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Kitandani kwetu...

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Palloma, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. Palloma

    Palloma Member

    #1
    Apr 8, 2008
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    Wajameni naombeni msaada wenu wana JF!!!

    Mimi na mume wangu tumeishi vizuri tu kwa muda mrefu mpaka pale alipofanyiwa surgery kubwa ya tumbo mambo yakaanza kuchange. Ingawa alichukuwa muda mfupi kupona lkn alizidi kusumbuliwa na high BP. Kwake ikawa ndio excuse ya kutofanya tendo la ndoa kwa kautaratibu tulikojiwekea.

    SAKATA LENYEWE NI HIVI:
    Juzi nilipata safari ya peke yangu! Niliporudi nilimkuta NO! niliwafumania mume huyo chumbani kwetu akiwa na mwanamke kitandani kwetu...(you know what they were doing)!!!

    Ni kama nilipatwa na shoti ya umeme kwa dakika kadhaa...nilichoweza kufanya ni kutoa simu yangu ya kiganjani na kuwapiga picha kadhaa. Nikaondoka kabisa maeneo yale na kwa kweli mpaka sasa ninalala kwa ndugu zangu!
    Sijui nitaanzaje kulala tena ktk kile kitanda chetu na nihisi raha kama zamani!

    Huwa ninaenda kuchukua vifaa ninavyohitaji, na nilimuuliza kwa nini anafanya vile, anajibu oo eti bahati mbaya shetani kanipitia!!! kakupitia in our bed!!!

    Wana JF, uamuzi ninaoona unafaa ni kumtaliki, kwa sababu amekuwa akinidangaya kwa kisingizio kuwa eti ana presha!

    Lkn kabla sijachukua hatua hii nimeona bora nipate ushauri wenu!

    Please!!!
     
  2. DMussa

    DMussa JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 8, 2008
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    Huyo ni mzinzi tu na anatumia BP kama kisingizio ili ujua hawezi kuperform tendo ilahali anapiga mzigo km kawa huko nje!! Shetani kazidi kusingiziwa kiasi kwamba hata yeye ameamua kuwaacha binadamu watende dhambi kivyao!!!

    Nikiangalia kwa upande mwingine nadhani alifanya makusudi ili ugundue na uondoke umuache aendeleze libeneke na hao mademu wa nje!
    Nina swali kwako.. Je mmebahatika kupata watoto kwenye ndoa yenu?? Cos sometimes kukosa watoto kunaweza kumpelekea jamaa akaanza kutest zali nje ili kuona kama yuko fit!!

    Ninachoweza kusema ni kwamba ndoa ni ya watu wawili na inapogomba kiasi hicho then sio kheri kuendelea kukaa pamoja (ila sishauri talaka)... jaribuni kupeana nafasi! Kila mmoja akae peke yake kwa muda na mtafakari kama kweli mnastahili kuishi tena pamoja au laa!!

    Jaribu sana kutumia busara ktk hili suala na unaweza pia kujichunguza kwa makini kujua mapungufu yako ktk ndoa yalikuwa ni yapi ili uyarekebishe na muendelee pamoja!!
     
  3. M

    Magobe T JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Kwanza pole sana kwa hilo lililotokea. Si watu wote wenye busara na uelewa wa kuweza kukusaidia kwa hili kwani ni jambo gumu. Wengi wetu ni wa tabia hiyohiyo unayoieleza na wengine wetu wanahalalisha tabia hiyo chafu.

    Mimi naamini kabisa anayeomba ushauri huwa (ameshapata wazo fulani au) ameshaamua kitu fulani na anachohitaaji ni 'confirmation' ili asiwe na 'guilty conscience'.

    Ninachoweza kukushauri ni hili: wewe mwenyewe pima uzito wa hali yenyewe na uamue bila kujali kama utakachoamua ni sahihi au siyo sahihi. Hii ina maana kuwa tunapofanya maamuzi fulani inabidi tuwe tumetafakari vizuri na kisha tuamue cha kufanya. Wakati mwingine tunaweza kuamua kitu fulani na baadaye mambo yakawa mazuri na wakati mwingine mabaya.

    Kwa upande wangu, chukua muda wa kutosha kutafakari vizuri: jinsi mlivyoaanza uchumba, ndoa na hatimaye hali ambayo imejitokeza. Tafakari vilevile kama uamuzi wa huyo mme wako umechangiwa na wewe mwenyewe (mfano huenda alikuelewa vibaya wakati wewe ulikuwa kwenye mstari au alipata habari kuwa ulifanya kitu fulani).

    Ninachotaka kusema ni kwamba: kuachana na mtu (hasa yule ambaye mmeishi naye) siyo kitu rahisi. Wakati mwingine unaweza kuwa umedanganyika au uko sahihi. Ndiyo maana mimi nakushauri pata muda utafakari na kupima vizuri hali na bila shaka utakaloamua kama umepima vizuri litakuwa zuri pia (na usijali hata kama utakuwa umekosea).
     
  4. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Ingekuwa vizuri kusikia pia upande wa mume wako. Pamoja na hayo alichokifanya ni makosa makubwa ya kufanya ufuska ndani ya chumba chenu tena kwenye kitanda chenu.

    Sijui mnapendana kiasi gani maana pamoja na kuwa alichokifanya ni kosa kubwa sana lakini watu husameheana hasa mkitilia maanani mlikotoka na upendo uliokuwepo kati yenu.

    Kukaa kwa ndugu si vibaya kwa sasa lakini utakaa huko mpaka lini? Tafuteni watu waliowazidi umri wa pande zote mbili katika ndoa kama mnataka kuyazungumza matatizo yenu na kuendelea na ndoa yenu. Kosa moja haliachi mke, vivyo hivyo kosa moja haliachi mume.

    Tafakari tabia ya mumeo tangu mlipokuwa wachumba mpaka sasa, hakuna binadamu aliye perfect hivyo labda kafanya maudhi madogo madogo ambayo hayastahili kuachana. Kama bado unampenda na pia unaweza kumsamehe alichokifanya pamoja na kuwa hakisahauliki ni lazima akuhakikishie mbele ya baraza la wazee mtakaowaita kwamba kitendo alichokifanya hatakirudia tena na bado anakupenda na pia anaona umuhimu wa kuendelea na ndoa yenu. Vinginevyo inabidi ufungashe virago vyake au yeye afungashe virago vyake. Kila la heri.
     
  5. Mtu wa Pwani

    Mtu wa Pwani JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Apr 10, 2008
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    watu wengi wamechangia na mawazo yao mengi mazuri na yanajieleza wazi.

    si vibaya na mm nikachangia japo kidogo.


    wakati tunaowana siku zote huusiwa huko twendako tutakutana na mazuri ya kutufarahisha na magumu ya kutuumiza.

    lkn yote mawili kila mmoja wetu ana nafasi ya kuchangia ni ss tuna nafasi ya kuchangia furaha ya ndoa zetu kama vile magumu ya ndoa zetu.


    na pia ni jukumu la kila mmoja kumulekeza mwenzie awe atakavyo na hili linahitaji subira na jitihada maana nyinyi si photocopy ya mwengine kwaamba kila kitu chenu ni sawa.

    sasa likitokea tatizo lolote ni kuanza kufikiria tatizo liko wapi na kuangalia ni njia ipi utaweza kumsaidia mwenzio kutatua tatizo hilo.

    juhudi zikipata kwa kufuata misingi tulioieleza hapo juu na hakuna mabadiliko sasa unajua kuwa uwezekani wa kuwa pamoja haupo na mnaagana kiustaarabu tu

    nnakutakia maisha mema na ndoa yenye furaha
     
  6. Bubu Msemaovyo

    Bubu Msemaovyo JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Msamehe SABA MARA SABINI
     
  7. Sanda Matuta

    Sanda Matuta JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Pole...!
    Nashindwa kukuambia chochote zaidi ya hilo neno,wahenga walisha sema huko nyuma ya kwamba "......Ukiona mwenzio ana nyolewa,wewe tia maji...." hii ni kwa wale wote twenye NDOA na wale wanaotarajia kua hivi karibuni.

    Ila nataka ujue ya kwamba hao wachangiaji wote hapo juu wako sahihi kama ukiamua kufata ushauri na ukiamua vinginevyo pia hautakua umekosea.kwani swala hili ni la kwako na wewe pekee ndio mwenye maanuzi ya mwisho.
     
  8. Bonnie1974

    Bonnie1974 JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Sanda Matuta
    Kwa kauli hiyo ya "UKIONA MWENZIO ANANYOLEWA........" unataka kutueleza nini wana JF wenye ndoa na wale wanatarajia kuingia kwenye ndoa?
     
  9. Bonnie1974

    Bonnie1974 JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 10, 2008
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    Sanda Matuta
    Naomba ufafanuzi wa kauli yako " UKIONA MWENZIO ANANYOLEWA.........."
     
  10. DMussa

    DMussa JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Apr 10, 2008
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    I hope s/he means every one should be prepared for the best and worst in marriage!?
    Kama ndivyo basi mimi naungana nae ila nafikiri tunastahili zaidi kutafuta jinsi ya kuweza kupata mazuri zaidi ya yale mabaya!!

    Pole sana dada ila be strong and wise!!! Uamuzi ni wako!
     
  11. Palloma

    Palloma Member

    #11
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Wandugu,

    Nimewasoma!!!

    Kiukweli tulikuwa tunapendana sana,so much so I was so blind to notice any signs!!!

    Kusamehe "saba mara sabini" (hasa kwa wakristo) nadhani ni jambo la kheri, lkn kwa sasa kwa mimi ni gumu jamani, moyo wangu bado mzito sana tuuu sitaweza angalau kwa sasa, nahisi kukosewa heshima, nahisi aibu kwangu licha ya kwamba naye pia ametahayari!!! Mpaka najiuliza hivi nimepungukiwa nini mtoto wa watu mie...
    Hebu niambieni, mkono wako unaotumia kula msosi, ukinyewa na mtu kama mumeo/mkeo/mtoto/etc, je utaukata???

    Nadhani labda nifanye subira, jazba zipungue ndio nitafanya uamuzi. (Wajua kinachoniuma ni the fact that he screwed her in our bed! He didnt give a damn about our bed!! No respect at all!!I know that married men (majority) do cheat, but do it somewhere far! (Im not asking you to do it that way, dont cheat coz kuna kuumbuka...)

    SANDA MATUTA,asante kwa ushauri wako!
    lakini usitake kutisha watu na methali zako!
    Marriage life is like a plant! Waweza kukua na kustawi vizuri,na either kutoa matunda au usitoe. Waweza kukua kidogo ukanyauka! Waweza kufa kabisa!
    All in all unapopanda mbegu, mara nyingi tunategemea uote, ukue, ustawi vizuri ,na mwisho utoe matunda na mbegu nyingine!
    Au sio jamani!?
    ...................
     
  12. Shy

    Shy JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Most of us who have been hurt in relationship do not wish to forgive at all. The result is that we suffer from the pain all our life. We are advised to forgive so that at least we can feel peaceful. If we do not forgive, our own peace is lost forever and we suffer. Forgiveness is for us. To forgive does not always mean that the abuser can continue with the same behavior. You need not tell the abuser that you have forgiven him/her. Let them suffer for what they did. But by forgiving in your own mind, you get peace.
     
  13. Shy

    Shy JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    Forgiving others begins the process of alleviating the pain that we have kept hold of, due to the hurt that the other person has caused us. When you start to forgive the pain will start to reduce and eventually go all together.
    We do not need the other person to ask for our forgiveness to give it to them. Forgiveness is not really between us and the person who sinned against us it is really between us and God. God makes it clear that it is his job to take ‘vengeance', not ours.
    Forgiveness is not an emotion it is a personal choice, effectively an action that we need to perform. We have to choose to forgive and keep on choosing it. When we do this we cut the ties to the emotional hurts and can begin to heal.
    Forgiveness releases us from the bondage of resentment and bitterness and gives us freedom and peace.
     
  14. Sungurawembe

    Sungurawembe JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Jifanye Hukuona Ili Uweze Kusamehe La Sivyo Utatabika Katika Mawazo Ndani Ya Maisha Yako.utashindwa Kuolewa Maana Kila Mwanaume Utafikiria Kuwa Ndivyo Walivyo Kuwa Ni Mawazo Hasi.
    Uamuzi Ni Wako
     
  15. M

    Mama JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Apr 10, 2008
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    ushauri mzuri tu umeshapata kutoka wachangiaji waliotangulia. Jitafakari na wewe pia labda una mapungufu, muulize ili ujue ni kwa nini hasa...yaani what is the root cause of what he did, sio mambo ya shetani kumpitia. Ukumbuke na kufanya HIV test. Za mwizi ni 40, alishakuibia sana na hiyo ni 40 yake; huwezi jua kama alikuibia kwa huyo huyo au alishakuwa na wengine wengi.
     
  16. mbarikiwa

    mbarikiwa JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Pole sana Dada Palloma.
    Mie pia ninakazia kwa washauri watangulizi wangu.
    Kama unaamini kwenye ukristo soma yafuatayo: -

    Mathayo 6:12,14,15;
    Utusamehe deni zetu, kama sisi nasi tuwasamehevyo wadeni wetu. Kwa maana mkiwasamehe watu makosa yao, na Baba yenu wa Mbinguni atawasamehe ninyi. Bali msipowasamehe watu makosa yao, wala baba yenu hatawasamehe ninyi makosa yenu.


    Mwenyezi Mungu katika Jina la Yesu akupe neema ya kuweza kumsamehe Mumeo.
     
  17. Shishi

    Shishi JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Dada Palloma, pole sana na hayo yaliyokufika. the biggest pain is probably to find that the person u love and respect is cheating on you, sasa huyu baba naye kapitisha vipimo kwa kukifanya kitendo hiki kitandani kwenu.

    alot of times we tend to blame ourselves for our spouses' actions, nimeona hapo juu unajiuliza umekosa nini? but sista cease to blame yourself for his greed, hukumtuma? kama mwanamume ni player he will be hata umpe malaika! exonnorate yourself kabisa kwanza, take time to analyse the situation, na maisha yenu, kama kulikuwa na red flags ambazo uluziignore.reflect on youself and your rship, imekuwaje over the years and if things have changed that might have pushed him to do it.

    it is okay to be angry and mad, thats part of the healing process, na msamehe hata kama hamtokuwa pamoja tena, it will help you to move on and have a peaceful start.kumbuka forgiving isnt forgetting, when you forgive you accept the way things are, and try never to bring them up again.

    pole tena dada.
     
  18. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Apr 10, 2008
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    Kufanya subira ni sawa kabisa kabla ya kuamua your next step, lakini hili ni tatizo kubwa sana lazima muwashirikishe watu wengine wa karibu wawasaidie maana hamuwezi kulimaliza hili tatizo nyie wenyewe.
     
  19. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Apr 10, 2008
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    ...whaaaaat? utaratibu mliojiwekea? kivipi? mfano; kila jumamosi au? tatizo la kwanza hilo! sex katika ndoa ni wakati wowote, mahali popote bila wasiwasi wowote, si mmehalalisha mbele ya kadamnasia bwana?

    ...ulipanga kuwafumania ama?, ulikuwa unamjua kabla huyo mw'mke? ulishapata tetesi nini? 'Curiosity'; Mw'mke huyo ni house girl?, au ndugu yako?, au jirani?, au mfanyakazi mwenzie? au nurse alikuwa anampima presha? (joke), anyway, Pole sana.

    ...Nakusifu kwa ujasiri huo, nao walibaki wamepozi tu ukiwa fotoa? au ulikuwa ukiwachungulia dirishani?

    ...wewe ni dereva wa mawazo yako, waweza sana tu kubadilisha negatives kuwa positives. Kitanda ni 'material thing', waweza kibadili/kukiuza kabisaa!, muhimu Mumeo!so long 'bado unakwenda', pia ni part of healing process, au?

    ...pheeew! shukuru mungu kakwambia hivyo, angekuwa hakupendi angekupa jibu ambalo ni sawa na 'mkuki moyoni'!

    ...hapana, jipe muda kwanza. Naamini kila mtu ana mapungufu yake baina yenu ndio maana ikapelekea hali hiyo kutokea. Almuradi maji ndio yeshamwagika, kwa wakati muafaka mkae kitako myaongelee matatizo yenu kinagaubaga,(Peaceful & Honest Conversation) ndipo utapojua chanzo cha YEYE kukosa hamu kabisa ya kufanya tendo la ndoa nawewe.

    Naamini nawe hutorudia 'makosa' (kama yapo) mpaka impelekee mw'ume/mumeo kukosa kabisa hamu ya kufanya tendo la ndoa nawewe kama zamani.

    MUHIMU; usimuache mumeo wakati bado wampenda kwani ni weye utayeteseka na msongo wa mawazo, vile vile ni muhimu kwako kupata angalau majibu ya maswali haya unayojiuliza toka kinywani mwake. Mara nyingi msuko suko kama huu huimarisha zaidi ndoa. Kipi bora, kuziba ufa au kujenga ukuta mpya?!

    Mpe tena nafasi, si zimebakia mbili?!
     
  20. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Apr 10, 2008
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    ...mkono usoweza ukata ubusu!

    ...Uamuzi wa busara sana!, ndio maana ikasemwa; tafakari kabla ya kuamua!

    ...hakuna m'bora anaye cheat far away wala nini, yote mbaya na inauma! ...na hili Gonjwa la siku hizi likimpata yeye na weye nyote safari!

    Jipe moyo, utayashinda majaribu yalokukumba. ndio ukubwa huo, maana kuna wanayoyasikia na kuna wanayowakumba, labda mbora wao ni yule anayejizoa zoa na kuwa stronger baada ya 'mshindo' kumkumba.
     
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