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Help me tafadhali...

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by jn, Feb 10, 2008.

  1. jn

    jn Member

    #1
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Feb 10, 2008
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    Jamani naomba mnisaidie. Roho yangu inauma.

    I have been with a guy for 2 years now. mimi niko tayari kufunga ndoa nae and i think we have a very good and supportive relationship. lakini nikianza kuongea kuhusu kufunga ndoa ananiambia hajaamua. what does this mean? does it mean hayuko tayari au hajaamua kuniona mimi? mimi naona kama ananichezea tu. najua ananipenda lakini naona hataki kuniona kwa sababu fulani. i wish i had the enough courage to leave him ili nitafute mtu mwingine who wants the same thing as me.

    nawaomba mnisaidie jamani, yani roho inauma kweli manake nampenda kweli huyu jamaa. sijui nifanyeje.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2009
  2. Kitia

    Kitia JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Feb 10, 2008
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    Kama nia yako ni kuolewa, mwache utafute atakeyekuoa! Kama huwezi kumwacha, kaa naye tu, uwe na subira, kuna siku atakuwa tayari.
     
  3. g

    gnasha Member

    #3
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Jan 19, 2007
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    Miaka 2 ni midogo kumwelewa mwenzako. Usikimbilie kuolewa ukajuta baadaye. Kama hana mpango wa kukuoa ni bora ukamwelewa kuliko kumng'ang'ania halafu ndoa ukaiona chungu hapo baadaye.
     
  4. t

    twanga New Member

    #4
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Feb 10, 2008
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    kwanza najitambulisha kuwa mimi ni mwanachama mpya naomba munipokee ama kuhusu huyo jamaa achana nae anataka kukudhalilisha tuu kisha akuwache .
     
  5. Mtu wa Pwani

    Mtu wa Pwani JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Dec 26, 2006
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    Maelezo Bado Hayajatosheleza Kukushauri Dada Yetu.

    Hajawa Tayari Kivipi?

    Jee Hajawa Tayari Kifedha Au Pahala Pa Kukaa Au Vipi?


    Maana Ndoa Inahitaji Kujiaandaa Na Responsibility. Jee Yy Hajawa Tayari Kwa Lipi? Jee Uliwahi Kumuuliza Kuhusu Hilo Na Ukajua Utayari Wake Uko Ktk Angle Gani Na Kisha Kuangalia Ni Jinsi Gani Waweza Kumsaidia.

    Jengine Si Maamuzi Ya Busara Kumuacha Na Kutafuta Mwengine Huwezi Jua Kuhusu Huyo Mwengine Na Si Busara Kurisk Na Kubadili Badili.

    Kaa Pima Na Tafakari Na Tafuta Kwa Nn Si Tayari Na Angalia Kwa Busara Baada Ya Kujua Jee Waweza Kumfanya Awe Tayari Au Uamue Basi. Na Kama Basi Nn Ufanye Jee Utafute Mwengine Sasa Kama Ni Mwengine Unapaswa Kujitahidi Kuwa Muangalifu Na Kumtafuta Mtu Ambaye Atakuwa Na Malengo Mnayofanana Nayo
     
  6. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Jun 24, 2007
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    jn,
    Nenda dukani mnunulie pafume safi na shati nzuri na maua, na kadi nzuri ya Valentile- then surpise him! Pia siku hiyo mpikie chakula kitam sana- na nunua pia wine tam! Halafu vaa nguo nzuri sana utoke sexy yaani akikuona- mwenyewe achanganyikiwe! Pia paka pafume yako ile nzuri unukie vizuri!

    Kwa kunyenyekea- mwangalie machoni- mwambie unampenda sana- umuulize kwa utulivu- ndoa yenu itakuwa lini? Na je mtaishi wawili lini na wapi? Mwambia ungependa sana kumzalia watoto wazuri!

    Jishushe kwake ili kujua msimamo wake!

    Siri ya mwanamme wa Bongo ukijishusha kama Demu tayari unaikuna roho yake!

    Unajua siri ya mwanamme ni mambo madogo kama hayo!

    Be humble!
     
  7. Mtu wa Pwani

    Mtu wa Pwani JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Feb 10, 2008
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    huu ni ushauri mzuri jaribu na pia jitahidi kumjenga ushujaa kuwa huhitaji makubwa kwake na uko tayari kumpokea kwa hali alionayo na kumsapoti
     
  8. Mtu Mzima

    Mtu Mzima JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Oct 4, 2007
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    Ina maana katika hii miaka yote 2 anakula vitu kama kawa? Namaanisha mnaingiliana kimwili?.Unajua waswahili husema kula kiku si lazima ufuge wako nyumbani sasa kama jamaa anapata service cheaply haoni sababu ya kubeba responsibilities ndo maana hapendelei topiki ya 'pingu'.
    Jaribu kuongea nae kwa ukaribu ujue tatizo linalomkwamisha ili mlitatue vinginevyo nakutahadhalisha uwe mvumilivu na makini unaweza kuruka mkojo ukakanyaga kinyesi.
    Kila la kheri katika ndoto zako
     
  9. L

    Ledwin JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Oct 9, 2007
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    Jn,umefanya kadri uwezavyo kumconvice akuoe lakini navyoona hayuko tayari ,siwezi kujua ni sababu zipi maana yeye ndio anazozijua mwenyewe,nimekupata kwamba unampenda sana,mi nakushauri usimlazimishe tena Jn endelea na maisha yako kama ni kuongeza elimu ongeza ,kama ni kuchapa kazi kwa bidii ,or uwe busy na mambo mengine ,am sure kama ni wako ,basi hata iweje ni wako tu,na kama sio wako basi ,Mungu atakupa mwingine na utasahau tu,all the best.
     
  10. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Mar 31, 2007
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    ..usiwe na haraka.

    ..we ukichemsha kichwa,unafikiri ni kitu gani kinamfanya aseme hivyo?

    ..je,mnakaa pamoja na kama sivyo,mnaonana mara ngapi kwa wiki?

    ..je,unawafahamu nduguze na au yeye anawafahamu wa kwako? kama sivyo ni kitu gani kimewafanya msifahamiane ndugu?

    ..je,unawafahamu marafiki zake? na yeye wa kwako? mmefahamiana nao vipi? mlitambulishana?

    ..je,mnatoka wote out? valentine hii mna mipango gani?

    ..maswali haya ukiyajibu vizuri utapata angalau ka-mwanga ka uhusiano wenu uko vipi?
     
  11. M

    Muhunzi Member

    #11
    Feb 10, 2008
    Joined: Feb 1, 2008
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    Dadangu,ninavyohisi unamapungufu-kama kweli unayaweza kuwangangari.
    1.Dalili nikuwa wewe ni Mtumwa wa mapenzi,kwamaana hilo ni penzi la upande mmoja.
    2.Muda unakwenda nahaurudi nyuma,harakia maisha yako kabla hujaharibikiwa.
    3.Kila Mwanaume anapenda Mwanamke mwenye mafanikio,epuka kuwa mzigo.
    4.Marekebisho huanza kwayule unayemuona kwenye kioo,basi rekebisha penye kasoro.
    Zaidi,nakutakia kila lakheri
     
  12. Mtaalam

    Mtaalam JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Feb 12, 2008
    Joined: Oct 1, 2007
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    unajua hili ndio tatizo la vijana wa siku hizi...miaka miwili tuu na kuonana kwenyewe kwa ngama mara moja kwa mwezi baaasi we tayari na wataka ndoa...hapo huwazi hata jamaa mkioana wewe uko dar na yeye wa kusafiri mtaishije??halafu hata kujuana vyema sidhani ka tayari....lakini tayari wataka ndoa huwezi jua mwenzio anataka awe tayari ki kila kitu na uzushi wenu wa nyie kusema hata dagaa mtakula halafu mkiingia ndani baada ya siku mbili tatu mwaanza tafuta wa kuwapa chips kuku nje...tulia mama msomane vyema then bidae ndio mkae nakuulizana mwa target nini in ur maishaz...sio kuwaza ndoa tuu kama fashion...waweza kuta wewe mwenyewe ur not ready ila tuu ni ile presha tuu ya mbona shogako kaolewa mbona flani na flani wameoana???mwee ndoa sio starehe tuu ehh
     
  13. jn

    jn Member

    #13
    Feb 12, 2008
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    Thank you to everyone who contributed to this. nimeelewa maoini yenu na nitayafanyia kazi.
    very special asante's go to:

    1. Mzalendohalisi
    2. LEDWIN
    3. Mtu wa pwani.
     
  14. Kana-Ka-Nsungu

    Kana-Ka-Nsungu JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Feb 12, 2008
    Joined: Oct 4, 2007
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    Ndoa hailazimishwi dadangu, ndoa nyingi za kuforce huwa zina kasumba ya kuambatana na matatizo. Mpe muda hadi hapo yeye mwenyewe atakapoona yuko tayari. Kuwa ready kwa mwanaume sio kuhusiana na masuala ya fedha, kazi na makazi tu, kuna kuspend ujana pia au kwa lugha nyingine kula maisha kwanza kabla hujajicomit kwa mtu mmoja 'for the rest of your life'.
    Pia kuna uwezekano kuwa kwa sasa jamaa anakuona sio 'wife material' na anaenjoy tu company yako, anaishi na wewe kwa mazoea tu so atakapoamua kuoa atakumwaga. Inawezekana pia uko under probation na kwa sasa anautumia muda huu kukupima kama unafikia standard ya kuwa 'Mrs' wake.
    Ushauri wangu kwako ni kwamba inakubidi ujitume sana kwa wakati huu, hasa nyakati za 'mchezo', mfanyie kila kinachowezekana ili uondoe negative thoughts zozote ambazo anazo juu yako, yaani I mean umchanganye kabisa kwa mavituz yako hadi akupigie magoti mchozi ukimtoka na yeye mwenyewe kwa sauti kubwa aseme 'will you marry me?' Kama yote haya yakishindikana na unampenda, kamata basi uende Bagamoyo- hachomoki hapo!!
     
  15. RR

    RR JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Feb 13, 2008
    Joined: Mar 17, 2007
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    Muulize kwa taratibu kabisa kuhusu maisha yake ya baadae...je, anaiona future mkiwa pamoja? Mweleze kama anahisi unambana basi upo tayari kumpa nafasi ili awe na uhakika. Ongea nae kuhusu maisha ya baadae.
    Inawezekana hajafikiria kujikomit kwa mtu yeyote, anaogopa.
    Pia, wanaume wengi hawapendi kuburuzwa/kulazimishwa kuingia katika ndoa ...... ukimlazimisha atakuchoka muda si mrefu ..... unapomlazimisha anahisi unataka kumfungia kanyaboya.
     
  16. K

    Kasana JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Feb 14, 2008
    Joined: Apr 3, 2007
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    Jn
    Pole dada kwa yanayokukuta, mimi na wasiwasi mmoja naona wote wawili hamko tayari kufunga ndoa. Wewe unapush sana ndoa hiyo, kwa nini? maranyingi wanawake huwa tunaogopa umri unapokuwa unasonga, je ni sababu hiyo inakufanya upush ndoa?

    Ukipush sana nahisi utabore,
    Pili nahisi humpendi kidhati huyo kaka. Uko naye kwa sababu fulani fulani, moja wapo ni ndoa. Nahisi kijana ni mstahimivu na anakupenda.

    Just let it flow, time will decide (baadaye katika ndoa usije 'ukamchase away' baada ya kushindwa kutimiza majukumu kama mkuu wa kaya-'yuko kwako na wewe unachangia')
     
  17. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Feb 14, 2008
    Joined: Mar 31, 2007
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    ..kwa ufupi,angalia uwezekano wa kuwa nae karibu zaidi,sitoshangaa huko mkoani anapumbazwa na demu mwingine!

    ..inavyoonekana,wewe una haraka fulani,lakini jamaa bado anakupenda[at least]. sasa,we hilo somo usimpige tena,anza kuangalia kina kaka wengine wanaokuangalia! nasisitiza kuangalia na si vinginevyo!
     
  18. Steve Dii

    Steve Dii JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Feb 14, 2008
    Joined: Jun 25, 2007
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    Mzalendo,
    Maneno mazuri hayo, lakini jinsi ninavyo yaona ni kuwa yamekaa 'ki-fantasy fantasy' mno. Pale unapojifanya kuingia kichwani kwa mtu na kutaka kum-seduce kinamna, wengine wenye akili za kung'amua hilo wanashitukia mapema mno na kukukwepa 'kitaalam' pia.

    Na kwenye environment ya mapenzi kama hayo ya siku ya valentine's basi inabidi uiache siku kama hiyo i serve its purpose, ukiingiza mambo ya kuoana kwenye siku kama hiyo unaweza kujikuta una spoil siku yote na mbwembwe ulizogharamika nazo. Ushauri wangu hapa mimi kwa jn, ni kuwa let valentine's day be valentine's day na siyo siku ya proposition.


    SteveD.
     
  19. Steve Dii

    Steve Dii JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Feb 14, 2008
    Joined: Jun 25, 2007
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    KKS, You killin' it man! lol
    Duuh, wee mtu kiboko, kwenye haya kweli sikuwezi!! daah, bagamoyo ndani ya ushauri pia..... kudadeki wal...i !!

    Labda nyongeza tu kwa dada jn,
    Kujituma kusiishie kwenye mambo ya chumbani tu kama wengine wanavyoshauri.... hiyo probation inaweza kabisa kuwa inapima pia msimamo na prospect yako ya baadae katika maisha yako. Yaani mawazo yako katika jamii, mchango wako katika jamii, na mengineyo... kwani unaweza kukuta mtu anakupenda zaidi wewe si kwa jinsi ulivyo 'mtukutu chumbani', bali ni kwa jinsi unavyoweza kusimama na kusaidia watoto/watu wasiojiweza/walemavu n.k. katika jamii yako ukilinganisha na uwezo wako.

    SteveD.
     
  20. BrownEye

    BrownEye Member

    #20
    Feb 14, 2008
    Joined: Jul 31, 2007
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    Bibie pole sana kwa hilo jaribu unalolipitia. Pia nikupe hongera ya kuwa jasiri na kumdokezea juu ya ndoa na maisha yenu ya baadaye. Nikupongeze pia kuwa muwazi na kutafuta hekima za watu wengine hapa JF, ninaamini tatizo limefika kwa wenyewe na utapata mawazo mengi tu mazuri, pengine hata huyo mwandani wako anaweza bahati mbaya au nzuri akapita hapa na kusoma hata kama hatajua ni wewe lakini atafaidika na mawazo ya hapa na hivyo kujikagua tena na tena then akaamua lilojema.

    Hata hivyo naomba nikuangalize mambo kadhaa:-
    1. Fahamu kwamba mke au mume ni zawadi aipatayo mtu kutoka kwa Mungu.Nina amini yupo mume ambaye ushaandaliwa, yawezekana ni huyo uliyenae au siye, Jaribu kumuomba au umshirikishe Mungu juu ya hili.

    2. Naamini kuwa ndoa nio kwa faida ya mume na mke na ni kitu kizuri cha kujivunia kama wote wawili mioyo yao imeamua kwa hiari bila kusukumwa sukumwa wala kubembeleze sanaaa.Huwa nashindwa kuelewa wakati mwingine mume anavyofika mahali na kuona kwamba amemfanyia mwanamke favor (kaupendeleo flani) kwa kumuoa. Au mwanamke eti kakubali ndoa kwa sababu tu eti kamuonea huruma mkaka au wazazi wamempiga mkwara aolewe. Mambo hayo husababisha maisha ya ndoa kuwa magumu na machungu sana.

    Maoni yangu ni kwamba hadi sasa umeshafanya sehemu yako, imetosha. Anza kuufundisha moyo wako kuwa na kiasi, Isijekuwa labda mnakutana kimwili, basi yeye anafurahia hilo tendo kwamba akiwa na wewe kitandani anajisikia safiii na unajua kumpagawisha basi.Si kama anakupenda kwa ajili ya maisha ya baadae kama mkewe kutokana na sababu mbalimbali ambazo kimsingi kwake ndio vigezo vikuu vya yeye kuamua kuoa na sio sex tu.

    3. Naomba nikukumbushe kuwa mara nyingi wanaume hasa (wabongo) huwa ni wagumu sana kumwambia mwanamke kuwa mahusiano yameisha na kwamba haoni kama wewe waweza kuwa mkewe, hasa pale ambapo unakuwa hujawahi kumkosea, na anatambua kwamba unampenda kwa moyo wote. Atakachofanya ni kuendelea kukutumia (kwa sex) hati wewe mwenyewe ujitoe ili yeye asilaumiwe. Pengine mwenzio tayari ana mchumba na hawezi kukwambia. Usipojua kujikaza na kukabiliana na maisha utajikuta huwezi kumuacha hata pale utakapogundua ameoa na ataendelea kukudanganya kuwa kaoa tu lakini moyo wake upo kwako na hivyo ukaendelea kumuhudumia vile vile eti kwa neno la kwamba nimempenda sana siiwezi kumuacha.

    4. Naamini sana wewe bado kijana na bado una chance kubwa ya kupata yule atakayeusuuza moyo wako zaidi. Sisemi ukurupuke uanze kutafuta mwingine hapana, ushauri wangu ni kwamba rudi kwenye daftari lako la tabia na uanze kujiachunguza tabia zako moja hadi nyingine tangu asubuhi uamkapo hadi ulalapo. Jicheck heshima, ukarimu, upole, kujitoa, usikivu, mahusiano na jamii inayokuzunguka, ndugu za jamaa, usafi wa mwili, akili na roho, ucheshi, huruma, uvumilivu, je upo reasonable? unaweza kusamehe na kusahau?, bidii katika kazi si nyumbani au ofisini tu bali hata kwenye jumuia. angalia watu wanapenda na wanasema nini juu yako? kama kuna baya lolote jaribu kurekebisha. Hapa kwa ujumla namaanisha ujaribu kuwa na mvuto fulani kitabia na kimuonekano.

    Ukifanya haya na mengine wanayokushauri hapa ninahakika jamaa atabadili mawazo na kusisitiza ndoa haraka au kama si yeye basi waungwana kibao watamiminika kwako kuomba mkono wako katika maisha yao. But this time kuwa muangalifu usigawe kitumbua bila heshima!!! I mean usiendekeze ngono kabla ya ndoa.

    Samahani sana wazee ninausongo sana na binti yetu apate ndoa ndio maana nimeandika saaaana.
     
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