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Hii Ilitokea ni hadithi ya kweli ilitokea Tanganyika masagati (Kishumundu)

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Bowbow, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. Bowbow

    Bowbow JF-Expert Member

    Feb 1, 2008
    Joined: Oct 20, 2007
    Messages: 545
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    On Sunday the previous week after the service this is what happened!!

    Pastor : On the public address. After the service I would like to meet Nancy in the office

    Nancy in the office: Yes Pastor

    Pastor: You are talented in singing and I love your singing and would like you bring out your talent by leading the church choir. Please come in Saturday for I will be away and continue training the choir

    On Monday at a local shop Nancy meets Debora

    Nancy : Do you remember on Sunday the pastor asked me to remain?

    Debora: Yes yes yes

    Nancy : He told me he loves me. Pliz do not tell any one else

    Debora: Promise

    On Tuesday Debora meets Magdalene in the market;

    Debora: Do you remember on Sunday the pastor asked Nancy to remain behind

    Magdalene: yes yes yea

    Debora: Kuna MAMBO

    Magdalene: what?

    Debora: Pastor went to bed with Nancy

    Magdalene : Oh Noooh!

    Debora: Please do not tell any one else

    Magdalene: Promise

    On Tuesday on the way to women's merry go round meeting Magdalene meets Salome

    Magdalene: do you remember on Sunday the pastor asked Nancy to remain behind

    Salome: Oh Yea, KUNA NINI?

    Magdalene: Pastor has been going to bed with Nancy and now she is pregnant

    Salome: Nancy of all people and the way she pretends to be holier than thought, I can't believe it

    Magdalene: You stay on I cannot believe it but, do not mention to any one else

    Salome: Promise

    On Wednesday on the way to a football match, Salome meets Adelina another church member

    Salome: do you remember on Sunday the pastor asked Nancy to remain behind

    Adelina: yes. What is wrong with that?

    Salome: I don't care whether it is wrong or right but Nancy is the private wife of the pastor and she gave birth on birth on Monday to bouncing baby. I do not know the baby's sex yet.

    Adelina: and Nancy used to look like she had added weight. Now I know. Remember the day she vomited in young girls meeting and the wife of the pastor took her to hospital. She should have known it was the co wife she was dealing with; and remember how the pastor prayed for Nancy; A whole 30 minutes as though God was deaf.

    Salome: I just wanted you to know but do not tell any one else

    Adelina: Promise

    On Thursday Adelina at the bible study meets bible study group

    Adelina: do you remember on Sunday the pastor asked Nancy to remain behind

    All : Yes

    Adelina: Do not say it was me for I will deny whether denial is sin or not

    Angela: what is it? Even Peter denied Jesus and he went ahead to lead church when Jesus was gone to heaven

    Elizabeth: Yes denial is not a blasphemy please tell us

    Adelina: The known second wife of pastor Nancy gave birth to twins on Wednesday and because they were immature and there was no incubator, they unfortunately died

    All: God have mercy on our church. We are doomed .

    Mosha: Nancy of all people. And the way I asked her hand in marriage and she turned me down saying she was still waiting for the lords voice. Kumbe she was waiting for the pastors voice. Aki ya Mungu she is the axis of evil in our church

    Blandina: Now you can consider me since Nancy has a husband

    Mosha : This is not a joking matter

    Adelina : Hey lets not fight but do not mention my name

    All : Promise.

    On Friday in the market place Blandina meets the church chairmanChairman: Praise God Blandina

    Blandina : ah ah praise the Lord chairman

    Chairman : why do you laugh Blandina. Have you backslidden or do I have an issue?

    Blandina: do you remember on Sunday the pastor asked Nancy to remain behind

    Chairman: Yes

    Blandina: Am ashamed

    Chairman: with what, who and why?

    Blandina : You church leaders think we are stupid

    Chairman: I do not understand you yet

    Blandina: You mean you do not know that the pastor has a whole group of girl friends in the church and a number of wives. I also think you are the same since you are friends . In fact Nancy is one of them and she gave birth yesterday to still born triplets who were secretly taken to the rural area of the pastor and burial will be on Monday not to attract public attention.

    Chairman : Shetani ASHINDWE! No wonder the pastor never invited me when he met Nancy

    Blandina : I only wanted you to know but do not tell anybody

    Chairman Promise

    On Saturday at the couples fellowship chairman meet all

    Chairman: I hope you understand why the pastor could not make it to today fellowship

    All : No, is anything wrong?

    Chairman: I Ihope our church is not coming to an end. You know the bible says it all. In the last days there will be men who will resemble the people of the cloth but they will deny the real power of god.

    Msengi : Wacha kutuzungusha. We are not babies

    Chairman : O.K. The pastor is mourning the untimely death of four kids born by his two girl friends at the same time but in different parts of the village; twins each; who died for varied reasons. It is even being suspected it was abortions which went wrong and the police are holding the two girls and the midwife involved for further investigations. Since all of them are our church members, I hope the name of the pastor will not be mentioned in the fracas.

    Mushi : So the pastor has gone to hiding and that is why he is not here today. I swear atanirudishia zile sadaka nimetoa kanisani since I joined the church.

    Mosha : Mimi siendi nyumbani, napita kwake nichukue advace refund kabla queue haija kuwa ndefu sana

    All: Let us come mapema kesho tujue mwanzo na mwelekeo wa haya mambo.

    On Sunday at 6.00 am the church is full

    Chairman : Praise and worship choruses please

    All: let us sing "all the things done under the bed shall be broadcast at the hill top"

    Pastor : Still in his house; My wife I think we need to hurry up for the revival times have kicked in. I cannot believe the church is full at six o'clock in the morning. Even some people are worshipping from outside. Our prayers are answered. Praise be to GOD

    Chairman: I know he is scared let me bring him in

    All : Oh yeah!

    Pastor: what is the chairman talking about? Let me go and check

    All: KANAJILETA with louder and louder singing "Yote yawezekana kwa imani.."

    Chairman: Every one quiet! This is the moment of truth

    Pastor: Yes the moment when the devil must be ashamed is here and now

    All : Oh yes, say that again and again and again pastor

    Pastor : Let us sing the chorus: '..every knee shall bow and every tongue confess..'

    All : Confess first before we sing and bow to pray for you

    Chairman: Pastor vipi huko na matanga ya extended familia yako kesho?

    Pastor : who died and when?

    All : Wacha kujifanya!!! !!!!

    Chairman: oh yes One is your Nancy 's twins

    Pastor, and wife plus Nancy fainted
  2. Bowbow

    Bowbow JF-Expert Member

    Feb 1, 2008
    Joined: Oct 20, 2007
    Messages: 545
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    Swali la udakuu huu mimi na wewe tunaleta hapa JF habari za midomoni kama ilivyo kwenye udaku huu. Tafakari
  3. chamakh

    chamakh JF-Expert Member

    Jun 15, 2014
    Joined: Oct 29, 2010
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    Labda Nigeria huko
  4. isaryalande

    isaryalande Member

    Jun 17, 2014
    Joined: Jan 17, 2014
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    Malizia story