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Give your partner space!!!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Jobo, Jun 16, 2008.

  1. J

    Jobo JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 16, 2008
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    There have been many reasons why marriages have been unstable of recent. One reason is that men find it impossible to cope with a woman who gives them no space. New research has found that women are designed to react more emotionally. Men, on the other hand, will have a negative response to too much stimulation. A woman gets upset, she reacts emotionally, it's too much stimulation for the man, he does something to create space, she feels he's pulling away and goes after him, which only provokes his need for more space. And so on and so on.

    Mnasemaje mabibi na mabwana! Je ni kweli kuwa kutompa mweio space kunaweza kuhatarisha uhusiano wa mapenzi!
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2008
  2. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Inategemeana na hiyo space unayopewa na jinsi utavyoitumia. Iwapo utaitumia vizuri, katika hali ya kueleweka na makubaliano, sidhani kama itaharibu uhusiano wenu.

    Ni 'kawaida (?)' wanaume wengi wakati fulani 'katika mwezi' hukumbwa na msongo wa mawazo, kiasi kwamba jinsi mkeo/mwenzio anayozidi kukuuliza 'una nini' nawe (mwanaume) ndio unazidi kuchanganyikiwa ujibu nini, kwani hata wewe mwenyewe hujui kwanini 'umejichanganya na mawazo.'

    Vile vile kwa wanawake wengi nao 'siku fulani fulani' wanakuwa na moods mbaya tu toka mawio mpaka machweo. Mwanamke akikumbwa na hali hiyo ndio utapomsikia akilalamikia mambo meengi hata yale uliyokuwa unayaona ya kawaida tu, na wakati mwingine mpaka unashangaa kwanini hata analalamika.

    Mwanaume, akikumbwa na hizo 'siku zake', ni bora yeye mwenyewe mwanaume kwanza ajitambue ni mzunguko wa kawaida tu, baada ya masaa au siku kupita hali itajirudia shwari. Ni wajibu mwanaume kumweleza ukweli mkeo/mwenzako unakabiliana na 'temporary' mood swings, akupe tu nafasi kidogo ku ' analyse na defragmentation' ya hayo maruwe ruwe kichwani, baada ya muda utakuwa sawa, naye mwanamke awe ni mwelewa bila maswali ya ziada.

    Kwa mwanamke ni tofauti! yeye akishakuwa kwenye hizo mood swings yeye anahitaji asurance yako tu, zaidi kuwa unamsikiliza, na unamuelewa, bila kumkosoa au kumsahihisha, kwani hahitaji ushauri wako hapo, kinyume na hapo utakuwa unamwagia petroli kwenye moto.

    Ndoa/mahusiano
    ni kuwa tayari kukabiliana na kukubaliana hali yoyote inayoweza kujitokeza wakati wowote, mahali popote, bila sababu yeyote!
     
  3. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    everybody needs indeed a little time to himself or herself ... they say too much of anything is always bad ... to me yes space if of essence to me
     
  4. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

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    ukiona unabanwa sana jua mwenzio hana confidence na wewe au ana ugonjwa wa akili.
    hakikisha unaaminika na mwenzio kwa vitendo vyako hiyo itapelekea akuachie huru.
    sasa kama mdada una boyfriend na anakuona unavyopitiliza ukiwa na watu wengine, lazima aogope kukuacha, hata ukiwa una genuine isssue atakubana tu.
    Au kama we kaka unajulikana kuwa nyendo zako zinatilia mashaka, wala hujisumbui kuhakikishia mwenzio, kwa nini asikubane? wakati anakupena uwe wake tu?

    Ukiona mwenzio hakubali kukuachia,pamoja na jitihada za kuwa na communication na ssurance genuine. jua anaumwa ugonjwa wa akili, na kama hauko tayari kumsaidia, basi kimbia haraka atakudrain manake huna jema utakalofanya maisha yote, anaweza hata kujiua.
     
  5. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 25, 2008
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    Haika ... mama .. mwengine anakuwa mfujaji tu anataka akumiliki kama property ... na mwengine ana kuwa na tabia za kihuni sasa anakuhofia kwamba nawe waweza kufanya hivyohivyo .. mwengine hataki upate habari za tabia zake mbovu..hatakupa nafasi ... au unasemaje???
     
  6. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Jun 25, 2008
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    Naimaomari ..Haika.....You have said it very well..insecurities, insecurities, insecurities... na huenda hataki uerevuke ufuate nyayo zake...mkuki kwa nguruwe ..kwa binadamu mchungu
     
  7. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...does insecurity comes with upbringing, lower self esteem or immaturity?

    mwanamke akiwa 'king'ang'anizi' inakuwa mzigo kwa mumewe, unaoa awe mkeo, sio mama yako!

    :D
     
  8. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Some guys simply dont grow up...they remain always mama's boys..so they need to be babied!
     
  9. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...ha ha haa... duuuuh! ...so that falls into immaturity category then?

    naah, i like being pampered sometime, its not about immaturity, am not a spoilt brat!

    :D

    well said 'momma!'
     
  10. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

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    wapo wenzio wengi, na wanaongezeka tu ndio sababu wanatafuta masugar mumy wa kuwatunza. wanaogopa maswali mengi, kubanwa na kutegemewa na wasishana wadogo wa umri wao ambao wanategemea something in return.
    Mentality ya kutafuta sugar mumy hapa Tz inaongezeka sana.
    Hapo mwanzo ilikuwa kwa wenzetu huko nje ya Tanzania kwa ajili ya security na kutafuta kidogo kaurahisi,
    Lakini hata sasa hapa Bongo lol!
    sijui ndio fasheni, inachefusha (ukiongeza na wale wamama wanaotafuta serengeti boys wenyewe) basi ni mkorogo wa kutisha.
    most town boys are spoilt anyway.
     
  11. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...'tuk-tuk'

    ...Haika, taratibu usijeuvuka msitari...

    kuna ubaya gani mke wangu akini-pamper 'sometimes'? si ndio zama hizi mnazodai haki sawa kwa wote,... i dont mind if she's spoiling me, huenda ni tactics zake ya kunidhibiti 'nisikate kamba',...

    so long as am wise enough and able to understand these 'mind games', i know the limits, and where to put a stop.


    Take it easy :D
     
  12. N

    NakuliliaTanzania JF-Expert Member

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    Kabisaa...I also like the idea ya kuwa 'pampered' at times....si mnasemaga hatukui jamani?
     
  13. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Sadly, tunasikia kwamba akina mama ndio wanaongoza kwa kubana wanaume!! Sijui nao ni kwa nini?
     
  14. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    MTM bana....sijui utakuwa lini..tuulize siye...
     
  15. J

    JackieJoki Member

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    Sep 24, 2009
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    Hanging out together is important in getting to know each other and it can also be great fun. Giving each other space from time to time is also important. Enjoying the company of a number of people like your friends, and not just the person who you are having a relationship with, may help you to expand your interests and give you lots of new things to share. This may also help your relationships continue to grow and be fun and interesting.
     
  16. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Kaiza bojo...

    Soma signature yangu... I am on my way to maturity!!! Sasa si ndio maana nauliza wajameni!!??

    Hebu nisaidieni waungwana!!
     
  17. N

    Nwaigwe JF-Expert Member

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    Aka! siyo mimi MTM, wangu namwachia ajimwage ili mradi ana-observe mipaka yake,ananiheshimu popote alipo kwa hiyo sina haja ya kumbana eti asipumue.
     
  18. B

    Babuyao JF-Expert Member

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    Hili la kupeana nafasi ni jambo muhimu sana. Lina mpa mtu wasaa wa kutafakari juu ya mambo mbalimbali peke yake. Kunamfanya mtu apumue kidogo, aonje hewa safi. Kubanana mno kunakosesha raha, kunam-suffocate mtu na kumfanya awe mjinga hivi. Kunampunguzia creativity ya mambo na ya maisha. Kumbe mbanano usiotoa space unawafanya baadhi ya watu kutohimili suffocation na kuamua kujibandua. Kimsingi kumbana mwenzio kupita kiasi si alama ya mapenzi/upendo bali ni ubinafsi na wivu uliokithiri wa kutaka kumdhibiti mwingine kwa hofu ya kumpoteza. Ni jamii ya utumwa. Sasa wengine hawapendi kuwa watumwa, ndo mana wanajitoa kwenye uhusiano
     
  19. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Thanks NWaigwe!!!

    nakubali wapo kama wewe ila pia kuna baadhi ambao ni ku-tight to the core and some are also too dependent and daddy's girls kiasi kwamba usipokua makini atakuaibisha
     
  20. J

    Jobo JF-Expert Member

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    Acid fafanua hili! Linalonitatiza ni kwamba wenye tabia kama hii mara nyingi ni Wanawake! Cha kushangaza ukikutana na wake za watu in a space where you know there is only the two of you, huwa hawaonyeshi kuwa wagumu kiviiile! Sasa ni kwanini wanaamua kuwabana wenzio? Is it because they know women are not very resistant to men's approaches?
     
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