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Jamii ipi iko sahihi?. . .

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Eiyer, Jun 11, 2012.

  1. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Nimejikuta nikijiuliza swali hili leo baada ya kupokea simu ya shemeji yangu(mke wa rafiki yangu)akiniambia ametengana na mume wake!. . . . . .Swali lenyewe ni kwamba kati ya jamii yetu(ya sasa a.k.a dot com)na ile ya kale(ya wazazi,babu zetu a.k.a mwaka 47) ni jamii ipi ilikua sahihi katika dhana ya ndoa?. . . . . Zamani(Babu DC utanisahihisha hapa kama nitakosea) kijana akitaka kuoa swala la mke mpaka mahari lilikua la wazazi,yaani kijana wa kiume hakuhusika na kutafuta mke wala mahari.Muolewaji nae alikua anaandaliwa kwaajili ya kumheshimu mume TU.Na alikua ni mama wa nyumbani,mlezi wa watoto.Pia ilikua ni aibu mwanamke huyu kuachika.Ila ndoa hizi zilidumu saaaana. . . . . Kwa upande wa sasa ni kinyume chake,kijana anatafuta mke anaemwona anafaa,analipa mahari,harusi kubwa,mwanamke nae hivyo hivyo,halei watoto,watoto wanalelewa na h/girl.Kuachika sasa sio aibu tena!Na ndoa nyingi zinavunjika siku hizi!. . . . . . Swali linakuja ni jamii ipi ilikua sahihi katika dhana nzima ya ndoa?Yaani iliyokua sahihi na lengo la muanzishaji wa ndoa(Mungu)je zamani au sasa?Kama ni sasa kwanini ndoa nyingi zinavunjika?Kama ni zamani,why don't we go back to our fore fathers?
     
  2. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

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    Eiyer dear kwanza nimechoka kuwa karia womani, nataka kuwa fultaimu hausiwaifu, so usijali nitakulea na watoto nitawahomsul!

    Tafuta tu pesa ya kutosha, yaani nipate hom aplayansis ambazo ndio watakuwa wasaidizi wangu, madish wosha, washing mashin, raisi kuka, majuisa nk.

    Kavakasheni hata mara moja kwa mwaka, kagari kakifanyia shopingi, kanyumba kenye garden nzuri, ukiweza na kaswimingi pul.

    Umeona mpenzi, l am ready to go back in time n assume the role of reproduction ili mradi wewe ufanye production za kutosha!

    Mmmwahhh!
     
  3. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    Eiyer kwa mtazamo wangu hakuna kilicho kuwa sahihi zaid kingine. kila aina ya maisha huwa inamapungufu na maongeo yake so kwazamani wapao waliokuwa wanatafutiwa wanaishia kuish maisha ya kuteseka wanachezea kipondo mwanzo mwisho, hadi wanapata ullemavu kwasababua tu si aliye kuwa akimpenda na wengine alidiriki hata kuzaa watoto nje ya ndoa zao, angalia kwa makin ndoa nyingi za miaka ya 50-80 wazee wale walikuwa wana watoto wa nje jiulize ni kwann?

    ishu ni kwamba wanawake wazamani unyago uliwafundisha kuvumilia zaid bila kujitetea manake nakumbuka hata enzi ambazo mim nakuw tulifundishwa kuvumilia tu na hapo tulifanyiwa vitu ambavyo leo hii ukivipeleka tena unyagon lazima haki za bnadam waje juu. manake tulifundishwa ujasiri n auvumilivu sana.

    sikuhizi ndoa ni nzuri watu wanajiamulia ila pia zina matatizo mengi na yamekuwa pronounced zaid kwakuwa kila mtu anajitetea. mabinti siyo wavumilivu tena ndoa wanainia wakiwa na upendo ili hali siye wengine ndoa tunaingia tukiwa na spirit ya kuvumilia kwanza, shukurani,heshima halafu ndipo upendo ukafuata. so nafikir ni vizuri tukayarudisha haya katika unyago zetu ili kuyajenga upya haya.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  4. HorsePower

    HorsePower JF-Expert Member

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    Jamii zote ziko sahihi kwa wakati wake ingawa pia kutokana na taratibu za hizo jamii, jamii hizo zimejikuta zinachangamoto zinazotofautiana. Katika jamii ya sasa wanawake wamepewa uhuru na fursa ya kuwa almost sawa na wanaume. Wanaexposure ya kutosha, wanaelimu ya kutosha (zamani elimu kwa wanawake ilikuwa ni NO) wanahaki ya kuchagua nini wafanye nini wasifanye, wanajitunza wenyewe(tofauti na zamani walikuwa mama wa nyumbani hivyo kuwa wanyonge kwa sababu ya kumtegemea mume-Siku hizi hawayumbishwi kwa kuwa wanajitegemea wenyewe kwa kazi zao!) Katika jamii nyingi za sasa, mwanamke ananguvu ndani ya familia kama mume, na kwa mwenendo huo kama ikitokea busara kukosekana ndani ya nyumba, basi vurugu lazima zitokee maana siku zote mafahari wawili hawakai nyumba moja!!!

    Na kikubwa zaidi kinlichovuruga jamii ya sasa ni kuporomoka kwa maadili na kukosa ustahimilivu kwa wanandoa. Zamani ilikuwa ukioa/ukiolewa unakuwa mwaminifu sana kwa mwenzi wako, siku hizi unataka kuoa kesho, leo unataka kukumbushia enzi na yule wa zamani au kutaka kuagana na yule wa zamani au unakuwa na nyumba ndogo! Siku hizi hakuna upendo wa kweli, kinochofuatwa ni pesa tu au status ya mtu na siyo moyo wa upendo kwa huyo mtu! Kuotka nje ya ndoa na mtu kumiliki mpenzi zaidi ya mmoja limekuwa ni jambo la kawaida na watu wala jamii ya sasa haishangai sana! Kama jamii haitabidilika nahisi jamii ya sasa itahamia kwenye ndoa za mikataba kama baadhi ya nchi za nje wanavyofanya ...
     
  5. MadameX

    MadameX JF-Expert Member

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    Naona jamii zote zina makosa na manufaa yake. Hiyo ya zamani somehow ilimdhalilisha mwanamke, unaposema mwanamke kuachika ni aibu inamaana unaishi kwenye hata kama haupo na amani for the sake of being married. Pili wanawake wengi walikuwa hawana jinsi ya kujikomboa wengi wao walikuwa mama wa nyumbani na mume alikuwa ni another god to her.

    Kitu ambacho huwa tunakimiss katika jamii hii ya zamani ni kuwa hata kama hakuna upendo lakini heshima ilikuwapo kila mtu anajua wajibu wake. Hii ndio inayoumiza saa hii jamii yetu ya dot com. Wanawake wengi wamejikomboa kielimu na huwa wanajitegemea, kwahiyo mwanamme akiwa hawajibiki ipasavyo mtu anaamua asipoteze muda wako kwahiyo kuachika siku hizi ni jambo la kawaida.
     
  6. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    i see..........



     
  7. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    mbona hujajibu swali?
     
  8. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    so kw mtazamo wako jamii tunayoishi sasa ndo iko sahihi,lakini umezungumzia side efect za zamani vipi upande mwingine?Au unataka kuniambia yote ya zamani hayakufaa?
     
  9. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    mbona umemzungumzia mwanamke tu?Inamaana mwanaume hajafaidika au kuathirika na jamii hizi?
     
  10. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    I know what u think,but why?
     
  11. Blaine

    Blaine JF-Expert Member

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    This +1. dependency =/= love, watu wengi wamesahau hii


    heshima inaenda kwa anayestahili, if u don't treat her right don't expect her to stay. Women no longer need us (men) for their 'daily bread' so if we mess up, they will just leave
     
  12. MadameX

    MadameX JF-Expert Member

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    Mwanaume athari zake ni opposite ya hapo juu ni kuwa amelost his masterhood na kwasasa ni wachache ambao wanakubali kuwa mke sio tu housewife bali pia ni partner in life. Sio kama hapo awali, mme ndio decision maker na hana ulazima ya kumshiriki mke kwenye maamuzi.

    Tatizo ninaloona mimi, Kwanza, watu wanabidi wakubali kuaadjust with changes. Siku hizi hakuna ndoa bila ya wawili wawe wamependana kwahiyo ushiriki wa wazee kukutafutia mke haupo tena. Pili, Wanawake siku hizi wanajitegemea kwahiyo kuachika is not a threat anymore. Tatu, tabia za watu zimebadilika, yaani inawezekana ukaishi na mtu kisanii sanii kila mtu anaangali advantages zake kwenye hiyo marriage rather than the real purpose of marriage.
     
  13. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    mbona Eiyer nimejaribu kukuelezea mtizamo mzuri wa mafundisho ya unyago? unless kama sijaweza kuiweka kwenye lugha nzuri na nyepesi. tofauti na ilivyo siku hizi eiyer sisi tulifunzwa kuheshimu na kuvumilia ndoa, wala hatukukaririshwa kuwa ndoa inajengwa na upendo.

    mfano dhahiri mimi nilibahatika kuchezwa zaid ya mara 3 kwa makabila tofauti. hii ilitokana na maisha ya zamani ya wazazi kuhama hama nilichezwa kimakonde, nikachezwa kimatumbi na kingoni pia. huu wa kimatumbi niliingia na wayao na wangindo. wa kimakonde niliingia na wamwera mchanganyiko wote huu wa makabila ulikuwa na lengo moja tu kwa kigori. nalo lilikuwa ni kumfundisha uvumilivu.

    sawa mambo ya kufanya tendo la ndoa iyo ilikuwa katika kipengele cha heshima na tulifundshwa kumuheshimu mume kitandani, kwa stail zote. ila pia kwa kua ajuza walijua matatizo ya ndoa walitufundisha ujasiri na uvumilvu kwa kutupeleka mkoleni. tena wa kingoni ulikuwa balaa manake tunaruka moto huku unatandikwa fimbo so ama uungue au ule bakora ama uruke moto. huo ulikua ni ujasiri sana manake fikiria dhana ya moto mkubwa wewe ukauruke uko uchi unategemea huyo mtu ni jasiri kiasi gani?

    nakumbuka siku unaenda unalia lkn unaambiwa lazima uende na uruke manake kukaa ndani ilikuwa ni raha sana lakin siku ya kupelekwa mkoleni ndipo kilio kinakukuta. wangoni walikuwa wanakataza kunyoa hata nywele za sehem za siri tuliambiwa uwa kile ndo chakula cha ajuza(nyakanga) na sasa ukifika kule yananyolewa kwa jivu la moto hakuna wembe wala nini panatiwa jivu kuziondoa kwa kunyonyoa kama unanyonyoa kuku . tulivumilia amtelling you.

    uvumilivu huo ulitufanya tukawa majasiri sana, leo hii ukienda leba kama pana binti mchaga anazaa kawaida utasikia kilio chake lkn mkute wa kingoni au kimakonde hata sauti huskii. ni kwanini, kwasababu tulifundishwa hivyo.

    sasa hata kwenye ndoa za zamani zilidumu sana kwasababu tuliambiwa kabisa nyie ndoa yakupasa kuvumilia na tukatishwa ukitoka kurud kwenu basi itakulazimu kuchezwa upya ukikumbuka kasheshe yake wala mguu hunyanyui.

    wadada wa siku hizi hawana haya mafunzo, wanalelewa wakiambiwa upendo ndo kila kitu matokeo yake wanaumizwa wanashindwa kuvumilia wanaondoka. natamani kama wangeyarudisha yale mafunzo binafsi niliyapenda sana. lakin sas hivi hatuna la kufanya. tuyaache kama yalivyo.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  14. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    Pia kwa faida ya msomaji nafikir ifike mahali wenye mahusiano wajitambue tu kwamba wanataka nini kwa wakati gani basi. wawe wawazi ila pia yampasa mwanamke zaid kuwa mvumilivu sana kwani yy ndiye atakaye kuwa muhanga wa matatizo yyte kwenye ndoa yake. Mathalani mwanamke asiye mvumilivu lazima tajitetea na anchfanya ni kuondoka kuanza maisha mapya sawa. Yeye atapata amani ya nafsi yake but vipi wale watoto aliowazaa je huyu hatakuwa muathirika mkubwa? na kwa mantiki hiyo kwanini tusiseme kuwa huyu mama ni mbinafsi?

    tuache tabia ya ubinafsi, tujali kufanya yale mbayoo tunakusudiwa kuyafanya kwa nafasi zetu uwe baba au uwe mama. Sion sababu yeyote ya kuzaa halafu wishowe mnakuja kuwaacha watoto njia panda like hawana maisa tena baba mashariki mama maharibi kisha wanaitwa wa mitaani. hii ni dhambai mbaya sana. sote tuvumiliane jamani.
     
  15. Blaine

    Blaine JF-Expert Member

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    mhh! utadhani mafunzo ya jeshi! you just increased my respect for women even more, so thank you. I don't support returning such practices now, unless they do a similar treatment for men. Sikupita jando (i am guy) so I don't know what goes on there, but if its anything like unyago then I'm glad I missed it.

    NB: sorry nimefupisha quote yako, it was too long
     
  16. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    na hapo ndipo penye tatizo siye wanawake tunahenyeshwa juu ya wanaume lkn wenzetu hawahenyeshwi matokeo yake ni kuchoka na kukata tamaa kwani enzetu wanakuwa mamwinyi juu yetu siye. na nafikir ndio maana hata siku hizi unyago umepoteza maana manake unamfunza mmoja mwenzie unamuacha haisaidii.
     
  17. Blaine

    Blaine JF-Expert Member

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    true. the practice should apply to both or neither.
     
  18. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

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    Yaani nimeenda more than kujibu swali, if you know what l mean.
     
  19. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    That's why i love u!
     
  20. mtotowamjini

    mtotowamjini JF-Expert Member

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    zamani mwanamke alikua anakaa ndani(housewife) mzee anaenda kutafuta pesa...dunia ya siku hizi wanawake wengi wanajua kutafuta pesa(sio tu wale waliosoma hata wa mtaani pia) ndio maana sasa hivi ndoa hazikai maana mke nae atakua busy mtaani na vibuzi vya kumpa hela...hamna mtu anataka kubaki nyuma kifedha au kimaendeleo
     
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