Je, Kuna ulazima mwanamke abadili jina baada ya kuolewa?

[BeNoir]

Swala la kuchukua jina la mwisho/ukoo (Surname) la mwanaume halina uhusiano na divorce rate au kudumu au kutokudumu kwa ndoa.

Kuchukua jina la mwisho/ukoo la mwanaume ni utamaduni tulioletewa. Kuna sehemu nyingi tu duniani watu wanaoana na kuendelea na majina ya koo zao. Kwa wenzetu wazungu na hasa Waingereza ni pale walipokuwa wanaliangalia swala la kuolewa kwa mwanamke kama mtu kuacquire property ndipo swala la kuchukua jina hilo la mwisho/ukoo likashamiri, kwani mwanamke baada ya ndoa aliangaliwa kama mali ya muoaji-Mr's property and hence Mrs X.Y.
Hivyo mwanamke kubaki na jina lake la mwisho/ukoo si kweli kunavunja ndoa au kunaifanya hiyo ndoa iwe less of a ndoa. After all haya mambo yameletwa huku kwetu na dini especially ya kikristo na ukoloni, kwani kama si kosei kwa waislamu swala la kubadili na kuchukua jina la mwisho/ukoo wa mume halipo.

Kwa mimi mwenye mabinti kwa kweli ningependa abaki na majina yake kwani naamini ni matendo yake na upendo wake kwa mumewe ndio utakajalisha zaidi na sio jina.

 

[mTZ_halisi]

Kevo .. nobody marries with the intention ya divorce ... believe me most of the time they come untimely .. watu wanadivorce after 25 or less/more years kwenye marriage .... married couples always project their lives together as as perfect and that each of them bila hiari ameamua to take the other as the better half in sickness, health and whatever ... can all these perfect words be wrong ???? no ... something just goes kaput somewhere and if one of you cant contain this .. .then the marriage is on rocks ... in this perspective and with "prevention better than cure" in mind ... you dont acquire his name and you remain undisturbed whatever happens in future

you might have a point but still the decision to change a surname is entirely up to the wife. If you think that it works for you change it else remain as you are. I personally prefers the double names cause you can still use all your certificates attained before marriage, you still are identified as miss XXXXX and same time mrs YYYY.
Ndoa zinavunjika ila at times wenye ndoa nao wanakuwa wana weaknesses flani. Once married the couple need to work together, solve their problems and none of them should be a quiter... kwa nini ufikirie ati tutaachana... work ur issues together

 

[NaimaOmari]

Asante sana kwa somo ila sometimes divorces come timely coz zinakuwa zinasubiriwa.Ulishahawi kumpa mwanaume divorce then akakuuliza "heee ulikuwa unasubiria nini.You took so long!"

Pengine mlivyooana mlikuwa na lengo la kumrusha mtu roho ... na kuongopea watu kwamba mnapendana ... au kumridhisha mtu mwengine zaidi ya nyinyi wawili ... tangia mwanzo nyote mnajua kwamba you are not good for each other ... hapa i will side with you 100%

Believe me hamna mtu ambaye ... analet go his/her marriage hivi hivi without trying to fight to hold it in place ... hushangai couples wengine wanafumaniana .. wanaamua kusameheana halafu wanaendelea na maisha kama kawaida ... mwengine hawezi hata umchinje ... this is where they call it quits

 

[Kevo]

Pengine mlivyooana mlikuwa na lengo la kumrusha mtu roho ... na kuongopea watu kwamba mnapendana ... au kumridhisha mtu mwengine zaidi ya nyinyi wawili ... tangia mwanzo nyote mnajua kwamba you are not good for each other ... hapa i will side with you 100%

Believe me hamna mtu ambaye ... analet go his/her marriage hivi hivi without trying to fight to hold it in place ... hushangai couples wengine wanafumaniana .. wanaamua kusameheana halafu wanaendelea na maisha kama kawaida ... mwengine hawezi hata umchinje ... this is where they call it quits

Hapo tumeelewana vizuri.Thanks for the education.

 

[BiMkubwa]

I have been married for 12 years, I never used my hubby's surname and am doing just fine. I never felt compelled to do so neither do I feel that I do not belong. Afterall ni watu wachache sana wenye access wa kujua wewe unatumia jina la mumeo katika utamaduni wetu. Asilimia kubwa watakuita Mama fulani, Ofisini pengine watatumia first name yako kwa close colleague or surname yako pekee yake, wengine watakuita bosi or even to make it more delineated, they will call you bosi mwanamke. So sometimes the weight behind being called mrs so and so dies out somewhere in between.
Personally, I feel this sentimental tug towards my maiden name, it is what that identifies me. Assuming someone else's name, to me, waters down that sentimental value. I am sorry if I offended anyone but with all marriage hiccups going on around these days, I feel I made the right choice. Afterall, I will always be called the mother of so and so in married sqaures, period! My academic certificate or job cares less.

 

[Richard]

I have been married for 12 years, I never used my hubby's surname and am doing just fine. I never felt compelled to do so neither do I feel that I do not belong. Afterall ni watu wachache sana wenye access wa kujua wewe unatumia jina la mumeo katika utamaduni wetu. Asilimia kubwa watakuita Mama fulani, Ofisini pengine watatumia first name yako kwa close colleague or surname yako pekee yake, wengine watakuita bosi or even to make it more delineated, they will call you bosi mwanamke. So sometimes the weight behind being called mrs so and so dies out somewhere in between.
Personally, I feel this sentimental tug towards my maiden name, it is what that identifies me. Assuming someone else's name, to me, waters down that sentimental value. I am sorry if I offended anyone but with all marriage hiccups going on around these days, I feel I made the right choice. Afterall, I will always be called the mother of so and so in married sqaures, period! My academic certificate or job cares less.

Hapa sijakuelewa kwamba hio pertaining to or dependent on sentiment ya maiden name yako ndio basis ya hoja yako?

So, lets go back to the core issue, the question.

Je kwa mwanamke kutumia sirname baada ya kuolewa kumepitwa na wakti na kama ni hivyo ni kwanini.

 

[BiMkubwa]

Richard, Ninafikiri ukisema kutumia jina la mumeo ni kupitwa na wakati si sahihi maana bado kuna baadhi ya watu wanaendelea kutumia majina ya waume zao mpaka kesho.
Sidhani ni issue ya kupitwa na wakati bali ni maamuzi yanayofanyika at an individual level. Ni utashi wa mtu binfasi unaomsukuma kutumia jina la mumewe. Kwa wasichana wengi ni ishara kuwa now I am married to so and so, I have conquered the world. They need some form of recognition and they need reassurance of some sort kuwa they are now married. To others, it is expected of them to assume their husbands names whether they like it or not.
In most cases ukikuta wanawake ambao hawaja-assume majina ya waume zao utakuta pengine ndoa ile ilifungwa wakati mke alikuwa katika crucial point in her education that for her to go through some hulabaloo of naming would have derailed her or in some way put her in an awkward position. For others, we just stuck to our roots, plain and simple.
I do not think it is an issue of kupitwa na wakati but with increased practice then I guess it is the sign of the times. Stepford wives wapo wengi sana bongo.

 

[Richard]

Ok Bi mkubwa, nimekuelewa.

Kwa hio Catherine Zita-Jones alipotongozwa na Michael Douglas akasema yes ambayo nachukulia ni "genuine" kwa kuwa Douglas amekuwa "successful actor" na yeye Zeta (jina alilozaliwa nalo) ni successful actress na wote hawajambo katika uwezo wa mali.

Na kutokana na hivyo basi kila mtu akabakia na sirname yake.

Sasa huyu Eva Longoria ameolewa na Tony Parker ambae ni "successful sportsman" na ana uwezo wa kifwedha, halikadhalika Eva nae ni "successful actress" na ana uwezo pia wa fwedha.

Ukiangalia hapo utaona kwamba ni suala la uamuzi na makubaliano ya watu hao wawili ingawa siku hizi kuna masuala ya "pre-naptual agreement" (nafikiri unalifahamu) ambalo Zeta na Douglas wamefanya.

Kama ni hivyo basi naona swali liwe je kuna umuhimu gani wa kutumia jina hilo bila kuangalia utamaduni wa wenzetu?

 

[Kuhani]

No my dear ... i consider that kwanza kama ujinga of the highest order ... never sold my father's name ... i remained naima omari mpaka leo .. didnt lose anything

Je, ni niko sawa nikisema kuwa "ujinga of the highest order" ni pamoja na kutotumia na kusahaulia mbali jina la Mama yako mzazi, such that, link yako na familia ya mzazi mmoja inapotea milele katika rekodi, isipokuwa Omari?

 

[Phillemon Mikael]

...pia kuna wanawake ambao wakiolewa wanatumia jina la mumewe ikitokea ameachika akaolewa tena anatumia jina la mumewe wa zamani na mwisho jina la mumewe mpya....

angalia ,

ANNA KILANGO.......mr kilango was her first husband...

ANNA KILANGO MALECELA...hon.malecela her present husband..

loook also to women who after divorce .....they resume there surname as maiden and keep the divorced surname at the end .....

see...

WINNIE MADKHZELA...

WINNIE MANDELA ..

WINNIE MADKHZELA MANDELA- after divorce..

 

[Njowepo]

Kwa wakristu ndoa inawafanya hawa watu kuwa mwili mmoja sasa majina mawili yanatoka wapi?
Unajua as a result twaweza halalisha ata watu kuwa wanatengana.
Kwa upande wangu kutumia jina moja inaboost that sense of oneness.

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

Kumaintain majina ya zamani (Ex-hubby's) ni for strategic reasons....imagine all your career life umekuwa ukitumia jina hilo..kubadili jina itakugharimu big time!

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

Ku-maintain majina ya zamani (Ex-hubby's) ni for strategic reasons....imagine all your career life umekuwa ukitumia jina hilo..kubadili jina itakugharimu big time!

 

[NaimaOmari]

Je, ni niko sawa nikisema kuwa "ujinga of the highest order" ni pamoja na kutotumia na kusahaulia mbali jina la Mama yako mzazi, such that, link yako na familia ya mzazi mmoja inapotea milele katika rekodi, isipokuwa Omari?

Jina la mama .. who adapts jina la mama? tangu enzi na enzi jina la baba ndilo linalotumika kama jina la pili sijasikia la mama likitumika .. tena mfano mwanaume akikususia watoto ... jina lake unaliondoa unaweka jina la babu yako kama family name ya watoto ... suits well ... ama unasemaje Kuhani?

 

[Mbu]

WanaJF,
Ni jambo lililo ndani ya mila nyingi hapa duniani kwa mwanamke ku-acquire surname ya mume wake baada ya kuoelewa. Asili ya jambo hili siifahamu, ila kuna jambo ambalo nimeanza kuliona au kulielewa siku za karibuni. Sina uhakika kama lilikuwepo kwa sana hapo zamani. Jambo hili ni wingi wa kuona wanawake wanaofunga pingu za maisha siku za karibuni hawachukui au kwa namna nisiyoifahamu, hawafungamani tena na kuchukua majina ya ukoo kutoka upande wa mwanamme. Imekuwa kuwaje au ilikuwaje?!!

Naomba mawaidha yenu katika swala hili. Akhsanteni.

SteveD.

mambo ya pre-nuptials hayo, kusainishana mkataba 'changu changu, chako chako, chetu changu nk...' kabla hamjaoana ili hata mkiachana isiwe taabu!!!

 

[Phillemon Mikael]

Jina la mama .. who adapts jina la mama? tangu enzi na enzi jina la baba ndilo linalotumika kama jina la pili sijasikia la mama likitumika .. tena mfano mwanaume akikususia watoto ... jina lake unaliondoa unaweka jina la babu yako kama family name ya watoto ... suits well ... ama unasemaje Kuhani?

naima jina la surname ya mtoto ni mali ya baba....hata kama baba kakususia ...ukimpa mtoto jina la upande wako...hasa kama ni mtoto wa kiume hili huja kumnyima raha sana anapokuwa mkubwa na kujitambua kuwa umempa jina la ujombani....hapo lazima ataaza kukudai umuoneshe babake!!!....na kuna vijana wamefikia kutaka hata kujiuwa kwa kunyimwa haki ya kujua asili yao pale mama zao wanapowadanganya kuwa ..baba yako alikufa..au alitokomea na hajulikani yupo wapi...ugovi huwa mkubwa zaidi..na hudai kuoneshwa hata nyumbani kwa ukoo wa baba zao......

so ladies dont try fake your kids on the daddies...regardless what mwambie ukweli yeye mtoto ataamua mwenyewe..amchukulieje baba yake...

au mnasemaje???

 

[Sunshine OLD]

Guess it's good we keep our original names.
It does not change a thing.
People will still know that you are the wife of Mr. X!
When we part with our school mates and change our names, it becomes very difficult for them to know/trace the new names when one is looking for an old friend!

 

[BAK]

Ni maamuzi ya wanandoa kuna wale ambao watakubaliana kwamba mwanamke abaki na jina lake kama lilivyo kabla hajaolewa na wengine watakubaliana mwanamke atumie jina la mumewe mara baada ya ndoa na kujulikana kama Mrs Pwaguzi. It is too early kuhitimisha kwamba kumepitwa na wakati.

 

[Haika]

No my dear ... i consider that kwanza kama ujinga of the highest order ... never sold my father's name ... i remained naima omari mpaka leo .. didnt lose anything

Me too
And we are quite happy and comfortable both me and the husband!
And no plan for a divorce yet!!
I just havent had the energy and push to do all the requirements to change it officially, ppl call me any name they want but docs are still the old ones.
I dont think my surname is cute, and I do not think his surname is cute either, so why change from an ugly name to another?
i have asked him about that and he just see why not or why yes so why do anything?

I think it gives a woman a sense of being accepted by the new family,
But I would think that would be true if the husband does all the movement and brings me the end paper.
But on another hand that could be too pushy and domineering of him.
But I do not think it is old fashion either.

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

I used to think its because of LOVE- that you love your spouse to the extent that you want to be called by his name?......... So I was wrong