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Katika pita pita kwenye net nimekutana na hii Murphy's love laws

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by kasimba123, Aug 16, 2010.

  1. k

    kasimba123 JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 16, 2010
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    Murphy's love laws


    • All the good ones are taken.
    • If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.
    • The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
    • Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
      This constant is always zero.
      Sent by Van Den Bossche Jochen
    • The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
    • Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
    • The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
    • Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
    • Nice guys (girls) finish last.
    • The good ones die first.
      Sent by Henry
    • If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
    • Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
    • The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
    • Nothing improves with age.
    • No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
    • Sex has no calories.
    • Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
    • There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
    • Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
    • No sex with anyone in the same office.
    • Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
    • A man in the house is worth two in the street.
    • If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
    • Virginity can be cured.
    • When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
    • Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
    • The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
    • Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
    • It is always the wrong time of month.
    • The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
    • When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
    • Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
    • Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
    • The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
    • It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
    • Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
    • Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
    • There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
    • Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
    • Love is a hole in the heart.
    • If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
    • Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
    • Do it only with the best.
    • Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
    • One good turn gets most of the blankets.
    • You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
    • Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    • It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
      Anonymous comment:
      The person who said that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...NEVER loved and lost!
    • Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
    • Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
    • Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
    • Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
    • A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
    • What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
    • It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
    • Never say no.
    • A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
    • Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
    • Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
    • Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
    • A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
    • Love comes in spurts.
    • The world does not revolve on an axis.
    • Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
    • Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
    • Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
    • There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
    • Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
    • Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
    • "This won't hurt, I promise."
    • Nothing improves with age.
    • An ex-wife/husband will always be "till death do us part".
      Sent by Leesa.
    • When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.
      When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears.
    • It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
    • Although it may seem like that on the outside, no one is having fun being single
    • If you're heart is broken, sweep up the pieces.
      There will always be someone who will want to put it back together.
      The last four laws were sent by David
    • Love and high-school must NEVER go together.
      Sent by GonzRock
    • If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?
      Sent by Ray Williams
    • Show me a husband who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will
    • It doesn't matter HOW good it was, if you end up worrying or regretting it, it was bad sex
    • You get the best sex from the worst one for you
    • Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed
    • No one is as fascinating as they think
      The last two laws were sent by Jack Betz
    • If you believe a relationship can't work, but feel the need to try, it won't.
      Corollary: You will later find out that your lack of belief caused it to fail.
      Sent by Greg
    • The duration of a relationship to a person is inversely proportionate to the importance of person to you.
      Sent be Sweatnpup
    • The Key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.
      Sent by Finding Forrester.
    • The two thing no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damm fools over women.
      Sent by Jack Betz
    • Love makes believers of us all.
      Translation: Love obscures common sense.
    • Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague.
      The last two laws were sent by Greg
    • If you go behind a girl you are heading to trouble.
      sent by Pradeep S.
    • In the eternal battle of the sexes, women are already the winners.
      Sent by Jack Betz
    • When with your girlfriend you will always have gas.
      Sent by Steve Barrett
    • Celibacy is not heredity.
      Sent by king Ed
    • The hornier someone is, the less likely that it will be they have sex.
      Corollary Horniness is inversely related to one's chance of scoring
    • The man shalt not win the argument he started
    • The man shalt not win the argument he didn't start
    • If a man won an argument, it was just in his head
    • (for the ladies) Try and try as you might, there will still be times where men are just assholes. We can't help it and we're sorry
    • A love will tell you they love you endlessly. A true love will tell everyone else they love you endlessly despite the embarrassment factor
    • When all else fails, have hope
      The last 7 laws were sent by David
    • Eichel's Rule - During sex, try to sweat
      Sent by Bird Waring
    • In Romance; and in Finance we play with Figures.
    • A cauliflower resembles a rose, if your eyesight is not 6/6
    • Before falling in love do take your backup, it always helps in recovery.
      The last three laws were sent by Asim Qadri
    • if a man has it he won't want it,
      the guy who buys it won't use it,
      the guy who uses it could give a shit about it,
      so don't give a shit and you will have it all.
      Sent by Ervin the Dray of USA
    • Love has all the answers. But till then sex brings up some good questions.
      Sent by Vic
    • Sex on the TV can't hurt you unless you fall off.
      Sent by Natalie
    • Anticipation is 98% of the pleasure
      Sent by judester013
    • The amount of members of the opposite sex you pursue is inversely proportional to pretty much everything about you, such as intelligence.
      Sent by Albert Yao
    • If you are interested in someone, a close friend will grab their attention.
      This is especially likely if they:
      A.) Don't want the attention of said person and/or
      B.) Are already dating someone else
      Sent by Jamie
    • The ABC rule:
      If A is attracted to B, and you are attracted to C, A has a better chance with B than you do with C.
      B and C are often the same person.
      Sent by Randall Wald
    • The uglier the girl the closer she lives.
    • If any things will happen on the first date, you won't have a condom.
      The last two laws were sent by Doug
    • The size of the pencil is not as important as the quality of the writing.
      Corollaries: The quality of the writing is affected by the quality of the paper.
      Regardless of how well one writes, it is difficult to write at all unless there is lead in the pencil.
      Sent by Scott.
    • Marriage is the greatest leveler.
      Sent by Prashant Talnikar
    • Girls are like toilet rooms. Either it is taken, or full of sh*t.
    • If you're having difficulties choosing between potential two girls, you'll always pick the wrong one.
    • If it seems perfect today, tomorrow it will end.
    • If a girl tell you "let's stay friends", she won't call ever again. If you call, she won't answer.
    • You'll always catch fever before the first date.
      The last four laws were sent by The Sorokman
    • Never make love in your back garden. Love is blind, but not your neighbors.
      Sent by The big boss.
      Or in another version:
      Don't make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain't.
      Sent by Shannon
    • Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener
      Sent by Frepp
    • When it comes to love and lost, doing the right thing always hurts.
      Sent byNicole Pedroza
    • Being honest with someone will always turn that person into an enemy.
    • When you're girlfriend says that you have to talk the relationship is over.
    • The day you decide to tell you're girlfriend you could not live without her she will leave you the next day.
    • You're best friend stop being you're best friend the instant a beautiful woman walks in and you both are attracted to her.
    • The more you want a women the least she will want you.
      The last five laws were sent by Eric Guilbault
    • When she says: "Don't buy me anything expensive" and you listen, expect to be single.
      Sent by Steve
    • Even the most beautiful woman in the world has at least one guy who is tired of her.
      Sent by Bill
    • If you marry a beautiful girl she'll turn into her mother.
      If you marry a plain girl she'll turns into her dad.
      Sent by Jim T
    • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. But they never said anything about their daughter.
      Sent by Edgar
    • The mother of the man, or the father of the woman you love will invariably hate you.
    • The best men (or women) are always taken--or crazy.
    • When you take your time getting ready your date will arrive 20 min. early; when you're on time they're 30 min. late.
    • As soon as you break up the man (or woman) who couldn't commit TO YOU will get married.
      The last four laws were sent by Acacia Anderson
    • A good women/men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken.
    • Procrastination is a lot like masturbation, it feels good until you realize your just fucking yourself
      Last two laws were sent by Ryan Shuck
    • Women are like boats: they require constant maintenance and attention, and they cost a lot of money.
      Men are like buses: another one will eventually come along.
      Sent by Neil
    • Never forget: Don't **** with Mrs. Murphy!
      Sent by Dave Holloway
    • Kracke/Malenka Law:
      Good from far, far from good.
    • Walter/Kerwin Law:
      Any good looking person you see that isn't alone, will be accompanied by a person of the opposite sex who doesn't deserve to be with them.
      The last two laws were sent by Warneke
    • The length of a relationship is directly related to how much you are attracted to your significant other best friend.
    • No woman\men is better than two
      The last two laws were sent by Bangi
    • Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question - YES is the answer.
      Sent by Ross Henderson
    • Romanceis when common sense flies out of the window.
    • Being told your the nicest guy they know is the kiss of death.
      Sent by Ryan Shuck
    • Everybody is most horny when alone.
      Sent by Timothy Boilard
    • Beauty is directly proportional to the number of drinks consumed.
      Corollary: Beauty is also directly related to the time remaining until last call.
    • The other side lawyers are always better then yours.
      The last two laws were sent by Murphy
    • the partner you want don't want you. The ones that want you are not made for you.
      Sent by Argiris
    • Any "Why" question, has no answer, and if it does, that answer is not logical.
      Sent by Alexandra
    • Love will cause people to do stupid things.
    • Loving someone to much may be cause for a restraining order.
    • If you love a person let them go. If they don't come back they weren't worth it.
    • Sex ends all interest.
    • Cute now equal annoying later.
      The last five laws were sent by Nicolina DiRuscio
    • Not everything takes longer than you expect.
      Sent by Suresh
    • It's only kinky the first time you do it.
      Sent by Brian Clinton
    • Halmos law:
      To get your significant other you need: Time. Money and Energy.
      The sum of the three is constant.
      If you are short of one of them, you need quite a lot of the remaining two.
      If you are short of two of them, you need tremendous amount of the remaining one.
      If you are short of all the three, no hope.
      Otherwise the result is always success.
      Sent by Tony Halmos. Age: 67
    • The love of your life will only want you back once you are in another serious relationship.
      Sent by Ana M.
    • You don't pay for sex, you pay him/her to leave after you're done.
      Sent by Ryan Shuck
    • Beaches law:
      If you think a girl is beautiful, her boyfriend will always be there to confirm it.
    • Seduction law:
      Your seduction potential is inversely proportional to your willingness to seduce
      The last two laws were sent by Sylvain Galibert
    • The most intelligent statements will be thought of at the most inappropriate times. (i.e. during a make out session, strike up a law of Quantum physics, thus demonstrating that you are not interested in the other person).
      Sent by David Poole
    • You never truly know a significant other until you meet him/her in a court of law.
    • No matter how beautiful/wonderful s/he may seem to be, there's always someone out there that's sick and tired of his/her s**t too.
      The last two laws were sent by Bob.
    • The boyfriend of the girl you like is a ...
      Sent by C
    • If (s)he wants to dump you, (s)he will find a reason.
      or
      If (s)he wants to dump you, (s)he will.
    • (wo)man = time + money
      time = money
      (wo)man = money2
      Money = √evil (money is root of evil)
      man = evil
      Sent by AFsoldier
      I know the math here doesn't hold. but it's funny, so I'll leave it here.
    • Marriage is like a dog with a bone, he might not touch it, just doesn't let another dogs come near it.
      Sent by Airbornemonty
    • Everything that glitters, is not WET.
      Sent by Ashish Chandra
    • When you finally bed the attractive blond/e, s/he'll nick your wallet and watch.
      Unless you owe him/her fifty quid.
      Sent by Ed Smith
    • Marriage is the ending of a perfectly good sex life
      Sent by askingduncan
    • Albert Einstein Gravity Law
      Gravity cannot be held responsible for 2 people falling in love.
      Sent by John A. Oxford
    • The difference between love and the common cold is that for the common cold there is a vaccine.
      Sent by Takura Razemba
    • The Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson law for celebrity couple Persona-polarization:
      The most beautiful women in the world, always marry the most ugly men.
      The Carmen Electra/ Dennis Rodman corollary
      The most beautiful men in the world ALSO marry the most ugly AND most crazy men in the world.
      Sent by Bob Schreib Jr.
    • If you love her/him, s/he doesn't love you
    • If you are in love, he/she isn't
    • If you want love, you don't get it
    • If a beautiful wo/man loves you, it's fake
    • If you are happy together, wait till you are married
      The last five laws were sent by Stefan Farkas
    • It's always the quiet ones that have the two dozen corpses in their basements.
      Sent by Bo Zhang
    • love can be your best friend and/or your worst enemy
      Sent by Jennifer W.
    • Wedding cake cures nymphomania.
      Sent by Juggy
    • Everyone believe in love, but wonder if it exists
      Sent by Sushil Choudhari
    • You may get off on a cheap hooker but you can't get off on a cheap lawyer
      Sent by Ryan Shuck
    • The one thing that will almost certainly come between two friends is a girl
      Sent by Aditya
    • The sexier a man is, the better the chances that he is gay
      Sent by M.
    • Being told that someone doesn't want to date you because you're such a good friend, is like being told that you didn't get the job because you're overqualified
      Sent by Vin Burgh
    • When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
      Sent by Joe Fox
    • the girl/boyfriend who says s/he is... isn't
      Sent by Micah Tolbert
    • You don't fall in love, you fall in a hole. The depth of the hole is proportionate to how oblivious you are of the fall.
      Sent by R. Jones
    • The best way to get over a woman.....is to get over another
      Sent by Huzaifa Ayaz
    • You always need a more patient partner no matter how patient s/he is
      Sent by Aman J Singh
    • Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
      Sent by Cy Hilterman
    • Absence makes the heart go wander.
      Sent by ???
    • The person you want the most will end up with the person you hate the most.
    • If you get it, it will be taken away.
      The last two laws were sent by Peter V. Garalde
    • The perfection of a person is proportional to how much you love him/her.
    • The imperfection of a person is proportional to how much you hate him/her.
      The last two laws were sent by Safwan Aumari
    • Rebillot's Law of Infertility:
      You never know that you're infertile until you try to fertilize.
    • In any married couple, both members think that they will be the first one to die, which means that at least 50% of the people will be wrong.
      The last two laws were sent by John Rebillot
    • You'll think of a great line to say to someone the moment after your chance is gone.
      Sent by Adrian Piסeiro
    • Kids in cars cause accidents.
      Accidents in cars cause kids.
      Sent by Kylee Feland
    • Success in marriage isn't in marrying the right person, it's being the right person
      Sent by Mohammad Ali Usmani
    • "All women are neurotic; all men are assholes" – Kurt Vonnegut
      Sent by Linje Boston
    • If you can't find Mr Right, go for Mr Fits Best
      Sent by DJ Hatchytt
    • A girlfriend is like a credit card, if you have one it's easier to get a new one
      Sent by Sabyasachi Chatterjee
    • "safe sex" - isn't
      or
      Definition of "safe sex" is when your wife doesn't know about it.
    • The best way to loose a good girlfriend is to have your wife find out about her
      Last two laws were sent by Bruce
    • Love cease to exist as soon as expressed
      Sent by viper 33

    Have a nice Day

    [FONT=&quot][/FONT]
     
  2. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    NIMEIPENDA HIIII


    A girlfriend is like a credit card, if you have one it's easier to get a new one
    Sent by Sabyasachi Chatterjee
     
  3. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    NA HIII PIA......
    Walter/Kerwin Law:
    Any good looking person you see that isn't alone, will be accompanied by a person of the opposite sex who doesn't deserve to be with them.
     
  4. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    HA HA HAA NA HII PIA


    Women are like boats: they require constant maintenance and attention, and they cost a lot of money.
    Men are like buses: another one will eventually come along.
    Sent by Neil
     
  5. Lady N

    Lady N JF-Expert Member

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    Marriage is like a dog with a bone, he might not touch it, just doesn't let another dogs come near it.
    Sent by Airbornemonty aluuuu! hii safi sana
     
  6. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

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    NIMEZIPENDA HIZI

    Success in marriage isn't in marrying the right person, it's being the right person
    Sent by Mohammad Ali Usmani

    The best way to get over a woman.....is to get over another
    Sent by Huzaifa Ayaz

    The person you want the most will end up with the person you hate the most.

    Being told that someone doesn't want to date you because you're such a good friend, is like being told that you didn't get the job because you're overqualified

    It's always the quiet ones that have the two dozen corpses in their basements.
    Sent by Bo Zhang

    When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.
    When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears.

    If you think a girl is beautiful, her boyfriend will always be there to confirm it.

    The Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson law for celebrity couple Persona-polarization:
    The most beautiful women in the world, always marry the most ugly men.
    The Carmen Electra/ Dennis Rodman corollary
     
  7. k

    kasimba123 JF-Expert Member

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    Communication laws


    • Communication usually fails, except by accident
      Corollary I: If communication can fail, it will
      Corollary II: If communication cannot fail, it still most usually fails
      Corollary III: If communication seems to succeed in the intended way, there's a misunderstanding
      Corollary III: If you are content with your message, communication certainly fails
    • If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage
    • If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage
    • The more we communicate, the worse communication succeeds
      Corollary: The more we communicate, the faster misunderstandings propagate
    • In mass communication, the important thing is not how things are but how they seem to be
    • The importance of a news item is inversely proportional to the square of the distance
    • The more important the situation is, the more probably you forget an essential thing that you remembered a moment ago
    • Korpela's First Corollary: If nobody barks at you, your message did not get through
    • Korpela's Second Corollary: Search for information fails, except by accident
    • The Pedagogic Corollary: Give the student a chance to realize he misunderstood it all
      All of the laws and Corollaries were taken from http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/wiio.html. A must read for Murphys Laws and Communication lovers
     
  8. k

    kasimba123 JF-Expert Member

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    Miscellaneous laws


    • A man who walks through the turnstiles backwards going to Bangkok.
    • Never look up when dragon flies overhead.
      The last two laws were sent by Peter Elsner
    • Everybody wants to use the bathroom on the same time.
      Sent by Barbu Ionel
    • the squeakiness of floorboards is directly proportional to the need to remain unnoticed
      Sent by Lawman
    • You might forget your past, but your past will never forget you.
      Sent by Mlungisi Khanyile
    • Give a controversial, immoral issue, enough leeway in mainstream society, it will become the norm
      Sent by Mike
    • All generalizations are false, including this one
    • you need something the most, only after you realize you've permanently lost it.
      Sent by Meshman
    • Spending enough time and money, all human behavior can be psychologically explained.
      Even the most repulsive.
    • Everything gets worse with time except the wine. And this one, no always
      The last two laws were sent by Asier Zabarte
    • The early bird suffers from insomnia.
      Sent by divya
    • History is much like an endless waltz. the three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever.
      Sent by Roger
    • Every thing that is countable is to little.
      Corollary: every thing that is measurable is too small.
      Generalization: If you can quantize it, it is too small.
      Sent by Israel Koren
    • Your nose always itches when your hands are tied.
      Sent by Tvoung
    • When you believe you have seen the utmost of one's stupidity they never cease to amaze you and go one step further.
      sent by Viet Nguyen
    • Life stinks... then you have a heart attack, get paraplegic... and find yourself forced to say that it wasn't that bad after all...
      Sent by Oscar Bergna
    • JKash's law:
      When you need gum for your breath in the morning and you can't find any.
      The person you'll ask won't have any either.
      If they will have gum it will be in a flavor that you really don't like.
      Sent by Jeff Kashat
    • You cannot stop the ongoing love affair between pasta sauce and a white dress shirt.
    • Your parents' advice only makes sense 20 years after they gave it to you.
      The last two laws were sent by Ana M.
    • Your cell phone always fall on the hardest part of the ground.
      Sent by Mohamed
    • Friends come and go. Enemies gather.
      Sent by Jan Terhag
    • Kent's Law:
      A web page is only a page until its printed. Then it can be any number of pages.
      Sent by Kent
    • What is (written) history? The last kick of the victor in the pants of the defeated.
      Sent by Tony Halmos
    • If you have a 50% chance of being right, you're wrong 90% of the time.
      Sent by Larry Oram
    • Anything By Nothing Equals Everything
      (Any number divided by zero equals infinite)
      Sent by Divya
    • Whenever you don't want to do something, is exactly when it needs to be done.
      Sent by Peter Norman Scott
    • The weakest link is the most stable one.
      Sent by Jungsonn
    • The surest way to be late is to have plenty of time.
      Sent by John
    • After trying to get something apart (or together) for 90 minutes, you find a clip that gets the job done in 30 seconds (tried and tested many times).
    • Clothes that are labeled (non-run) aren't.
    • The height of foolishness is to believe red or black die doesn't run
      The last three laws were sent by Colin Hadden
    • The more certain you are that your thought is original, the more obscure the source from which you accidentally plagiarized it.
      Sent by Jesse Janowiak
    • Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&* upside the head
      Sent by Soljah
    • Philosophy of life and/or golf
      The professor of philosophy opens his lecture filling a big jar with golf balls. Is the jar full? - surprises the audience.
      Yes - comes the reply.
      He fills the empty space with stones - including diamonds - of the size of peas and asks again: Is the jar full?
      The students agree again.
      The professor pours sand on top of the existing mixture filling the jar completely. Is it full?
      Yes, OK! - reply some of the students with doubt in their voice.
      Fine, what all this means? - turns the professor to his listeners again.
      Silence.
      You should understand that this is a model of philosophy of life:
      The golf balls represent important phenomena of life, like family, love, health, job, children, golf. If you lose everything else, these are the things you grasp to.
      The stones represent phenomena that still count, like accommodation, car, wealth.
      Sand is the rest, unimportant, small matters.
      If you start filling your life with sand, you lose the opportunity to deal with important phenomena. First concentrate on golf balls and stones. The rest is just sand.
      One of the students jumps to his feet, opens a bottle of beer, pours the beer on top of everything that the jar contains. The beer is completely swallowed by sand.
      What do you want to say? - asks him the professor with a stare of astonishment.
      My lesson is simple: whatever way you handle your life, not depending, how much is it filled, there is always space for a mug of beer.
      Sent by Tony
    • Nothing succeeds like success
    • Behind every successful man is a woman; the further behind the woman the better the chances of his success.
      The last two laws were sent by Lakshman
    • Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.
      Sent by Yogendra Jagdish Saraogi
    • The Inverse law of Ninja
      In a movie a single Ninja is an unstoppable semi-immortal and mysterious killing machine. As their number increases the ninja progressively becomes more of a bumbling fumbling idiot. Also applies to thugs, mobsters, gangs and superheroes.
      Sent by Franco
    • The item you need the most will always be at the bottom of the pack.
      Sent by Drew, a longtime backpacker
    • Whenever you get a great, original idea, it's when you forget the idea.
    • Any good idea you ever had will just be accredited to someone else once you tell someone about it.
    • If you hold a hammer in your hand, everything around you will look like a nail.
      Sent by Hussein Nagji
    • If you try to be better than worse, you'll be better at being worse.
      sent by Richard Barrere
    • Nothing is definite.
      Sent by Alan Keffer
    • The grass is always greener on the other side.
      Corollary: This law still applies when you move next door.
      Sent by Maria Teresa Garrido
    • Why violence when there is vengeance.
      Sent by Juan Felipe Triviסo
    • In stores, the other line always moves faster.
      Sent by Mike Ciolek
    • Clicking your heels three times means you've fallen and can't get up.
      Sent by fayef820@aol.com
    • Binil's law of greed: Enough is never enough enough.
      Sent by Binil Jacob Abraham
    • Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.
      Sent by Jan Wenall
    • Things can't get worse if you were born an Amazon pygmy cannibal.
      Sent by Les Benton
    • Moral beliefs tend to be like laws in crowded places.
      Sent by Michael Castillo
    • If there's a flat surface, someone will put something on it.
      Sent by Sheela
    • Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn.
      Sent by Patrice Rueda
    • A non-smoker among smokers will always be upwind.
      Sent by Prashant Talnikar
    • A Camel is a Horse made by a committee.
    • A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brains.
      The last two laws were sent by S.T. El-Said
    • The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights
      Sent by Karen Hertzberg
    • A person's happiness is inversely related to how many timepieces s/he owns
      Sent by Joe Weiss
    • If you have a clear mind, you don't get to think
    • To be a successful person, you need to succeed
    • A person who writes a law has never experienced it before
      The last three laws were sent by Mohammed Ram Jackson
    • In view of the current work-load, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off
    • In general it is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt. (Lord Palmerston)
      The last two laws (?) were sent by Frank Teunissen
    • A heavy frozen roast, stored on a freezer shelf, 5 feet from the ground, will fall on the most vulnerable toe available.
      Following that, it will try to bounce to the other foot, with a 50% chance of success.
    • The Voice of Experience never speaks up until it's too late.
      The last two laws were sent by Rikki
    • If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.
      Sent by Richard Bobbitt
    • When sitting in the audience watching a sport event among 60.000 other spectators, the only time you pick your nose, you are on national TV.
      Sent by Calle from Finland
    • If you fiddle with something long enough you'll eventually break it.
    • Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will get you killed.
      The last two laws were sent by Hughie W. Sprinkle
    • Man is the only animal able to retrace his steps to make the mistakes previously avoided
    • The greater the number of people involved in a social function, the less intelligent each of the participants becomes
    • A plea for justice is often a claim for injustice in one's own favor
      The last three laws were sent by Rafael Juarez
    • When dinner is on time, your spouse is late. When dinner is late, your spouse is on time.
      Sent by Glenda Michelle Gable
    • As soon as you light up the commercial starts
      Sent by Montagumonty@aol.com
    • Sailor's Law:
      Never sail the boat where the birds are walking
      Sent by Mark Sleeth
    • Murphy's Fundamental Principle
      If there are M ways to do a thing, and out of M, N ways lead to the wrong conclusion, then the probability of doing it in one of those N ways is 1
      Alternately, Everything that you do is wrong
      Sent by Sagar Kalantre
    • The more you say you'll win, the more difficult it is to come true.
      Sent by Mohammed Ram jackson
    • Even the darkest hour has only 60 minutes
      Sent by ravichander
    • The exception rule
      Every rule has an exception, including this rule.
      Sent by Timothy Cama
    • sometimes in order to clean up, it is necessary to make a mess
      Sent by Sonia Veelenturf
    • Whenever a phone rings, it rings at least in pairs
      Sent by Cemal Tashan
    • If 50 people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing
      Chris corollary
      If 1000 people say a foolish thing, they're most likely receiving an endorsement fee
      Sent by Chris
    • Never teach a pig to sing. It waste your time and annoys the Pig.
      Sent by F. Paul Webster
    • a winner should quit, a quitter is sure to win
      Sent by Khor Soon Seng
    • Skepticism is to pessimism as doubt is to proof
    • Skeptics are blessed with ignorance, while pessimists are cursed with knowledge
      The last two laws were sent by Michael Smith
    • Having is not always as pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical but I have observed it to be true.
      Spock to Stan.
      Sent by Mary J.
    • When you remember the trash needs taking out the garbage truck is 2 doors down
      Sent by Daniel Ellery
    • Sooner or later you will spill your beer
    • Never open a pill bottle over the bathroom sink
      The last two laws were sent by Mike Berneathy
    • The most precise measuring instrument known to man for finding the exact center underneath a parked vehicle is a ball being used in a very enjoyable lawn game, this will not work if other balls are available.
      Sent by Fred Wickens
    • Anything that can go wrong will, one hour before you are supposed to leave on vacation.
    • Anything that can go wrong will, one hour before the three day weekend starts.
    • Anything that can go wrong will, one hour before closing on Friday.
      The last three laws were sent by Nick Hlavacek
    • No system is so perfect it can't be made to work
      Sent by Michael Davis
    • During the course of any endeavor you will always see the winning move right after you've executed the losing one
      Sent by Kit Balmer
    • The less you have to paint, the more paint you get on yourself
      Sent by Megan, she know this from experience.
    • When you're riding a bike - it will rain
    • Lube something good and it only gets better, lube something bad and it only gets worse
      Sent by Pixel
    • To check the spelling of a word in the dictionary, you have to know how it's written
      Sent by Jean Chartier
    • Pens sent through the dryer intentionally never break, but those sent by accident always attack white clothes
      Sent by Norman Horn
    • Nobody is incompetent. Incompetence is nothing but competence in incompetency
      Sent by Bhaskar Tatwawadi, Mumbai, India.
    • Coincedence doesn not exist, everything happens for a random reason
      Sent by Dre
    • Dato's Law
      Wishes expand in direct proportion to the resources available for the gratification.
      Sent by Dr. Robert Dato from The Dato Leadership Institute
    • Anything that can be misused will be misused (legal loopholes, marketing information, etc.)
      Sent by Craig Leffel
    • Law of Complexity:
      Everything is more complicated than it looks at first
      Corollary to the Law of Complexity:
      The Law of Complexity is recursive
      Sent by Kurt Schurenberg
    • The time you have to wait before going to bed increases proportionally to how tired you are
      Sent by Harry Potter
    • Assaf's Law of Advice:
      The only people less likely to follow your advice than those who receive it unsolicited are those who ask for it.
      Sent by Francis Assaf
    • If your happy, don't worry you'll get over it
    • If you have no problems, then you have no clue to what is going
      The last two laws were sent by Christa
    • When you know that you are in luck - Murphy's law will apply to you; If you know that Murphy will strike you at any time - he won't; but than you will know he won't so he will.
      Sent by Jay Novack
    • Murphy's Law is unconstitutional, but will never be repealed.
      Sent by Poetjds
    • It is a fact that every thing in universe moves counterclockwise.
      Sent by Safwan Aumari
    • Opitz' law:
      Good luck is inversely proportional to good timing.
      Sent by Albert J. Opitz
    • The first thing you'll have to do, is the last thing you wished.
    • The first thing to break down is the irreparable one.
      The last two laws were sent by Oscar Sz.
    • Keys dropped near an open elevator door will always fall down the crack.
      And will cost you more to get them out than it will to get a second set cut.
      Sent by Graham (an elevator technician - so he knows...).
    • The more skilled you are at something, the worse you are at it when showing someone.
    • If someone ever said that something wouldn't go wrong in a billion years, they said it a billion years ago.
    • The one you buy will be the only one that doesn't work.
      The last three laws were sent by -?Anonymous!
    • When playing board-games which involve quizzes etc, you will always know the answers to everyone else's set of questions but never your own.
      Sent by Darren
    • The future is like now, only longer.
      Sent by Paul
    • Zuhnic Laws of Plagiarism:
      • If you put a law into your own words, you can name it after yourself (take many laws from this site into account, though not this one... ahem...).
      • If you notice that one of the laws you read came from a different source, it was either completely innocent or completely malevolent.
      The Laws of Plagiarism were sent by Kevin Zuhn
    • If your plane is about to crash, the parachute are missing
      Sent by Steve Chevalier
    • When boarding a plane: get into the plane; let the daredevils get on
    • There's no need for a hot water tank; hot water doesn't need heating
    • No one's life or liberty is safe while the legislature is in session
    • Where you stand on a decision; depends on where you sit
    • A smoking pipe gives a wise man something to think about, and a fool something to stick in his mouth
    • The Relevancy of Time:
      If you burn your finger minutes can seem like hours; When you're with your loved one hours can seem like minutes.
      Last six laws were sent by Gary Ransome
    • The process of growing up answers questions you don't know your asking
      Sent by Matthew
    • Aquarium Laws:
      • Every aquarium will eventually leak.
      • Every fish will eventually die.
      Aquarium Laws were sent by Michael Thompson
    • If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
      Sent by Tom McClellan from Drop in for Coffee
    • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
      Sent by Shai Waisel from WonderNet Ltd.
    • Any universe that may exist, parallel to ours, that do not interact, and has not interacted, and will not interact with our universe, does not exist.
      Sent by Stavros Atzolidakis
    • Planning Laws
      If the shipment is already delayed, the weather goes bad and the harbor will close.
      Sent by Amir Lutfi
    • as soon as you learn a new trick you forget how to do it
    • as soon as you learn a new song, you forget the lyrics
    • when you set an alarm on an important day, it wont go off
    • If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything
      The last four laws were sent by TJ Engelking
    • The number of times you drop the soap in the shower is inversely proportional to the time remaining before your appointment.
      Sent by Eric Svensson
    • The bigger / more important the job / part, the more you bust your hump to get it done, the longer it will sit on the loading dock.
      This goes up exponentially if the receiving company has arranged delivery
      The last four laws were sent by Terry Van Bussel
    • Smoking will kill you, but so will being born
    • Having parents and not pissing them off, is like having alcohol and not drinking it
      The last two laws were sent by Tye Boyce
    • When hurrying to an appointment because you're running late, you'll be stopped by a cop who will make you get there even later.
      Sent by Stan Wohlfeld
    • Never assume conspiracy when stupidity is an adequate explanation.
      Sent by Gareth Harris
    • When problem solving, count on assumptions to automatically add unnecessary time to the process.
      Sent by Paul
    • The longer you search for [insert object here] the better chance there is that it was
      1. In your pocket
      2. On the kitchen table, or
      3. Under that pile of junk that you tossed aside looking for it
      Sent by Drake Legend
    • Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate
      Sent by David W. Squire
    • Least credible sentence from lawyers:
      "Just a brief comment if I may, your honor."
      Sent by Derek Tietze
    • New white shirts are Ketchup magnets
    • Wind will change direction the minute you are passing wind
      Last wo laws were sent by Brian
     
  9. Mkeshahoi

    Mkeshahoi JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Aug 17, 2010
    Joined: Jan 4, 2009
    Messages: 2,429
    Likes Received: 22
    Trophy Points: 135
    not bad:eyeroll2:
     
  10. I

    Ishe New Member

    #10
    Aug 18, 2010
    Joined: Aug 18, 2010
    Messages: 4
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 0
    • " Love Can Neither Be Created Nor Be Destroyed; Only It Can Transfer from One Girlfriend To Another Girlfriend With Some Loss Of Money "
    • A Boy In Love With A Girl, Continue To Be In Love With Her And A Girl In Love With A Boy, Continue To Be In Love With Him, Until Or Unless Any External Agent(Brother Or Father Of The Gal) Comes Into Play And Break The Legs Of The Boy.
     
  11. Da Womanizer

    Da Womanizer JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Aug 18, 2010
    Joined: May 24, 2010
    Messages: 1,559
    Likes Received: 5
    Trophy Points: 135
    haya bana
     
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