Kuna mjadala kwenye JF unaedelea kuhusu uhalali wa Poligamy (kuoa au kutooa na wake wengi). Nakuleteeni mawazo ya wanawake wa kiislam toka Uganda. Mahojiano haya yalifanyika mwaka April 2005 kwenye gazeti la Sunday Monitor.
Ms Faridha Kakaire, 42, is the general secretary of the Uganda Muslim Women Association for Da'awa and Development based in Kampala. Agnes Asiimwe spoke to her about the Domestic Relations Bill and the Tuesday demonstration against the Bill: -
Why did you demonstrate?
Because I am a Muslim woman and I know some sections of the Domestic Relations Bill contradict the teachings of our religion, I went to defend my beliefs. I don't agree that the law should deny our men to marry the number of women that they want. The Koran clearly states the law on marriage. In fact, if the Koran were Uganda's Constitution, we would be doing well.
Ms Faridha Kakaire
What does the Koran say about marriage?
Surat Nisae Haya 3 says, a man can marry two, three or four wives, but if he cannot afford to provide for them equally, then he can marry one.
Are you in a polygamous marriage?
Yes. We are two. I am the first wife. We are like sisters; we get along very well.
Did your husband inform you before he married your co-wife?
He told me, "This weekend I'm bringing your sister." We have separate homes. I was happy because I knew my workload would decrease. Women don't want to admit but we have a lot of work and need help. Because of the men's nature, a man can't be with one woman from his youth. Women are weak, at times we are in our menstruation, what can a man do during that time? Men don't have such problems and are constantly sexually active.
Were you happy when he got the second wife?
I can't say I was very happy, but I can't disobey the teachings of the Koran.
How does it feel being in a polygamous marriage?
Jealousy is natural, but he gives terms. We call them bisanja (terms). He knows he has to spend two days here and two days there. When he goes, you look forward to your turn. It allows a woman to rest and she will not age fast. Women tend to age fast because of giving birth. As a believer, you don't feel bad when the man goes to the other side. Allah says a man can marry up to four women as long as he can manage them.
Doesn't this force Muslim men to marry more women just to prove their virility?
We call marriage ibaada (voluntary work) – a man marries to please Allah and not to please people. No one can marry more wives when they can't manage to take care of them. Marriage is between a man and Allah.
What happens when a man fails to manage the women a few years down the road?
If it's a financial problem, that is not unusual. Most of us Muslim women are very patient. If you love him, you look at it differently. Even a man with one wife may fail to buy supper. This may just be a temptation from Allah.
Does your husband love you and your co-wife equally?
This is in someone's heart. I am satisfied with him and I believe my "sister" too is satisfied. You know, when we take breaks, it keeps the fire burning.
Are you sexually satisfied?
Yes. Because of their nature, if it were possible, men would have sex everyday. Allah gave them strength. With non-Muslims the church says, till death does them apart, and attaches them to one woman yet this is impossible. These men may be married to one woman but have many mistresses on the side, and even have children outside, which is lying to God. Islam decided to make all the women official.
How is your husband's schedule between the two of you?
He spends two days at my place and two days at her place.
Can't he forget?
It has never happened. He knows that after two days (ekisanja) he has to move to another home. I have been married for 20 years.
How many children do you have?
A dozen.
What do you do?
I come here [at the Uganda Muslim Women Association for Da'awa and Development offices] to do ibaada. I also own a fast food [take-away] in Bugolobi.
Would you have married him to be a second wife?
I would have accepted. If we understood each other and he told me that I would be number two, that would be okay.
Are your children well taken care of?
All my children are studying well.
Do you at times regret being in a polygamous marriage?
I don't because I am satisfied, and if you are a believer, there can't be regrets. Islam says once you start sharing a husband, you have become sisters. Our children like each other; we call each other and visit each other if there is a need.
Ms Faridha Kakaire, 42, is the general secretary of the Uganda Muslim Women Association for Da'awa and Development based in Kampala. Agnes Asiimwe spoke to her about the Domestic Relations Bill and the Tuesday demonstration against the Bill: -
Why did you demonstrate?
Because I am a Muslim woman and I know some sections of the Domestic Relations Bill contradict the teachings of our religion, I went to defend my beliefs. I don't agree that the law should deny our men to marry the number of women that they want. The Koran clearly states the law on marriage. In fact, if the Koran were Uganda's Constitution, we would be doing well.
Ms Faridha Kakaire
What does the Koran say about marriage?
Surat Nisae Haya 3 says, a man can marry two, three or four wives, but if he cannot afford to provide for them equally, then he can marry one.
Are you in a polygamous marriage?
Yes. We are two. I am the first wife. We are like sisters; we get along very well.
Did your husband inform you before he married your co-wife?
He told me, "This weekend I'm bringing your sister." We have separate homes. I was happy because I knew my workload would decrease. Women don't want to admit but we have a lot of work and need help. Because of the men's nature, a man can't be with one woman from his youth. Women are weak, at times we are in our menstruation, what can a man do during that time? Men don't have such problems and are constantly sexually active.
Were you happy when he got the second wife?
I can't say I was very happy, but I can't disobey the teachings of the Koran.
How does it feel being in a polygamous marriage?
Jealousy is natural, but he gives terms. We call them bisanja (terms). He knows he has to spend two days here and two days there. When he goes, you look forward to your turn. It allows a woman to rest and she will not age fast. Women tend to age fast because of giving birth. As a believer, you don't feel bad when the man goes to the other side. Allah says a man can marry up to four women as long as he can manage them.
Doesn't this force Muslim men to marry more women just to prove their virility?
We call marriage ibaada (voluntary work) – a man marries to please Allah and not to please people. No one can marry more wives when they can't manage to take care of them. Marriage is between a man and Allah.
What happens when a man fails to manage the women a few years down the road?
If it's a financial problem, that is not unusual. Most of us Muslim women are very patient. If you love him, you look at it differently. Even a man with one wife may fail to buy supper. This may just be a temptation from Allah.
Does your husband love you and your co-wife equally?
This is in someone's heart. I am satisfied with him and I believe my "sister" too is satisfied. You know, when we take breaks, it keeps the fire burning.
Are you sexually satisfied?
Yes. Because of their nature, if it were possible, men would have sex everyday. Allah gave them strength. With non-Muslims the church says, till death does them apart, and attaches them to one woman yet this is impossible. These men may be married to one woman but have many mistresses on the side, and even have children outside, which is lying to God. Islam decided to make all the women official.
How is your husband's schedule between the two of you?
He spends two days at my place and two days at her place.
Can't he forget?
It has never happened. He knows that after two days (ekisanja) he has to move to another home. I have been married for 20 years.
How many children do you have?
A dozen.
What do you do?
I come here [at the Uganda Muslim Women Association for Da'awa and Development offices] to do ibaada. I also own a fast food [take-away] in Bugolobi.
Would you have married him to be a second wife?
I would have accepted. If we understood each other and he told me that I would be number two, that would be okay.
Are your children well taken care of?
All my children are studying well.
Do you at times regret being in a polygamous marriage?
I don't because I am satisfied, and if you are a believer, there can't be regrets. Islam says once you start sharing a husband, you have become sisters. Our children like each other; we call each other and visit each other if there is a need.
