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Hataki kuongea! NIFANYEJE?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Nov 3, 2009.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Nov 3, 2009
    Joined: Nov 22, 2007
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    Hataki kuongea!

    Tunaendesha Km 8 huku hatuongei, acha tu!
    Swali:
    Mimi ni mwanamke ambaye nipo kwenye ndoa sasa mwaka wa 8 nimekuwa nikitatizika sana na tabi ya mume wangu kushindwa kuongea na mimi, kila nikitaka kuongea chochote anaonesha hali ya ku-ignore kile nataka kumwambia.
    Kinachoshanga zaidi ni kwamba tunapoenda kazini wote tunatumia gari moja hata hivyo zaidi ya Km 8 zote tunakuwa mabubu hadi kila mmoja anaenda kazini kwake na ni kama vile tumekuwa watu wawili tofauti.
    Nifanyeje ili mume wangu awe anaongea na mimi tena kama wakati wa uchumba na miaka ya kwanza ya ndoa yetu.

    Ni mimi mwenye mume bubu!

    Jibu
    Dada mwenye mume bubu!
    Asante sana kwa swali zuri ambalo naamini si wewe tu ambaye unakutana na hali kama hiyo wapo wanawake wengi tu hawasemi au wanaume wengi tu ambao wamejikuta kila mmoja hana hamu ya kuongea na mwenzake tena, kinachoshangaza ni kwamba wameapa kwamba wataishi pamoja hadi kifo kitakapowatenganisha.

    Kabla hatujaanza kujibu swali vizuri jambo la msingi unatakiwa kutambua kwamba ndoa hupitia hatua mbalimbali na kwamba unapokutana na hali kama hiyo unatakiwa kuwa makini zaidi ili kuhakikisha unairudisha kwenye mstari au badala ya kuweka maji kwenye moto wewe unaongeza petrol.

    Inawezekana unapokumbuka mume wako alivyokuwa anaongea na wewe kwa simu au text messages au email au kukutana tu na kuwa na hamu na wewe kabla ya kuoana na leo hii, hisia zako zinaumia sana kwani inawezekana alikuwa anakesha na si kuongea na wewe tu bali kuhakikisha anaongea vitu ambavyo vinakufanya uwe au ujisikia happy na kwamba una mume anayejua kupenda na ni yeye tu duniani, leo umeoana mambo ni kinyume.

    Wanandoa wengi hujisahau (wanaume na wanawake) kwamba wanahitaji kuendeleza romance na surprises hata baada ya kuoana.

    Kama wanandoa wawili wamefika mahali hawawezi kuongea tena hii ina maana kwamba mmoja wao hajisikii kuvutiwa (hisia) kuweza kuongea na mwenzake, anajisikia unam-bore, humvutii tena.

    Inaweza kuwa ni wewe mwenyewe umesababisha mume wako awe disconnected na wewe au ni yeye amepata mwingine ambaye anamvutia zaidi na kumfanya anapoongea ajisikia vizuri.
    Kabla ya kuamini kwamba ni yeye labda ni vizuri kuanza kuisafisha nyumba yako moyoni mwako kwanza yawezekana ndo itakuwa dawa kamili.

    Je, bado upo attractive kama ulivyo kuwa enzi zako zile za uchumba, honeymoon na miaka ya kwanza ya ndoa yenu?
    Je, unamheshimu mume wako kama wakati wa uchumba au mwanzo wa ndoa yenu?
    Je, unaongea tu, na kumkefyakefya (nagging) kwa kila kitu hata kitu kisicho na maana hadi yeye kujikuta hana majibu na jibu sahihi ni kujibakia kimya?
    Je, umakuwa unalalamika kwa kila kitu hata yeye kutoongea na wewe?
    Je, mahusiano yako kimapenzi ni mazuri na yeye (yaani kuna enjoyment ya kuridhisha linapokuja suala la sex)?

    Kuna msemo kwamba “People take things for granted when married” kwa sababu wanaamini wanaishi kwenye mapenzi tayari hivyo wanakuwa jeuri kwa wapenzi wao.

    Dawa ya kuweza kuongea na yeye ni wewe kuwa na bonding mpya na mume wako yaani ajisikie yupo connected na attracted na wewe na hii haiwezi kutokea overnight kuna kazi unahitaji kufanya.
    Unaweza kuanza kufanya vitu vile yeye anapenda kufanya, kama vile michezo, project, business hata mambo anayopenda kuongea, hapo atajisikia vizuri kwani unagusa maeneo yake.
    Wanaume hufanya bond haraka kwa kufanya activities pamoja na si kwa kukaa na kupiga soga kama wanawake, hivyo ukitaka mumeo aongee mfuate kwenye shughuliza zake binafsi anazopenda kufanya.

    Kama kuna kazi amefanya au kitu amefanya jitahidi kuhakikisha unampa credit au praise, kumsifu kwa vitu anavyofanya kunampa feelings kwamba unatambua mchango wake na kwamba yupo respected na wewe pia atafahamu unatambua juhudi zake katika familia hivyo ataanza kuongea na wewe.

    Pia inawezekana kutokana na yeye kushindwa kuongea na wewe umeamua kuwa rough yaani humpi respect nah ii imeathiri ego yake na anakuona hakuna lolote, hivyo geuza kibao kwa kumpa respect kwanza.

    Pia unaweza kujipa kalikizo kadogo kwenda mbali kidogo ili ujenge hamu ya kukutaka au wewe kutokuwepo kuna kujisikia Fulani ambalo kwa wawili wanaoishi pamoja lazima itajenga hamu ya kukuhitaji tena.

    Pia kumbuka approach ya maisha na mapenzi kwa ujumla kwa mwanamke na mwanaume ni tofauti hivyo unatakiwa kuwa makini na namna unavyoongea na mume wako kwani sasa mnaishi kwenye ndoa ni maisha halisi ni kitu halisi.

    Pia inawezekana sasa hakuna fun zozote, hakuna kucheza wala kutaniana wala kufurahishana, wote mmejikita kwenye kazi na responsibilities na matokeo yake hakuna kicheko na mnakuwa disconnected, jiulize wewe na mume wako mmecheza mchezo wowote lini?

    Kama unaweza basi kuanzia leo jifanye ni mchumba na act kama mchumba uone kama hataongea.

    Usipende kuongeea naye eti kwa kuwa kuna issue muhimu ya kuongea, ongea naye hata wakati hakuna issue sensitive, just for fun.

    Haina haja kuongea (kuchonga) ili kutaka mume wako aongee na kujibu kila swali unalomuuliza au kuzunguka kutoa maelezo mengi badala ya kuongea point ndipo wanaume wengi hujisikia wanawake hawaeleweki na too much na wakati mwingine mume amechoka wewe unataka kuongea na maswali kibao.

    Uwe na hekima, wakati mwingine wanaume anahitaji kwenda pangoni.
    Hata kama hatulipii kuongea haina maana tuongee ovyo na kuuliza maswali yote, ni vizuri kuwa makini na jinsi tunavyoongea na si kila wakati ni wakati wa kuongea.
     
  2. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Nov 4, 2009
    Joined: Aug 18, 2009
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    Mhhhhh ukiona mwanaume anaongea kwa ucheshi na mwanamke kwenye gari
    ujue ni kimada....
    Ukikuta mke basi wote wamekunja sura....
    Waswahili sisi tuna tabu sana.
     
  3. W

    Wandugu Masanja JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Nov 4, 2009
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    mara zote mke hujifanya ni mkali nyumbani, sasa bosi akirudi mara anatolewa maneno kachukuwe chakula kwenye kabati au jikoni, na mie ninakazi kama wewe nimechoka pia hapo mume huwa anaishi tu hakuna respect hio ndio mwanzo hata wa kwenda nyumba ndogo kwani kule anapata kile alichokizoea na sasa hakipati(respect)
     
  4. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu, wako wengine wanaongea tena kwa vicheko utadhani ni newlywed kumbe washakata miaka kibao.
     
  5. carmel

    carmel JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    Hii tushaikataa zamani sana, respect is earned wandugu, and its both ways. the same goes to care and responsibilities especially if you are both working, wanawake sio machine hapo hadi wawe responsible kotekote wakati wanaume wanataka waishi kama wafalme. na vitisho vya kwamba hiyo ndo sababu wanaume wanaenda nje ni blackmail and i refuse to be blackmailed, if a man wants an affair kwa kisingizio hiki, let him have one i couldnt care less.
     
  6. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #6
    Nov 4, 2009
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    Sema wewe dada, nikisema mie nitakufuru.

    Hawa viumbe hawabebeki yaani kuna baadhi yao hata sijui mimba zao zilitungwa wakati gani na katika style ipi. Kama nilivyokwishawahi sema kwenye ile mada ya Wasichana wa kazi - kuna wanaofanyiwa kila kitu yaani nikisema kila kitu ni kila kitu isipokuwa kulishwa chakula mdomoni na kukitoa lakini bado ni visa tu.

    Mie wangu alikuwaga akiamua tu mwenyewe anarudi amenuna na ukimwuliza vipi anakwambia niko sawa yaani hapo akishajibu hivyo hata ufanyeje ndo kamaliza, asibuhi mkiingia garini utajisemesha we anakutizama tu! Na anawezapiga hivyo hata mwezi sasa na wewe si utachoka kujisemesha ka mwendawazimu? Unajikuta tu nawe unaanza kubeba mswaki na dawa ya mswaki ili ukifika ofcn upige upya maana hadi ufike mdomo unanuka! Mnaishia kuwasikiliza kina Babra na Bonge hadi unakariri sauti zao na matangazo!
     
  7. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Nov 4, 2009
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    EEEH YAANI BWANA KUNA WANAUME WENGINE WANAWACHUKULIA WANAWAKE KAMA MATREKA

    LAKINI NA HUYO MWANAUME ANAYEJIFANYA BUBU ANAMATATIZO???ALIMUOA WA NINI KAMA HAJISIKII KUONGEA NAE
    mama muathirika hebu omba meeting na mmeo muweke mambo sawa aseme kama anakuona wewe ni kinyago cha mpapule hakifai kusemeshwa
     
  8. Kimbweka

    Kimbweka JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Nov 4, 2009
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    Comedian husbands ndo wacheshi sana!
     
  9. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

    #9
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    ukiona mwenzio haongei,ANZA KUMTONGOZA UPYA!ha sa kwa mwanamke.hakuna kitu mwanamke anaona kizuri kama kutongozwa
     
  10. Z

    Zion Daughter JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Nov 4, 2009
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    Pole dada MJ1.Usikate tamaa muombe Mungu atakusaidia.
     
  11. Shishi

    Shishi JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Nov 4, 2009
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    Mie huwa sielewei kabisa kwa nini wananyamaziana hivi...yaani mmoja anaendesha gari mwenzake gazeti ama kalala usingizi. hivi huwa stori zimeisha ama????? na kwlae wenye experience na wake zaio hapa jamvini hebu tupeni secret zenu.
     
  12. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Nov 4, 2009
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    shoga mie wangu asijenikuta namsema hapa alikuwa akininunia siku mbili mie najisemesha weee nikiona hakuna mwelekeo nanuna week yaani siongei ng'o mpaka anaanza mwenyewe kwani mie nimekuwa kideo ;);)
    ila nadhani ilikuwa sijui ujana siku hizi hakuna habari hiyo tunawaza life unanuana kwa sekunde
     
  13. m

    mchajikobe JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Nov 4, 2009
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    mmmh,mapenzi,mapenzi,mapenzi,haya makitu hayafundishiki na wala hayana rules,i've no comment on this!!!
     
  14. I

    Irene V Member

    #14
    Nov 4, 2009
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    Umenifurahisha kweli na hayo niliyoyawekea red.
    Sehemu nyingine ule msemo wa dawa ya moto ni moto unaapply lakini sehemu nyingine ni noma unaweza nuna ukashangaa ndo anafurahia wee kutoongea so utaanza kujiongelesha tena mwenyewe.
     
  15. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

    #15
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    walah mami nimecheka sana, haaa ndoa zina mambo! nashukuru huyu wangu ni kasuku haaa.
     
  16. Chimunguru

    Chimunguru JF-Expert Member

    #16
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    Ndoa nyingi zinaishia huko, watu wanaona upo tu na utaendelea kuwepo huna pakwenda so kuna vitu vingine mtu hawezi fanya eti kisa we si mke/mme wangu kumbe hapo mnaharibu jamani. Mie na wife wangu tuna 7yrs lkn ukitukuta km mtu na mchumba wake, bado tunataniana sana, story kwa wingi. Kingine mjaribu kuwa creative jamani isiwe kila kitu ni routine ya kila siku jamani! jaribu ku create vitu vipya ktk mahusiano yenu. najua wengi hili jamvi kwa mfano wanalijua wenyewe tu utakuta mme au mke hajui km kuna kitu kinaitwa JAMII FORUMS. Mimi nime mu introduce wife huwezi amini sasa hivi tukirudi tu home ikifika saa moja au mbili lazima tuingie mtandaoni tuanze kuangalia mada zilizomo, hizi za ndoa ndo zimezidi sana kuimarisha uhusiano wetu kila kitu kinakuwa wazi tuna discuss, tunabisha tunacheka, kweli inasaidia sana. Tusipende tu kuwalaumu wanawake na attitude zao, mie nikirudi home nikamkuta wife kanuna kwangu wala si tatizo ntamsifia, ntamtekenya haichukui round atacheka na hicho kilichosababisha anune atakisema pale pale, nikijua tu mood ya wife sio nzuri ntamtoa out, au hata km sina nia ya kununua kitu ntampeleka tu mlimani city ntamwambia kuna kitu nataka kuangalia basi akishaingia mjengoni na ile mandhari mkitoka huko vicheko na furaha tele.
     
  17. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

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    Shishi inaonekana ndoa yako changa sana, kuna wale wana gubu tu kununa kwao ni jadi, kuna wale wana kicrani mkikosana kidogo inakuwa ishu kumrudisha kwenye mood, na wenye kicrani hawa mnakwaruzana jana leo mmeyaweka sawa baada ya dk 5 anakukumbushia tu from nowhere.....upo hapo?
     
  18. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    ni kweli sister V wapo wana style hiyo na wengine huwa wanajaribu kubeep waone huyu mbeijing ana msimamo gani ;)
     
  19. Gaijin

    Gaijin JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Nov 4, 2009
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    akinuna tukiwa ndni......huwa natafuta fishnets na high heels ....kisha namie nanuna huku nampitia pitia na kazi zangu...

    sema kuna sku HUCHOKA
     
  20. GP

    GP JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Nov 4, 2009
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    kumbe we shorizzzz!.
     
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