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hakuna husband material...

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by The Boss, Oct 3, 2009.

  1. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Oct 3, 2009
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    kuna wanawake kama wanane hivi ambao nawafahamu kwa karibu
    ambao wana sifa zote za kuolewa haraka but wapo wapo tu...
    na wote huwa nasikia wakilalamika kuwa wanaume ambao ni husband material hakuna.....

    sasa swali langu hapa ni kuwa kwa nini siku hizi wanawake ambao ni
    wife material wapo wengi sana???i mean mwanamke unakuta
    ni mzuri,ana kazi nzuri,shule kaenda,familia nzuri..,anajiheshimu but yupo yupo tu.....
    je tunaweza kusema tanzania ipo kwenye social crisis???

    nchi zingine serikali huingilia kati kama kuna tatizo la ukosefu wa
    wanawake au wanaume kwenye masuala ya ndoa,hasa nchi za kiarabu
    na za asia....

    hivi sisi hatuna wataalamu ambao wanaweza kutupa takwimu sahihi
    kuhusu masuala ya ndoa?????
    je ndoa zinaongezeka au zinapungua????
    sababu ni zipi hasa zinazopelekea kuwepo kwa wanwake wengi
    wanaotafuta waume but hawawapati????
    je athari zake kwa taifa ni zipi???
    watoto wengi wanapozaliwa nje ya ndoa???tufanyaje?????
     
  2. MNDEE

    MNDEE JF-Expert Member

    #2
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    Mkuu Boss, hili si tatizo la wanawake tu, tukipata data itasadia kuona hali halisi. Nionavyo mimi kukosekana kwa social 'networking' kwa professionals kunachangia.

    Mtu akitoka kazini anaingia kwenye gari yake aidha atapita kwa shoga au kijiweni anarudi nyumbani. Sana sana wanaosali weekend watatoka kwenda sehemu za ibada. Kwa waislamu hata wakienda misikitini hakuna kuchanganyika.

    Hao waarabu unaozungumzia mtoto wa baba mkubwa anaona mtoto wa baba mdogo, na ni ruksa kuoa hadi wanawake wanne. Kwa wenzetu wazungu wana social networking za kila aina, na mwanadada akimzimia mkaka hana tatizo la kumweleza.
     
  3. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    yaani hata sijui tufanyaje......hili tatizo ni kubwa but hakuna
    mtu ambaye analitazama kwa makini
    yaani hata takwimu tu hakuna anaejali kukusanya....
     
  4. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #4
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    Mhhh.
     
  5. Buswelu

    Buswelu JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    "I mean mwanamke unakuta
    ni mzuri,ana kazi nzuri,shule kaenda,familia nzuri..,anajiheshimu but yupo yupo tu"


    Unajua na kuchanganya mapenzi na shule zao...wanashidwa tofautisha...ndio maana wapo wapo.
    Wengine wana diriki kusema ukiwa na mie jivunie...kichwa cha degree...Wasumbufu sana hawa kwenye mahusiano...
     
  6. N

    Nwaigwe JF-Expert Member

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    Mi nampango wa kufanya research katika hili, kama social scientist naelewa nini cha kufanya. Tatizo nani wa kum-lobby ili alete mabadiliko? Tafadhali nisaidieni hapo, maana raha ya utafiti utumike kutatua tatizo. Je who should we lobby 2?
     
  7. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

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    Ndoa, in the traditional sense, is overrated.

    Wanaosema "hakuna husband material" au "hakuna wife material" wanashindwa kuelewa au ku articulate challenges zinazoletwa na paradigm shift inayotokea katika society yetu kipindi hiki.

    Mimi ndiyo maana nilishaamua hakuna habari ya kuoa.
     
  8. a

    ally mkali Member

    #8
    Oct 4, 2009
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    tunajaribu kukwepa ukweli kwa kuweka mitazamo yetu ya kidunia katika kupata mke au mume yote yaliyo tajwa shule, pesa, uzuri ni kisehemu kidogo sana ila jamii isisahau kuwa ndoa zote zinafungwa kwa kufuata misingi ya Imani za dini Kurani na Biblia ni hakika kuna kipengele muhimu sana ambacho tunakiacha tukakimbilia kutafuta tatizo wakati liko wazi, turudi nyuma na kuangalia mungu kila mmoja kwa imani yoyote ile ame tuelekeza nini juu ya mahusiano na kutafuta wenza, vinginevyo tutaendelea kuishia kulalamika kusiko na mwisho. unapo anguka unahitaji kujuwa ulipo jikwaa ama kuteleza kabla hujaendelea na safari vinginevyo utaendelea kuanguka.
     
  9. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

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    Si kweli kwamba ndoa zote zinafungwa kwa misingi ya Kurani na Biblia, kuna watu wanafunga ndoa kwa misingi ya Veda, wengine kwa misingi ya Dhammapada, wengine kwa misingi ya Tao, wengine kwa misingi ya sheria za serikali.

    Kwa hiyo kama una maana nyingine sema tu, haya mambo ya "kufunga" ndiyo yanaharibu hii beautiful union, kwa nini mtu "afungwe"? Mi navyojua "kifungo" ni kitu negative, kama jela hivi.

    There lies the central problem of marriage.
     
  10. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...e bana eeeh! lol,...ama kweli hutaki kuoa! :D
    chukulia 'pingu' hiyo ya maisha kwa maana ya hakuna mwingine zaidi bana.
     
  11. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

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    Mtu yeyote anayekwambia hakuna mwingine zaidi anakudanganya, utajuaje maisha yatakavyokuwa mbele? Kama ingekuwa kweli hakuna mwingine mbona watu wanaenda ku divorce?

    Unaona uongo wa ndoa hapo? Mtu anaweza kusema hakuna mwingine this very minute, the next minute things can change.Upuuzi wa ndoa -hususan za kikristo- zinakulazimisha useme "til death do us part"

    Hogwash!

    Mimi naona paradox ya ndoa live, watu ambao hawaoani na wanaamua kukaa pamoja wanadumu zaidi katika mapenzi kuliko wanaooana.Kwa sababu ndoa inaleta expectations na obligations zinazokuwa counterproductive.Tukikaa pamoja na kila mtu anajua siku yoyote mtu yoyote anaanza tunajua tuko pamoja kwa sababu tunapendana, tukikaa pamoja kwa sababu tuna obligations za kindoa hatujui kwamba tupo pamoja kwa sababu ya societal pressure na obligations za kindoa au kwa sababu tunapendana.
     
  12. Kweli

    Kweli JF-Expert Member

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    Mara nyingi kwa mwanamke/mwanamme aliyesoma atataka mr/mrs right wakati kiukweli hakuna huyo mr/mrs right! Ukianza kuweka list ya sifa (criteria) na kuanza kutia tiki siajabu utafika kuzeeka uko single, hakuna binaadamu mkamilifu.
    Na mara nyingi kwa waliokwenda shule huwa na big ego, na ndio sababu ndoa za wasomi (mke na mume msomi) hazidumu, kwa vile 2 big ego haziendani.
    Muhimu cha kuangalia ni chemistry kama munaendana kitabia ndio kitu cha msingi kuangalia.
     
  13. m

    mpangwa1 JF-Expert Member

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    wizara ya wanawake na jinsia
     
  14. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

    #14
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    Umeshawahi kuoa na yakakushinda au una dismiss tu hata kama hujawahi ku experience?
     
  15. b

    bnhai JF-Expert Member

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    Nadhani pia hata wale wanaoamua kuishi bila kuoa hawawezi kutoa conclusion kwamba ndoa ni overrated. Maana kama huna uzoefu, utakuwa na tafsiri nyingi ambazo nyingine zinasababishwa na uoga wako mwenyewe au just hypothetical thinking.
     
  16. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    we fanya research kwanza,halafu ndo uangalie nani wa ku lobby...
     
  17. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    Mi naona we mwenyewe The Boss kwakuwa umesikia vilio vya kina dada hawa ujaribu kikidhi vigezo vya mmoja wapo na kupunguza mmoja toka sokoni na kuchangia kutatua tatizo hili.
     
  18. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    mi niko mbioni kuoa mmoja na niko tayari kuwa sitiri wengine
    but mimi peke yangu sitoshi.....
    inaonekana husband material tupo wachache sana.
     
  19. kui

    kui JF-Expert Member

    #19
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    Can we be partners?, it seems like we're in the same page...
     
  20. E

    EvanMakundi Member

    #20
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    I was talking to an Indian Friend of mine about Marriage, I asked him how comes many Indian Marriages lasts longer than most western marriages what is the secret behind. He gave me a very strange answer that I never thought of.

    He said the problems with western marriages are that many are built on unrealistic expectations. Many people go into marriages with their pre-conceived ideas of how marriage life is supposed to be.

    Women in particular tend to enter into marriage with pre-conceived notions from Hollywood movies of how marriage and wedding life should be. Movies have indoctrinated some people that they expect certain things to be present if the marriage has to be right. They enter into marriage expecting to be married with a flawless man, perfect hard working man, all knowing man, all loving man and the list goes on and on. When these pre-conceived characteristics of their husband are not there they feel as if their marriage life is not complete, they feel they are missing something, and sometimes they feel they have been taken for a ride.

    Men also on their side tend to have their own burred vision of how marriage life should be, they expect a perfect flawless wife, who will do everything perfectly, respect them love them and at the same time continue to be young. When things don’t go as expected they feels disappointed in some ways and some of them start looking elsewhere.

    Now according to My Indian Friend he told me that unlike the western marriages, Indian Marriages are built on a total different foundation. Most of them are pre arranged marriages. Parents are the ones who arrange who should get married to who. Their upbringing is so strict that the question of disputing this pre-arranged marriage was unheard of in the past (At least nowadays they are changing). This pre arrangement usually takes into consideration a number of factors such as your Star, your cast, social status of your family and many other factors which I can not remember. (Mind you: Love is not among the considerations for marriage)

    Since these marriages are pre arranged marriages. Many Indian enter into marriage with open mind ready to accept everything that comes their way. Because their marriages are not based on love they tend to have fewer expectations from their spouse than their western counterpart. And if you have less expectation you learn to accept the person the way s/he is because you did not enter into marriage with pre-conceived ideas. It is difficult for the person you do not love to hurt you.

    This is their definition of marriage, or his definition of marriage.

    Now for our case, I think it is getting tougher and tougher to get married nowadays, I believe both men and women are putting too much expectation such that is becoming more and more difficult to meet these expectation and settle down. This can be the reasons one of explanation why many marriages breakup. If we could lower our expectation to achievable levels, I do believe the situation would not be as bad.
     
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