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Hizi ni hasira au kitu gani jamani.......!!??

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Sajenti, May 26, 2010.

  1. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

    #1
    May 26, 2010
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    Mpenzi wangu amekuwa na hali inayonichanganya sana. Nashindwa kuelewa kama ni hasira za kawaida au kuna jambo zaidi. Kila mnapokuwa katika maongezi chochote atakacho-comment mara zote ni katika tone ya ukali..Mwanzoni nilidhani huenda kuna mambo yanayomtinga akilini hadi kumfanya awe hivyo lakini ni zaidi ya mwaka sasa hata mazungumzo ya kawaida tu huwa katika hali ya ukali usiokuwa na sababu. Rafiki yangu mmoja akanishauri kuwa nitafute mtaalamu wa ushauri nasaha ili aweze kupata kitu wanaita wenyewe " anger management class". Hivi wataalamu wa aina hii wapo hapa Tanzania kwa anayefahamu anijulishe maana sipendi kwa kweli kumpoteza huyu honey wangu lakini hili tatizo laweza kunifanya ni-act differently!!!.
     
  2. Kobe

    Kobe JF-Expert Member

    #2
    May 26, 2010
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    Duh mi na jamaa yangu yeye sasa hali inakuwa mbaya zaidi manake hata kula vituz inakuwa shida mshkajihana hamu naye kwani vyovyote atakavyofanya ma msapu wake anakosoa mapaka mshkaji anashindwa kumtimizia mambo fulani.
    hebu tupate ushauri na kwenye hili jamani tumsaidie mwenzetu.
     
  3. Lucchese DeCavalcante

    Lucchese DeCavalcante JF-Expert Member

    #3
    May 26, 2010
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    Anger is energy
    We feel it and it makes us want to do "something!" Hit someone, break something, throw a fit, smash a fist into the wall or sometimes into another person! Uncontrolled and mismanaged anger is the number one cause of divorce and all estrangements! The problem most people are having in their personal relationships is anger. Actually, the problem is not anger per se, the problem is the "mismanagement" of anger. Conflict in our personal relationships is inevitable. There is bound to be conflict from time to time simply because we are each so unique in terms of our background and the values (baggage) we bring with us into our relationships. These differences are bound to lead to occasional or even sometimes frequent conflicts and disputes. When we do not know how to handle the anger of these conflicts appropriately, we will mismanage them every single time. Eventually, the accumulated disgust from our failed attempt to "resolve" our conflicts ultimately leads to the deterioration and end of our relationships.
     
  4. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

    #4
    May 26, 2010
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    Tatizo utakapotoa aidia ya kumpeleka huko kwenye hayo matibabu. Uwe makini unaweza kuambulia kipondo cha kufa mtu!
     
  5. M

    Mokoyo JF-Expert Member

    #5
    May 26, 2010
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    Pole mdau lakini lazima kutakuwa na tatizo haiwezekani haata wakati jamaa anaomba game anatumia ukali. There might be something wrong

    Usisahau kumwomba Mungu pia aondoe hiyo hali maana huyo ni ibilisi shetwani
     
  6. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

    #6
    May 26, 2010
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    Ushawahi kuongea nae hilo tatizo? Au unaogopa atakasirika?
     
  7. Shostito

    Shostito Member

    #7
    May 26, 2010
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    Kaangu hilo tatizo la wifi kwa kiasi kikubwa limesababishwa na wewe mwenyewe jinsi unavyo mtreat.
    Nakushauri nawe ujaribu kubadili life style yako labda aweza badilika.
    Ama ikishindikana zungumza na rafikize wa karibu nao waweza kuwa na msaada.
     
  8. Lucchese DeCavalcante

    Lucchese DeCavalcante JF-Expert Member

    #8
    May 26, 2010
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    Hili ni jambo la kawaida sana kwenye mahusiano iwe urafiki wa kawaida, uchumba au ndoa je sababu ni nini hasa?

    Kuhisi mwenzako hakuewi

    Inauma sana mtu unapohisi mwezi wako umpendae anakuwa na uwezo wa kukufanya ukasikirike kwa kutokuchukulia na kuelewa hisia zako. Kwa kawaida watu huwa hawategemei marafiki zao kuelewa hisia zao bali wangependa wenzi wao wa dhati waelewe hisia zao.
    Mpenzi wako anapojaribu 'kukuelewa' wewe hubakia na hisia za hasira kwa sababu unamuona mpenzi wako kama anakudharau na hakuchukulii inavyopasa.
    Wapendanao waweza kuwa pamoja katika kila jambo ila hii haimaanishi kuwa wataficha hisia zao binafsi hasa kwenye mazungumzo yenye msuguano.

    Kuhisi mwenzako hakujali

    Mpenzi wako ni miongoni mwa watu unaotegema awe pamoja nawe katika kila jambo, akuamini na akupende kwa dhati hasa sasa tatizo ni pale anapoonyesha hakujali kwani hii huleta hasira sana kwani unahisi uhusiano uliokuwa unauamini na wa kweli unapoteza maana yake.

    Mara nyingi kutofautiani huletwa na mambo madogo madogo sana lakini yenye kuleta maudi ya hali ya juu kwa walio kwenye uhusiano. Hivyo ni bora kila mtu amchukulie mwezi wake kama anavyojichukulia yeye mwenyewe na tuwa na tabia ya kutenda yale tunayopenda kutendewa.
     
  9. Lucchese DeCavalcante

    Lucchese DeCavalcante JF-Expert Member

    #9
    May 26, 2010
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    Why we get angry

    Disagreements and tension are bound to arise when we live with someone. The key to a successful relationship is learning to express our feelings and resolve such conflicts, and most of us develop our own ways of coping with these minor frustrations.
    Sometimes, however, overwhelming feelings of anger can consume us. These may be caused by a single major event, such as the discovery of an affair, or can be the result of something that leaves us feeling let down on a regular basis, such as lack of attention.
    Causes of anger

    Some situations are more likely to leave us struggling with strong feelings of anger than others.
    When it's a shock - when a partner does something unexpected it can take a long time for feelings of anger to recede. You may also feel confused and betrayed.
    When it's deliberate - it's much easier to let go of anger when the person who caused it never meant it to happen in the first place. If it was done deliberately or maliciously it's much harder to forgive.
    When it's happened before - if someone repeatedly hurts or frustrates us, anger often builds up. You may also feel powerless and exhausted.
    When we're vulnerable - at certain times in our lives, during pregnancy or illness for example, we expect more of our partners and can feel particularly let down by them.
    When it brings back memories - if we've been hurt in the past, we're more likely to react badly to a similar event later in life. Often the old hurt is reignited, doubling the amount of anger.
    When they're not sorry - if a partner refuses to accept they were responsible for the hurt or that you've even got a right to feel aggrieved, it can be difficult to let go of such feelings.
    The impact on a relationship

    Ongoing anger causes serious damage to relationships. For some couples it can mean almost daily arguments; others are better at suppressing the anger, but this nearly always means other feelings are suppressed too. If discussing the problem seems too difficult, but talking about something else seems too trivial, conversation can cease completely.
    Unresolved anger often leads to physical distance and sexual problems. For some couples, the event that caused the anger might become less important, but the rift it caused may be impossible to bridge.
    The impact on our health

    When we get angry, our bodies automatically go into 'flight or fight' mode and are flooded with chemicals that put us on high alert. The heart rate and breathing quickens, muscles become tense and senses become heightened.
    This state of high alert is perfectly natural - but only for short periods. Living with permanent feelings of anger means the body is forced to stay in this acute state, which in time can lead to high blood pressure, headaches, stomach problems and a lowered immune system.
    The impact on our emotions

    When we're angry about someone's actions, we can become trapped in the past, replaying the event or events over and over again in our minds.
    They may also imagine or even seek out opportunities for revenge. This can help to increase feelings of power and control in a relationship, but offers only temporary relief.
    Anger can damage self-esteem too. Many of us are taught that anger is wrong, so you may feel bad about your feelings, even if they're justified. Or you may try to excuse the other person's actions and decide that you in some way deserved what happened. When anger is turned inwards in this way it often leads to depression.
    Learning to let go

    Choosing to let go of anger is something only you can do for yourself, not for your partner. It's never a guarantee that the relationship will improve, but it's a guarantee that - in time - you'll start feeling better.
    It's important to remind yourself that you're not necessarily letting your partner off the hook or forgetting what happened. You're letting go of the anger for your benefit, no one else's.
    Once the process has started, you may feel clearer about what you want to do about your relationship. You may have renewed energy to work at it, or you might decide that too much has happened and it's time to call it a day.
    No one's pretending that letting go of anger is quick or easy, but as you gradually feel the resentment slipping away you'll find it easier to enjoy other aspects of your life and begin to see the future in a new light.
     
  10. Masikini_Jeuri

    Masikini_Jeuri JF-Expert Member

    #10
    May 26, 2010
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    Hapo mwisho Mfunyukuzi umedadavua! learning to let go ni kikwazo kubwa kwenye mahusianao; Tujifunzeni jamani hili ndio daraja la upendo!
     
  11. Mom

    Mom JF-Expert Member

    #11
    May 26, 2010
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    Pole sana, jaribu kutafuta psychologist nafikiri anaweza kuongea na mpenzi wako na kujua nn hasa chanzo cha hasira zake na kumsaidia ushauri wa jinsi ya kumaliza hasira hizo au kuzicontrol, nawe pia utapata ushauri wa how to cope! Psychologist unaweza kumpata hospitali yoyote kubwa kwenye kitengo cha magonjwa ya akili.
     
  12. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

    #12
    May 26, 2010
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    ..Mom, hilo niliwahi kulifikiria na hata nina jamaa mmoja ambaye tulisoma wote "A" level ni daktari nilimuelzea hili tatizo ingawa hata yeye alishauri tumuone mtaalamu wa magonjwa ya akili. Nilimshawishi huyu mpenzi wangu lakini sana tukaonane na huyo daktari lakini alinigomea kwa madai kuwa namdharau mpaka kumuona kuwa ni kichaa jambo lililonikera sana moyoni kwani halikuwa lengo..
     
  13. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

    #13
    May 26, 2010
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    ...Lakini mkuu kwani nini hali hii ya wanawake kuwa na hasira na gadhabu zisizo na mpaka iwe kwenye mapenzi tu?? Mimi nina dada zangu ambao kiukweli kabisa ni watu wazuri kwangu na wanaupendo sana....Lakini kwa nini iwe kwenye mapenzi tu? Maana hata huyu honey wangu nilijaribu mpaka kuzungumza na dada zake wawili hata wao walishangaa sana.
     
  14. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

    #14
    May 26, 2010
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    ...Si kweli kuwa life style yangu ndio imesababisha hali hiyo. Nilivyo ndivyo alivyonikuta na alikubaliana na hali yangu kama mimi nilivyokubaliana na hali yake..!!
     
  15. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

    #15
    May 26, 2010
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    ...Tumeshazungumza ingawa yeye hataki kukubali kuwa ana hilo tatizo sana sana nikiendelea kuongea nae hunikasirikia na kudai kama nimemchoka bora niachane nae kama namuona ana matatizo eti mbona wanawake ni wengi tu mjini humu.....Duh! jamani.........!!
     
  16. Masikini_Jeuri

    Masikini_Jeuri JF-Expert Member

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    May 26, 2010
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    Mapenzi yanagusa moyo wake moja kwamoja ndugu yangu ndo maana unaona ni kwenye mapezi tu! Mapenzi ndiyo yanampa amani; furaha na kujiamini pia! Nenda naye kwa hadhari sana! Kitu cha kwanza amabacho nakiona kwako ni kwamba unajihesabia kuwa uko right! well hili linaweza kuwa la kwanza; siku zote ukishajihesabia haki madhara yake huwa kutoona kabisa kasoro zako ama kutokuwa tayari kuzitambua kuwa ni kasoro! Hilo laweza kumtia ghadhabu mwenzio na kwa kuwa tumetofautiana kama ni mtu wa kukasirika haraka basi unaweza kutopata muafaka kwani ambacho ni kasoro kwake kwako sio!

    Hujatueleza ikiwa mshawahi kuongelea hali hii bila wewe kulalamika; kwa sabu sipati picha kuwa Unaanza kwa upole ama unalalamika kukosa na kumnyooshea vidole kila siku?
     
  17. tete'a'tete

    tete'a'tete JF-Expert Member

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    May 26, 2010
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    MMh pole labda akiwa na wewe anasikia hasira!! je ulishawahi chunguza ukimpigia simu anaact hivyohivyo??
     
  18. JM Aristotle

    JM Aristotle Senior Member

    #18
    May 26, 2010
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    Mmh! nahisi kuna jambo linamsibu... badala ya kuelekeza nguvu zako kuondoa hasira zake... Jua kwanza ni nini kinamsibu. Kwani alikuwa hivyo siku zote???
     
  19. Masikini_Jeuri

    Masikini_Jeuri JF-Expert Member

    #19
    May 26, 2010
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    Lugha gani inatumika hapa; nachotaka kusema ni kuwa kama hivyo inaonekana unapoint makosa kwake! je unajaribu kutake part of the blame? Badalaya kusema "Mwenzangu una matatizo" sema (naona tuna matatizo); Kuwa msikivu na sikiliza how does she feel? je yeye haoni mnayo matatizo? Mpe vigezo kwa kuitazama hali yenu ya zamani na ya sasa! Also make haer fell proud kwa yale mazuri yaliyopo sasa na hilo kosekana linalokosekana liwe ni jambo la kumalizia!
     
  20. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

    #20
    May 26, 2010
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    ...Kobe hivi unaweza kuamini last week end niliongea nae na nikamuomba tutoke tuka-spend night moja nje ya kiwanja chetu cha nyumbani lengo likiwa huenda tukiwa katika mazingira tofauti tunaweza kuzungumza na may be kumshawishi anieleze kama ana jambo linalomsumbua hiki ndicho alichonijibu.." Huko kwenye mahoteli na magesti unakopeleka mademu zako nenda mwenyewe sio kunipeleka mimi". nilibaki hoi jamaa yangu..!
     
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