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Five Money Questions You Must Ask Your Man

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Quemu, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. Quemu

    Quemu JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 20, 2008
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    Sure, he wines and dines you, even splurges on expensive gifts and vacations for two. But until you get intimate with his bank account, you won't know for sure how his financial situation is really looking. The speed with which he whips out the plastic isn't directly proportional to the depths of his pockets. Your big spender could be hiding behind a mountain of debt. Before shacking up or tying the knot, make sure you know his current financial situation and how it's looking for the future.

    Question #1: How much do you make?
    Though it may make you cringe, you should ask him how much he makes. Don't guess based on his firm or industry. Assumptions won't cut it. Find out exactly how much he's taking home every paycheck to get a sense of what his money situation is like now. He may be up for a promotion, but what if he doesn't get it? This cuts both ways, though. You'll both need to see how much the other is bringing in to even begin a reasonable discussion about what you can and can't afford as a couple.

    Question #2: Got any debt?
    Student loans, who doesn't have them? But five maxed-out credit cards is another story - one he better have an explanation for. Of course you'll want to know exactly how much he owes. But more important is the issue of whether he's paying it down. No plan in place should be considered a billowing red flag. You don't want your credit suffering because his has.

    Question #3: Where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years?
    Is he positioned for a promotion, or is he looking to change careers entirely? If he's planning to go back to school, he'll more than likely have to take out another loan. According to FinAid.org, a law school graduate is on average $80,000 in debt by the time he gets that diploma. While higher education can be worth it for career advancement, will you be the primary breadwinner while he's hitting the books? And if you want to go back to school too, now's the time to pipe up and discuss how you both plan on eating.

    Question #4: Are we going Dutch?
    During the courtship, he treats you to dinners, movies - the works. Will that change once the ring is on your finger? Will he expect you to contribute half (or more) once you're past dating? Ask whether he envisions splitting bills or opening a joint checking account. Trust us, you don't want a man nickel and diming your every expense. But you also don't want to have to justify every purchase you make. Hash out financial arrangements before making any big plans.

    Question #5: How many kids?
    Offspring carry a pretty hefty price tag - one you'll most certainly need to plan for. It costs more than $200,000 to raise a child to age 18, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. That total includes: clothing, shelter, transportation, education, and food. But it doesn't even include the inevitable miscellaneous expenses: soccer gear, birthday presents, summer camp. Now that you've settled on your ideal number, pull out the calculator to see how you'll support the brood.

    Source: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlemcmatch.aspx?cp-documentid=9018509&GT1=32023

    My take
    Fyuuuuu (msonyo) khaaa banaee...kwani si wanasema penzi la kweli halihitaji pesa and all that material stuff!!! Sasa haya mambo ya kujua mfuko wangu umetuna kiasi gani yemeanza lini tena??
     
  2. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    who said penzi halihitaji pesa?
    when poverty strikes, love escapes through the window.Tusijidanganye..kwenye maisha nyenzo kwa maana ya fedha hata kama si nyingi zinahitajika. Mkishinda njaa siku mbili tatu hata kama mapenzi yalikuwa moto kiasi gani , itabidi yapoe..mrudi kwenye ukweli.
     
  3. Quemu

    Quemu JF-Expert Member

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    Kwa hiyo hii misemo ya 'love don't cost a thing' ni misemo ya vijiweni tu?

    Mchongoma huko wapi utupe dondoo hapa....maana wewe ndio unaonekana mtaalam wa mambo haya (joke)...lol
     
  4. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...LOL:D, QM nipo buzy kidogo wiki hii, ...sina utaalamu bro, ila ukubwa jaa, na kuishi kwingi waona mengi,

    ...lakini hilo la pesa ikiishia na penzi linatokomea dirishani(?) ...aaahhh kwa kweli WOS umeniangusha! ngoja nami nivute muda, nisubirie busara na hekima za kina Haika na da naimaomari nao watasema nini :(:):D...
     
  5. Mchola

    Mchola Member

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    Mimi naamini hivi. Ikiwa penzi limejengwa juu ya msingi wa fedha basi zikiisha na penzi nalo hutoweka. lakini ikiwa limejengwa juu ya msingi wa penzi basi hata zikitoweka bado litadumu. Fedha huweka mazingira mazuri ya penzi kushamiri. kwa hiyo ni muhimu kuwa na fedha lakini si msingi kiasi cha kusababisha lipotee mara fedha zikipotea
     
  6. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    mchola umenikumbusha ule wimbo;

    [Anifa - Makassy ]

    Mtoto wa Arusha mama mbona wanipa shida

    Mimi ni wako waikana mulu eee

    Wache waseme seme watachoka wao

    (Chorus)

    Mapenzi ya pesa hayadumu Mama
    Mapenzi ya roho ni ya maisha

    Nimekupenda na wewe umekubali

    Ukila kisamvu.......ooooooo

    Kaza roho Mama
    DAR-ES- SALAAM jiji umbeya mwingi


    Ushauri wa bure; ni bora kuoana watu mlio na hadhi/hali zinazokaribiana, kutaka kuoa/kuolewa na 'kigogo'/mtoto wa 'kigogo', jua yatakupata hayo ya penzi kuyoyoma dirishani...
     
  7. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    money and love are two separate things .. either one goes for love or for money, the two can never go together unless in deceit otherwise without either of the two one can succumb to one or non ...i.e. a person who says there is no love without money cant stand it when the other goes bankrupt ... and one who loves unconditionally will stay whatever the condition

    i think its better for a couple to build their lives together ... they climb the ladder from down together and attain whatever wealth together ... it builds strong ties in their relations and even history that you can refer to .... that will always bound you together and bring laughter and happiness in your marriage.. good stories to your children and so on.

    in a situation where you find the other rich ... it becomes really difficult your eyes should always be glued to the door for exit because you will never be on the same level as him/her because you were never part of the struggle for his/her attaining of wealth ... mwengine atakudharau .. atakutesa .. na kukutukania familia yako .. kwamba usimuone vile kwani kwao kuna dhiki sana ... nk

    Halafu kuna ndugu infact even some parents wakijua kwamba mkwe anacho basi hawabaduki nyumbani kwake ... tena wanamfanya kama Mungu mtu
     
  8. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Wakuu,
    Nadhani hili swala lina pande nyingi zenye kuhitaji kuchambuliwa..post yangu ya mwanzo nimerusha changamoto tu..na badala ya kuiona nadhani nikaeleweka vibaya.Tuelewe kwanza kwamba alichoanzisha mtoa mada wa kwanza ( thread starter) is far too western kwa mazingira yetu ya kitanzania au kiafrika. Kwa mtu yeyote mwenye utu na busara hawezi kumuuliza mwenzi wake mambo ya pesa.Na kama atathubu kufanya hivyo basi ataonekana hana maadili na hivyo hafai kabisa kuwa mwenzi wa maisha.
    Watu wengi wameanza maisha yao from scratch mpaka wakafikia walikofikia. Na kwa wale waliondekeza ready-made wamejikuta kwenye maisha ya mateso na manyanyaso.But the bottomline is huwezi kubweteka uache kujishughulisha ukifikiri kuwa love dont cost a thing. Msingi wa mapenzi pia si pesa ni maelewano.
     
  9. D

    Dommy Member

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    Wandugu

    kujua financial status ya mwenzi wako ni muhimu pia as ufahamu uhalisia wa maisha yenu na ili mjipange vyema katika hilo. Kumbuka mimi kwa fikra zangu ni kwamba maisha ya ndoa mnayotaka kuyaanza ni yenu wote and whatever burden itakayokuwepo eventually itakuwa yenu wote.

    Nakubaliana na nyie upendo ndio mhimili mkuu lakini pia mipango katika maisha yenu pia ni mihimili saidizi katika hilo. so wekeni wazi uhalisia ili mpange jinsi ya kuondokana na madeni kama yapo...
     
  10. Shy

    Shy JF-Expert Member

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    Ask about his childhood. Siblings? His relationship with his parents?

    Past relationships and the effects they had on him. (This will be useful for you later, it may explain why he reacts certain ways in certain situations)

    What is he interested in? Music? Cars? These things are likely to spark good conversations.

    what does he want out of life? a family and kids? to travel the world?

    what is he truly passionate about
     
  11. Quemu

    Quemu JF-Expert Member

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    Oh well......tatizo linakuja ni mbinu gani utumie kujua hiyo 'financial status' ya mwenzi? Kwa sababu inabidi uwe mwangalifu wakati unachimba data za mfuko wa ubani wako...vinginevyo hautachelewa kuonekana kama unanusanusa kuona kama kuna 'gold' ili uzi-dig....

    Plus..... ni vipi ukigundua kuwa mwenzi ana kipato kizuri, lakini yuko delinquent kwenye madeni kibao ya huko nyuma....na kwamba it's just a matter of time kabla hayo madeni hayaja catch up naye.. Then what...utajikata mbele au penzi litakupa ujasili wa kustay nae???
     
  12. Icadon

    Icadon JF-Expert Member

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    Romance Without Finance Is Nuisance!
     
  13. Makanyaga

    Makanyaga JF-Expert Member

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    mchola nakubaliana na wewe kabisa. Mi naona pia tatizo ni kuwa "penzi" tunalitumiatumia bila kuwa na hasa picha ya undani wa kile neno lenyewe linamaanisha. Penzi halisi liko hivi: ukitaka kumkata kichwa mmoja, na mwingine ataomba umfanyie hivyo. hivi vtu vingine mapenzi sjui ya kulala njaa sku mbili mnasambaratika haya siyo mapenzi ni kusaidiana tu katk njaa na shida za kupambana na mihangaiko ya kila sku. real love inakuwea haipo, au ni stutaional. hali ikibadilika you become enemies outright, hamna kytu hapo!
     
  14. Mzozo wa Mizozo

    Mzozo wa Mizozo JF-Expert Member

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    Ngojeni kwanza...

    Suala la pesa ni sensitive sana hapa. Sasa inapokuja katika mahusiano mpo wawili. Kama mwanaume ataulizwa hayo masawali matano magumu mwanamke yeye ataulizwa yapi?

    Ama wao kazi yao ni kukinga tu na za kwao zinabaki kuwa za kwao? Hili sijakubaliana nalo.
     
  15. BabaDesi

    BabaDesi JF-Expert Member

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    ...As if he is going to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth!! teh teh teh.
     
  16. Triplets

    Triplets JF-Expert Member

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    Mapenzi ya pesa ni aibu, ni kama version nyingine ya prostitution, lakini yapo tena yamejaa tele katika hii jamii yetu, wapenzi wengi hawaongelei openly kama westerners... wanajidai kuuchuna na kuvaa majoho ya ustaarabu wakati moyoni yamejaa tele,you can sense it every corner, tofauti ipo tu kwenye expression ya hayo mapenzi

    mtu akipata boyfriend au kuchumbiwa cha kwanza wanachouliza kwenye hii jamii yetu ni "hivi huyo mwanaume anafanya kazi gani" ?. Msomi, bosi, mtoto wa bosi na matajiri au wenye capacity ya kupata fedha nyingi in the future wanakimbiliwa na masikini na matajiri wenzao, tena mtoto wa kike unapochukuliwa na watu kama hao jamii inakuona umeuchinja, na wazazi wengi tu makali yao huwa yanapungua sana binti anapo tembea na mwenye pesa hata kama ni spoiled brat wa kigogo fulani na makali hayo huongezeka maradufu pale ambapo anayenyemelea kabinti kao ni muuza chipsi mtaa wa pili, hata kama huyo muuza chipsi na mtu mtararibu na heshima zake.

    Pesa yenye raha ni ile mnayochuma mkiwa pamoja mkishirikiana... kuna mambo mengi tu mengineyo yanayoweza kumfanya mwanaume awe mpenzi wa kweli, na kwa mtazamo wangu pesa is none of them
     
  17. Fugwe

    Fugwe JF-Expert Member

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    MAFIGA MATATU; moja ni mume halali, lingine la kuleta fedha na la mwisho la kuvinjari tu. Kwa vile sufuria hushikwa na mafiga matatu, hili la fedha likiondoka sufuria litashindwa kukaa kwenye moto. Jamii yetu kweli wanathamini sana mtu mwenye fweza.
     
  18. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

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    Naomba na mimi nichangie kuwa naiona hii isue katika sura mbili.
    Love kama feeling, inayosukuma uingie ktk uhusiano,
    na umuhimu wa kuingia katika uhusiano mkiwa waminifu ili mujenge feeling of fondness/love kwa kisikuhizi.

    Kama ni muhimu kuingia katika uhusiano kwa kuvutiwa na superficial appearance ya mtu, then huna haja ya kuuliza ukweli, unaweza kuangalia tu muonekano wa nje na kuridhika/ au kuvutiwa.
    Onyo ni kuwa kama huo muonekano si wa hadi ndani, itafika mahali ule mvuto uliokuvuta kwake utachusha, hapo ndio wanaposema mapenzi hayataki majaribu, kero zikizidi mapenzi hupungua, mara ndugu wanawatenganisha nk. Hapa inakuwa too late to cahnge inaweza ikawa 4kids later au HIV+ later.
    sehemu ya pili ambayo mwandishi nadhani ndio alikuwa anazungumzia inawahusu wale wanaotaka kuingia katika uhusiano wakiwa na akili zao. Hawa ni lazima waulize/waulizwe maswali haya katika swala la pesa! na maswali mengine katika nyanja nyingine za maisha.
    Majibu yatawawezesha kufanya uamuzi.
    Si lazima ndio au hapana lifanye ukataliwe au ukubaliwe, ukweli na uaminifu wako ndio msingi wa kupata mwenzi mzuri.
    Watu wengi wanaanza masikini na watu wao kwa hiari kabisaa wanamwelekeo tu, na hapo wamekataa wenye nazo.
    **lakini mvulana asiye na mbele wala nyuma, hana hata dalili ya kulea familia hafai(FULLSTOP)
    Ndio sababu wazee walijua, kama mtoto wa tajiri lazima aolewe na tajiri mwenzake, masikini lazima watagombana sana hapo baadae, bora wapate lawama kuliko fedheha ya divorce.
     
  19. Quemu

    Quemu JF-Expert Member

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    Kama ni kweli watu bongo bado wanatumia mbinu hizi kuhalalisha uhusiano, basi wengi wao wanaingia mkenge kirahisi mno. Maana asilimia kubwa za familia zinazojulikana kama za kitajiri (hasa zile za old money) zimeshachoka mbaya long time. Kilichobakia ni jina na majivuno ya kulinda heshima....lakini mfukoni kweupeee.

    Usomi hau-guarantee maisha mazuri, na ubosi umejaa "show-of" ya company resources (nyumba, magari, viji safari vya hapa na pale), lakini akaunti haziko stable. Ukitaka kujua ukweli ngoja ubosi huo umwagiwe unga.

    Dizaini watu bado wanaingizwa kanyaboya kwa sana tu...:)
     
  20. Quemu

    Quemu JF-Expert Member

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    Haaaa Haika, mbona unakuwa mkali hivyo! Sasa ni vipi kwa wale wavulana wanaoyumba lakini wanatafuta wasichana walionyooka kuwaonyesha mwelekeo sahihi? Wajua sio kila mwanaume ni mgumu kabadilika..... wapo wengi tu ambao wako wrecked lakini wana nia na madhumuni ya kubadilika kuwa sahihi.

    So every man deserves a chance....even a dowg!
     
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