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FAMILIA: Je, Unahitaji kuwa na Ndoa Imara, yenye Furaha na Amani? Soma hapa...

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by JamiiForums, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. JamiiForums

    JamiiForums Official Robot Staff Member

    #1
    Jul 16, 2008
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    Heshima kwenu wakuu!

    Kumekuwa na mijadala anuai inayogusia suala la FURAHA, AMANI na UIMARA wa ndoa za wadau. Huu ni mjadala muhimu sana kwani ndoa ikiwa imekidhi vigezo hivi basi inazaa matunda mazuri yakiwemo malezi bora kwa watoto, ufanisi katika maisha na uimara wa familia na Taifa kwa ujumla wake.

    Thread hii ina mikusanyiko ya maoni toka kwa wadau mbalimbali na tutajitahidi kuiweka kwenye bandiko hili ile ambayo inaweza kumsaidia mwenye uhitaji wa kujua zaidi.

    Karibu

    =====
    SOME NOTABLE CONTRIBUTIONS:

    1)
    2)
    3)
     
  2. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #2
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    Jamani naombeni kujua wanawake wanapenda kufanyiwa nini na waume zao. Na wanaume pia wanapenda kufanyiwa nini na wake zao. Nataka kujua experience ya watu tofauti ili nijue. Wenye ndoa zenye furaha na amani zisizokuwa na constant arguments pia nini siri yake? Roles gani kila mtu anaplay kuhakikisha marriage inakuwa bed of roses. I mean kona zote, family responsibilities, sex life, entartainment e.g outings, gifts, communication, Care etc. Kila kitu kinatakiwa kifanyweje ili kuwepo na happines ndani ya ndoa.
     
  3. J

    Jim Member

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    Ukiingia kwenye ndoa ili kutafuta furaha umeliwa. Na watu wengi wamefanya kosa hili. Wengi wanadhani ndoa ni sehemu ya kutafuta furaha na utifilimu (completion) - it's wrong.
    Ndoa nimuunganiko wa watu wawili wenye furaha na walio kamili wanaunganika na kuwa mwili mmoja. Kwenye ndoa unaingia kuchangia sio kupata.

    Kujibu swali lako ni kwamba ili kuwe na furaha kwenye ndo yako ni wewe kuwa na furaha kwenye maisha yako kabla ya ndoa na kumtafuta mwenye furaha na anayejitegemea kikamilifu.
     
  4. Ng'azagala

    Ng'azagala JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jul 16, 2008
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    Marriage quotes
    Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

    Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

    Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

    Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

    Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

    Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
    * The Engagement Ring
    * The Wedding Ring
    * The Suffe-Ring
    * The Endu-Ring
    Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
    * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
    * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
    * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

    It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

    Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

    It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

    There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

    A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

    Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
    Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

    Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
    Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

    There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

    Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

    They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

    When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

    There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

    My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last

    The last fight was my fault. My wife asked,
    "What's on the TV?"...I said, 'Dust!"

    15. In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
    Then God created man and rested. Then God created
    woman............
    Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

    16. Why do men die before their wives?...............
    Because they want to
     
  5. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    ...jifanye mjinga hata pale unapoona upo right, kwani dawa ya suluhu ya mapenzi ni kutokuwa mshindi wala mshindwa.
     
  6. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jul 16, 2008
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    Furahia kutoa zaidi kuliko kupokea,
    Jishushe zaidi kuliko kujikweza
    In short -just do to your spouse what you would like them to do to you and don't do what you wouldn't like someone else to do to you.

    In that way you wont be disappointed that much.

    Ukitegemea a bed of roses, you will be in for a surprise.
     
  7. N

    Ngereja JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jul 16, 2008
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    Lasthope,

    Kwanza wewe useme unataka ufanyiwe nini katika ndoa yako wewe na mkeo? na kama hujaoa je, ungependa ufanyiwe nini na mkeo mtarajiwa?
     
  8. M

    Mama JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 17, 2008
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    Ndoa ni muungano wa wapenzi, kufanyia au kufanyiwa hakutokuja kama hakuna mapenzi.
     
  9. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Jul 17, 2008
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    Haswaaa! vinginevyo hamstahili kufunga pingu za maisha. Na wako watu wengi tu ndani ya ndoa ambao wana furahia maamuzi yao ya kufunga pingu za maisha. Hata wakipewa nafasi nyingine tena ya kuendelea na ukapera au kuwa wana ndoa wengi wangechagua maisha ndani ya ndoa
     
  10. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #10
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    Mimi ningependa kuona najaliwa, nahusishwa katika kila jambo. In short yale maisha ya siku za kwanza za mapenzi na excitement viendelee bila kupungua. Lakini hii ndiyo hali halisi kwenye ndoa? Wenye experience please tuelezeni.
     
  11. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #11
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    This is easier said than done. Kwa mfano unajisikiaje ukiwa wewe ndo unamnunulia mwenzio zawadi kila mara, yeye wala hata hajisumbui na si kwamba hana pesa ila tu anona si muhimu or whatever, unakuwa wa kwanza kukomunicate everytime yeye wala, baada ya ndoa habari ya outing haoni umuhimu , anona kama ni anasa, je bado utakuwa na moyo wa kufurahia one way bila kurudishiwa?Je utakuwa na moyo huo?
     
  12. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #12
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    Ndio kitu ninachouliza hapa mama, je ni kweli mapenzi yale yaliwasukuma kuoana ambayo naamini yalichangiwa na vitu vidogo vidogo vingi kama nilivyomention kwenye post ya kwanza kabisa huwa yanaendelea? Je kama vitu vile vikipuuzwa vina athari gani katika ndoa.
     
  13. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Kuendelea kupata vitu hivyo inategemea mwanzo wenyewe... je wahusika walijilazimisha kwenda an extra mile au they were doing it naturally? Wengi huficha makucha yao mwanzo na wakioana ndo huyatoa... wengine wanachoka kuendelea kukimbia an extra mile maana hakuna motivation for doing so nakadhalika.Ndoa si mchezo ati!
    Kitu kingine kila ndoa inasimama au kuanguka kutegemeana na wahusika wanacheza vipi karata zao.... the bottomline is give and take...wewe ukiwa hutoi usitegemee kupata...
     
  14. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

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    Haswaaa, WOS,
    Njoo kwenye ndoa na raha zako, umpate mwenye raha zake, basi raha+raha=2raha.
    unafiki+unafiki=2unafiki.
    vijana wengi wanaishi maisha artificial, wakiambiwa na wazazi au wakubwa uzuri si sura wanaona kama wanaonewa wivu au wananyimwa uhuru (wa kuchagua nimpendaye)
    Kuna thread niwahi kuanzisha huko nyuma kwamba ujanja uko kwenye kuchagua, isome.
    Kama wengine walivyosema awali, amua kuwa unamchagua mtu ambaye uko tayari kumpa kila uwezacho hadi mwisho, fanya uamuzi huo mapemaaaaa.
    Kama unaingia kwenye ndoa ukitagemea kupata basi umeshakosa!!

    Kama uko tayari kwenye ndoa basi vuta pumzi, fanya uamuzi wa kuamua kumpa mwenzi wako penzi kama ANAVYOTAKA YEYE.
    Amua kwa moyo mweupe kwa hiari yako kumpenda. Basi, mengine ni ziada
     
  15. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    I hear you Haika...
    Haya mambo ni mazito..watu huyachukulia kwa wepesi ajabu.... wengine huingia kwenye ndoa na malengo tofauti..pesa, uzuri wa sura n.k. wakisahau kuwa hayo huisha au hugeuka si ishu tena.Imagine unaingia kwa gia ya kwamba umeoa Miss sijui wapi...siku umiss umeisha... thru natural processes au ugonjwa sijui utamlilia nani..au pesa zimeisha ndo hapo ndoa utaiona chungu.Bora wote muwe genuine na muoane without that "I love you because of......." oana na mtu because you just love him/her. hapo penzi na pendo litamea kadiri mtakavyolipalilia a kulitunza.Kumbuka MARRIED LOVE IS A PLANT WHICH NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF.....mwenye masikio na asikie.
     
  16. BiMkubwa

    BiMkubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Binafsi nafikiri sababu za kufunga ndoa na tabia za watu wakiwa ndani ya ndoa ndio chanzo cha mafanikio au kuvunjika kwa ndoa.

    Ndoa nyingi za vijana huwa ni kutokana na sababu zifuatazo:
    1. Mimba isiyopangwa
    2. Umri wa kuoa umefikwa
    3. Nina kazi, pesa, uwezo sasa iliyobaki ni kuwa na mke/mume
    4. Nitambulike katika jamii
    5. Fulani ni mzuri wa sura, anavutia n.k.

    Wengi hawafikirii kuwa katika ndoa kuna masuala ya msingi ya kupatana kabla ya kufunga hizi ndoa.

    1. Matumizi ya fedha
    2. Mtaishi wapi
    3. Ndugu na marafiki
    4. Maisha ya watoto- elimu, afya, mahitaji
    5. Wasaidizi/wafanyakazi wa nyumbani

    Wanaume mara nyingi hufikiria haya na ndio inayowaletea matatizo sana badaye;

    1. Mke ni mali yangu
    2. Mke lazima afuate kila nitakachosema/amua
    3. Mimi ni mwenye maamuzi ya mwisho
    4. Heshima ni lazima kwangu hata nikiwa nimekosea mimi
    5. Ndugu yangu ni zaidi ya mke wangu

    Wanawake mara nyingi na wao hukosea yafuatayo;

    1. Ndugu yangu ana haki kuliko ndugu wa mume wangu
    2. Ndugu wa mume wangu ni wabaya wangu hata iweje
    3. Fedha ya mume ni yangu ila ya kwangu ni yangu
    4. Lazima nisikilizwe mimi

    Mara zote matatizo yanatokana na utofauti wa ideals kati yetu. Wanaume wengi wanaoa kwa kutumia rules za utamaduni ambao mara nyingi hutumika kukandimiza wanawake na kumuona hasitahili. Wanawake na wao wameamka nakujua haki zao.

    Cha muhimu ni kuhakikisha tunaelimishana mapema kabla ya kuingia katika hizi ndoa maana majukumu yanaongezeka kadri ya siku. Kutazama mlipotoka ni muhimu sana ili mjue kubadilika kwa nyakati.

    Hakuna ndoa inayo pay-off kama ndoa ambayo mwananume atampenda mkewe na mwanamke atamheshimu mumewe. Ila kumbuka ili kupata vyote hivyo lazima mchangie yawezekane msitegemee yatatokea tu.

    Marriage is a full time job.
     
  17. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Jul 17, 2008
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    Nafikiria ndoa nyingi hazidumu due to the fact that people take a short time to know each other well enough, and most men these days look at outside beauty and not the inside beauty, this then brings competition as one opts to marry somegirl more beautiful than his brothers, relative or even a friends ... external influence also sets in ... family and friends with a lot of pushing ... mwanamke atalalamika mpaka ... some even seek traditional doctors help to achieve this .... eventually you get married ... kila kitu perfect at the beginning ... everyone of you willing to go extra mile ... unajua tena ... mara tiiiiiii you cannot pretend anymore .... bse you eventually find out you did not love him in the first place and you cannot take it anymore ...

    Jambo muhimu sana nafikiria ... ni nyote kuwa tayari bila hiyari kuoana .... halafu i advocate pia kwa kuchunguzana kwanza even approach ya kuwa wapenzi ... 1 would also urge men not to look at outside beauty ... uzuri wa ndani ni tulivu na tamu kuliko wanavyofikiria ... dont mind mtu akikuambia mume wako au mkeo anasura mbaya ... kwani unajuwa kabisa kwamba roho kama yake kamwe hatoipata
     
  18. Mwawado

    Mwawado JF-Expert Member

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    Inafurahisha na kutia Moyo unaposikia maneno mazuri kama haya yanatoka kwa Mwanamama.Kama una mtoto wa kike tuwasiliane Naima,najua Mwanangu wa kiume atapata Mke mzuri....maana Bibi (Nyanya) yangu alinambia kuwa "Binti ni Taswira ya Mamaye" .
     
  19. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Jul 18, 2008
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    Ninao tena wengi tu Mkwe ... uje na ngombe tu ...maana hawanywi maji wanakunywa maziwa tu.

    Mungu akukuzie mwanao .. na ampe mke mwema ... ni vizuri kwamba umepata mwongozo ... naye mda ukifika umkalishe chini umpe mlolongo mzima na ushauri mzuri pia kuhusu kuchagua mke ... zaidi ya yote awe mcha Mungu, mwenye aibu na tabia nzuri ...
     
  20. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 18, 2008
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    siri ya furaha;...hutagundua thamani ya unachokitaka. ndoa nayo ndio hivyo hivyo... ukioa/kuolewa ndipo utapogundua kama ni kweli ulikuwa unamhitaji au ulikuwa ukimtamani tu!

    furaha maishani mwenu ni sawa na mbegu unayoipanda mpaka kuvuna matunda ya mmea huo. Mapenzi nayo ndio hivyo hivyo, hasa ukizingatia kuna 4seasons of happiness vile vile, kama ilivyo Spring, Summer, Autumn, na winter...

     
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