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How to say I luv you in Nigeria

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by MaxShimba, Oct 20, 2008.

  1. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Oct 20, 2008
    Joined: Apr 11, 2008
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    Your mobile phone beeps, you have received a text message.

    It begins: "I swear, I will make sure I give you HIV..."

    But it's not an abusive threat, it's a "romantic" text message copied from a book on sale all over Nigeria that professes to give young people the words they need to court the woman or man of their dreams.

    "H is for Happiness and joy forever with an I: Incomparable love that will never V: Vanish until death do us part. I love you," the message concludes.

    The book, called "Touching the heart through unforgettable text messages (vol.2)" is one of several on sale in markets around the country that give suggestions to tongue-tied young lovers.

    Text compulsion

    Nigerians are compulsive text senders.

    Corny "romantic" messages and jokes are constantly being sent, received and recycled.

    Many men complain that women send them "hot" text messages, but all they really want is money, while women say they are pestered by men sending "romantic" texts when all their suitors really want is sex.

    But the book's author, 33-year-old entrepreneur Femi Emmanuel, says he writes text messages for people who are too busy, or illiterate, to properly express what is in their hearts.

    He is not married but says he sends "special" text messages to his girlfriend - original ones, not out of his books.

    The sale of all four volumes has been such a success he has bought a car with the proceeds.

    "People have really embraced the mobile phone here in Nigeria, but they may not be smart enough to know what to say in these kind of situations, or maybe they're too busy, running an office or whatever," he said.

    'Bollywood' inspired

    He gets inspiration from Indian "Bollywood" films and Mexican or Nigerian soap operas.

    "I was watching a Bollywood film and the main actor said to his female lead 'hey baby, I'm a crazy lover'," Mr Emmanuel told the BBC.

    "I thought 'that's good,' I paused the DVD and copied down the subtitles."

    The text message threatening HIV was inspired by watching a Nigerian film.

    "In the film, a man threatened a woman with giving her HIV. I thought how could I turn this acronym into a message?"

    "You could send the first sentence on its own," he says.

    "You are putting them in suspense, to create fear, and then you follow up with the interpretation that will give them joy and happiness."

    The BBC asked people on the streets of the capital Abuja what they thought of the message.

    Ferdinand Nwonye, 36, a civil servant, said he thought the message was funny.

    "The person would first be scared, and then as they went through it they would start laughing," he said.

    He added that the text books are mostly used by teenagers.

    "I like sending romantic texts to my wife, but I think of my own, I don't need one of these books."

    But not everyone sees it that way.

    Businesswoman Janet Babalola, 35, says she gets romantic text messages from her husband.

    "But if I got something like that I would be shocked," she says.

    Mr Emmanuel, who paid for his high school education by selling newspapers at the roadside, borrowed 75,000 naira ($637; £363) from his brother to publish the first book.

    He sold thousands of copies in cities all over the country.

    Cheesy?

    What may appear cheesy and ridiculous to western eyes may not be so creepy to Nigerians, says a well-known agony aunt.

    Nana, who answers readers' questions about relationships in the Weekly Trust newspaper, says Nigerians might see the words differently to native speakers of English.

    "I think this boy who wrote these texts is a bit of a poet," she says.

    "A lot of us in this part of the world are translating in our heads constantly from our local languages to English."

    "A lot of Nigerian languages don't have a difference between 'love' and 'like', so a lot of these messages will come across as a love proposition when what the sender really means is 'I like you'."

    But the texts can also serve as "adverts" which people can use to attract attention to themselves, with seedy intent, she says.

    "Many girls and boys too are out on the road looking for customers, and it is only natural that technology has made that a bit easier."

    Send us your favourite romantic texts to +44 7786205085 or use the form below and a selection will be printed below and be broadcast on the

    programme on Saturday 11 October at 0400 GMT and 0600 GMT.

    A selection of the texts received so far:

    If u think I think about u all d time, then u are wrong, cos i think about u when i miss u.... but damn it, i miss u all d time!!! 
Alex O, Lagos, Nigeria

    Txt 1: I'll rather be a ghost drifting silently by ur side 4 as long as it'll take 2 be wit U...than 2 walk in2 d gates of heaven...w'out knowing in ma heart in joy of luvin U.....

    Txt 2: I prefer 2 hear U speak than 2 a thousand nightingale symphonies in d break of d dawn....

    Txt 3: D clouds n d skies...d waters n d oceans...d sands n d earth...Me n U...

    Txt 4: I'll keep on loving U until it rains in hell.... 
Chuzee

    My eyes are jealous of my heart because it is always with u. 
khwima mchizi, Zomba, Malawi

    If loving you is a crime, let me be a criminal 
Joy, lagos

    I'M ABOUT 2 SHOT SOME ARROWS INTO UR LIVE'S.AR U READY?-->>PEACE-->>LOVE-->>FEVOR-->>LONGLIFE--FOREVER. 
Emmanuel Davou Choji, jos,Nigeria

    My love for you is like Diarrohea, it flows like a river. 
Salan, Dubai

    A good friend is like a good bra. Hard to find, comfortable, supportive, prevents you from falling, holds you tight and is always close to your heart. You'll forever be my BRA! 
Olawale B, London

    u r the only mosquito in my net 
Patrick, London

    I'm stock in Lagos traffic and I'm happy, cos I'm coming home to you!! 
Chinedu, Lagos

    The man that evented alfabet A,B,C,D.....Z is a genious.But he made a mistake by not puting U & I together. 
jr, ghana,accra

    Tea needs sugar, I need u.. 
Tatenda Mpofu, Kariba, Zimbabwe

    My love if luving u is crime ,let me face the consequences 
Soloke, Nigeria

    A friend is a person who knoz the song of yo heart& can sing it back 2 u wen u 4get the words.u r my friend. 
GZambika, lusaka

    baby my love for you is as sweet as early morning porridge with extra sugar and freshly baked bread. I will protect your heart like the calabash that holds the porridge. I will cherish you like the rare hamattan pawpaw I have as dessert on such cold harmattan mornings. Be my porridge and I will be your bread. 
KweKu B, USA

    im sure ur feet must be hurting.......cos u've been running through my mind 
Aisha, Lagos, Nigeria

     
  2. N

    Namtih58 JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Oct 21, 2008
    Joined: Oct 23, 2007
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    Were you created by God or d devil to tempt me
     
  3. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Oct 21, 2008
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    Haaaha aaha, you are good and you know these 407

    That was funny

     
  4. Buswelu

    Buswelu JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Oct 21, 2008
    Joined: Aug 16, 2007
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    I tried this funny sms yestarday....i got horrific response...till i explain...what was behind the scene....leiter some said...thanks for givin me HIV.
     
  5. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Oct 22, 2008
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    A good friend is like a good bra. Hard to find, comfortable, supportive, prevents you from falling, holds you tight and is always close to your heart. You'll forever be my BRA! 
Olawale B, London


     
  6. Tonga

    Tonga Senior Member

    #6
    Oct 22, 2008
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    I love this one; nothing like a good BRA...it fits you right and give u a great look too.
     
  7. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Oct 23, 2008
    Joined: Apr 11, 2008
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    Text Message: *
    FOR EVERY WOMAN who is
    tired of acting dumb,
    there's a man who is burdened
    with the constant expectation
    of knowing everything.

    For every woman who is
    tired of being called an 'emotional female',
    there's a man who is denied the right
    to weep and be gentle.

    For every woman who was
    not taught the inricasies of the automobile,
    there is a man who was not taught
    the satisfaction of cooking.

    For every woman who is
    tired of acting weak when she is strong,
    there is a man who is tired of
    appearing strong when he feels vulnerable

    Texter: * poetndontknowit
    Cellphone No. 9059231399
    Country/Location canada


     
  8. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Oct 23, 2008
    Joined: Apr 11, 2008
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    Text Message: * FRENCH LESSON

    ashes- a vou
    balloon- lo vou
    car- re vou
    cough- u vou
    drug- sha vou
    goodbye- ba vou
    hazy- mala vou
    naked- hu vou
    pipe- tu vou
    cute- a cou (joke lang po... hehehe) ; )
    Texter: * BhEa
    Cellphone No. 639166708054
    Country/Location Philippines


     
  9. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Oct 23, 2008
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    Text Message: * "You know it is LOVE when you have been saying goodbye for how many times..

    ..but you're still not ready to leave."
    Texter: * p0t
    Cellphone No. 639057562407
    Country/Location philippines



     
  10. Tonga

    Tonga Senior Member

    #10
    Oct 23, 2008
    Joined: Jul 8, 2008
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    I love it.
     
  11. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Oct 23, 2008
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    If u read, u owe me a HUG. If u delete, u owe me a KISS. If u save, u owe me a DATE. If u return txt msg to me, u owe me ALL , but if u ignore u r MINE! so what'll u do.


     
  12. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Oct 23, 2008
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    Text Message: *

    Wantin u is easy, missin u is hard. Wishin u was wiv me wrapped up in my arms. Constantly think of u wen we r apart. Ive got the padlock u hav the key to my heart.

    How can u tell the rain not 2 fall wen clouds exist? How can u tell the leaves not 2 fall wen the wind exists? How can u tell me not 2 fall in love wen u exist?


    Texter: * Jaja
    Cellphone No. 639169541246
    Country/Location philippines



     
  13. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Oct 23, 2008
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    A night hug warms the heart,
    a night kiss brightens the day,
    and a gd morning to start your day!



     
  14. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Oct 23, 2008
    Joined: Apr 11, 2008
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    Don't
    play
    love

    with
    the
    person

    who
    can
    play
    better..

     
  15. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Oct 24, 2008
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    Love me without fear
    Trust me without questioning
    Need me without demanding
    Want me without restrictions
    Accept me without change
    Desire me without inhibitions
    For a love so free...
    Will never fly away.


     
  16. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Oct 28, 2008
    Joined: Apr 11, 2008
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    love you more than you know
    I just wish you didn't have to go
    I just want one more day with you
    And I know thats what you would have wanted too

    I miss you more and more each day
    There is so much more we had to say
    I know I will see you again
    But my life is just started to begin

     
  17. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Oct 29, 2008
    Joined: Apr 11, 2008
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    Text Message: * There is a miracle called Friendship
    that dwells within the heart
    and you don't know how it happens
    or when it even starts.

    But the happiness it brings you
    always gives a special lift
    and you realize that Friendship
    is God's most precious gift.


    Texter: * brad
    Cellphone No. 63098294373
    Country/Location philippines


     
  18. Tonga

    Tonga Senior Member

    #18
    Oct 29, 2008
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    I will save......
     
  19. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Oct 29, 2008
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    MaxShimba maybe you should be spending more time amusing us here than kule kwenye malumbano.You are actually good at this.
     
  20. MaxShimba

    MaxShimba JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Nov 1, 2008
    Joined: Apr 11, 2008
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    * wen changes come to us we tend to 4get few things, but even if i've got so many changes in my life now.. No changes can ever make me 4get the fRiEnDsHIp U and I had once shared..
    Texter: * marsha
    Cellphone No. 639274326811
    Country/Location zamboanga city



     
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