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How to prevent "Infidelity"

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Smiles, Sep 27, 2010.

  1. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Sep 27, 2010
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    Dah.....I know Asprin and the team is goin to hate me for this...
    lakini ni vizuri kuzingatia haya:

    1. Maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage.

    2. Recognize that work can be a danger zone. Don't lunch alone or take coffee breaks with the same person all the time. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public rooms and not in a room with a bed.

    3. Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you.

    4. Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage. If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship.

    5. Keep old flames from reigniting. If a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame.

    6. Don't go over the line when you're online with Internet friends. Discuss your online friendships with your partner and show him/her your e-mail if he/she is interested. Invite your partner to join in your correspondence so your Internet friend won't get any wrong ideas. Don't exchange sexual fantasies online.

    7. Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage. Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don't believe in fooling around.


    *He He He* all the best jamani...
     
  2. Pape

    Pape JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Sep 27, 2010
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    Make your marriage your top priority.

    Making your marriage your top priority means that your spouse comes before everyone else. Friends and family are important, too, but they should not interfere with your relationship. In other words, if your friend just split up with her boyfriend of two months and wants to hang out with you, but you had plans with your husband, you should tell your friend that you'll have to talk at some other time. If you've spent the last week working late and spending more time with your colleagues at work than you have with your spouse, carve out some family time, shut off your cell phone and computer, and make the most of the moments, hour, day, whatever you could get for your love. Make decisions together and put the needs of your spouse and you above all others.

    Set boundaries.

    Some people are naturally friendly and/or flirtatious, and this can get them into trouble when they marry. Certain behavior might give others the wrong ideas about your relationship with them, which can cause awkward situations. The last thing a married person should want to do is send signals to others that he or she is available or interested in a romantic relationship. Become aware of your behavior and change it. Keep working relationships professional, for example, by limiting conversations to work and small talk.

    Inappropriate behaviors like touching or revealing intimate details of your marriage or sex life should never happen with others, especially those at work. Those kinds of conversations should be reserved for your spouse. You risk stepping over the line when you start sharing intimate thoughts or personal feelings with someone who is not your spouse. Keep in mind that this is true also of strangers you meet on the Internet and not just colleagues or friends you know in your offline life. Your spouse should be the person with whom you share your personal life.

    Do not keep secrets from your spouse.

    Short of that surprise party you're planning for your spouse, you should be able to tell him or her anything and everything. If you feel as though you have to lie about where you've been, who you've been with, or what you've been doing, then you know you have stepped over the line into betrayal. Keeping secrets about what's happening in your life puts your marriage at serious risk. Even if you're not having sexual relations outside of the marriage, if your spouse finds out you're being secretive, he or she will lose confidence and trust in your relationship. He or she will feel betrayed, and this could have grave consequences such as a breakdown in communication. A good rule of thumb is to avoid doing anything that you wouldn't want your spouse to find out about. Then, always divulge the details of your day to one another. Being honest helps you build trust.


    Know the danger zones.

    Many people meet lovers at work, and their relationships usually start out innocently and professionally. Since many Americans spend more time with their colleagues than with their spouses, it's easy to understand how people can slide down the slippery slope from friendship to sexual intimacy in the office. Ultimately, these people drift away from their spouses and begin confiding in their colleagues, to whom they were probably already somewhat physically attracted. Another dangerous situation that can cause temptation is vacations without your spouse and the Internet, where emotional infidelity or cyber sex can cause a rift in your marriage.

    The first step is being aware of the temptations lurking in these places. The second is behaving, when you're in these situations, in a way that shows you are committed to your marriage. For starters, always let people know up front that you are married and committed to your wife or husband and would not want to do anything to harm that relationship. Then, prove to people that you are not looking for anyone else. For instance, if your colleagues ask you to join them at a bar after work, either decline and go home to your spouse or invite your spouse to come along. Use the Internet for research and not to seek out friendships or share intimacies with strangers. And try to avoid situations that could cause temptation to commit adultery.

    Change your friendships or cut people out of your life.

    You read that correctly. Sometimes, husbands and wives have friends who are members of the opposite sex. That's okay, but you have to be cautious. And your friendships can only go so far. You can not share the same personal information, emotions, or amount of time with these friends as you do with your spouse. As mentioned earlier, your husband or wife must take priority. Ideally, your friends will become your spouse's friends and you'll rarely, if ever, spend time alone with friends who are of the opposite sex. In fact, some married people refrain from meeting up with single friends and colleagues who are of the opposite sex. If you've had a friend of the opposite sex for a long time, he or she will have to accept that your friendship has to transition into something less intense and more appropriate after you've married. Certainly, if a friend or ex continues to express feelings for you after you've explained that you're married and not interested, then you must cut this person out of your life for the sake of your marriage.

    Communicate with your spouse.

    Share those intimacies that you are tempted to share with the guy or gal in the cubicle next to yours with your spouse. Be honest with one another about the fact that you're human, and you are sometimes attracted to other people. Discuss your feelings about this openly. Let your spouse know in a calm way about your jealousy. Without judging one another, you should be able to discuss your feelings about temptations, how to prevent them, and whatever might be lacking in your marriage that could lead you to think about someone else. Then, seek to resolve those problems or fill whatever hole needs filling.

    Focus on your love.

    Part of making your marriage the top priority in your life is never taking your spouse for granted. That means you have to regularly tell your spouse how you feel about him or her. Show him or her with hugs, kisses, and good deeds. Expect the same in return. Finding happiness and comfort with your spouse will help you from looking outside your marriage for those things. Indeed, loving each other truly and deeply is the closest thing to a cure for infidelity that married couples have.

    You can read more here!

    If You Are Worried That Your Mate Might Feel Tempted:


    • Don't share your mate. It's fine to lend a hand to a deserving friend, but since four hands are even better, why don't you go along?
    • Don't sulk at home. If evening entertaining or cocktails is part of your partner's business, make it part of yours, too.
    • Keep up with your mate's business and other interests.
    • Ask what new sexual techniques your partner would like to try, and tell him or her your secret desires.
    • Plan frequent outings without the kids. Try activities you know the other person likes.
    • When you are apart, communicate meaningfully. Don't limit yourself to perfunctory phone calls. Talk at least 10 minutes a day.
    • If he or she is going to be on the road for a long time, tuck a tape of your voice reading their favorite books or poems into their luggage.
    • Make sure your mate has a current, flattering picture of you for the office, and maybe some fun snapshots, too.
    • If you're hearing more than you care to about some colleague, invite the person along to a dinner or party so you can check out the competition firsthand.
    • When you do meet potential rivals, establish your turf. Dress up. Be affectionate -- put your arm around your mate. Make some inside jokes or refer to some times you've shared together.
    Read More

    Meeting encourages cheating. If you're trying to fight an attraction to someone or you don't want to develop one:

    • Don't go on a pub crawl with the gang unless you bring your spouse. It's not an accident that most country songs about cheating take place in honky-tonks and bars. Alcohol lowers inhibitions.
    • Don't lunch alone with your friend all the time; invite some others along.
    • Don't be the last to leave a party or business dinner with this person, and don't offer a ride home.
    • Talk positively about your spouse to your friend. Complaints don't count -- and if you both start talking about your rotten sex lives at home, you're hooked.
    • If permitted, invite your partner along to social and business functions such as overnight conventions, Christmas parties and outings. If not, have him or her pick you up at the office, and make introductions to your special pal.
    Read More

     
  3. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    Sasa ni vizuri ukaiweka akilini....ili ikusaidie wewe na mwenzi wako!!
     
  4. Pape

    Pape JF-Expert Member

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    Nimeipenda hii! It's true!
     
  5. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

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    Read and understood.......
    But damn my memory, all forgotten!
     
  6. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

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    If u work hard on memorizing....am sure it will all come back!:becky:
     
  7. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    Mi memory card yangu imekuwa formatted....hivi umeandika nini Smiles?
     
  8. Pape

    Pape JF-Expert Member

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    Nimekusoma! It shall be done!
     
  9. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

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    Sep 27, 2010
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    Hapa mnajadili nini vile?
     
  10. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

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    Heee....Mwenyekiti!!
    :becky::becky::becky::becky::becky:
     
  11. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

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    :becky::becky::becky::becky:
     
  12. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

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    Mimi nina tatizo la kudumu la kukumbuka Smiles...
     
  13. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    basi usijali mi nitakuwa nakukumbusha kila wakati.....sawa?
     
  14. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #14
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    Hapa Smiles mm sijakuelewa kabisa
     
  15. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

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    Sawa kabisa....naomba uwe kabisa sehemu ya brain yangu....:A S tongue:
     
  16. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

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    Soma taratibu tuu utanielewa.....:smile-big:
     
  17. Smiles

    Smiles JF-Expert Member

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    Bila shaka.... na sasa tunaanza na ku-memorize the 1st guide....

    1. Maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage."

    Tuko pamoja....?:becky:
     
  18. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Sep 27, 2010
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    Well...nimeelewa.....
    dah sorry nshasahau....naomba kuangalia avatar yako kidogo.....(Asprin haoni posti hii)
     
  19. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

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    Mi sloo lena bana nielimishe
     
  20. Bigirita

    Bigirita JF-Expert Member

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    Sep 27, 2010
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    Hapo kwenye red unataka kutuambia wewe ukiona kitanda tu basi kwishnei.......unaangushwa kama kuku?
    Samahani kama nimekukwaza
     
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