Kerry Katona's TV bombshell: I just want to be on my own but Mark doesn't know yet EXCLUSIVE by Lara Gould, TV Editor 20/06/2010 Troubled star tells film crew her marriage is a 'dead end' Troubled Kerry Katona told a film crew she planned to ditch husband Mark Croft... BEFORE sending him a text saying their marriage was over. Wiping away tears the 29-year-old mum-of-four is seen this week at her lowest ebb, puffing hard on a cigarette and sobbing: Its so f*****g hard. Sometimes I think I do love him. But I know its a dead end. I just want to be on my own. Thats the way I feel at the minute. He doesnt know that yet though. The scenes give an astonishing insight into the ex-Atomic Kitten stars chaotic home life as her three-year marriage crumbles. Kerry was filmed months after she was caught snorting cocaine and dropped as the face of supermarket chain Iceland. Plates of half-eaten food cover the work surfaces, and the *house is littered with dirty laundry. Viewers will also see Kerry: DUMP Mark by text hours after admitting she wants out of the marriage SOB as she tells him: Im not in love with you any more ADMIT she wants fame more than him THREATEN to smash her *childrens heads. DANCE to a song about drug-taking with the children around REVEAL she has her daughters names tattooed on her wrists to stop her slashing them. Kerry, declared bankrupt in 2008 amid claims her husband frittered away her £6million *fortune, tells Channel 4 *documentary-maker Lynn *Alleway: F**k Mark. I dont give a s**t about Mark. I just want to be on my own and concentrate on my kids and my career. I know it sounds *selfish and shallow but I dont want the life hes got. I want better. He doesnt know any of this. But I am not happy. I feel I have this weight on my shoulders and cant get rid of it until I am free. Advertisement - article continues below » Hours later Kerry dumps Mark by text. And two days later, *wearing a *microphone, she tells Mark there is no way back for the three-year-marriage. She says: Mark, Im serious. Its over. He replies: I know its over, but why? Its all right. I will survive. Its fine dont cry. Kerry, who later admitted she had kissed and swapped text messages with fitness trainer Kevin Green on a GI Jane *bootcamp, says afterwards: Marks *convinced Ive slept with this other bloke but I havent. The star, now dating decorator Adam Waldron, breaks down again as she talks of her problems with life coaches Nick and Eva *Speakman. Kerry, who has *admitted spending days in a row in her room *taking drugs during her *marriage, tells the couple: I dont want to go back to how I used to be. I know if I stay with Mark, in two weeks Ill be back to how I used to be. Kerry, who had just begun a bootcamp *regime, dropping from a size 14 to a size eight, adds: I am out jogging every *morning, Im doing my circuit training. But if I stay with him hell turn that round and itll be all about him and it will be Mark in control. Now managed by Claire Powell, who turned model Jordan into marketable Katie Price, she says getting rid of Mark is her only chance of *recapturing the *popularity she enjoyed after winning Im a Celebrity... in 2004. No one will work with me while Im married to Mark because they think Im unreliable, she says. That isnt why Im leaving because I want my career more than I want him. Well, I do actually. In other scenes Mark bellows at daughter Heidi, two, and seven-year old stepdaughter Lily, from Kerrys marriage to ex-Westlife singer Brian McFadden, telling them: You know what? Im about to smash your heads in. Then Kerry tells Lily and Molly, nine, her other daughter with Brian: Shut your face or Ill smash your head in. In another scene Kerry filmed snorting cocaine last August when her oldest *daughters were believed to be in the house dances and sings along to a song about drugs as the girls eat their breakfast. The Dr Hook lyrics *include: I got a freaky old lady/ name a cocaine Katy. Also at breakfast Kerry says to the children: You miserable bunch... theyre boring. Their nanny Gemma tells them: Its all right. Well get your mum back down to our level soon. Bi-polar Kerry had her girls names tatooed on her arms and reveals: Before I came off medication I felt suicidal. Thats why Ive got Mollie and Lily on my wrists.