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Jamani nifanyeje?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by mtanzania in exile, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. mtanzania in exile

    mtanzania in exile Senior Member

    #1
    Mar 15, 2012
    Joined: Feb 17, 2012
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    Habari wanajamii,

    Nina tatizo zito na naomba ushauri wenu. Stori ni ndefu lakini nitajaribu kuifanya ndogo na ieleweke.

    Miaka kama mitatu hivi iliyopita nilihamia katika mji mwengine kikazi na katika harakati za kutafuta nyumba nilikutana na kijana wa kitanzania ambae alinisaidia sana ikiwa na pamoja na kunipa ushauri wa sehemu gani ni safe zaidi kuishi na sehemu gani ni za kuziepuka katika mji huu. Baada ya hapo tukawa marafiki wakubwa, akanijulisha kwa mkewe na mwanawe, pia kwa ndugu zake wote waishio hapa. Tumezoeana sana kiasi kuwa tunatoka sana pamoja, tunatembeleana,, tunasaidiana matatizo, na mambo mengi tu, kwa ufupi tuko close sana tu.

    Katikati ya mwaka jana mke wa rafiki yangu alianza kuniuliza masuali juu ya mumewe, kama jee najua ana nyumba ndogo, na masuali hayo yalikuwa akiyaleta kila tukikutana. Kusema ukweli huyu rafiki yangu siamini kama ana nyumba ndogo kwa namna anavyompenda mkewe na mwanawe, daima mazungumzo yake ni kuhusu maisha mazuri na ya furaha aliyonayo na baraka aliopewa ya kuwa na mke na mtoto. Nami nimemueleza mkewe na kumhakikishia kwa kadri ninavyojua mimi mumewe hana nyumba ndogo, na daima anapokuwa na mimi hajawahi kuongea nyumba ndogo au kufafata wanawake mitaani. Baada ya miezi michache maongezi yakabadilika na sasa akawa tukikutana anasema ana uhakika kuwa mumewe ana nyumba ndogo kwa sababu hamshuhulikii chumbani na ni kwa muda mrefu sasa na pia yuko cruel na hata alishawahi kumpiga. Nilimshauri azungumze na mashemeji zake, lakini alikataa na kusema kuwa mashemeji zake watafurahi mno kwani hawampendi na walikuwa against na ndo yao toka siku ya mwanzo. Nilijitolea kuwa nitazungumza na rafiki yangu, lakini pia akakataa kabisa idea yangu.

    Anyway, hivi karibuni alifika nyumbani kwangu bila ya taarifa, na baada ya muda mchache tu wakuwepo kwangu akasema kuwa anavutiwa na mimi na anataka kufanya mapenzi nami there and then, na akajileta karibu yangu huku akipunguza mavazi yake. Niliruka kama baruti na kuwa mkali niwezavyo na kumuonya kwa kitendo alichifanya. Alianza kulia na kuomba samahani, baada ya kumtuliza na kumsihi asirudie tena tulikubaliana tusahau yaliopita na hakuna haja ya kumueleza mumewe na akaondoka zake.

    Mara baada ya kuondoka akanitumia message kwenye mobile yangu kusema kuwa bado ananifikiri na hawezi kunitoa kichwani mwake. Nilimjibu kuwa awache kuniandikia message za namna hii na kumkumbusha kuwa mimi ni rafiki mkubwa wa mumewe na isitoshe mumewe anampenda sana tu. Hata hivyo hiyo haikuwa dawa text zilikuwa zinazidi kuja nami nikizidharau kuzijibu nikitegema kuwa atachoka, lakini haikuwa hivyo. Kuna siku nikakutana nae mitaani na akasema kama siko tayari kuwa na affair nae basi atavunja urafiki wetu mimi na mumewe kwa kumwambia kuwa nilimjaribu siku moja, na akasema kwa namna anavyomjua mumewe na anavyompenda atamuamini tu. Niliamu to call her a bluff na nikasisitiza kuwa haitatokea hata siku moja nikamsaliti rafiki yangu.

    Tatizo ni hili, hivi karibuni rafiki yangu amekuwa ananikwepa kwepa sana, na hata tukizungumza mazungumzo ni mafupi na hayuko na mood kama za zamani. Hata simu sin sana kunipigia na ninapompigia simu haidumu hata dakika tano wakati zamani tulikuwa tunakaa kwa muda mrefu mno. Juzi nimekutana na mdogo wake na yeye pia amekuwa na mood za maajabu kwangu. Nahisi huyu mwanamke ametimiza ahadi yake na amemwambia uongo mumewe juu yangu. Kwa sasa nataka kumuweka chini rafiki yangu na kutaka kujua ni kwa nini amebadilika.

    Jee ndugu zangu, ikiwa rafiki yangu ataniambia sababu ni kuwa nimemjaribu mkewe, mimi nifanyeje? nimueleze ukweli? nimuonyeshe messages zote alizonitumia mkewe? Jee ni lipi bora nivunje urafiki au nivunje ndoa ya rafiki yangu? nahisi nikikaa kimya watu wataanza kusema sema na jamii ya watanzania hapa soon wote watajua na kuniona mimi kama mhaini mkubwa. Naomba ushauri wenu, jee nifanyeje?
     
  2. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Mar 15, 2012
    Joined: Mar 21, 2011
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    pole!

    Kwanza pima maji, je ukimuleza rafiki yako, unahisi itavunja ndoa yao??
    Kama haivunji mweleze, maana utatengwa soon.
     
  3. Mwali

    Mwali JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Mar 15, 2012
    Joined: Nov 9, 2011
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    pole sana. hata sijui unafanyaje hapo... ngoja waje
     
  4. Edward Teller

    Edward Teller JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Mar 15, 2012
    Joined: Oct 31, 2010
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    preemptive attack is the best way of defence-
    kama unaona atakuharibia-ni bora umtafute mumuwe then umueleze
     
  5. Vaislay

    Vaislay JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Mar 15, 2012
    Joined: Jun 26, 2011
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    duuu hii ndo dunia.kwanza pole sana....mi naona bora ung'oe mzizi wa fitina
     
  6. farkhina

    farkhina Platinum Member

    #6
    Mar 15, 2012
    Joined: Mar 14, 2012
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    Ushauri wangu ni kuvunja ukimya mwambie rafiki yako each and every thing maana ukificha end of the day utakuja kuonekana wewe ndo mbaya na kila baya utabebeshwa wewe
     
  7. Vinci

    Vinci JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Mar 15, 2012
    Joined: Jul 6, 2009
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    Watu wenye upeo kama wewe wa kuthamini na kukumbuka fadhila na kusimamia maamuzi ni wachache, cha msingi kabla hujamueleza mume wake, jaribu kutafakari itaweza kuwa chachu ya kuvuruga uhusiano wao au la, kwani ni tayari mkewe ameshakuuza kwa mumewe na ndugu zake, kwani alikuwahi kwa kuona msimamo wako huenda ukamuwahi wewe ukawa taabu kwake, hizo sms anaweza kukugeuka na kusema wewe ndio ulikuwa unamsumbua hivyo akawa anakujibu hivyo baadae akaona amueleze mumewe kwa ushahidi. tumia busara chunguza kwanza chanzo cha hao wenyeji wako waliokupokea kubadilika, na kable hujafanya hivyo ongea kwanza na mke wake umueleze mabadiliko na pia mjulishe kuwa unategemea kufishikisha vitimbi vyote kwa ushahidi kwa mumewe endapo atakuwa alimueleza kuwa uliwahi kumtaka kimapenzi. kupitia yeye pia unaweza kugundua mengi na pia ni rahisi kujipanga namna ya kujibu mashambulizi, weka ushahidi wako vizuri kwani pia ni rahisi kuupoteza kama atagundua bado umetunza kumbukumbu za scenes zote alizokuwa anacheza katika kukushawishi wewe.
     
  8. D

    Dotowangu JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Mar 16, 2012
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    Huyo rafiki yako anakosea! Inabidi akuite akuulize kulikoni?? Sio kukununia wanaume huwa tunaelezana tunapotofautiana tukishindwa kuelewana tunazichapa kidogo..
     
  9. salito

    salito JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Mar 16, 2012
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    me nadhani wewe achana nae tu huyo rafiki yako,utapata wengine,maana hana busara,alipaswa akueleze kulikoni,ila hakikisha haupotezi ushahidi,akiona umempotezea atajileta tu na utajua kulikuwa n tatizo gani,utamweleza ukweli,akiamin sawa asipoamini ataaminishwa na wengine maana huyo mkewe inaelekea ni mapepe,na zaidi ukikurupuka na kumwambia wewe mapema hatakuamini,maana mwenzio mapenzi yamemuelemea..
     
  10. HorsePower

    HorsePower JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Mar 16, 2012
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    Pole, lakini unaweza kujaribu kutafuta rafiki yako na kumuuliza kuwa unahisi uhusiano wenu na urafiki wenu umeanza kulegalega. Inawezekana kuna mambo mengine tofauti kabisa na hilo suala lako na shemeji yako ambalo limetokea na ndiyo linalomkera. Nashindwa kushawishika moja kwa moja kuwa huyo shemeji yako anaweza kuwa na roho mbaya kiasi hiki kukushtaki kwa mumewe kwa kosa ambalo si lako, ingawa inaweza kuwa hivyo!

    Kama ikitokea kwenye mazungumzo yenu atatoa sababu tofauti, then unaweza kuyamaliza kirahisi ila kama atasema kuwa ulimjaribu mkewe, basi ni bora usimame kwenye ukweli utakuweka huru. Muonyeshe meseji za mkeo ili wewe ujisafishe usije ukachukiwa na kuja kufanyiwa mabaya na yeye au ndugu zake au watu atakaowatuma kwa kosa ambalo haujalitenda.

    Ukitokea amekataa wito wako, ni vyema ukakaa mbali na hiyo familia (kimawasiliano) kwa muda ili kumuacha huyo rafiki yako kupunguza hasira then uanze pilikapilika za kumtafuta tena. Zoezi la kumpata likiwa gumu unaweza kumtafuta rafiki yenu (wewe na yeye) ukamwombe awaunganishe kuongea ili kulimaliza hili suala.

    Pole,

    HorsePower.
     
  11. edcv

    edcv Member

    #11
    Mar 16, 2012
    Joined: Feb 22, 2012
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    Analysis:
    Kuna mawili (a)umueleze, (b)usimueleze. BEST CASE SCENARIO: (a)Ukimweleza-atakuelewa, mtayaongea ww, mkewe, yy na wapatanishi yataisha. (b) Usipomweleza-watakununia yy na family yake, watakutenga bila kukushtaki kwa watanzania wengine-u'll loose a friend, u'll get another1,maisha yanaendelea. WORST CASE SCENARIO: (a) utavunja ndoa yake, pia urafiki hautakuwa kama mwanzo. (b)Usipomweleza-U'll loose most of tanzanians trust and support(Ila sio binadamu wote huamini2 vitu jst like that).

    Parameters:
    1) Una heshima yako ambayo unataka kuilinda(U ddnt do that).
    2)Una urafiki na Support ya watanzania
    3)Kuwa gentleman(protecting your friends marriage)

    Solution:
    1) Heshima kama ipo ipo2 dont feel unatakiwa kupigana kuilinda(kama ni kwa reason hii usimwambie).
    2)Kama urafiki wako ulikuwa wa thamani kwake kungekuwa na trust, kama kulikuwa na trust atakuja kukuambia na kukuamini(kama ni kwa sababu hii usimwambie, atayaona mwenyewe baadae)
    3)protecting the marriage you say? (there is no precious thing in that marriage to protect in the first place). Nakuunga mkono 100% kumueleza rafiki yako kwa sababu hii. He is your friend, you are his eye where he can't see. Msaidie kurekebisha matatizo katika ndoa yake. If its not you today atampenda mwingine tommorow. Plz rudisha fadhila alizokupa rafikio kwa kumsaidia kuokoa ndoa yake.
    Conclusion:
    Tafuta mtu m1 mwenye busara, mueleze, mpe na evidence. Kisha we na yeye mumface rafiki yako in a wisest enviroment possible. NA PAMOJA MTAOKOA KIZAZI HIKI KILICHOPOTEA. (Best of luck)
     
  12. s

    sonny Member

    #12
    Mar 16, 2012
    Joined: Mar 12, 2012
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    Suala likowazi ukimtafuta huyo rafiki yako atakupa ukweli huo,so mie naona bora uwaache na maisha yaho na usiwvunjie ndoa we endlea na maisha utapata marafiki wengne
     
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