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Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Kiranja Mkuu, Jun 20, 2011.

  1. Kiranja Mkuu

    Kiranja Mkuu JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jun 20, 2011
    Joined: Feb 18, 2010
    Messages: 2,101
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    HOME INTERNAL MEMO
    FROM: Father
    TO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES
    CC: MOTHER
    BCC: Girl friend
    SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST
    CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT
    ATTENTION
    Due to the current economic situation, all
    domestic rules and
    regulations have been revised as below and
    under no circumstance is
    any violation going to be accepted.
    1.The Kitchen and all pantries are declared
    Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall
    require express
    permission from myself upon submission of
    written request.
    2.Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be
    discussed!
    3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter,
    jam,
    eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone
    intending to eat any of
    such foodstuffs must write to me in
    triplicate, with three days
    notice, giving justifications backed by a
    qualified dietician report
    as supportive documentation.
    4.Watering with hoses is banned. Further,
    only
    food-giving plants shall be watered. No
    lawns or flowers shall
    receive water.. For internal decoration, only
    plastic and dry-
    flower arrangements shall be permitted.
    5.Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres
    of
    water per day per person while bathing in
    the evening is banned unless
    there are medical reasons.
    6.All security lights should be removed with
    immediate
    effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-
    night guard-duty roster
    I shall make available shortly.
    7.No dependant shall entertain friends
    indoors, far
    less attempt to offer food, drinks or even
    music. Those who want
    their guests to listen to music shall sing for
    them.
    8.No one is allowed to talk to officials from
    police,
    Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry
    an instantaneous
    penalty of ejection from The House.
    9.Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or
    any other
    property in The House, shall immediately
    have to seek temporary
    employment somewhere to earn money to
    replace such broken item(s).
    10.All visitors intending to spend a night/
    week or more
    shall apply in triplicate and give two months
    notice, with an
    endorsement from their town Mayor, Village
    Headman or Church Priest,
    giving convincing reasons why they can't
    stay at their homes. Failure
    to do this shall result in their being turned
    away, at the gate, upon
    arrival
    THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT
    TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!,
     
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