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Kalembe Jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Endaku's, Dec 1, 2008.

  1. E

    Endaku's JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Dec 1, 2008
    Joined: May 25, 2007
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    At a party a Kalembe sees a beautiful girl and
    invites her to dance withhim..Kalembe : Can I dance with
    u?The Girl : I'm sorry im a lesbian..Kalembe : Its ok
    its ok.. I'm a Kibwezian* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Marriage Kalembe's Girl Friend: I'm one year older
    than you....will it bad for ourmarriage?Kalembe : No, not
    at all......We'll marry in next year * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Hidden Camera'sMrs.. Kalembe caught Kalembe searching
    high and low all around his livingroom.Mrs. Kalembe:
    'What are you searching for?' Mr.. Kalembe:
    'Hidden cameras!'Mrs. Kalembe: 'And what makes
    you think that there are hidden camerashere?'Mr.
    Kalembe: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.
    Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching KBC
    channel 1'. How does he know that?'* * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    RelaxingKalembe was enjoying the sun at the beach in
    Mtwapa. A lady came and asked him, 'Are you
    relaxing?'Kalembe answered, 'No, I am
    Kalembe'Another guy came and asked him the same
    question.Kalembe answered, 'No! No! Me Kalembe!' A
    third one came and asked him the same question
    again.Kalembe was totally annoyed and decided to shift his
    place.While walking he saw another person soaking in the
    sun.He went up to him and asked, 'Are you
    Relaxing?'The other man was a lot more educated and
    answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.'Kalembe slapped him
    on his face and said,'Stupid, *****. Everyone is
    looking for you and you are sitting over here!' * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * *



    HeavenKalembe died and went to heaven.When he got to the
    pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules are in
    effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
    to gain Âadmittance each soul must answer two simple
    questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with
    'T'.2. How many seconds are there in a year?
    Kalembe thought for a few minutes and answered.1. The two
    days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and
    Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter
    said,'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer,
    even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did
    you get 12 seconds in a year?'Kalembe replied,
    'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,
    etc...'Saint Peter opens the gate without another
    word.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * *


    The Wash BasinKalembe goes to a hotel in Machakos and eats
    heartily.After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts
    washing the basin instead... The manager comes running and
    asks him,'Sir, what are you doing?'Kalembe replies,
    ' Read this board here, it says ' Wash Basin '.*
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * *



    English ExamKalembe finished his English exam and came
    out.His friends asked him how he did his exam. He
    replied'Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK,
    I thought, thought, and thought, at last I wrote
    THUNK!!!'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *Answer the followingquestions
    in briefKalembe is appearing for his University final
    examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall,
    stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in
    a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them
    out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it
    away as well, followed by his pant, socks and watch.The
    invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going
    on.' I am only following the instructions here,' he
    says, ' it says here,'Answer the following
    questions in brief '. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    EssayThe English teacher told all the students in the class
    to write an essay on a football match. All were busy writing
    except KalembeHe has written. 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH !!!
    '* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * *

    The Petition Court serverThe Petition server: I have to
    come 5 miles to deliver you this election petitionKalembe :
    Why did you come so far ? Instead you could have posted it.*
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * *

    Coffee Shop Kalembe and his wife went to a coffee shop .
    Kalembe said ' Hurry Up Drink quickly.....!!!'.His
    Wife asked why...???Kalembe said Hot Coffee Rs. 5 and, Cold
    Coffee Rs 10'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



    Letter to his Son Kalembe was writing something very
    slowly.A Friend came and asked:' Why are you writing so
    slowly? 'Kalembe replies' I'm writing to my 6
    years old son,... he can't read very fast.
     
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