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Instead of judging ask questions

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Felixonfellix, Apr 29, 2010.

  1. Felixonfellix

    Felixonfellix JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Apr 29, 2010
    Joined: Feb 16, 2010
    Messages: 1,682
    Likes Received: 3
    Trophy Points: 135
    We all know that we are not suppose to judge others. Jesus couldn’t have been more clear on this matter. Yet, we constantly judge our spouse every week! How? We have negative beliefs about our spouse and we make assumptions (or judgements) about their thoughts or actions.
    For example, I struggle with negative beliefs about my wife that she will yell at me if I mess up. Of course this is a result of past experiences, but it is still a judgement against her. Because what if I’m wrong? Also, how do I know that my negative attitude about her is not setting her up to escalate? My negative beliefs will get me worked up and upset before I ever have an interaction with her!
    Instead of assuming that we know what our spouse thinks or feels, we need to ask if we are accurate. It would sound like, “Hey, I’m probably wrong about this, but it seems like you’re really mad at me. Is this accurate?”
    We can stop judging our spouse by simply asking questions and being open to a different possibility.
     
  2. Felixonfellix

    Felixonfellix JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 29, 2010
    Joined: Feb 16, 2010
    Messages: 1,682
    Likes Received: 3
    Trophy Points: 135
    We all know that we are not suppose to judge others. Jesus couldn’t have been more clear on this matter. Yet, we constantly judge our spouse every week! How? We have negative beliefs about our spouse and we make assumptions (or judgements) about their thoughts or actions.
    For example, I struggle with negative beliefs about my wife that she will yell at me if I mess up. Of course this is a result of past experiences, but it is still a judgement against her. Because what if I’m wrong? Also, how do I know that my negative attitude about her is not setting her up to escalate? My negative beliefs will get me worked up and upset before I ever have an interaction with her!
    Instead of assuming that we know what our spouse thinks or feels, we need to ask if we are accurate. It would sound like, “Hey, I’m probably wrong about this, but it seems like you’re really mad at me. Is this accurate?”
    We can stop judging our spouse by simply asking questions and being open to a different possibility.
     
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