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Kabla ya kuoa /kuolewa jua aina za cheating

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Aug 9, 2011.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 9, 2011
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    Wednesday, April 21, 2010


    [​IMG]


    AINA ZA KUCHEPUKA (cheating)



    Kama wanandoa wapo katika kufanya matengenezo ya damage iliyofanywa na mwanandoa mmoja kuchepuka basi ni muhimu kufahamu kitu ambacho wanashughulika nacho kwani bila kufahamu ni sawa na kumpa mgonjwa wa Malaria dawa za kutuliza maumivu ya meno.


    Watu wanaotoka nje ya ndoa wamegawanyika katika makundi makubwa matatu ambayo ni:

    1. KUCHEPUKA KWA USIKU MMOJA (one night stand)
    2. KUCHEPUKA KWA KUNASWA NA KUFUNGAMANA
    3. KUCHEPUKA KWA URAIBU (addiction)



    UFAFANUZI ZAIDI:


    1. KUCHEPUKA KWA USIKU MMOJA

    Mfano mzuri kati Biblia ni namna mfalme Daudi alivyomtamani mwanamke aliyekuwa anaoga (2Samuel 11-12)

    Daudi alipomuona yule mwanamke akioga akawaka tamaa, hakuwa na hisia na huyo mwanamke huko nyuma na hata baada ya uzinzi wake.

    Hutokea katika jamii ambayo masuala la sex yameilemea, kukosa uadilifu, kukosa nidhamu na kuheshimiana.

    Katika modern world ambapo watu wanasafiri (business trips) sana basi cheating za usiku mmoja kwa anandoa zimekuwa nyingi kuliko watu wanavyofikiria hasa baada ya wanawake kuingia kwa wingi katika ajira zinazowafanya wasafiri mara kwa mara.

    Hii hutokea kwa kufanya sex kwa usiku mmoja (au mara moja) bila hata kuwa na uhusiano na baada ya sex wahusika hawajuani tena.

    Wakishamaliza haja zao kinachofuata ni kumpiga chini huyo mhusika kama vile hawajuani.

    Hutokea ghafla kutokana na kushindwa kuhimili tamaa za kimwili au kuwaka kwa tamaa.


    Ni rahisi mhusika kurudi kwenye mstari kama vile Daudi alipokuwa confronted na Nabii Nathani aliutubu dhambi yake (2 Samuel 12)


    Wanaume au wanawake wa hili kundi akibanwa na kukomaliwa anaacha na kugeuka.


    Hii haina maana kwamba cheating kama hii haina damage kwani isiposhughulikiwa vizuri huweza kuzaa affair nyingine.


    Kama umefanya affair kama hii na umeficha fahamu kwamba hilo ni bomu ambalo muda wowote linaweza kufumka na kuleta madhala katika ndoa iwe kukosekana kwa ukaribu na partner wako au kujiingiza zaidi kwa mwingine nje ya ndoa.



    2.
    KUCHEPUKA KWA KUNASWA NA KUFUNGAMANA:


    Mfano mzuri katika Biblia ni namna Samson alivyonaswa na Delilah (Waamuzi 16).


    Hapa cheating huanza kwa mahusiano na urafiki na hatimaye kuwa na uhusiano wa kimapenzi wa kudumu kwa muda mrefu na kuvunja hii bond huhitaji kazi ya ziada.


    Hutokea polepole na baadae baada ya urafiki kukomaa kutokana na mazingira ya kufanya kazi pamoja au kuhusiana katika shughuli mbalimbali na kujenga urafiki na mahusiano.


    Wanakuwa wame-fall in love kama mahusiano ya ndoa yanavyoanza.


    Wanapokuwa pamoja hujikuta wanatimiza lile hitaji ambalo mmoja au wote wanakosa kwenye ndoa zao.


    Hapa ndipo tunakuta na neno "nyumba ndogo".


    Huwa kazi sana kuvunja mahusiano kama hayo kwani watu hawa huwa na uhusiano unaohusisha mioyo na hisia zao.


    Pia ili kuvunja uhusiano wao lazima mwanandoa ajue "hitaji" ambalo lilikuwa linakosekana nyumbani au katika ndoa hadi mwenzake akanasa kwa huyo mwanamke au mwanaume.


    Msemo maarufu wa kingereza ni:


    "The hooks in deep and it takes real soul surgery to get it out
    "

     
  2. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    KUCHEPUKA KWA KUNASWA NA KUFUNGAMANA:

    Mfano mzuri katika Biblia ni namna Samson alivyonaswa na Delilah (Waamuzi 16).


    Hapa cheating huanza kwa mahusiano na urafiki na hatimaye kuwa na uhusiano wa kimapenzi wa kudumu kwa muda mrefu na kuvunja hii bond huhitaji kazi ya ziada.


    Hutokea polepole na baadae baada ya urafiki kukomaa kutokana na mazingira ya kufanya kazi pamoja au kuhusiana katika shughuli mbalimbali na kujenga urafiki na mahusiano.


    Wanakuwa wame-fall in love kama mahusiano ya ndoa yanavyoanza.


    Wanapokuwa pamoja hujikuta wanatimiza lile hitaji ambalo mmoja au wote wanakosa kwenye ndoa zao.


    Hapa ndipo tunakuta na neno "nyumba ndogo".


    Huwa kazi sana kuvunja mahusiano kama hayo kwani watu hawa huwa na uhusiano unaohusisha mioyo na hisia zao.


    Pia ili kuvunja uhusiano wao lazima mwanandoa ajue "hitaji" ambalo lilikuwa linakosekana nyumbani au katika ndoa hadi mwenzake akanasa kwa huyo mwanamke au mwanaume.


    Msemo maarufu wa kingereza ni:


    "The hooks in deep and it takes real soul surgery to get it out"


    3.
    KUCHEPUKA KWA URAIBU:

    Mfano mzuri katika Biblia ni vitendo vilivyokuwa vinafanywa na watoto wa kuhani Eli (1Samuel 2:22)


    Hutokea kwa kusukumwa hisia zake kwa kuwa hana uwezo wa kuhimili emotions ni kama mvuta sigara au mlevi wa pombe.


    Haya ni mahusiano tofauti kabisa na kundi la kwanza na la pili hapo juu.


    Kwa kuwa ana hisia zinazomsukuma anaweza kuathiri hata maisha yake kwani huwa Huyu huwa na msululu wa partners kila port meli yake inatua au mji.


    Pia anakuwa na risk kubwa kupata magonjwa ya zinaa (bila kusahau UKIMWI) kutokana na tabia zake, wakati mwingine huuawa kutokana na kuwa violent.

    Wakati mwingine anakuwa mwizi, mwongo ili kukamilisha kiu yake (craving)


    Pia huendana na tabia chafu na za ajabu zinazohusiana na masuala ya sex kama kubaka, sex kinyume na maumbile, kupigana nk.


    Ili kuvunja tabia kama hii huhitaji ushauri (therapy) kutoka kwa mtaalamu wa masuala ya addictions ambaye anaweza kutumia approach tofauti na aina zingine.

     
  3. Shine

    Shine JF-Expert Member

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    napita tuu
     
  4. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Nimekukubali P Didy. Hiyo ya nyumba ndogo mbona itatufanya tumpokee Mungu wengi.

    Maana kuna watu wamekaa strategic kuangalia nyumba kubwa gani imezubaa wai replace. Nyumba inalindwa na sala. Asubuhi kabla ya kwenda kazini mnapiga maombi na unasema wazi wanawake macho juu wasimwangalie mume wangu, masharobaro wasimwangalie mke wangu. Hamna atakaye gusa ndoa yako.
     
  5. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu nyumba kubwa umenena
    m hata niamke saa kuminamoja naamsha nawasimika malaika wa mungu kwangu na mke wangu na mtoto wakawalinde yaani nikiondoka nasikia raha mwaya unajua kinywa ndio kinatufikisha tulipo wengi awajui kutumia vinywa vyao na hili ni kutokana na wao kutojijua ni nani..sisi ni wamiliki unaitaji kumiliki na kutawala sio mpaka upigwe ridandas ndio unaanza akuomba uhifadhiwe jilinde kila siku kwa mamombi ndio maana jeshi wanafanya mazoezi kila siku ukijua we ni jeshi la bwana akuna atakekugusa
     
  6. First Born

    First Born JF-Expert Member

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    thanks in advance pdidy.
     
  7. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

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    te te te umenichekesha nyumba kubwa
     
  8. M

    Mwanaweja JF-Expert Member

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    mkuu nimekupata na hii njia ya kuokoka ndio pekee itakayotuokoa nje ya hapo ni kaburini tu maana magonjwa yanatisha sana
     
  9. T

    Testimony Senior Member

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    Sex is done by

    teenagers ... for curiosity
    married couples ..... as a duty
    prostitutes ..... for living

    The only sex done for pleasure ... extra marital
     
  10. englibertm

    englibertm JF-Expert Member

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    Recognize the signs of cheating

    Changes in Sex Drive


    Different people react differently in bed when they are cheating; some people will want more sex with their partner when having liaisons outside of a committed relationship, whereas many others will have sex with much less frequency. Another sexual indicator that your partner may be cheating is if they suddenly bring new moves into the bedroom.

    Being Overly Defensive

    Sometimes cheating partners will take out their anger and frustration on the person they are being unfaithful to. Be aware of when your girlfriend or boyfriend starts to pick fights with you, or accuses you of strange behaviors from out of the blue to deflect their own actions.

    Hiding Behaviors

    Frequent phone hang-ups, hiding credit card statements, or quickly changing what's up on the computer screen when you walk by may all be signs of a cheating partner.

    Surprise Gifts

    Your partner may be feeling rather guilty for cheating on you, even if they continue. Therefore, some people use flowers, chocolates or other "just because" gifts to make themselves feel better about their infidelities.

    Sudden Unavailability

    If you've been able to get a hold of your partner on business trips before, then if you suddenly cannot, there is reason to be concerned. The same goes for having their phone off for long periods of time or leaving it unanswered when this previously happened rarely, or being unavailable to attend social events or make dates that were commonplace at one point in time.

    Please note: None of these signs of cheating are guarantees that you are being cheated on. However, if several of these signs of cheating are currently present in your relationship, it may be time to sit down and talk with your partner before jumping to any conclusions.
     
  11. a

    achiwaya Member

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    I agree, those are some of possibilities!
     
  12. SHIEKA

    SHIEKA JF-Expert Member

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  13. MankaM

    MankaM JF-Expert Member

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    Pdidy katika ubora wake
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  14. made

    made JF-Expert Member

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    hapa kweli alikuwa ktk kiwango cha ronaldo.......kumbe zamani alikuwa na muandiko mzuri hivi?
     
  15. MankaM

    MankaM JF-Expert Member

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    haswaaa huyu huwa anafanya kusudi tu
     
  16. k

    kinondoniilala JF-Expert Member

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    Unaweza ukanipa summary...!
     
  17. Apologise lady

    Apologise lady JF-Expert Member

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    Sawa wameelewa vizuri.
     
  18. Mpambalachuma

    Mpambalachuma JF-Expert Member

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    Eti utamjuaje mpenz wako kama anakusaliti ikiwa mpo mbali nae
     
  19. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

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    Panda ungo umfanyie sapraiz vizit.

    Ukweli ni kwamba mapenzi ya umbali usaliti haukwepeki. Dawa ni kuvumilia na wewe kuchepuka... ili mkija kukutana mnagawana virusi tofautitofauti.
     
  20. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    Kwa kutumia ramli....
     
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