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Huu ni Upendo au? Ana wivu Uliopitiliza!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Gates, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. G

    Gates Member

    #1
    Jan 19, 2011
    Joined: Jan 18, 2011
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    Nilibahatika kupata mchumba hivi karibuni ambaye tulifahamiana muda mrefu tangu kipindi tunasoma sekondari takribani miaka 10 iliyopita. Wakati wote huo alikuwa rafiki yangu wa karibu ambaye tulishirikiana vizuri sana katika masomo. Japo binafsi sikuwahi kufikiria juu ya uhusiano wa kimapenzi kati yake na mimi, yeye anadai alikuwa akinipenda sana na kwamba aliteseka sana kimawazo juu yangu lakini alishindwa kuniambia kutokana na aibu za kike na kwa kuwa mawazo yangu wakati huo yalikuwa kwa mtu mwingine. Tangu tulipomaliza sekondari hatukuwahi kukutana wala kuwa na mawasiliano yoyote mpaka 2010 ndipo tulipoamua kuitumia nafasi hiyo kuambiana ya moyoni. Uhusiano wetu umekuwa na vipindi vya amani na furaha lakini zengwe kama kawaida halikosekani. Msichana huyu ana wivu uliopitiliza ambao kusema kweli haunipi raha hata kidogo. Anaona wivu hata kwa msichana wangu tuliyeachana miaka 10 iliyopita na ambaye wala sina mawasiliano naye kwa kipindi chote hicho. Wakati fulani aliwahi kuniambia nim'jaze' mimba ili tu awe na uhakika sitamuacha! Sikuafikiana naye kwani sikuwa tayari kubeba majukumu ya kuwa baba kwa wakati huo. Anaponikosea huwa namsamehe wala simuwekei kinyongo chochote kwani natambua wazi binadamu hatujakamilika. Ninapomkosea hali huwa tofauti. Nadhani anadhani anastahili kupokea msamaha zaidi yangu na hukasirika hata kwa vitu vidogo ambavyo kama angetulia na kufikiri kwa kina angegundua si vitu vya kukasirika. Tukitulia huwa namfafanulia juu ya kile kilichomkasilisha, ananielewa na kuomba msamaha kwa hasira za haraka alizoonesha. Hivi karibu alini'beep' kwenye simu yangu ya mkononi. Kwa bahati mbaya simu yangu haikuwa na credit na tayari ilikuwa usiku hivyo nilishindwa kuwasiliana naye kwa usiku ule japo aliendelea ku'beep' kwa muda mrefu. Asubuhi nilimtumia message kumuomba msamaha na kumuelezea kilichotokea lakini hakujibu. Vipo vituko vingine vingi anavyofanya kutokana na wivu. Mawasiliano kati yangu na yeye siyo mazuri hivi sasa. Ninaogopa endapo tutaoana maisha ya ndoa yatakuwa mzigo mzito kwetu sote na watoto. Natambua fika kwamba wivu ni sehemu ya mapenzi lakini unapopitiliza humaanisha nini? Upendo uliopitiliza au?. Nimfanyaje mpendwa huyu? Naombeni ushauri wenu wapendwa.

    Gates
    Peace & Love
     
  2. E

    Enny JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jan 19, 2011
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    Jaribu kuongea naye na kumwelewesha kuhusu concern zako.
     
  3. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jan 19, 2011
    Joined: Nov 25, 2009
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    mapenzi ,mapenzi ,mapenzi,dah sijui kama kuna dawa ya mapezni kwakweli,kwakweli leo naomba nisikushaui kitu lkn kama ww ni ile dini yangu mm,basi Mungu ni jibu lako,funga na kufanya maombi mke/mume mwema hutoka kwa bwana.Tena omba bila kuchoka.Mungu aliemuumba muombe amfinyange na kumfanya vile utakavyo lkn pia na ww mungu akufinyange na kukurekebisha mapungufu yako maana nyote ntakuwa mwili mmja so nilazima mfanane,birds with the same fearther?........
     
  4. Makindi N

    Makindi N JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jan 19, 2011
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    Muache!
     
  5. G

    Gates Member

    #5
    Jan 19, 2011
    Joined: Jan 18, 2011
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    Thanks Enny, nimejaribu sana kufanya hivyo pasipo mafanikio yoyote. Nimejaribu sana kwenda naye taratibu lakini amekuwa hanielewi. Ninachojua amekuwa akijifikiria yeye zaidi na si wengine.
     
  6. G

    Gates Member

    #6
    Jan 19, 2011
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    Thank you so much, nitajitahidi kufanya hivyo. Hata mimi naamini Mungu anaweza. Bila shaka nitafanya hivyo. Ahsante kwa kunifumbua macho.
     
  7. Chauro

    Chauro JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jan 19, 2011
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    muda utamfundisha mpe nafasi yake
     
  8. M

    MONTESQUIEU JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Jan 19, 2011
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    Hii kali, asimuache anampenda sana huyu binti.
    Cha msingi nikuangalia ni vitu gani vidodogo unavyo mkera uvirekebishe..

    Na jaribu kumuelimisha zaidi ... hakuna malaika ndugu !
     
  9. Trustme

    Trustme JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Jan 19, 2011
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    Kweli umemvumilia na inaonyesha kweli unampenda! Kuna wanawake wameumbwa na wivu kupita kiasi na hilo sio kosa lao! Na mara nyingi wivu hupungua kutokana na umri , mi nakushauri usimwache kama bado unampenda sana! jaribu kuongea naye umweleze hufurahishwi na wivu wake uliovuka mipaka ila bado unampenda sana.
     
  10. Eng. Smasher

    Eng. Smasher JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jan 19, 2011
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    Duh!! Imenishinda kusoma Gates mwone mwl wa kiswahili kuhusu paragraph!!
    Narudi Mtamboni!!
     
  11. funzadume

    funzadume JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Jan 19, 2011
    Joined: Jan 28, 2010
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    ukimuoa ataacha huo ujinga shida yake huyo binti ni kupata uhakika wa ndoa tu ndio maana anaona kama utachukuliwa na wengine. Nakushauri ukatoe mahari umwoe kwani ni binti anayekupenda sana tena kwa muda mrefu. Kuhusu hivyo vimatatizo ktk mahusiano ni kawaida sana na vinarekebishika acha uoga wa kuoa. Nina uhakika huko ktk umri sahihi wa kuoa fanya hivyo akishakuwa ndani ya ndoa na kuzaa watoto ataacha wivu wa kijinga na kuwa busy na familia (imean watoto)
     
  12. Mallaba

    Mallaba JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jan 19, 2011
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    hapo inaonekana unampenda, hivyo kaeni chini muelezane yanayowakabili.
    Wapendanao wakikaa pamoja wanaweza kuyamaliza bila shida.
    pia ni lazima ujue kuwa mwanamke siku zote huwa hawajiamini hivyo mda wote huo ulionae bado ana walakini kama utamuoa kweli, ndio maana ahata alikuwa anakulazimisha walau umpige mimba, mwanamke asiyekupenda hawezi kukukubalia kumpa mimba, hivyo inaonyesha wazi kuwa anakupenda, hayo ya wivu yanaongeleka.
     
  13. coscated

    coscated JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Jan 19, 2011
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    kama mvivu shusha mzigo kabla haijaanza safari.
     
  14. M

    Matarese JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Jan 19, 2011
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    Dah, bongo karibu kila mtu anafikiria kuoa au kuolewa!
     
  15. comred

    comred JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Jan 19, 2011
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    mkuu huyo c.kwamba anawivu2, huyo nimlemavu wa fikra hawez badilika..chamsing mpoteze tena fukuza bila huruma....
     
  16. s

    subzero Member

    #16
    Jan 19, 2011
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    kaka have u ever cheat on her? Kuwa mkweli
     
  17. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Jan 20, 2011
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    jamanii!
     
  18. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Jan 20, 2011
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    Hajiamini kama unampenda. Hebu zidisha malavu na makea na wewe.
    Usimfiche fiche, katambulishaneni kwa wazee.
    Inaonesha huyo mdada hapendi makubwa ila hata madogo unayoweza kuyafanya wewe unayapotezea.
    STUKA & SHAWISHIKA kubadilika.
     
  19. Mamushka

    Mamushka JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Jan 20, 2011
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    Sasa wewe unavyotwambia ni mchumba wako mlisha tambulishana kwa wazazi? Jina mchumba sio jina tu bali ni step flani kwenye mahusiano. Ushauri wangu ni kwamba angalia picha ya mahusiano yenu kwa sasa, hapo ndo utaona picha halisi ya ndoa yenu. Picha ya maisha ya ndoa unaipata kwenye uchumba au upenzi wakawaida, hakita badilika kitu kama mnagombana sasa, ujue kwenye ndoa hivyo hivyo au zaidi. Kitakacho badilika ni pete tu mtakazovishana kwa harusi, so ze choisi is yuazi, senkiyu.
     
  20. EMT

    EMT JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Jan 20, 2011
    Joined: Jan 13, 2010
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    Kwanza jaribu kuandika kwa kutumia paragraphs. Inasaidia wadau kusoma. Wivu ni mzizi wa woga. Mtu mwenye wivu anakuwa na woga kuwa inawezekana sio mzuri kwako, hivyo kuna uwezakano unaweza kumwacha kama akikupa nafasi. Mwanamke mwenye wivu anaogopa kama ukiongea na mwanamke mwingine basi unaweza ukamkuta huyo mwanamke mwingine ni mzuri zaidi yake. Huu ni upungufu wa uaminifu kwenye mahusiano.

    Kwa upande mmoja, wivu kwenye mahusiano ni kitu cha kawaida (natural) kama mahusiano yenyewe sio mazuri. Kama una uhusiano na mwanamke mwingine na unaspend muda mwingi na huyo mwanamke, basi girlfriend wako ana haki ya kuwa na wivu. Kama huwa unaenda kuparty na marafiki wako wa kike halafu unakuja nyumbani usiku manane kula na kula, mkeo ana haki ya kulalamika.

    Lakini kwa upande mwingine, wivu unasababishwa zaidi na kutojiamini (insecurity). Kama unafanya kila unachotakiwa kufanya kwenye mahusiano, lakini mwanamke bado anakuwa na wivu kwa sababu mbalimbali kama wafanyakazi wenzako ni wanawake au una marafiki wengi wa kike, then huo utakuwa wivu wa kujitakia. Kila mtu ana haki ya kuwa na marafiki wa kike na wa kiume. Kila mtu huwa anafanya kazi na wafanyakazi wa kike na wa kiume.

    Inawezekana labda alishalizwa huko nyuma ndio maana ana wasiwasi kuwa na wewe unaweza kumliza. Hiyo inaweza kufanya asikuamini. Au ana wivu kwa sababu ana wasiwasi kuwa unaweza kumwacha. Au labda hajiamini tuu (hana self confidence).

    Kwa maelezo yako inaonyesha suala la wivu ni tatizo lake mwenyewe na inabidi alitatue. Asikufanye ujisikie wewe ndio mwenye kosa. Alikubeep usiku, na ulikuwa huna credit kwenye simu yako sasa ungefanyaje. Sio kosa lako. Wivu ni mbaya sasa na inabidi airekebishe la sivyo uhusiano wenu hautafika popote.

    Jaribu kakaa naye chini mwongee juu ya uhusiano wenu. Mahusiano yoyote yanategemea mawasiliano na kuaminiana. Kama hawezi kukuamini na hawezi kuambia ispokuwa kuwa na wivu, basi hapo mnabidi mtafute ufumbuzi wa tatizo. Jaribu kukaa naye chini umweleze. Kama ana wivu akubali mbele yako mjaribu kutafuta ufumbuzi wa tatizo.
     
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