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JE, HUU NI UUNGWANA: Mapenzi na Makofi

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mzee Mwanakijiji, Mar 7, 2012.

  1. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

    #1
    Mar 7, 2012
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    Utakuta mwanamme amempenda mwanamke au amemwambia anampenda. Wakaanza urafiki na urafiki ukakolea na hatimaye "pilau" likaandikiwa siku. Watu wakaja kula na kunywa na kushangilia huku wakiimba "sundasunda" na "anameremeta". Kweli, siku ile ungewaona ungekubali kabisa kuwa wawili hao kweli wamepatana na kupendana. Mapenzi yao yakawa motomoto na mbele za watu joto lake linaweza kuonekana.

    Kumbe baada ya kuanza kukaa pamoja na baadaya siku za fungate kuisha ndio ukweli unaonekana. Kwamba, wamejifunga kifungo cha maisha! Kumbe ndoa siyo harusi! Ndoa ni maisha - matamu, machungu, ya furaha na ya kuudhi yote yamo ndani; ndoa kumbe ni kuamka asubuhi na kujikuta umeamka upande ule ambapo "adui yako" mliyegombana jana usiku yupo!

    Sasa, mwanamme kwa upande wake anaanza maneno makali na majibizano ya chini chini na vijembe wanaanza kutupiana. Mara siku moja hasira zinapanda sana baada ya kujibiwa vibaya na mke wake mwanamme anaanza kumpiga vibao.

    "Nitakupiga kama mbwa leo!" mwanamme anafoka na kweli kupiga ni neno dogo; anambonda kweli kweli.

    Mwanamke naye baada ya kichapo anajiambia "kwa kweli nilistahili kwani nilimvunjia heshima mume wangu".

    Wanaishia kuombana msamaha na yanakwisha. Kumbe yanasubiri siku nyingine!

    Sasa unajiuliza yale mapenzi motomoto waliyokuwa wanapeana na kuambiana yameishia wapi? Yule mwanamme aliyekuwa anakuja na maneno matamu na maua alipotelea wapi? Yule binti aliyekuwa anamaneno matamu na ya furaha ameenda wapi?

    Sasa kama hali ni hivyo na kila siku kupigana na kutukanana na wakati mwingine kuumizana - hasa kwa maneno - ni uungwana kweli kuendelea kuwa pamoja? Je kweli ni uungwana kuwaleta watoto katika mazingira kama haya? Je ni wakati gani mwanamke au mwanamme inampasa kuondoka katika mazingira kama hayo?
     
  2. Shine

    Shine JF-Expert Member

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    Punda bila makofi haendi
     
  3. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

    #3
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    Sasa nani punda?
     
  4. HorsePower

    HorsePower JF-Expert Member

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    Ni hali ya kawaida katika ndoa. Kabla ya kukaa pamoja kila mtu hujitahidi kumfurahisha mwenzie na kumuonyesha tabia njema na upendo wa hali ya juu, huku tabia mbaya zikijificha kwa muda wote wanaokutana. Hapa namaanisha watu huishi kwa artificial life style. Baada ya ndoa mambo hubadilika. Tabia hazijifichi tena, kila mtu hutoa makucha yake na kujikuta kila mtu akifahamu tabia za mwenzie hata zile zilizo mbaya zilizokuwa zimejificha hapo awali.

    Tabia hizi huenda nje na expectation za wanandoa kuwa kile alichodhania amekipata kumbe siyo. Wengine hufikiri kuwa wanafanyiwa makusudi na kufikia hata kupigana. Lakini, ukweli ni kuwa ktk kipindi hiki busara huhitajika sana ili kuzoea na kuonyana ktk ile mienendo ambayo inawakwaza wanandoa wale.

    Mapigano na makofi hutokea pale tu wanandoa wanapokosa ustahimilivu wa kuonyana na kuelekezana kwa upendo. Kwa wale wote ambao hawajaoa/kuolewa watarajie kukutana na changamoto za namna hii ili maisha yao yasije kukumbwa na vipondo visivyo na maana.
     
  5. ndyoko

    ndyoko JF-Expert Member

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    Mzee wangu, acha tu hii maneno. Kila siku huwa nasema kuwa mwanamke asipokomaa ndoa haifungwi. Na kukomaa hakuhitaji kumpigia kelele njemba. Maneno laini yatosha na ktk hili wanawake wanajulia, ila moyoni wanajisemea nikishaingia ndani lazima nimchenchie huyu mwanaume. Hayo mambata yanayowaka muda mfupi baada ya utamu wa ndoa ni matokeo ya wanawake wengi kutaka kutambulika ndani ya nyumba zao baada ya ndoa. Wengi wao hukosea kwa kudhani wakati muafaka wa kumrekebisha mume ni baada ya kuwa ameshaolewa naye, ili hali mwanaume huamini kuwa tabia nzuri na mapenzi shatashata aliyoonyeshwa kabla ya kuoa yataendelea hata baada ya kuoana.

    Haya matarajio yanayokinzana miongoni mwa wanandoa ndiyo huwa chanzo haswa cha huko kugeukana kunakoambatana na vichapo vya ghafla baada ya kuoana. Mbaya zaidi wengine (wanawake) huamini kuwa ugomvi lazima utokee kwa hiyo kwa kulianzisha linakuwa kitu ambacho kipo tayari kichwani na haoni shida muda wowote 'kulianzisha' ili mradi tu.

    Hata hivyo, 'Punda bila bakora haendi na kama akienda atafika kwa kuchelewa". Usiniulize nani punda hapo!
     
  6. Neiwa

    Neiwa JF-Expert Member

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    Hizo ni kejeli! Haipendezi.
     
  7. OLESAIDIMU

    OLESAIDIMU JF-Expert Member

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    Babu heshima yako

    Kwa wingi wa makabila....tofauti ya kielimu....kipato na kadhalika hili jambo sidhani kama tutafikia muafaka hapa

    Mytake; Kupiga binadamu mwenzako (ukitoa mwizi...dhahir) hata kama ni mtoto si jambo la kiungwana achilia mbali mke. They say never say never ila circumnstances nyingine ukihadithiwa waweza unga mkono kuchapa japo kidogo tuuuuuuu
     
  8. Neiwa

    Neiwa JF-Expert Member

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    Umeeleza vizuri alafu ukaharibu hapo. Unasema ni haki mwizi kupigwa?
     
  9. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    Mar 7, 2012
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    kuachana inategemea mliapaje

    Hadi mkataba utakapofika mwisho?(serikalini)
    hadi talaka 3 ziwatenganishe?
    Hadi kifo kiwatenganishe?

    Ndio maana, baadhi wanaamua kubebana tu, wanatest kama inawezekana au la.
    Ikiwezekana, wanakuja kubariki ndoa badaae.


    Lakini pia kuacha kitu chochote huwa tunapima faida na hasara zake. Halikadhalika katika ndoa, kuachana kila mweza anapima faida na hasara. Hasara za kuachana zikiwa kuliko faida mtu anaendelea na ndoa na vice versa.

    Kwa hiyo, sidhani kama unaweza weka cut off line kirahisi sababu faida na hasara zenyewe ni subjective.
     
  10. Cantalisia

    Cantalisia JF-Expert Member

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    Hii taasisi ya ndoa ni pasua kichwa sana jaman!

    Nadhan mzingira haya ya maugomvi sio mazuri kbs,
    Na mambo haya yanatokea na watu kupritendi wakati wa mahusiano,kila mmoja kuonesha kuigiza uhalisia wake,
    Mwisho wa siku kuigiza kunafikia mwisho,uhalisia unachukua nafasi na hapo ndipo kila mtu anaona hamwezi mwenzie,
    Na hili sio kwa wanawake tu hata wanaume, hasa ikatokea pesa anayo ndio kbs inafunika kila aina ya uhalisia!
     
  11. OLESAIDIMU

    OLESAIDIMU JF-Expert Member

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    Neiwa yaan hapo I beg excuse

    1. Kama kungekuwa na system nzuri (police, mahakama na correction facilities) ningefikiria mara mbili kuhusu kufuta kauli sasa hivi otherwise tena kama kosa ni kubwa moto kabisaaaaaaaa ndo halali yao

    2. True Story; Hebu imagine wezi wameingia ndani, wameiba na kumbaka dada wa kazi mwenye nyumba (mdada pia) alijifungia chumbani kwake (ni kawaida yake kufunga usiku).......such animals wakikamatwa unataka wafanywaje kwa mfano????
     
  12. Neiwa

    Neiwa JF-Expert Member

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    Majibu yangu in blue.
     
  13. Speaker

    Speaker JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Mar 7, 2012
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    Mkuu kongosho,..
    Hivi haijawahi kutokea watu wakakaa mda mrefu then wakaenda kubariki
    ndoa na baada ya hapo ndo wakakosana?....just curious.

    Binafsi sidhani kama kuachana ni jambo jema,...niseme tu hivo kwa kifupi
    ila ukitaka maelezo yapo kiimani zaidi.

    Nadhani ingekuwa vyema kuchukua uamuzi wa kumfahamu mwenzako vyema
    kabla hamjaingia kwenye mkataba wa milele,NDOA.
    Lakini huku kukutana miezi miwili mna kimbilia kuandaa kadi za michango na
    harusi mmmmh,sidhani kama ndoa hizo huwa zinadumu.

    Sijao,lakini mchumba wangu tume fahamiana miaka takribani 6 sasa,tunategemea
    kufunga ndoa mwakani (hatuishi pamoja,usidhani nipo kwenye category ya wanao enda kubariki ndoa).

    Kwa kuwa tumekuwa pamoja mda mrefu,ana nifahamu nikikasirika nakuwa vipi,....ni katika hali gani
    naweza fanya something bad na nikiwa kwenye hali hiyo ani face kwa style gani ili nirudi to normal.
    Namfaham pia akiwa kwenye mood mbaya kama kukasirishwa anakuwa vipi na anaweza kufanya nini.

    Sidhani kama haya yote unaweza kuyajua ndani ya miezi mi3 au 6 then mnakimbilia kuoana.
    Ni vigumu sana,kuna vitu toka kwake nime vijua mwaka huu,lakini atleast najua kwamba
    kwa vyote ninavyo vijua so far vina vumilika na haviwezi sababisha kuachana.

    Nisi iongelee future sana,lakini kufahamiana vyema kunajenga msingi wa future yenu.
    Hata mkigombana na ikatokea mwenzako kashindwa kuzihimili hasira zake
    na akakuchapa kofi sio kwamba hakupendi,....tena yawezekana akafanya hivyo out of love.
    (nimewahi kupigwa kofi,...after that alistuka na kuomba msamaha,na nilikuwa nimefanya kitu kibaya
    kweli,.....she did what was right at that moment kuondoa hasira zake).

    Lakini kama kupigana ni tabia,kama kule kwetu,........ukikuta hamna ugari unampiga mkeo,..
    haja kufulia nguo una mpiga......mmmh,....HIYO NDOA HAIKUWA HIYARI YENU.
     
  14. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #14
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    Duh!
    Yaani hadi machozi yananilenga! Ndyoko, looks like according to you, matatizo yote ya ndoa anasababisha mwanamke ! We real have a long way to go if not an endless journey in unknown universe, kwa thinking ya namna hii. I still blame Adam, for starting it all with "ni huyo mwanamke uliyenipa ndio kanipa tunda nile".. badala ya kusema; nisamehe kwa kushindwa kukutii wewe creator wangu na kuwa dhaifu kwa kushauriwa na huyu mwanamke!
     
  15. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #15
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    Cantalisia, una mchumba? Je ukiwa naye unakuwa real?
     
  16. Cantalisia

    Cantalisia JF-Expert Member

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    Yes ninaye Kaunga,
    Yes nakua real kbs,kwan sioni sababu ya kuigiza wakati sitaweza kumaintain kuigiza kila siku,
    Na nivizuri kwan alinipenda km nilivo na amejikuta ananiona nipo ivo ivo siku zote za mahusiano yetu!
     
  17. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Mar 7, 2012
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    pale mwenza wako anaponyanyua mkono na kukubonda.... tafakari....chukua hatua
     
  18. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Great! Hata some of ur bad/nasty habits unashow?
     
  19. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

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    Kofi moja tu najifungasha zangu. Si uungwana hata kidogo.
     
  20. Cantalisia

    Cantalisia JF-Expert Member

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    Yes kaunga,he supposed to know kila kitu ili ajue km atawezana nami or not,

    I thx god amenielewa na kunizoeoa na kunirekebisha vile vinavorekebishika we are moving on,the same na kwake pia ilimfanya naye awe open nami nimeayazoeya ya kwake na kumrekebisha yanayorekebishika,

    Na yale yote yasiyorekebishika kwa pande zote tumeyatafutia namna ya kuvumiliana kwa vile kila mmoja anayajua ya mwenzie na namna ya kuyahandle!
     
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