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In love, it’s about teamwork

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by BAK, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    [TD="class: contentheading"]In love, it's about teamwork
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    [TD="class: createdate"]Saturday, 02 June 2012 12:50
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    [​IMG]Partner power: Women need to open up and let their men know what they really want.PHOTO I file

    By Cuthbert Mahimbo


    It is said that women are strong. Politicians and female activists even go further to say that educating a girl is educating the nation. In today's world, women are front-runners in every field, steering movements and leading campaigns. East Africa is gradually maturing in their feminist movements and by far, women have made huge steps in politics and leadership.

    However, when it comes to relationships a womanis weak as a baby (mhhh!).The African culture is not making it any easier for the womenfolk; the reigning streaks of patriarchy have enclosed women inside a thorny ground making it impossible for them to dance freely to the tune of sex. They say that a woman is born shy and one who is not, is a witch.

    Following these stereotypical trends, many women are ‘okay' with the status quo in the bedroom. They are afraid of taking their creativity to the next level lest they be branded bad names. On the flip side are men, hands on captains, navigating the sex ship to a destination of their choice. And all this because women are afraid of complaining when it hurts, or when they don't quite get there. Sex talk is a taboo in the African culture. Being open about it and to a man, be he your husband or partner is out of this world.

    Going round in circles
    Caroline, 29, a mother of two and an entrepreneur based in Dar es Salaam explains the circles she had to go through to fully enjoy her conjugal rights. Six months into marriage, poor Caroline was tormented by the lousy show from her husband.

    "I couldn't tell my husband straight to his face that he wasn't satisfying me sexually. So, I sent the complaints to my mother-in-law who had a chat with my father-in-law. He must have shared some techniques with his son, because there was noted improvement in the performance," says Caroline who admits that speaking to her husband directly would have ruined their marriage.

    Making room for ‘side dishes'
    However, not so many women have Caroline's courage to share such deep bedroom secrets. Thousands of women suffer quietly inside the four walls, for years with no one to confide in. Others talk to friends who offer misleading advice like finding a mpango wa kando (man on the side) to quench their thirst.

    Richard Mozat*, 27, an accountant in Dar es Salaam has been having a clandestine affair with someone's wife. The woman gets everything from her marriage apart from sexual satisfaction. "Our affair kicked off as a joke but it ended up in bed. The woman couldn't stop thanking me for making her feel like a brand new woman. She asked me on the spot to be ‘helping her out' whenever she was in need. My woman friend, cannot face her husband and ask him to up his game," says Mozat*.

    It is true that many women who cheat on their husbands do so because their men do not satisfy them in that horizontal indulgence. Some women are willing to part with big amounts of money in exchange for the ‘satisfaction'.

    Marriage-fixing tool
    Zelfa Hamis famously known as Aunt Zelfa is a marriage trainer. Brides-to-be learn from her how to take care of their husbands and protect their marriages. She has been doing the job for almost fifteen years now and she says sex is an important aspect in any relationship.

    According to Zelfa, many women fail to recognize sex as an important tool in marriage. Since she is a sex guru, it doesn't surprise her when women open up to her regarding their sexually unfulfilled lives. Surprisingly, the women who complain about getting a raw deal from their husbands admit to shying away from talking it out with their partners. "It is natural that African women are shy and they can't tell their men what they want in bed but I always advise them on how to handle the issue," says Aunt Zelfa.

    The marriage trainer says that sex is not something an African woman can discuss with a man. But if push comes to shove, and a relationship is at risk, some rules might have to be broken.

    "Sometimes, I advise women to intoxicate themselves with alcohol (Mhhh!)before sex, so that they can be courageous enough to tell their men how they want it," she says.The mother of three is fully against infidelity in marriage as it brings in more complexities like diseases and emotional strains. "Sex is sweeter when done with someone you love. Discussing how best to enjoy it is the only way out," says Zelfa.

    Men aren't mind readers
    At the back of a man's mind when making love, he wants to please himself as much as he wants to please his partner. He is proud when the woman dances to his tune without ‘faking it'. But if a woman has never really gotten there, and she doesn't talk about it, men do not turn into some breed of mind-reading angels. You have to express your personal desires or sexual needs to fully enjoy the ride.

    But many women accuse men of being selfish in the bedroom. They say that some men use women as motionless sex objects, which can be switched on and off at will. "A man walks into a room, five minutes later, he wants it. No discussions about it because he is your husband," says Imelda a 28-year-old woman from Dar es Salaam.

    Zablon Macha, a married man living in the capital admits that some men can be selfish and cruel when it comes to sex. The 36-year-old father of two says men don't like being challenged especially in bed. Their ego doesn't allow it.

    According to Zablon, a woman who goes graphic in her description of how she likes it done makes the man feel inferior. Some men may even overreact to such situations. "A real man is polite and sensitive to the sexual needs of his woman," he says. Though he does not want to reveal the secret behind his blissful marriage, Macha says he and his wife converse before, during and after the act.

    "I ask her what she enjoyed the most and how she wants it improved next time. This candid talk ensures that I give her maximum satisfaction each time," reveals Macha who adds that it is up to men to get their women to speak out on their sexual desires.
    woman@thecitizen.co.tz This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it


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  2. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    We know that you ar not mind readers, but when you are informed on how to make it hit the roof mnabisha na kuona mnasumbuliwa blah blah!
    That mother-in-law who saved her son's marriage is coming from pluto! Hawa wa siku hizi ukimuambia tu ndo anatangaza kuwa unamtangaza mwanawe na kumtaftia mwanamke immediately!
     
  3. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    That is very true King'asti
     
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  4. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    well said King'asti, to add up what you have said, wanawake wengi ndani ya ndoa huwa wanabakwa. Thare is np real love makin inside in such a way wengine wanadiriki kusema tulipokuwa wachumba things were different from now.

    wanaume wenyewe walevi, akirudi home saa sits n ayuko tungi , maskini ya mungu wewe mama umechoka na usingizi umeshakupitia kabisa hadi mdomo umechacha, akija hana discussion anataka haki yake na apande akune nazi full stop. Ukilogwa ukisema mkali tena anakujibu nimechoka iuliz huo sio ubakaji?Men need to change their the most reasons why women cheat.
     
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  5. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Sasa best ina maana part ya kwanza umeigomea? Kuna dada alikatiza mjini akasimuliwa habari ya viuno, kwenda kujaribisha home zoezi liliishia hapo na ugomvi wa kutosha. Alionekana cheater!
    Kwenye relationship nyingi, hii topic ni ngumu sana aisee. Haijadiliki bila kuishia kwa mwanamke kuomba msamaha..
     
  6. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    .....aisee... Naomba ni print nikampelekee mamsap bana. I hope kwa somo hili atafunguka zaidi bdala ya kumtaja 'yethu' mwanzo mwisho :p
     
  7. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Gfsonwin, hiyo ndo usiseme! Manake jitu limepotea asubuhi, hujamsikia hata simu wala sms ya kukutongoza! Kutwa anachat na anaowajua mwenyewe. Weye unaambiwa niko busy (ila jf ana posts 20,000).
    Akitoka ulevini akutokee kama ghost (kama hajarudi chakari na kujiangusha na kukoroma kama anakata roho!). Na wakati anaparamia omba Mungu awe walau kaoga na kuswaki basi, kha!

    Mwenye masikio na asikie,lol
     
  8. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Unachosema Best ni kweli tupu, inashangaza sana katika ndoa nyingi mke na mume hawana uhuru wa kujadili haya mambo kwa kina. Mke akisema wajaribu kitu ambacho hawajawahi kufanya basi mume anakuwa mbogo, nani kakufundisha haya mambo....basi inaweza kuwa kasheshe ya hali ya juu na si ajabu kuiweka ndoa katika hati hati.
     
  9. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    kuna ambao nilikwenda kuongelea ishu zao kama usuluhishi eti kisa mama kawa innovative baba kahisi ana dume jingine linalompa shule loh! ilikuwa balaa kabisa. huku na huku tukajua tatizzo la baba niko wapi, yaani kabamia kadogo alafu hajui kukatumia ndio maana mama akamuua awe anajipimia japo kamfikishe so wnaume wajitambue kwanza
     
  10. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Mhhhhh! hahahahahaha lol! aisee umenichekesha sana LOL! Dongo kali hilo
     
  11. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    na hapa ndipo kasheshe King'asti, raha kama mnakunywa basi iwe ni kwa wote ili mkiingia mchezoni hakuna wa kumkera mwenzie, jitu lilkija na harufu yake ya bia halafu halijakutana na mswaki lol! mbona utatamani kuhama chumba?

    miye huwaga nasma wanaume hawapendi kabisa uchafu lakin ni wachafu kupita kawaida aisee lolololol tena ni wavivu wa kuoga uspime. kama wanabisha waseme
     
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  12. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Hapo ndo nnapochika mie! Sasa kama unahisi kuna kidume chenye ujanja kukuzidi, ukali utasaidia? Si bora ujijanjarushe na wewe! Mbona sie kutwa tunashindana mapigo na small houses,kha!
    Shauri yao bwana! Watajiongeza!
     
  13. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    gfsonwin...sema baadhi ya wanaume ni wachafu banaa....wengine ni wasafi kuanzia maungo yetu, mavazi yetu, ndani na nje ya nyumba zetu n.k. :):) na pia si wavivu wa kuoga LOL!
     
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  14. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Wewe unajidai dina wa clouds, watakutoa roho!
    Mi nazingatia formulae niliyofundishwa kwetu! Usipooga utalala kwenye mkeka! So hatuna mkeka, ila tuchore mstari! Kama ana bluetooth sawa tu! Lol
     
  15. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    BAK inaboa sana haya ngoja nisema baadhi yao ila walio wengi duh! ni noma. tena kuna wale waile kabila............. n balaa wao tungi mwanzo mwisho kurudi home usiku wa manane, halafu perfomance zero, endurance hakuna basi tabu tupu. ukikutana na mdada kaolewa kwa hii kabila halafu yakamkuta utaona huruma
     
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  16. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    mii baba kama nataka kmfunza mtu acha tu niseme ukweli atakaye umia ndo atajifunza vizuri kuliko wote.
     
  17. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    Heh, King'asti, kumbe ule ugonjwa nilimwambukiza na BAK?

    Basi nina ugonjwa mkali sana.
     
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  18. Purple

    Purple JF-Expert Member

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    Mmh kumbe kwenye ndoa ndo kulivyo!bora huku nje ya ndoa hakuna kubakana mtu anatanguliza barua ya maombi kwanza lol!
     
  19. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    Purple halafu ukipata picha ya siku ya harusi huwez amini kuwa ni wewe, manake siku ya harusi hiyo furaha, na jinsi watu wanavyokupenda utasema haya ndo maisha wala shida hakuna, Ingia ndani dada maliza at max a year utayaona ya firauni. Kuna mama mmoja aliwah kuchana hadi vyeti vya ndoa na pete akatupa kisa maudhi ya kwenye ndoa.

    Kibya zaid makungwi huwa wanamfunda binti juu ya yale anayopaswa kuyafanya tu ila hawamwelezei upande wa pili wa shilingi ukoje, so unakuta binti anajiweka mnyonge kw mumewe kwani ndivyo alivyo ambiwa, wengi inawashinda wanaamua urudi tena kwako kwasababu hawakuelezwa ukweli juu ya haya maish.

    ukweli ni kwamba mahali pekee utakapokaa ukafurahia maisha ni kwa wazazi wako, maisha unayoyatengeneza wewe yana changamoto nyingi sana, inagwa pia yana raha yake manake sasa huvizii .........oo tena.
     
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  20. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ....mwenzio sina 3D....sijaziona alphabets hapo, ....naona numerals tu....hazisomeki! :cool:
     
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