Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Hata kwao wapo kama walivyo kwetu

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Possibles, Dec 7, 2011.

  1. Possibles

    Possibles JF-Expert Member

    Dec 7, 2011
    Joined: Sep 22, 2011
    Messages: 1,204
    Likes Received: 307
    Trophy Points: 180
    Doctor : What happened to your arm?

    Oludhe : I broke it.

    Doctor : Where and How did that happen?

    Oludhe : Okey. It was a normal Saturday afternoon. I was on the second floor balcony of that my house in Karen, not the one in Lavington sip...

    Doctor : Is that where you broke your arm,the balcony?

    Oludhe : No! no ... I was sipping that my scotch whisky slowly... you know my son recently came from the UK and he brought me some blue label. Anyway... as I continued sipping, I realised that the sun's rays were not getting directly to me, as the satellite dish was blocking them. Before I could instruct the domestic engineer to automatically turn away the dish, my butler James came up the balcony and informed me that there was this call on my social cellular phone . I reminded him to always bring the cellular up instead of calling me. As I hurried down the marble escalator ...

    Doctor : I guess that is when you...

    Oludhe : No, as I was going down I noticed the garage door was open and a car alarm was on. I stopped to check and indeed the new model Prado was missing. I knew Mama Akinyi my beautiful second wife had taken it. Akinyi is our second daughter, now in Boston USA and is named after my late grand mother, who passed away in 1972 after a sort illness. I have always warned Mama Akinyi never to use the 4 by 4 on weekends, because of the recent spate of car-jackings. I always advise her to either use the Mercedes 230E or the BMW 325I which are not very attractive for thugs. That reminds me, I will have to tell my secretary to call 'car-track ' first thing on Monday – Yawa! I need to update my mobility inventory with them.So as I was saying....

    Doctor : (With some laughter) Yes Mr Oluthe, car theft incidences are rising and it is becoming a dangerous place. But how did you break your arm?

    Oludhe : Yes I was coming to that. On my way to pick the cell tel I heard a hissing sound. I stopped to check where it was coming from. Ahh, it was from the bathroom.. Mama Akinyi, for some reason, had left the Jacuzzi on. Luckily the temp and speed were at the minimum. I usually recommend such speed and temp so that we do not overload the UPS support system , especially when our son's home theatre system is on .

    Doctor : Mr Olu...

    Oludhe : Just wait... So I when I picked up the phone, I said Hello, Hello...Hello, but nothing. I became upset because I think the caller from state house had disconnected, I cant understand why he didn't leave a message after the beep.All my un-answered calls including the car mobiles are automatically redirected to a CAMS system. Doc, a CAMS is a 'Central Answering Machine System '. Anyway, on my way back I did not notice the protruding wire from the satellite dish. I had on many occasions told MultiChoice to send in a qualified techni...

    Doctor : ...is that where you tripped?

    Oludhe : No, as I was avoiding the wire, I tripped on the Multichoice 250 channel decoder and fell on the 200 year old classical family piano..........

    Doctor : Thank you. Such an expensive trip will cost you only 850.

    Oludhe: hands over the money excitedly...)

    Doctor : Not Kenya shillings, Dollars!

    Oludhe : Aii....yawa.....then I shall write you a cheque drawn from my
    overseas account with Fast Boston Bank Massachussets....you can not go
    wrong on that one omera.


    A Jamaican man walks into a supermarket, picks up a pack of Ribena and a bag of sugar. He pays for the Ribena but walks out... with the sugar. Minutes later, he's caught & later on taken to court.
    Once in court, the judge asks him,
    "Why did you steal sugar?" The Jamaican man replied, "Bumbaclaaarrtt!! Look pon di
    back of di Ribena, it says, SUGAR FREE!!"


    A bus stops and two Italian men get inside the bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

    There is this lady sitting next to them who ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

    'Emma come first.
    Den I come.
    Den two asses come together.
    I come once-a-more! .
    Two asses, they come together again.
    I come again and pee twice.
    Then I come one lasta time.'

    The lady can't take this any more,

    'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorts indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.

    'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi. '

    Cheka uongeze siku.
  2. v

    valid statement JF-Expert Member

    Dec 7, 2011
    Joined: Sep 18, 2011
    Messages: 2,723
    Likes Received: 155
    Trophy Points: 160
    Kwetu hawapo hao, labda jirani hapo ndo wapo
  3. Possibles

    Possibles JF-Expert Member

    Dec 7, 2011
    Joined: Sep 22, 2011
    Messages: 1,204
    Likes Received: 307
    Trophy Points: 180
    Inategemea na S I unit ya neno 'kwao' na 'kwetu'
  4. I

    Iku Member

    Dec 7, 2011
    Joined: Aug 22, 2007
    Messages: 15
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 0