mambo mengine hata hayahitaji haraka.
     
  6. Gaga

    Gaga JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 10, 2011
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    Kazi kwenu
     
  7. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 10, 2011
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    kani mnabebana ili nini? na kwanini wapenzi waishi pamoja au wafunge ndoa?
     
  8. Mkirua

    Mkirua JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 10, 2011
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    Eti ni kutesti zari.... Kuona kama ni right candidate au Kimeo!
     
  9. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 10, 2011
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    Hivi kwani ndoa ni nini??
     
  10. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Aug 10, 2011
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    <br />
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    Kama vile ulikua unajua ninachowaza,hebu atujibu halafu tumwage hoja!
     
  11. mimyv

    mimyv Member

    #11
    Aug 10, 2011
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    mi cfkiri ivyo...
    watu wangapi wameoana kwa ndoa na mambo mabovu tu? nimeshtuka kuona unaniambia uchunguzi mdogo uliofanyika ..." umefanyika wapi na takwim zinasemaje...???? izi mambo hazina formula, japo kimaadili ya kitanzania yale yalowekewa misingi yanataka ndoa kwanza...itategemea tu mtu unafata nn? kama maadili subiry ndoa au kama unafata upepo basi ufaate vema...
    ni maoni
     
  12. afrodenzi

    afrodenzi Platinum Member

    #12
    Aug 10, 2011
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    Ina raha yake ..
    Usiniulize raha yake ni nini??
     
  13. mimyv

    mimyv Member

    #13
    Aug 10, 2011
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    mi cfkiri ivyo...
    watu wangapi wameoana kwa ndoa na mambo mabovu tu? nimeshtuka kuona unaniambia uchunguzi mdogo uliofanyika ..." umefanyika wapi na takwim zinasemaje...???? izi mambo hazina formula, japo kimaadili ya kitanzania yale yalowekewa misingi yanataka ndoa kwanza...itategemea tu mtu unafata nn? kama maadili subiry ndoa au kama unafata upepo basi ufaate vema...
    ni maoni
     
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