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Jamani wakwe wanatuchanganya;ushauri wenu chanya muhimu

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Prince Nadheem, Jul 28, 2012.

  1. Prince Nadheem

    Prince Nadheem JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jul 28, 2012
    Joined: Feb 25, 2012
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    Habari za ujenzi wa taifa wanajamii??

    Nadhani ijumaa ilikuwa ni njema sana kwenu. kwanza nitangulize shukurani kwenu wote maana tangu nijiunge na jukwaa limekuwa na msaada mkubwa saana kwangu katika nyanja mbalimbali kiasi cha kuwa kimbilio langu na mengi najifunza daily. Tukiachana na hilo sasa naomba kuhit nail on the head. Nimekuwa katika mahusiano na huyu mchumba wangu kwa karibu miaka 4 sasa na tulikutana chuoni wakati wa graduation yangu wakati huo yeye akiwa mwaka wa 1.

    Nilivutiwa nae sana kwa haiba yake na utaratibu wake na nikwa na imani kuwa yeye ndie wife material nilekuwa namuhitaji kuwa mama wa familia yangu. kwa kweli nami bila hiyana niilitangaza nia yangu ya dhati kwake. kwanza hakuwa ni mtu wa kuniamini kabisaa ila nilivoendelea kuwa king'ang'anizi kwake siku moja nilipoenda chuoni kumtembelea na kujua kafikia wapi na majibu ya ombi langu akaniomba tutafute sehemu anambie ukweli ambao hata hivyo nisingeufurahia na alihisi kuwa na alihisi kuwa baada ya pale ingekuwa mwisho wetu kukutana tena.

    Kwa kweli moyo ulienda mbio sana kwa kujua napewa makavu labda kutokana na kuwa king'ang'anizi. so tulikaa kimbweta kimoja cha pekeetu ndipo alipoanza kufunguka kuwa hawezi kuwa na mimi kwa sababu ya tofauti fulani. akendelea kuwa yeye pale alipo ana matatizo mengi ambayo haoni mtu wa kushare nae ila the only thing that she hope 4 her future life is her education only. so nilimuuliza kuwa kwa nini matatizo yake hawezishare na mimi na pia??? akasema kuwa yeye ana mtoto ambae alimpata akiwa form 3 na hivyo by then ikawa ndio mwisho wa elimu yake kwa kipindi kile.

    Akaendelea kuwa hata baba wa mtoto ambae alikua ni mwanafunzi mwenzie wa kidato kimoja nae pia alimkana kabisa na hawajakuwa na mawasiliano since then. Upande mwingine maisha yake ya nyumbani yalibadilika sana yakawa ni kama living hell kwake kwani familia nzima ilimtenga na hakuwa na thamani tena ila tu rafiki yake mmoja wa kike ndio alikua wa msaada pekee kwake. hivyo huyo rafikiye aliyekuwa ni mhudumu katika hotel moja kubwa tu hapa jijini aliamua kumsaidia baada ya yeye mwenyewe shule kumshinda kwa kufeli mara kwa mara so akaamua kumchangia baadhi ya gharama za masomo kama QT huku nae (mchumba wangu sasa) akifanya kazi kwa mama mmoja wa kipare kwa ujira kidogo kudarizi mashuka na vitambaa vya ndani. kuna mengi sana ya kusikitisha alinisimulia ila kama nikiweka yoote uzi unaweza kupoteza uelekeo so mi nasummarize tu kimtindo.

    So ni katika hayo mahangaiko yake bila msaada wowote kutoka katika familia aliweza kupata credit zote za form 4 na baadae alijiunga na center nyingine ya masomo ya A level kwa kuunga unga hivyo hivyo na alipata division three ila bahati ikawa kwake akapata chuo kama nilivyomuona. Back to topic after that background ilikuwa yeye tangu alipopata mimba hakuwa na imani na mwanaume wa aina yoyote ile na wala hakuwa na tegemeo lingine zaidi ya elimu so her whole attention was on education and nothing else. So akanambia kuwa hadhi yake imeshuka kwa yeye kuwa na mtoto na haoni kama kuna mwanaume atamkubali yeye due to the fact that ana mtoto na hapendi kumbebesha mtu mzigo wake kwani pia yeye ni yatima so alikulia kwa shangazi tu hadi hayo yanamkuta!!

    Kwa kweli nilimwambia ukurasa wangu wa mapenzi naufungua kwa pale nilipomkuta na shida zake zote nitajitahidi kwa kadiri niwezavyo (japokuwa bado sikuwa na kazi by then ) na hata mwanae kama akinipa nafasi nitamlea kama mwanangu wa damu. kuhusu mtoto yeye muda wote huu yupo kijijini kwa bibi so hata mimi bado sijamuona zaidi ya picha tu. so baada ya ushawishi sana ndio nikapewa nafasi.kweli tulipendana na bado tunapendana sana tulianza mahusiano na mi wiki mbili mbele niliitwa interview na kupata kazi. kweli nilimtunza miaka yake yote chuoni kwani mkopo alipewa 60% so the rest nilikuwa naicover mwenyewe pamoja na matumizi yake mengine pia na ameishi kwa furaha maisha yote ya chuo jambo ambalo limeongeza upendo wake kwangu. here comes an issue now,mwaka huu mwezi wa 5 nilipeleka barua ya posa kwao na wiki 3 mbele ilijibiwa vizuri kuwa nimekubaliwa posa yangu ila tu mshenga alinambia kuwa walihoji utayari wa mimi kuishi na mtoto huyo na kuhusu dini ambayo yeye amekubalinifuata mimi.

    Walionesha kama kutopendezewa kimtindo ila ndio hivyo wakakubali hiyo posa na majibu ninayo.Baada ya majibu tulipendekeza tarehe ya kupeleka mahari na mimi nikafunga safari hadi kwetu kupeleka taarifa ya nilipofikia na mategemeo ya kupeleka mahari.so na nyumbani kulingana nazile tarehe na jinsi ambavyo nilitegemea kufunga hiyo ndoa wakaseti tarehe za vikao tarehe baada ya tarehe yetu ya mahari. ilipokaribia wakasema kuwa hawatopokea wako bize na maandalizi ya harusi ya ndugu yao mwingine anaoa so hadi harusi ipite,hiyo ni wiki 3 mbele,wakati huo mikakati nyumbani ilikuwa inaenda kama ilivoppangwa na ukumbi ukalipiwa ili kuwahi tarehe tajwa ili mtu mwingine asijetuzidi.

    Baada ya wiki 3 na harusi kupita wakasema kuwa kuna baadhi ya ndugu zao kutika bush hawajaja so inabidi kungoja tena,sasa hapo ni kwa muda usiojulikana na wakati huo home tayari maandalizi ya kikao cha kwanza cha kamati yamekamilika na jumamosi watu wanakaa. kilichonisukuma hadi kuandika uzi huu ni kuwa leo usiku my GF baada ya kudodosa hapa na pale ni kuwa ndugu wanatupiana mpira na kuwa yale maamuzi ya majibu ya posa yalifanywa na ndugu wachache tu so wengine wamerise from nowhere wakilalamika kutengwa katika hilo jambo na hivyo haijulikani hatima ya yote hayo ni nini na baadhi wanasema hawabariki hilo jambo.nipo njia panda kwa mambo yafuatayo;


    1. Je tufanye tough decision sisi kama sis kuwa vitu kama mkaja wa mama apeleke mwenyewe kijijini kwa bibi na mahari abaki nayo yeye ili tuendelee na masuala mengine ambayo tayari yapo in motion ie taratibu za harusi hadi harusi yenyewe?
    2. Je nifanye maamuzi mengine magumu zaidi kwa kuwasimisha watu wa nyumbani na hayo maandalizi waliofikia hadi hapo kitakapoeleweka despite ya cost ambazo tumeingia? au nifanyeje? am stranded ndugu zangu

    NB; habari njema ni kuwa matokeo yake ya chuo yote yametoka leo na amefaulu vizuri akiwa na degree GPA ya 4.2 ila ilikuwa ni furaha ya muda mfupi kabla hili bomu kulipuka Natanguliza shukurani za dhati na samahani sana kwa uzi mrefu namna hii.
     
  2. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jul 28, 2012
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    poleni, ningekuwa mie, tungeanza kuishi wote tu hiyo ndoa mkabariki baadae, tena mjaze na mimba kabisa.
     
  3. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jul 28, 2012
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    Mhhh! Kongosho mwache binti atafute ajira kwanza...ila la kuishi pamoja nakubaliana nawe.


     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  4. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jul 28, 2012
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    ha ha ha, atafute kazi eeh
    sio a-mark kwanza 'territory' yake?

    Ila waishi tu hata kama wasipozaa sasa.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  5. Me370

    Me370 JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jul 28, 2012
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    Acheni kujibebesha jukumu la kuwasomesha mabinti. Huenda hakutaki hao ndugu wanafanywa kisingizio anaogopa kukWambia. Mwanamke alozalia nyumbani na kutengwa huwa hana usumbufu wwt.
     
  6. The Only Kilo

    The Only Kilo JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jul 28, 2012
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    Aisee mkuu fanya mpango wa kuchunguza kwa undani zaidi maana sasa hao ndugu wanaoleta kiwingu wanaweza wakawa ndo ndugu zake wa karibu sana ikute wale waliomlea ni ndugu tu katika familia ambao hawana sanaa blood closeness......mi key advice hapa ni kuchululia mambo polite ukizingatia ndoa kama ndoa ipo so long as huyo kazuri anakupenda!
     
  7. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jul 28, 2012
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    Binti si yuko tayari kwa lolote?
    Endelea na mipango yako.....
     
  8. MadameX

    MadameX JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Jul 28, 2012
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    Mkuu hiyo ni summary, kuna watu wanapenda fani zao.

    Back to the topic, kwanini wewe usiwasiliane na hao ndugu kujua ukweli wa mambo hasa huyo shangazi na bibi aliyemlea, hao wengine sioni umuhimu wa maamuzi yao. Maana tarehe zinakaribia na watu wanaanza panga pangua ya harusi na huku hakijulikani kinachoendelea.

    Worst case scenario fanyeni civil marriage kama dini ni issue na hapo sidhani kama mtaulizwa wazee wamekubali, tafuteni wapambe wenu wawili mashuhuda wa ndoa yenu.
     
  9. Angel Msoffe

    Angel Msoffe JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Jul 28, 2012
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    yeye ni YATIMA ALIKUA ANAISH KWA SHANGAZI alipozaa walimtenga na hawakumpa msaada wowote akasaidiwa na marafiki kusoma hadi akamaliza chuo,INAKUAJE KWENYE SWALA LA MAHARI WANAJITOKEZA NDUGU WEENGI KUPINGA AMBAO HAWAKUWAH KUSHIRIKI KUMSAIDIA KIMAISHA NA KIMASOMO WAKATI AKIWA ANASHIDA,peleka mahari kwa shangazi mlezi na bibi hao wengine watagawiwa/watataarifiwa na FUNGENI NDOA NA MUNGU ATAWABARIKI
     
  10. Angel Msoffe

    Angel Msoffe JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jul 28, 2012
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    kwahiyo kama ni ndugu wa karibu wanauhalali gani wa kukwambisha ndoa ya bint wakati hata msaada wa malezi hawakumpa?
    akufaae kwa dhiki
     
  11. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Jul 28, 2012
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    Pole sana aisee. Nyie kwa upendo huu mtakuwa na ndoa nzuri sana, manake mlipendana wote mkiwa maskini. Big up.

    Hiyo ya kufuatilia tarehe za mahari sio kazi yako. Muweke mshenga wazi, muambie amuulize mshenga wa kule kinachoendelea na waone wanakusaidiaje. Hao ndugu zake mchumbao hawana upendo. Mie najua mchuma janga hula na wa kwao, na wakati wa upendo mkubwa ni pale mtu anapokwama. Usitegemee watakupa sympathy yoyote manake hawaoni kama mafanikio ya huyo dada kama yana maana. Kwa sababu kama alionyesha bidii na kufaulu QT, walipaswa kumsamehe na kumsaidia. Ukijiingiza kwenye mazungumzo nao utaishia kuweka bifu nao na ndoa yenu kuwa ngumu zaidi.

    Mtafutie mchumbao kazi. Mshenga aka-conclude kule kwao. Kama hakieleweki ningekuwa mie ningefunga ndoa bila kulipa hiyo mahari, nitawalipa baadae kwa invoice. Kuishi pamoja iwe last resort, lakini immediately mrudi kwenye taratibu za kidini na kuweka mambo sawa.
     
  12. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jul 28, 2012
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    mkuu pole sana kwa hili lakin ngoja nikutie moyo hakuna ndoa ilishawah tangazwa ikapita pasi vikwazo hata mara moja toka kwa ndugu, na pia ndoa ambazo hupitia vikwazo hivi mara nyingi ni zile ambazo ni right choice kwamaana nyingine ni mkeo huyo. zile zinazopita bila vikwazo watu wakajitoa kwa masherehe ya kufa mtu ndo ambazo mara nyingi hazidumu.

    wengine wetu tumepita kwenye misukosuko yakufanana na hiyo wakati tulipotangaza kuolewa/kuoa. so yaani msikose usigizi kabisaaa kwa hili jueni litapita tu na mtaish pamoja.

    ushauri wangu hapa:-

    1) mwombe mshenga wako na wazazi wako waende huko ukweni kwako wakatoe tamko lao la mwisho na mwambie . wazazi wako waseme kabisa kwamba wao wanataka tarehe ya kuposa ili harusi ipite. na tena ili kuwakata kidomodomo hakikisha kila kitu kwako kiko kizuri yaani usikose chochote wanachokitaka ili wasikuwekee kauzibe.

    2) mwambie binti awe na msimamo sana kipindi hiki na aseme anataka nini mtu wa akuongea nae ni mama yake na baba yake na wala sio hao ndugu wengine. ahakiakishe anawaelezea kwa umakini kabisa nini anachokitaka kwa siku gani.

    3) hayo mawili yakiwa yanaendelea wewe endelea na mipango yako ya harusi kama kawaida na tena tangaza kabisa kila kitu. ikifika mpaka hiyo tarehe funga ndoa hata kama hawajakuja fugeni ndoa kanisani/mskitini umchukue mkeo manake hapo wala siyo dhambi hata kidogo. mahari utawapelekea siku wakitaka.

    4) kamwe usisikilize ushauri wa kushindwa hata kidogo wala watu wasikutishe eti mtapata laana hapana, Mungu naye uwa anajua nia yenu kama mlijitoa kiasi hicho halafu wao ndo hawataki hamna makosa. endelea na taratibu zako zote za ndoa na tarehe ya ndoa uwaambie kabisa ili wajue wanajidhalilisha.

    ila pia soma na ushauri wa wengine ili uchague kwa busara cha kufanya.
     
  13. Purple

    Purple JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Jul 28, 2012
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    Sasa kama ndugu walimtenga all those years na wala hawajui nani aliyemsaidia kupata elimu mpaka kumaliza chuo iweje kwenye issue ya mahari ndo wanakua mstari wa mbele???nilitegemea huyo binti ndo wa kuamua kila kitu ndugu wawe wasindikizaji tu!
     
  14. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Jul 28, 2012
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    aka kwa situation hii hali siyo kama unavyodhania wewe. binti anampend kaka na wameshakubaliana. na sidhani kama binti angeweza kushawish familia kumkataa mchumba wake kwastail hii.
     
  15. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Jul 28, 2012
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    hata kama ni ndugu wa damu wana uhalali gani wa kumwekea kiwingu dada yao? kwani watamuoa wao? kama huyu binti hana wazazi alilelewa na ndugu shangazi nk yawezekana ni wivu wao wa kutotaka binti aolewe na hapa ukiangalia kwa makini inawezekana watoto wengine kwenye ukoo ambao hawakupita makubwa kama ya huyu binti hawajaleta wachumba nyumbani so huyu asiyedhaniwa kuleta mchumba wa maana tayari wivu umeanza na makwazo kibao. ndugu wa ukoo ni wabaya sana aisee acheni tu.
     
  16. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Jul 28, 2012
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    yaani Purple wala haihitaj shule kujua kwamba ndugu wa huyu binti walijua maisha yake ndo kwishney wakasahau kwamba maisha ya mtu hupangwa na mungu tu na yeye ndiye ajuaye mtu atapita wapi. hawa ni ndugu lawama tu.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  17. Ruttashobolwa

    Ruttashobolwa JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Jul 28, 2012
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    hapo umenena solution ni mimba
    haya mambo yana umisha kichwa sana!
     
  18. Purple

    Purple JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Jul 28, 2012
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    kweli ati wanatafuta sababu tu! Hawa dawa yao ni hao wapendanao kuoana mahari wataifuata wenyewe!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  19. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

    #19
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    hicho ndo nilichokisema waoane mahari ifwatwe na wenyewe baadae.
     
  20. GreenCity

    GreenCity JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Jul 28, 2012
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    ndio njia sahihi ya kuokoa upendo. Naunga mkono!
     
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