At a party a Kalembe sees a beautiful girl and
invites her to dance withhim..Kalembe : Can I dance with
u?The Girl : I'm sorry im a lesbian..Kalembe : Its ok
its ok.. I'm a Kibwezian* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Marriage Kalembe's Girl Friend: I'm one year older
than you....will it bad for ourmarriage?Kalembe : No, not
at all......We'll marry in next year * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hidden Camera'sMrs.. Kalembe caught Kalembe searching
high and low all around his livingroom.Mrs. Kalembe:
'What are you searching for?' Mr.. Kalembe:
'Hidden cameras!'Mrs. Kalembe: 'And what makes
you think that there are hidden camerashere?'Mr.
Kalembe: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.
Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching KBC
channel 1'. How does he know that?'* * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
RelaxingKalembe was enjoying the sun at the beach in
Mtwapa. A lady came and asked him, 'Are you
relaxing?'Kalembe answered, 'No, I am
Kalembe'Another guy came and asked him the same
question.Kalembe answered, 'No! No! Me Kalembe!' A
third one came and asked him the same question
again.Kalembe was totally annoyed and decided to shift his
place.While walking he saw another person soaking in the
sun.He went up to him and asked, 'Are you
Relaxing?'The other man was a lot more educated and
answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.'Kalembe slapped him
on his face and said,'Stupid, *****. Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!' * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * *
HeavenKalembe died and went to heaven.When he got to the
pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules are in
effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain Âadmittance each soul must answer two simple
questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with
'T'.2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Kalembe thought for a few minutes and answered.1. The two
days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and
Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter
said,'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer,
even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did
you get 12 seconds in a year?'Kalembe replied,
'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,
etc...'Saint Peter opens the gate without another
word.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
The Wash BasinKalembe goes to a hotel in Machakos and eats
heartily.After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts
washing the basin instead... The manager comes running and
asks him,'Sir, what are you doing?'Kalembe replies,
' Read this board here, it says ' Wash Basin '.*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * *
English ExamKalembe finished his English exam and came
out.His friends asked him how he did his exam. He
replied'Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK,
I thought, thought, and thought, at last I wrote
THUNK!!!'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *Answer the followingquestions
in briefKalembe is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in
a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them
out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it
away as well, followed by his pant, socks and watch.The
invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going
on.' I am only following the instructions here,' he
says, ' it says here,'Answer the following
questions in brief '. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
EssayThe English teacher told all the students in the class
to write an essay on a football match. All were busy writing
except KalembeHe has written. 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH !!!
'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * *
The Petition Court serverThe Petition server: I have to
come 5 miles to deliver you this election petitionKalembe :
Why did you come so far ? Instead you could have posted it.*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
Coffee Shop Kalembe and his wife went to a coffee shop .
Kalembe said ' Hurry Up Drink quickly.....!!!'.His
Wife asked why...???Kalembe said Hot Coffee Rs. 5 and, Cold
Coffee Rs 10'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Letter to his Son Kalembe was writing something very
slowly.A Friend came and asked:' Why are you writing so
slowly? 'Kalembe replies' I'm writing to my 6
years old son,... he can't read very fast.
invites her to dance withhim..Kalembe : Can I dance with
u?The Girl : I'm sorry im a lesbian..Kalembe : Its ok
its ok.. I'm a Kibwezian* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Marriage Kalembe's Girl Friend: I'm one year older
than you....will it bad for ourmarriage?Kalembe : No, not
at all......We'll marry in next year * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hidden Camera'sMrs.. Kalembe caught Kalembe searching
high and low all around his livingroom.Mrs. Kalembe:
'What are you searching for?' Mr.. Kalembe:
'Hidden cameras!'Mrs. Kalembe: 'And what makes
you think that there are hidden camerashere?'Mr.
Kalembe: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.
Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching KBC
channel 1'. How does he know that?'* * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
RelaxingKalembe was enjoying the sun at the beach in
Mtwapa. A lady came and asked him, 'Are you
relaxing?'Kalembe answered, 'No, I am
Kalembe'Another guy came and asked him the same
question.Kalembe answered, 'No! No! Me Kalembe!' A
third one came and asked him the same question
again.Kalembe was totally annoyed and decided to shift his
place.While walking he saw another person soaking in the
sun.He went up to him and asked, 'Are you
Relaxing?'The other man was a lot more educated and
answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.'Kalembe slapped him
on his face and said,'Stupid, *****. Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!' * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * *
HeavenKalembe died and went to heaven.When he got to the
pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules are in
effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain Âadmittance each soul must answer two simple
questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with
'T'.2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Kalembe thought for a few minutes and answered.1. The two
days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and
Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter
said,'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer,
even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did
you get 12 seconds in a year?'Kalembe replied,
'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,
etc...'Saint Peter opens the gate without another
word.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *
The Wash BasinKalembe goes to a hotel in Machakos and eats
heartily.After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts
washing the basin instead... The manager comes running and
asks him,'Sir, what are you doing?'Kalembe replies,
' Read this board here, it says ' Wash Basin '.*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * *
English ExamKalembe finished his English exam and came
out.His friends asked him how he did his exam. He
replied'Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK,
I thought, thought, and thought, at last I wrote
THUNK!!!'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *Answer the followingquestions
in briefKalembe is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in
a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them
out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it
away as well, followed by his pant, socks and watch.The
invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going
on.' I am only following the instructions here,' he
says, ' it says here,'Answer the following
questions in brief '. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
EssayThe English teacher told all the students in the class
to write an essay on a football match. All were busy writing
except KalembeHe has written. 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH !!!
'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * *
The Petition Court serverThe Petition server: I have to
come 5 miles to deliver you this election petitionKalembe :
Why did you come so far ? Instead you could have posted it.*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
Coffee Shop Kalembe and his wife went to a coffee shop .
Kalembe said ' Hurry Up Drink quickly.....!!!'.His
Wife asked why...???Kalembe said Hot Coffee Rs. 5 and, Cold
Coffee Rs 10'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Letter to his Son Kalembe was writing something very
slowly.A Friend came and asked:' Why are you writing so
slowly? 'Kalembe replies' I'm writing to my 6
years old son,... he can't read very fast.
