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Imekaaje hii,Je ni kweli??

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Balantanda, Feb 1, 2010.

  1. Balantanda

    Balantanda JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Feb 1, 2010
    Joined: Jul 13, 2008
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    Wakuu nimepata email from a friend ikiwa na maneno yafuatayo(Sory kama kuna mtu yatamkwaza,hasa wanaume kutokana na neno 'kiumbe dhaifu'):


    Kuna hiki kiumbe dhaifu lakini cha ajabu hapa duniani kiitwacho mwanaume. Ni cha ajabu kutokana na uwezo wake wa kubadilika kufuatana na mazingira kilichomo kwa wakati husika. Hakika hata yule bingwa wa kujibadili kinyonga haoni ndani.

    Angalia kwa mfanomazungumzo ya simu ya kiumbe hiki.Miaka kama kumi nyuma wakati kikifahamika kwa sifa ya'mchumba wa mtu':"Sweetheart! Habari za asubuhi"

    "Nzuri tu dear, sijui wewe !"

    "Aa, mimi hali yangu sio nzuri kabisa"

    "Ee nini tena Dear !"

    "Nimekumiss mpenzi wangu, halafu usiku mzima wa jana nakuota tu!"

    "Jamani pole sana mpenzi"" Asante lakini haitoshi darling ! Hivi kwanza leo nitakuona saa ngapi?"

    "Sijui wewe labda unifuate wakati wa lanchi !"

    "Ok basi, wife to be endelea na kazi huku ukiendelea kukumbuka ule wimbo wangu ninaoupenda kukukuimbia !"

    "Mh? Upi tena huo dear ?"

    "Aaah unaniangusha darling ! Si ule wa oh my sweet, my sugar, let love you forever, oo yes!, umeukumbuka ?!"

    "Alaa! Huo! Basi nimeukumbuka! Bye dear!"

    "Bye, nibusu basi"

    "Baadaye dear, kuna watu hapa!"

    "Ok basi!"


    Haya basi miaka kumi na mbili na watoto wanne baadaye hiki kiumbe mwanaume sasa kina hadhi ya 'mume wa mtu' na sasa tunakutana nacho kikipiga simu kwa yulee mtualiyekuwa mchumba wake miaka kumi na mbili nyuma na ambaye sasa anakwenda kwa hadhi ya "mkewe". Mazungumzo yaokwenye simu sasa ni "makavu" kama mtumba wa Manzese..... ...!

    "Hujambo ?"

    "Sijambo ! Za kazi ?"

    " Safi , hawajambo hao ?"

    "Hawajambo tu !"

    "Huyu aliyekuwa anaharisha vipi ?"

    "Anaendelea vizuri, nimempa enthoromycin naona inamsaidia"

    "Sawa huyo fundi wa TV naye kishafika ?"

    "Sijamuona !"

    "Sawa, akija muangalie sana asiibe vitu kwenye hiyo TV !"

    "Sawa, sasa Baba nanii...!"

    "Unasemaje?"

    "Kuhusu ile losheni"

    "Umeshaanza! Nimesema Nitakununulia! "

    "Jamani Baba nanii.....! Mwezi wa pili huu sasa, kila siku unaniambia hivyo hivyo!"

    "Alaa! Tumeshaanza kuhesabiana siku sasa!"

    "Basi yaishe ! Mimi nilikuwa nakukumbusha"

    "Haya, mimi nitachelewa kurudi nyumbani kidogo kuna jamaa naenda kumcheki nikitoka kazini !"

    "Sawa"

    "Baadaye basi"

    "Sawa"


    Kiumbe kiitwacho mwanaume kinamaliza kuongea na mkewe na kukata simu.Bila shaka utapata taabu kukubali kwamba huyo ndiye yule yule aliyekuwa anaongea kwenyesimu ya kwanza miaka kumi na mbili iliyopita. Bila shaka pia utajiuliza, yako wapi manenoyale 'darling',sweethear t', mpenzi na wimbo wa 'ooh my sweet my sugar!' sasa yamekuwa ni bidhaa adimu mdomoni mwa mume na masikioni kwa mkewe. Lakini ni kweli kwamba maneno hayoyamekuwa bidhaa adimu kwenye mdomo wa kiumbe hiki,mume ?Hebu tusikilize simu hii ya mwisho ya kiumbe huyu dakika chache tu baada ya kuongea na mkewe anaongea na simu hii akiwa amevua ile hadhi ya mume na kujivikamwenyewe bila kushurutishwa na mtu, hadhi ya buzi na anayeongea naye ni kiumbe mwenye hadhi ya mchuna buzi.Patamu hapo, babu yangu!

    "Haloo, darling!"

    "haloo mambo"

    "Poa! Unafanya nini sasa hivi darling wangu?!"

    "Aaa nipo tu natengeneza nywele zangu!"

    "Yees ! Zitengeneze vizuri ule mtindo ninoupenda, jioni nitapita hapo nikupeleke ukapate vikuku na vikopo viwili vitatu!"

    "Sawa darling ! Halafu dear, vipi kuhusu vile vitenge vya Zaire wanavyopitisha wale kinamama niliokuambia! ?"

    "Darling na wewe ! Si nilishakwambia wakipitisha tenawe chukua tu pea mbili halafu uniambie tu mimi nitakupa pesa?!"

    " Asante ! Na vile viatu je ?"

    "Darling sasa unataka kuniudhi ! Nimeshakuambia kuwa sio lazima uniombe ruksa kila kitu ! We chukua halafu unaniambia mi nakupa hela, sawa ?"

    "Sawa mpenzi, nashukuru! Sasaaaa?"

    "Wee endelea kujitayarisha, mi nikimaliza tu kazi hapa nakuja kukupitia, au vipi !"

    "Sawa halafu nakumiss ile mbaya!"

    "Mi pia"

    "Asuu, haayo maumbile yako yananipendeza! "

    "Jamani mpenzi ! Hivi wenzako hawakusikilizi kweli hapo!?"

    "Watajaza ! Asuu roho ingekuwa nguo ningekuazima univae hadi mileleeeeee. ...!"

    "Bwana hebu acha!"

    "Ok basi darling, tutaonana baadaye!"

    "Haya, dear!"Mpsyuuuuuuuuu uuuuu!"

    " Asante darling!"

    " Asante darling!"


    Naona tuishie hapa kwanza maana tayari kuna baadhi ya wanaume wameshaanza kuuchuna na kununa, kwa vile simu hizi tatu zimewagusa"kiaina. Kazi kwao. Ujumbe ushafika; wanaume, wake zenu wanastahili pia hizo 'darling', 'oh my sweet', 'honey', mpenzi, sweetheart' na 'asuu kila kilicho cha kwangu wewe chukua', mnazowapa wasiostahili ! Mungu kibariki kiumbe kinachoitwa mwanaume !

    .MWENYE MASIKIO,.... ......... .......

    Je ni kweli????
     
  2. C

    Consultant JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Feb 1, 2010
    Joined: Jun 15, 2008
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    Hata kile kiumbe kiitwacho mwanamke nacho ni kigeugeu. Wakati jamaa anauliza maswali 'dry' nacho kilikuwa kinajibu 'dry' vile vile

    Ngoma droo mwana
     
  3. Lady N

    Lady N JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Nov 1, 2009
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    hahahahaaaaaaaa wfuuuu!!!!!!!!!
    huyu aliyeiandika hii nadhani naye amepita hukohuko
     
  4. Tumain

    Tumain JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Jun 28, 2009
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    Ha ha ha majukumu yakiongezeka! mmm!
     
  5. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Feb 11, 2007
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    mhhhh! ;)
     
  6. U

    Upanga Senior Member

    #6
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Jun 18, 2007
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    Sawa sasa udhaifu wa mwanaume uko wapi?si yuko vilevile tuuu kasoro kwa yule wakwanza mahaba kapewa mwingine lakini wa jinsia ileile mi nilifikiri unataka kusema hajaonyesha tena upendo kumbe upendo bado upo ila kwa mdada mwingine!!!!!!
     
  7. Mentor

    Mentor JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Oct 14, 2008
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    Very true anayekataa anajaribu kuupinga ukweli!
    Its high time we men changed for better..ni mkeo!mpende na mtunze kwa kila hali!!!!
     
  8. s.fm

    s.fm JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Jul 8, 2009
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    hamna udhaifu hapo..ni kazi nzuri!!
     
  9. TANMO

    TANMO JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Apr 12, 2008
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    Duh..!
     
  10. Jeni

    Jeni Senior Member

    #10
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Apr 23, 2008
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    Hii ndio inafurahisha sana ipo kama hii:
    uKIKUTANA NA MAJIBU HAYA WAT WILL U DO?
    Pearl [​IMG] 28th January 2010, 01:44 PM
    Jamani

    Hivi ukipata majibu kama haya what do you do?????

    Sms: Sweet, nimekukumbuka sana leo, natamani tungekuwa sote mida hii. Upo wapi mpenzi?
    Jibu: Nipo

    Sms: Yaani nimekutafuta kweli mpenzi, mbona ulikuwa hupatikani? Mwenzio sijalala nakufikiria wewe my love. Umenimiss?
    Jibu: Simu iliisha charge

    Sms: Baby leo nakula chakula kitamu kweli. Sijui wewe unakula nini. Natamani tungekuwa wote. Karibu mpenzi
    Jibu: Thank you

    Sms: Honey, yaani ile perfume uliniletea inanukia vizuri ajabu. Yaani hapa nipo nasikia harufu yake na kukuwaza wewe, tena nakumbuka leo umetoka fresh na ile tshirt nilikununulia. Ukisoma hii sms wewe unapata hisia gani?
    Jibu: Tshirt inanibana
     
  11. A

    Akili Kichwani JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Jan 7, 2010
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    kweli, msimtazame mwanume pekee, na wnawake nao wanabadilika, huyo mama nae hakuwa dry vile miaka kumi+ iliyopita

    siamini kamani majukumu, bali kuzoeana tu. na kwa kweli ni makucha ya mama yamefunguka, unajua wakati wa uchumba wanawake wanatumia lugha nyingine kabisa, sasa kama alikuwa kibri, utamgindua ndani ya ndoa, anafungua makucha yake halisi

    hakuna udhaifu hapo, na wala hajabadilika, bali mazingira yake ndiyo yaliyobadilika. halafu siku zote napinga watu wanaoamini kuwa mwanamke ni dhaifu kiasi cha kuhitaji kudanganywa tu kila siku. huko anakoita lugha tamu, ni uongo mtupu. tangu lini mtu akawa mtamu, sijui sweet kama sugar? uongo mtupu na kama wanwake wanafurahia hayo basi ndio dhaifu haswaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    wajibu wa kupenda na kutunzana ni kwa wote, acha kuegemea upande mmoja, wakumbushe na wanawake wajibu wao kw awaume zao.

    nawasilisha
     
  12. Mgeninani

    Mgeninani Senior Member

    #12
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Jan 3, 2010
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    Hapa kuna viumbe wawili mmoja muongo mwingine anapenda kudanganywa, mmoja anaweza akaambiwa na mchuuzi wa urembo kwenye street ntakununulia gari akaamini lakini akaambiwa na mwanafunzi wa varsity nikimaliza shule nikipata kazi ntakununulia gari ...!. atasema mtu mwenyewe mchovu tena denti ..!,kweli siri ya muumba ni kubwa.
     
  13. N

    Nanu JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: May 29, 2009
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    hahaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! it real funny
     
  14. Pape

    Pape JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Feb 2, 2010
    Joined: Dec 11, 2008
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    nimecheka sana leo! nimekugongea mkuu
     
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