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How to put a lady in da mood

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by BAK, Apr 1, 2008.

  1. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Apr 1, 2008
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    Kana kansungu kansungu Mwelu upo?....:)

    Men Who Do Housework May Get More Sex: Report
    Thursday March 6, 2008

    By David Crary
    The Associated Press

    Men still don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they're not the slackers they used to be. The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.

    The report, released Thursday by the Council on Contemporary Families, summarizes several recent studies on family dynamics. One found that men's contribution to housework had doubled over the past four decades; another found they tripled the time spent on child care over that span.

    "More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples," the report says. "Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed."

    Some couples have forged partnerships they consider fully equitable.

    "We'll both talk about how we're so lucky to have someone who does more than their share," said Mary Melchoir, a Washington-based fundraiser for the National Organization for Women, who - like her lawyer husband - works full-time while raising 6-year-old triplets.

    "He's the one who makes breakfast and folds the laundry," said Melchoir, 47. "I'm the one who fixes things around the house."

    Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco-area psychologist and author of "The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework," said equitable sharing of housework can lead to a happier marriage and more frequent sex.

    "If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her - he's not treating her like a servant," said Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. "And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood."

    The report's co-authors, sociologists Scott Coltrane of the University of California, Riverside and Oriel Sullivan of Ben Gurion University, said they were addressing a perception that women's gains in the workplace were not being matched by gains at home.

    "The typical punch line of many news stories has been that even though women are working longer hours on the job and cutting back their own housework, men are not picking up the slack," Coltrane and Sullivan wrote.

    They said this perception was based on unrealistic expectations and underestimated the degree of change "going on behind the scenes" since the 1960s. The change, they said, "is too great a break from the past to be dismissed as a slow and grudging evolution."

    Among the findings they cited:

    -In the U.S., time-use diary studies show that since the '60s, men's contribution to housework doubled from about 15 percent to more than 30 percent of the total. Over the same period, the average working mother reduced her weekly housework load by two hours.

    -Between 1965 and 2003, men tripled the amount of time they spent on child care. During the same period, women also increased the time spent with their children, suggesting mutual interest in a more hands-on approach to child-raising.

    Sullivan and Coltrane predict men's contributions will increase further as more women take jobs.

    "Men share more family work if their female partners are employed more hours, earn more money and have spent more years in education," they said.

    Pamela Smock, a University of Michigan sociologist who also works with the council, said a persistent gender gap remains for what she called "invisible" household work - scheduling children's medical appointments, buying the gifts they take to birthday parties, arranging holiday gatherings, for example.

    Marriage equality is more elusive among blacks than whites, with black women shouldering a relatively higher burden in terms of child care and housework, said council collaborator Shirley Hill, a sociology professor at the University of Kansas.

    The report's overall findings meshed with what Carol Evans, founder and CEO of Working Mother magazine, has been observing as she tracks America's two-income couples.

    "There's a generational shift that's quite strong," she said. "The younger set of dads have their own expectations about themselves as to being helpful and participatory. They haven't quite gotten to equality in any sense that a women would say, 'Wow, that's equal,' but they've gotten so much farther down the road."
     
  2. DMussa

    DMussa JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 3, 2008
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    Hii bora ifanyike huko huko US ikitokea hapa Bongo wanawake wataanza hadi kutegea kazi za home kisa wanapewa ushirikiano na wanaume!!!
    I think women should just know that anything a man does at home is only to show appreciation and care!
     
  3. mbarikiwa

    mbarikiwa JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Apr 3, 2008
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    Du!, hii ikifanyika hapa bongo ujue basi akinamama wetu wa kiafrika 'watakalia' wanaume moja kwa moja.
     
  4. Njowepo

    Njowepo JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 4, 2008
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    Africa kidume ukianza hayo ata kama kwa mapenzi mema wachelewi kusema mbwata ilo!
    Na kwa upande mwingine wanawake wataanza bweteka.
    Though I encourage iyo khali ya kushare activities na wanawake
     
  5. Power to the People

    Power to the People JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Apr 4, 2008
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    Kwa upande wangu watu wawili wanapoamua kuishi pamoja kama mme na mke ni washirika partners, hakuna bosi wala mfanyakazi. Wanaume wengi hapa bongo wanatafsiri vibaya huu msemo wa kusaidia wake zao majumbani. Sidhani kama kuna mwanamke mwenye akili zake timamu anayeweza kumfanya mume wake ndio hse boy. wanachohitaji wanawake ni msaada hapa na pale.

    Utakuta mwanamke anaamka asubuhi tena mapema awaandae watoto wa shule au hata chakula cha mtoto kama ni wa kubaki nyumbani, aandae chai ya watu wengine ikiwa pamoja na ya mume. Akishamaliza ajiandae kwenda kazini na huko sio mashara kazi kweli kweli. lazima afanye kwa ubora zaidi ili maboss zako ambao mara nyingi ni wanaume wasije wakamuita lazy. jioni akirudi nyumbani purukshani zile zile dinner, homework za watoto, usafi wa jikoni n.k mtu hawezi hata kusema ngoja leo ninyooshe nguo za kuvaa kesho tukienda kazini!

    Hapo hapo unakuta mama anachangia kipato kikubwa zaidi ndani ya hiyo nyumba. hata kama kuna hse help kuna mambo mengine ni kuonyesha kujali, mapenzi na kujenga picha nzuri kwa watoto wa familia. Kama baba anafanya kwa nini mimi nisifanye.
     
  6. Buswelu

    Buswelu JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Apr 4, 2008
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    Power of the people please take the it back sentence yako ya "kama kuna mwanamke mwenye akili zake timamu anayeweza kumfanya mume wake ndio hse boy" u will regret if u dont be a man in ur home men.Wakipata kipato kukuzidi inakuwa tatizo sasa iwe kumsaidia na kazi si ndio itakuwa balaa.Hivi hata wasomi (wakike)bado tunawaogopa kwani hawawezi kutofautisha elimu ya darasani na mapenzi nyumbani..wanaanza kukufundisha kisa yeye ana master wewe una 1st degree.Let the calture lead this in africa..they know that they have to do all house work and that is it.

    Dont adopt the above messege.

    Good day
     
  7. Allah's Slave

    Allah's Slave JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Apr 5, 2008
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    Bado sijapata courage ya kumtandikia mtu kitanda. Kha!! I'm workin on other tasks though
     
  8. Mtu wa Pwani

    Mtu wa Pwani JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Apr 5, 2008
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    tunatakiwa sote tubadilike kulikokuwa kuzuri zaidi.

    mwanamke ni mwenzetu ktk maisha tusaidiane na mwanamke ukisaidiwa isiwe ndio sababu ya kujiachia.


    tuwe fair ndoa si utumwa wala sio uyaya.
     
  9. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Apr 5, 2008
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    Nipo Bubu, sorry hii post ndio nimeichungulia leo, si unajua siku hizi inabidi tuwe selective humu kutokana na mafuriko?

    Tunaoishi majuu hatuwezi kuyaepuka haya yaliyopo kwenye hii article kutokana na mazingira tunayoishi, kama mama anapiga mzigo and am not- I know I have do all housework and look after our kids and the same applies to her kama hafanyi kazi.

    Hiyo quote hapo juu ina apply kwa wengi waliopo nchi maskini, wasitushambulie sisi watu weusi tu. Wanawake wengi bado ni magolikipa, wanakaa ndani tu na kusubiri mzee alete chochote.(Wenzetu waarabu wao ni matajiri lakini huu ni utamaduni wao). Sasa hutegemei mzee ametoka kupiga zege mchana kutwa halafu jioni akirudi home aanze kuogesha watoto na kupika wakati mwanamama ameshinda nyumbani kutwa? There is no justification for this, the way I see it ni division of labour tu and women in this kind of situation should stop complaining.
     
  10. Power to the People

    Power to the People JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 8, 2008
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    I am a woman mume wangu ana kazi kubwa lakini kipato changu ni mara nne ya cha kwake. My husband helps a lot at home especially with the kids, shopping for the hse na chochote kile atakachoona kinahitaji msaada. Na sio kwamba ninamwambia afanye kitu chochote ni mtu kujituma tu. sidhani kama ni sawa kumuoana mke wako anahenyeka halafu mtu ameketi tu. na mara nyingi ndivyo ilivyo kwa marafiki zangu wengi tu.
     
  11. Allah's Slave

    Allah's Slave JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 8, 2008
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    Naanza kufikiria kuwa wanaume wenye vipato vidogo kuliko wake zao ndio wanaojituma. Haya akina mama na mlio olewa. changamoto hiyo. Mkitaka msaidiwe kazi ongezeni kipato chenu kihalali.
     
  12. Mtaalam

    Mtaalam JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jun 17, 2008
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    loh ndio shida yetu waafrica badala ya kuwajali wake zetu na kuwafanya nao kama watu sijui twaonaje,even to help ni kitu kigumu n jamii yetu yachukulia kivingine pindi jianamume likiwa lamsaidia mkewe!!!

    ukionekana wafua or wapiga deki or watevera hata mara moja kwa mwezi if not week utasikia flani kalishwa limbwata
    flani kakaliwa ohh kawekwa kiganjani hahemi hasemi
     
  13. Shishi

    Shishi JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 17, 2008
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    why dont u look at it from this point of view,,,,, kuwa wajitandikia kitanda mwenyewe, remove your wife/spouse from the picture!!!!
     
  14. V

    VURU New Member

    #14
    Sep 2, 2008
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    mimi ni mwanamke ninafanya kazi na simtegemei mwanaume.sasa niwaulize wakina baba hapo mme wangu labda kafukuzwa kazi na mimi ninafanya nani atamuangalia si ni mimi?yeye si atakuwa nyumbani itabidi afanye kazi za nyumbani na kuangalia watoto mpaka atakapopata kazi tukishirikiana pamoja.
     
  15. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Sep 2, 2008
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    na ukimpata yule ambae yuko tayari kuwa pamoja nawe mkasidiana kazi za nyumbani huyu mfalme kiti na tivi unamwaacha solemba maana anasubiri tu afanyiwe kila kitu

    Mtu kama huyu siku mkewe akiumwa basi nyumba itanuka, watoto hawatakula na si ajabu akapiga hodi kwa jirani amsaidie kama si kumwambia mkewe ajikaze afanye kazi .. maana hajiwezi tena mfalme hawezi hata kuosha chombo wala kumpikia mgojwa .. unyama wa hali ya juu.

    Halafu kuna kitu kingine ambacho kinanikera tena sana kwa wanaume wengi .. akiumwa yeye basi mke awe pale pale karibu yake anakuwa mkali utadhani kamuona israili .. unaenda wapi hujui kama mimi ni mgonjwa .. ataanza kuweweseka .. eeeh oooh nakufa mke wangu naumwa sana .. mpaka akipona nawe mgongo umeshakukatika ... basi ngoja wewe uumwe utamtafuta na nyavu za kuvulia samaki maana hata utandaze mji mzima humpati .. mara ooh rafiki yangu ananisubiri mara nina kazi mara natoka mara moja .. ilimradi rabsha tupu
     
  16. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

    #16
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    i would chip in kwa kusema kuwa
    kama mnaishi pamoja, kwa muda sasa maybe mke na mume, then kujaliana, kuheshiminana na kuoneana huruma kutawaongoza katika maamuzi nani afanye nini na saa ngapi.
    Tatizo ni pale ambapo mtu hataki kutumika kwa muda/nguvu au pesa meaninig ana ubinafsi hata kwa mwenzi wake.
    Hakuna utakachomshauri.
     
  17. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    SORRY TO SAY LAKINI KWAKO NA WALOKUPA SHUKURANI NYOTE ... THAT YOU POTRAY ULIMBUKENI OFTHE HIGHEST ORDER .. kumjali mtu ni mapenzi na wala si utumwa with your mentality i think mnawachukulia wanawake kama chombo na si binaadamu .... I WOULD SAY BADILIKENI
     
  18. Triplets

    Triplets JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    wewe wafanya masikhara kweli wewe...mwenzio mmoja mumewe alipigwa ridandansi..basi akawa anaamka asubuhi kabla ya kwenda kazini anasafisha nyumba nzima na kupika breakfast na lunch...halafu zote zinawekwa mezani na maji ya kunawa kabisa, lunch ikiwa kwenye hot pots, anamuacha mumewe kalala...akirudi mumewe kanyoosha miguu akitazama tv...vyombo vipo palepale mezani vyamsubiri binti wa watu...kitanda kinamsubiri binti wa watu kutandika..kupika dinner na kila kitu

    wamesema hapo juu ukitaka kusaidiwa leta pesa zaidi nyumbani...ukishazileta watasema ukitaka kusaidiwa ota ndevu kwanza
     
  19. A

    Aunty Lao JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Sep 2, 2008
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    Nimefurahishwa na hiki kipengele,

    kwa kweli nimesoma mawazo ya watu wote na nimefurahia. Nataka kuwashauri tuu akina baba, kwamba unapotoa msaada nyumbani ndivyo unavyojenga familia bora na mapenzi imara kwa mkeo pamoja na watoto. Kwani wakisema umelishwa limbwata ni kweli umekula! La hasha! Walimwengu ndivyo walivyo. Hapo hapo pia kama hufanyi utasemwa tuu upende usipende. Nadhani hapa hatuishi kwa maono ya wengine bali tunaishi kwa maono yetu binafsi. Lets give love to our Wives remember we only live once. Enjoy life is too short.
     
  20. R

    Rodelite JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Sep 6, 2008
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