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Kisa cha Mmakonde

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by X-PASTER, Nov 25, 2007.

  1. X-PASTER

    X-PASTER Moderator

    #1
    Nov 25, 2007
    Joined: Feb 12, 2007
    Messages: 11,651
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    Watani zangu Wamakonde wanatabia ya kuchangamkia majina ya vitu vinavyokuwepo mahali alipo au kufuatana na msimu. Enzi zile ilikuwa sio ajabu kusikia mtoto wa Kimakonde anaitwa 'Chipoku au Baichikeli au Koroboi siku hizi sio ajabu ukasikia Mama Ekchpi(Xp) au Choptiwea au Hadiwea, Mauchi au Chkriin au Kompyuta! Usishangae pia ukasikia kijana wa kimakonde anaitwa Laputopu.

    Hata wakati ule wa magari yaliokuwa yakitoka japon(Ujapani) yalipoanza kuingia kwa wingi walikuwepo kina Mama Dachisan, Toyota, Nichani patiroo, Karinya n.k.

    Kisa hiki ni cha kweli kabisa. Na kilitoke wakati nikiwa bado Paster. Mmakonde aliyeishi maeneo ya jirani na Kanisa letu alimua kumbatiza mwanawe. Wakati wa zoezi hilo likiendelea ukafika wakati wa kumchagulia jina mwanae, mazungumzo na Padri aliyekuwa akiendesha ubatizo ilikuwa kama hivi:

    Padri: Ndugu yetu katika Kristu ungependa kumchagulia jina gani mwanao?

    Mmakonde: (Kwa unyenyekevu kabisa na sauti ya upole) Namchagulia jina la "YECHU KRICHTU"!!(Yesu Kristo)

    Padri: Hilo sio sahihi chagua lingine!!

    Mmakonde:(Kwa sauti ya unyenyekevu bado) Nachagua jina la "ACHIKOFU"(Askofu).

    Padri: Hilo pia sio sahihi, chagua lingine!!

    Mmakonde:(Kwa sauti ya upole) Nachagua jina la "Fadha Bikira"

    Padri: Hilo pia sio sahihi, chagua lingine!!

    Mmakonde: (Kwa sauti ya kukata tamaa) Basi nachagua jina la "PADIRI NKUU"!!

    Padri: Hilo pia sio sahihi chagua lingine au tukuchagulie?

    Mmakonde: (Kwa sauti ya kukata tamaa kabisa na ghadhabu kidogo) Chacha nyinyi Wakrichto mna ubaguzi mbona wenjenu Waichilamu watoto wanaita Mwamedi kama ntume wao hawachemi kitu, mimi chitaki tena kumbatiza mwanangu bila ya majina hayo....!!!

    Zoezi hilo likabidi liishie hapo ikiwa pamoja na mshangao kwa waalikwa na viongozi wa Dayosisi/Parokia husika
     
  2. A

    Atanaye Senior Member

    #2
    Nov 26, 2007
    Joined: Oct 31, 2007
    Messages: 152
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    Mbavu sina "Ekchpi,Laputopo... " Duh Imenikumbusha na Mimi wajukuu wangu niwaitaje Waatanaye wa watanaye!
     
  3. Gamba la Nyoka

    Gamba la Nyoka JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Nov 26, 2007
    Joined: May 1, 2007
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    hahahahaaha, ebwanaeeeee, hapa nilipo mbavu sina,
    X-paster thanks man, mambo yako yanatisha
     
  4. M

    Misterdennis JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Nov 27, 2007
    Joined: Jun 4, 2007
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    Yechu Krichtu !!!.. Kali sana . asante X Pastor !!
     
  5. Bubu Msemaovyo

    Bubu Msemaovyo JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Nov 27, 2007
    Joined: May 9, 2007
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    Jamani niko MOI kwa kicheko cha leo, wasi wasi wangu hawa Madaktari sielewi watanifanyia upasuaji gani kimakosa
     
  6. A

    Ally Oda Member

    #6
    Nov 27, 2007
    Joined: Oct 18, 2007
    Messages: 8
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    Duh X-paster we mkali unatisha kama njaa.
     
  7. N

    Nesindiso Sir JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Nov 28, 2007
    Joined: Oct 31, 2007
    Messages: 374
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    Safi sana hii mwanangu!
     
  8. Ibambasi

    Ibambasi JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Nov 29, 2007
    Joined: Jul 25, 2007
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    jamani boss kaingia hapa ofisini na nususra nipigwe kimemo eti kwa nini naleta utani kazini...mbavu sina,actually wewe X-paster sijui tu ulikuwa unahubirir kitu gani kanisani...kwi kwi kwi et Yechu Krichtu!!!
     
  9. M

    Mnolela New Member

    #9
    Nov 29, 2007
    Joined: Nov 8, 2007
    Messages: 4
    Likes Received: 0
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    Mimi sisemi kitu, asante.
     
  10. M

    MaMkwe JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Dec 3, 2007
    Joined: Sep 5, 2007
    Messages: 284
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    Nilihudhuria misa ya ubatizo Upareni. Nako mambo yalikuwa kama ifuatavyo

    Padre: Mama umechagua jina gani la mtoto

    Mama: Lightness

    Padre: Na mama pale mwanao ataitwaje katika kristu

    Mama wa II: Highness padre

    Padre: Mzee na mama mnaofuata kijana mmechagua jina gani la ubatizo wa mtoto wenu

    Mama wa III: Loveness

    Padre: Na bint pale mtoto ataitwa nani?

    Mama wa IV: happyness

    Padre: Bi Mkubwa huyo ni mjukuu wako

    Mama wa V: Ndiyo Padre

    Padre:
     
  11. Mtoto wa Mkulima

    Mtoto wa Mkulima JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Dec 3, 2007
    Joined: Apr 12, 2007
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    Bwa X-paster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 u can't do that!:) how can u make me lough like mad man?
     
  12. X-PASTER

    X-PASTER Moderator

    #12
    Dec 3, 2007
    Joined: Feb 12, 2007
    Messages: 11,651
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    Ndugu yangu Mnolela (Made in Newala?!), unanikumbusha miaka mingi nyuma, kipindi kile cha mapigano kule Msumbiji. Nakumbuka wamakonde wengi waliingia Mtwara kwa njia za panya. Na serikali ikaamua kuwatafuta na kuwaweka wamakonde wote wa Msumbiji kwenye camp maalum.

    Nakumbuka watu wengi walikamatwa wakiwemo Watz na hao wa Msumbiji, tatizo likawa kila mtu anadai kuwa yeye ni Mtz.

    Ikabidi Mkuu wa Kituo cha pale Newala kuwatumia Askari wa JKT watumie mbinu moja ya kuwauliza maswali na kusikiliza rafudhi zao. Na mnajuwa tena enzi zile JKT, walivyokuwa na nongwa... (Kumbuka kipindi kile cha wahujumu uchumi... Nakumbuka kuna jamaa mmoja alikamatwa na sabuni moja ya Lifeybouy... yaani alikoma...!! aAliambiwa apige push up kwa maelekezo ya Afande wa JKT, kwa kuambia hivi... Nikisema UP unakwenda UP nikisema JUU unakwenda JUU, sawaaa... haya Juu... Up... Juu... Up... Juu... Up..., jamaa kaganda ajui afanye nini. Akaambiwa unajifanya Fwara sisi ndo mafwara yenyewe kabisa...)

    Tuendelee na kisa chetu cha Wamakonde... sasa mambo yalikuwa Hivi:

    Baada ya watu wengi kukamatwa na kuwekwa chini ya ulinzi halali wa serikari ya jamuhuri ya Bongo, mahojihano na watuhumiwa yalianza.

    Kulikuwa na makundi mawili, kundi la kwanza (A) ni lile ambalo ni raia halali wa Bongo na kundi la pili (B) ni la kutoka Mchumbiji, I mean Msumbiji...

    Afande wa JKT: Jina Rako rinani kijana

    Mtuhumiwa1: Naitwa Chikirimu...!

    Afande wa JKT: Kaa kure kundi 'B'

    Afande wa JKT: Na wewe ndo rinani...!?

    Mtuhumiwa2: Chigara

    Afande wa JKT: Kaa kureeee... kundi 'B'

    Afande wa JKT: Na wewe...?!

    Mtuhumiwa3: chelikali Kuu (Huku akitoa mimacho kumtisha Askari wa JKT kwa jina lake)

    Afande wa JKT: kaa kundi 'B', tafadhari

    Afande wa JKT: Na wewe jina rako ri nani

    Mtuhumiwa4: chipoti

    Afande wa JKT : kure kundi 'B'

    Afande wa JKT : na wewe...

    Mtuhumiwa5: miye chichemi kitu

    Afande wa JKT: Kundi 'B'

    Mtuhumiwa5: lakini chijachema kitu...( huku akikokotwa na askri kuelekea kundi 'B')

    Afande wa JKT: na wewe

    Mtuhumiwa6: Mi jina langu refu chana...

    Afande wa JKT: sawa lakini tuambie tupate kuandika

    Mtuhumiwa6: Naitwa reli ya kati (akifikiri kuwa kwa kuwa reli ndfu watashindwa kumsajiri).

    Afande wa JKT: iri jamaa rijamaa ra kundi 'B' tuu...

    Afande wa JKT: na wewe...!

    Mtuhumiwa7: Jina langu la ntu nkubwa

    Afande wa JKT: ndio tuambie unaitwa nani...?

    Mtuhumiwa7: (kwa kunong'ona) Naitwa Chintu binti Karume Nyerere

    Kuangalia muda wangu ukawa unaniishia ikabidi niawaache niendelee na shughuli zangu, nikawaacha wakina Chantumavi, uchingizi nuchu, churuali ya nchungu na wengine wakisubiri zamu zao...
     
  13. jesse alibalio

    jesse alibalio JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Jan 17, 2014
    Joined: May 13, 2011
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    Ya kale sana lakini bado ni dhahabu
     
  14. naluhwa

    naluhwa JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Jan 17, 2014
    Joined: Feb 22, 2013
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    Mbung'o kwa nchele.......
     
  15. L

    Lami Member

    #15
    Jan 18, 2014
    Joined: Jan 1, 2014
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    Mi chichemi. Nichije kukachirika bureeee.
     
  16. B

    Bateko Senior Member

    #16
    Jan 18, 2014
    Joined: Jun 26, 2011
    Messages: 107
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    You have made my weekend, we mkalii....
     
  17. r

    richardherman Member

    #17
    Jan 20, 2014
    Joined: Jan 12, 2014
    Messages: 16
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    Ha ha ha aiseeeee we hekoo sana
     
  18. u

    uporo wa wali ndondo JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Jan 20, 2014
    Joined: Dec 3, 2013
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    Hahahahahahahah dah!
     
  19. J

    JAMSHID Member

    #19
    Jan 20, 2014
    Joined: Oct 5, 2012
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    Mi nanyamaza maana enzi hizo hata sijui nilikuwa
     
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