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kila aliyepmenda hakumpata na kila aliyempata hakumpenda!!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mbunge wa CCM, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Dec 12, 2009
    Joined: Nov 13, 2009
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    wapendwa

    kuna mwanamume mmoja mume wa mtu, alikuja kwangu kutafuta ushauri juu ya ndoa yake iliyokuwa na matatizo.

    katika mazungumzo yetu, alidokeza kuwa kila msichana aliyetokea kumpenda maishani mwake alipomtongoza alimkataa, na kila aliyefanikiwa kumpata hakumpenda kabisa na hata hakutaka watu wajue kuwa anatembea naye!

    na mwishowe alioa mmoja wa watu ambao hakuwapenda kabisa na havutiwi nae hata kidogo kwani wote alowapenda walimkataa. matokeo yake hata hafla wanazoalikwa kama mke na mume au "outings" hawaoki pamoja kwa sababu anaona aibu.

    ni wazi huyu mtu ana mapambano ya kisaikolojia, anahitaji msaada, hafurahii ndoa yake, hafurahii maisha, amegeuka kuwaona baadhi ya watu kama wamependelewa na yeye amelaaniwa japo hajui nani aliyemlaani na kwa sababu gani,

    anaamini kuwa hana bahati hapa duniani. amekwishaapa kuwa akitokea mtu akamwambukiza ukimwi atamuua na yeye kujimaliza,! kwani hatakubali dunia imnyanyase kiasi hicho na mwishowe immuue kwa kifo kibaya cha aibu kama ukimwi.

    mna maoni gani hapo? huyu mtu tutamsaidiaje?
     
  2. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Dec 12, 2009
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    Huyu mtu akae akijua kwamba ana matatizo makubwa sana yeye mwenyewe!..How come uwe na coincidences mbaya namna hiyo?

    Ana MKIA nini?...Mwambie aangalie sana tabia zake, huenda ni mbaya na zimetapakaa sana mtaani!

    Mi nijuavyo hata ukiwa na dubwana la sura utampata wako tu...kwa mwanaume haijalishi...huh!
     
  3. Jayfour_King

    Jayfour_King JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Dec 12, 2009
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    Ni bahati mbaya kwamba anakumbuka shuka wakati kumekucha !! Ingekuwa vyema sana kwake kama angeomba ushauri hapa JF wakati mambo bado hayajaharibika angekuwa katika wakati mzuri zaidi kuliko ilivyo kwa sasa. Ushauri kwa sasa: Ajiaminishe kwamba hakuna mtu ambaye ni mbaya kiasi hicho, nadhani ni hisia mbaya na kutojiamini ndio kunamfanya ajifikirie hivyo.

    Kwamba huyo mkewe hatazamiki kiasi cha kushindwa kutoka naye kwenye outings hii mimi siamini, kuna watu wengi tu tena maarufu na wasomi hawana sura za kutazamika lakini wapo kwenye matukio kila siku na hakuna chochote kibaya huwatokea.

    Cha kumsaidia ni kumwambia tu awe na hali ya kujiamini (confidence) hii itamfanya aende mahali popote na mkewe na hakutakuwa na matatizo yoyote. Anajiongezea matatizo ya bure kwa kudhani kwamba mkewe hana mvuto. Inawezekana ni aina ya wale watu ambao wakishapata kitu hawakioni tena kuwa ni cha thamani na hii ni matatizo ya ki saikologia.
     
  4. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Dec 12, 2009
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    siku zote nasema kama kuwa kuna watu ambao kama jambo halijamtokea, hutasema kuwa halipo!

    msikatae kuwa haiwezekani kuwa na coincidence mbaya hivyo, mimi nasema inawezekana. kuna watu wengi japo wanishi na kujizuia kupoteza maisha, lakini hawayapendi maisha. matokeo yoyote ya maisha hayawapi furaha. wameathirika kisaikolojia!

    ndio maana katika fani ya ushauri nasaha, huwezi kupuuzia uwezekano wowote katika maisha ya mtu. shida yake hapa ni saikolojia tu, hata hao aliowapata na ambao anaamini hawapendi, huenda anawapenda kwa dhati bila yeye mwenyewe kujua!

    siku akijua atagundua ana bahati sana. kwa nini? atajiuliza mara nyingi kwamba ni wanume wangapi wanang'ang'aniwa na wanawake licha ya kwama hawapendwi katika dunia hii? bila shaka jibu atakalopata liltakuwa kwamba ni wachache na yeye ni mmoja wao! ndio ikitokea atashangaa. anapata mafunzo ya kuimarisha saikolojia yake na naamini hatimaye atayapenda maisha
     
  5. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Dec 12, 2009
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    siamini kwamba anakumbuka shuka wakati kumwkucha, kwa hali aliyonayo hata angeomba ushauri JF kwa jinsi mijadala ilivyo hapa huenda asingesaidiwa sana.

    nakubaliana nawe unaposhauri ajiamini na ndio msisitizo wangu siku zote, watu wengi hawana furaha na maisha haya wakiamini kuwa kuna maisha ya "kufikirika" yaliyo mazuri zaidi ya haya tunayoishi wote hapa duniani

    kuna rafiki yangu mmoja tulipokuwa shule, aliamini kuwa rafiki yangu wa kike alikuwa mzuri kuliko wasichana wote pale shuleni kwetu, alimtongoza bila kujali ni rafiki yangu, nilpogundua jitoihada zangu za kumlinda mpenzi wangu zinanipotezea muda mwingi, niliacha kumlinda na jamaa akamchukua, walilala nae mara moja tu, walikosana na wote kesho yakewaliniangukia miguuni kuniomba msanaha. msichana alipotea hadi leo sijui yuko wapi, mwanaume tunaonana nmaa nyingi lakini heshima anayonipa si tena ya marafiki bali ni kama baba yake.

    vita ya kisaikolojia usiombe ikupate!!
     
  6. N

    NasDaz JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Dec 12, 2009
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    I need to take a deep breath first, coz' this is a very serious issue! Honestly, alifanya kosa kubwa sana kuoa mtu ambae hakumpenda!! Mara nyingi, maamuzi kama hayo yanaishia majuto. Kwanini alioa mtu ambae hakumpenda? Was it like a square peg in a round hole!! Anyway, nazani maji yashamwigika. But u knw wht?For the time being, hana namna, ameshaji-commit! wht abt the lady? anampenda huyu mheshimiwa? Kama anampenda, nae hana budi ku-learn namna ya kumpenda mkewe. Watu tunahisi huwezi kuji-tune kumpenda mtu, this’s wrong! You can do it, and may be very sucessfuly! Sio kwamba aseme “sasa naanza kutaka kumpenda mke wangu!” NO, absolutely, not like that. The biggest mistake anayoifanya ni kumnyanyapaa mkewe. Lazima ajilazimishe kuwa karibu na mkewe kila unapopatikana muda wa kufanya hivyo.Na endapo harakati za maisha zinawafanya wasiwe na muda wa kuwa pamoj, basi hana budi kuutafuta muda huo the same way anavyotafuta maisha-am sure, ataupata! You knw wht? Awe anatoka nae mara kwa mara na kwenda kwenye burudan. Aidha hata kama sio mla bata, si mbaya at least once a week wakiwa wanaenda bar hata kama ni kwa ajili ya dinner au soda. Kule kila atakapokuta macho ya walevi na wakwale wanaomtazama kwa uchu mkewe, lazima ataanza kujenga something like WIVU! Jamaa vipi, ana usafiri wake? Kama ndio, na kama sehemu wanazofanyia kazi hazipo mbalimbali san, basi angalau mara tatu kwa wiki, wawe wanapata lunch pamoja. Awe anamfuata wife kwa ajili ya lunch, na wakati wa kurudi nyumbani, awe anampitia ofisini ili warudi wote! Kila wanapokuwa pamoja, ndipo atakapouona uzuri wa huyo mwanamke kv atashuhudia wanaume wanavayomkodolea macho mkewe!! Unajua nini, inawezekana huyo mwanamke asiwe mzuri, lakini macho ya wanaume hayachagui! Am telling u, kila atakavyojitahidi kuwa na mke wake, taratibu atajikuta anaanza kumpenda na kum-miss pale anapokuwa mbali nae!!

     
  7. Lady N

    Lady N JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Dec 12, 2009
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    my self nilipendwa na mwanaume ambaye sikuwahi hata kumfikiria katika akili yangu, lkn alinipenda kwa dhati na nikatambua hilo, slowly nililearn kumpenda and now he is my lovely husband. ananipenda, ninampenda na akiwa mbali nahisi nimepungukiwa.

    huyu ndugu siyo tu kwamba hampendi mkewe, ila kisaikolojia ameathirika, kama hatabadili anavyomfikiria mkewe itakuwa sio ndoa hiyo ni ndoano.

    most of wanandoa wameaoa tofauti na walivyopenda tangu mwanzo, ni wachache sana waliooa wapenzi wao wa ujanani
     
  8. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Dec 12, 2009
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    Ni sawa unachosema..

    Hii ni kwasababu jina lako NPL = Non-Problematic-Lady!

    Jina la mtu linawasilisha uhalisia wa maisha na mambo yake!
    Hongera kwa hilo...Iwish i was the Lucky man!
     
  9. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Dec 12, 2009
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    nimefuurahi nddugu, umenisaidia sana kwa mawazo yako.

    kama nilivyosema huyu mtu ameathirika kisaikolojia, anahitaji kitu kinaitwa psychological training apate kujitambua. anaishi humu duniani, lakini matarajio yake ni katika ulimwengu wa kufikirika, si ulimwengu halisi huu tunaouona. ninachomshauri siku zote ni kuwa aliyemuoa anampenda ila hajui kama anapenda!

    kuna wakati katika ushauri naaha huwa tuna fika "mbali" mfano unataka kujua kwa mfano kwa usiku mmoja au mchana mmoja "anatia nanga" mara ngapi akiwa na huyo mwanamke. ni vigumu kusema hapa. ila hakuna tofauti sana na wale wanokiri kuwa wanawapenda wake zao,

    ufanisi wa kupata faragha na mkewe unategemeana na psychological training, maisha ni magumu, lakini ndoa usipoifahamu ni kutu gani, inaweza kuwa ngumu zaidi ya maisha yenyewe
     
  10. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Dec 12, 2009
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    katika lugha rahisi kuelezea, kuna mapenzi aina nne:
    1 apenzi ya kujifunza
    2. mapenzi ya mlipuko
    3. mapenzi ya asili
    4. mapenzi ya dhahania

    ya kujifunza ni kama hayo yako, ya mlipuko ni yale yale ya ghafla, mfano mtu anampenda mtu aliyekutana nae kwenye daladala, ya asili ni yale yanayotolea kati yako na mtu uliyeamini tangu zamani(kabla) kuwa mtu wa aina hiyo ndiye mzuri. mfano kama uliamini kuwa mwanaume mwenye mustachi nadhifu ndiye mzuri, ukikutanana wa aina hiyo ukampenda, basi ni mapenzi ya sili. au mwanume akaamini kuwa mwanamke mwenye umbo la "namba nane" ndiye mzuri, basi akikutana na mwanamke wa aina hiyo akampenda, basi ni mapenzi ya ssili.

    mapenzi ya dhahania hujengwa na "picha" inayoingia kwenye ubongo kupitia njia za fahamu (kuona, kusikia, kunusa, kuhisi na kugusa) mfano katika masimulizi au maigizo kama kupitia tamthiliya za televisheni unaweza ukaamini mwigizaji kama "Irine uwoya" ni mzuri. ukipata mwanamke wa aina hiyo ukampenda, yatakuwa mapenzi ya dhahania.

    yote haya ni mapenzi na yanaweza kujenga ndoa imara. muhumu ujitambue na kumheshimu mwenzako kwa ridhaa aliyokupa maisani mwake
     
  11. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Dec 12, 2009
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    PJ unapaswa kubadilika!

    jina la mtu linabaki kuwa jina tu, haliwasilishi kwa vyovyote uhalisia wa mtu. mfano mimi najiita mgombea ubunge lakini najikita zaidi kwenye masuala ya ndoa kuliko siasa!

    usimhukumu NPL kwa sababu ya jina lake, jibu hoja yake.

    yeye amesema ameolewa na mtu ambaye hakumtarajia maishani mwake. na hili ni jambo la kwaida. tumpongeze dada yetu kwa kuamua kuishi katika ndoa kwa amani na utulivu, kwa sababu aliamua kupuuza ukweli kwamba hakumpenda kabla. na hapa anakiri kuwa mumewe anampenda na wote wanapendana.

    naona mwishoni umeonyesha kuwa unatamani kam ungekuwa wewe katika uhusiano huu, kama una tatizo na ndoa yako, sema hata kwa Pm usifiche, kama huna usitamani ndoa za watu, angalia yako isijegeuka ndoano

    idumu ndoa hii na ijae baraka za Mungu. amina
     
  12. ngoshwe

    ngoshwe JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Dec 12, 2009
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    Mgombea Ubunge, Heshima mbele Mzee,

    Kama Jambo hili halipo nyumbani kwako (la kuhusu we mwenyewe), tafadhali jaribu kumsaidia huyo jamaa yako na kama ni mwenyewe, usipime uzuri wa mkeo kwa kuangalia mke wa jirani yako ukadhani umepotea.

    "Wanawake wote wapo sasa Kwa kile wanaume wanachohitaji kwao!"

    Kama ni jamaa yako, basi huyo jamaa kichwani hajajua tafsiri ya "kupenda". Kupenda kunaanza na kutamani, na badae ni hisia zako ndizo zinakuwezesha uone kile ulichonacho ni chaguo au si chaguo sahihi (unakipenda au ukipendi).


    Kwa kawaida mapenzi ya mtu mke na mtu mume ukamilishwa zaidi na kubadilishana hisia, hata katika tendo la ndoa kama huku mridhisha mwenzio, ataonyesha huna pendo juu yake nae ataanza kuto kukupenda. Peniz la mke na mume lina mapana ya tafsiri, kwa wanandoa huwa inasemwa wao ni kitu kimoja lakini wakati huo huo bado katika umoja wao kila mmoja anahitaji kuridhishwa na mwingine, kwa mfano usipo mfikisha mwenzio anapopataka, hisia zake zitahama kwako na kuona humpendi, au una mwingine unayemfikiria wakati unapokuwa na yeye!.

    Saikolojia inafundisha kuwa mapenzi yanaweza kuwepo pia kwa kulazimisha ni kama mazoea yanavyojenga tabia! (induction, intution etc). Akilin mwako ukiona kitu fulani ni kibaya, pengine ni hisia zako na inaweza isiwe hivyo kwa mwingine.

    Kwa kawaida penzi huwa linaendana na kupenda "tendo au kitu fulani ambacho mtu anakuwa nacho. Kwa mfano ukisema unampenda mwanamke uthibitisho wa pendo lake kwako utafsiriwa na vile ambavyo huyo manamkea anavyo> ukitakiwa ueleze kwa nini unampenda jibu lako linaweza kuwa "ana sura nzuri, anamvuto machoni kwa watu, ana umbo lenye mvuto, mcheshi, mkarimu, mpole, ana adabu, anajua kushughulika, anajituma, sio mchoyo, mwelevu, ana busara, anatoka katika familia tajiri, ana hela, tunaendana tabia, sio mhuni, amesoma, anajua kupika, anaweza kulima, mweupe, mweusi wa asili, mbunifu wa mambo nk nk.

    Vionjo vinavyokujia moyoni na kuutafsiri uzuri wa mkeo mara nyingi ujengwa na jinsi anavyoendelea kudumisha vile ambavyoo wewe unaona vinakufanya umwone mzuri. Hivyo vikipungua au kubadilika penzi huwa mashakani na ndio maana unakuta watu wazima wengi huwa mara chache sana wanapenda kuambatana na wake zao...





     
  13. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Dec 12, 2009
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    mzee nashukuru kwa mawazo mazuri, nimepata mengi sana kwa mchango wak huu. kwanza itoshe tu kusema kuwa si mimi.

    pili shida ya huyu ndugu (kama ulivyokwishabaini) ni saikolojia yake! hakuna kingine kipya. ukitibu saikolojia yake, umemaliza kazi.

    kuhusu mmchakato mzima wa jinsi mapenzi yanvyoanza na kufikia ukamilifu wake, ni nadharia pana, hata ningeifafanua kwa kifupi hiyo induction theory haitatosha kwa wasaa huu hapa jamvinki. muhimu tukubali kuwa nadharia hutoa mwanga wa namna ya kukabili hali halisi na si vinginevyo. maisha tunayozungumzia ni maisha halisi na si nadharia.

    kwa hiyo naamin kuwa kwa kuwa si watu wote wa elimu jamii ya kutosha, basi mazungumzo shirikishi na jumuishi yana nafasi kubwa ya kusaidia
     
  14. Shishi

    Shishi JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Dec 12, 2009
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    Hapo hapo pekundu...PJ nawe umo! Ushamalizia acronym kwa mapema... duh!
     
  15. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Dec 13, 2009
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    inawezekana ndivyo ulivyo kweli??? haha...
    wasaidie wengine ushauri basi, maisha yawe bomba.........
     
  16. Lady N

    Lady N JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Dec 13, 2009
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    as far as ur happy to call me so, its ok, but if realy want to know the realy meaning of npl, just send PM
     
  17. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Dec 13, 2009
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    ok mie naku PM sasa hivi, inaweza kuwa interesting, si unajua tena sie washuri nasaha?
     
  18. m

    madule Senior Member

    #18
    Dec 13, 2009
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    He is focusing so much on what he doesn't want as a results it eats him again and again. the way foward is to advise him to focus on liking,loving her parter and eventually he will like her than ever and taking her along will not be a big deal.
    what you focus and feel.... is what manifests.... with no exception!
     
  19. M

    Mbunge wa CCM JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Dec 13, 2009
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    mkuu, nimekupata sawasawa, ila hapo nilipokoleza wino nadhani panahitaji tafakuri zaidi.

    Kwenye elimujamii(sociology) huwezi kupata fursa yoyote with no exception! Everything has exception though difer accourding to situations. Kweli, anapata psychological training na naamini ata-recover from the lost selfconception and experienced own missconceptions
     
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