Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Home Internal Memo

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Maamuma, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. M

    Maamuma JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Apr 20, 2009
    Joined: Dec 22, 2008
    Messages: 844
    Likes Received: 4
    Trophy Points: 35
    From: FATHER

    To: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES

    cc: MOTHER

    Subject: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION

    Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted.

    1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.

    2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

    3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified dietician report as supportive documentation.

    4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

    5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

    6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

    7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

    8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.

    9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

    10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival

    THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!
     
  2. DMussa

    DMussa JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 21, 2009
    Joined: Sep 24, 2007
    Messages: 1,259
    Likes Received: 55
    Trophy Points: 145
    Duh...
    Add this:
    All mobile phones should be charged once per week and no usage above 200 shillings per day will be tolerated.
    You are encouraged to use the free services like "Tafadhali nipigie" or "naomba kuogezewa salio" to minimise mobile phone cost.
     
  3. D

    Dandaj Member

    #3
    Apr 21, 2009
    Joined: Apr 16, 2009
    Messages: 73
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 0
    This is amazing, success will come very easily and to an abnormal performance.
     
Loading...