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Eti hii ni kwa nini?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Shukuru, May 20, 2008.

  1. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #1
    May 20, 2008
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    Nilikuwa na mpenzi wangu kipingi cha nyuma, na tulifikia kuamua kufunga ndoa na nilikuwa katika mipango ya kupeleka posa ila tuliachana kwa sababu fulani fulani, nilijaribu kuurudisha uhusianai karibu mara tatu, ila naona kama siwezi kuwa na huyu mtu tena ila tatizo ni kuwa kwa nini kila ninapopata rafiki mwingine tukiwa pamoja japo kwa mazungumzo tu huwa najiwa na mawazo sana juu ya huyu wa mwanzo na najikuta na-conclude kuwa huyu mtu "wa sasa" hanifai, na hii ni kama mara tatu inanitokea yaaani kwa watu watatu tofauti tofauti imenitokea; sasa ni kwa nini hii memory inatokea na mara nyingi huanza na jina lake kisha husema irreplaceable niambieni ninyi wata'alam wa huu ukumbi au mi bwege? then nifanyeje?
     
  2. J

    Jobo JF-Expert Member

    #2
    May 20, 2008
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    Inaonekana uamuzi wa kuachana aliufanya huyo bibi! tatizo lako si kubwa. inaoneka huwezi kukubali kuwa huyo bibi wa kwanza amekuacha. Get past it man and forge ahead!
     
  3. LazyDog

    LazyDog JF-Expert Member

    #3
    May 20, 2008
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    Unaweza kufafanua zaidi, kuna vipengele vime-miss.


    .
     
  4. Buswelu

    Buswelu JF-Expert Member

    #4
    May 20, 2008
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    Sure there we can start commenting about what you need from us..just example..reasons...etc
     
  5. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #5
    May 20, 2008
    Joined: Jan 11, 2007
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    ...kwanini huwezi kuwa nae tena, kuna kasoro gani zisizorekebishika? kasoro hizo ni zake, zako au zenu?

    ...naona kama huwa unawalinganisha eeh? na huwa unatumia kigezo gani kuwalinganisha hao wapya na huyo wa zamani? hicho kipimo unachotumia kina uzani wa haki kweli ndugu yangu?

    ...kwa maoni yangu nakushauri jipe muda tu kwanza kabla ya kuanzisha uhusiano mpya wa mapenzi. Jipangie vigezo gani unataka kwa mpenzi wako mpya, ila ujue si vigezo vyote vitakamilika, kila mwanadamu ana mapungufu yake, kama nawe ulivyo na mapungufu yako.

    Ili muweze kuishi pamoja, inabidi kila mmoja wenu ayakubali mapungufu ya mwenziwe, na yawezekanayo kurekebishwa myajadili na kuyarekebisha kadri ya matakwa ya maisha yenu.
     
  6. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #6
    May 21, 2008
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    Sijui mimi nina kasoro gani ila mi niachoona ni kuwa yeye yuko kama hayuko serious na maneno yake maana yeye haachi kusema kuwa mimi ndio mtu anyenithamini na ndio mtu anayeoona kuwa nimebeba maisha yake hata iweje, tena kuna muda anasema kuwa anaweza kupata mwanamume mwingine ila hajui kama anaweza kupata mtu kama mimi, ila mambo yake si kama maneno yake yaani haweki basis for what she said in real life she live in.

    Nashukuru na ushauri wako mkuu, nitajitahidi nitulie kwa muda kabla ya kuazisha uhusiano mwingine ila tatizo ni kuwa naona kama nazidi kumpoteza au vitu gani naweza measure ili kujua kweli aliyokuwa akisema ni kweli na sahihi? je inawezekana mtu akatengeneza mazingira ya kuitwa mama mwema kwangu kisha asiwe mwema real? mi maisha yangu si ya hali ya juu hata kidogo na nikisema kuwa alikuwa na mimi kwa ajili ya pesa zangu si kweli kwani huwa hana tabia ta kuniomba pesa na huwa ananielewa mimi na hata familia yangu. je ni nini hasa huenda anakitaka kwangu? je umri unaweza kuwa tatizo? kwa sasa ana miaka 18.
     
  7. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #7
    May 21, 2008
    Joined: Sep 3, 2007
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    1. Ni hivim kaka, sababu kuu hapo ni kama nilivyoeleza hapo juu ila pia kuna issue moja ambayo inanibidi niiweke wazi, kwa kifupi mama yangui naona kama hakufurahishwa na proposal ya kufunga ndoa na huyu binti, na kitu hicho huyu dada alikiona mwenyewe na kilimsononesha sana , sasa sijui ni sababu ya yeye kutokuwa serious tena au vipi!

    2. Baada ya kimya fulani kupita huwa najaribu kumwita na kumweleza namna gani yeye ni muhimu kwangu ila yeye huwa ananijibu kama hapo juu kuwa mimi ndio mimi, ila baada ya muda mchache tu, anaweza asionekane wala kupatikana hewani na ni mpaka hapo atakapoamua yeye kunipigia.

    3. Naona siwezi kuwa naye maana nahisi maisha yetu huenda yakawa ya namna hiyo yaani she is not consistence.
     
  8. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #8
    May 21, 2008
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    Ok. bro but sometimes hard!

    But okey I have to forge it REAL!! and how can i DO this?
     
  9. M

    Mutu JF-Expert Member

    #9
    May 21, 2008
    Joined: Mar 30, 2008
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    Sijuhi Kama umewahi kusikia watu wakiongelea mafiga matatu katika mapenzi/ndoa.Basi kinagaubaga mafiga matatu hutumika kuinjika chungu kikakaa bila kuteteleaka na mambo yakakwiva.Ilikuwa ikitumika kumuelezea mwanamke mtu sifa tatu za kuchagua mwanaume au mwanaume anazotakiwa kuwa nazo ili apate tulia na ndoa ikawa bila kashfa.Lakini sifa hizo zote mwanamume kuwanazo zote kwa pamoja imekuwa more theoretical than reality.
    Ila kwa ufupi na jumla ya maneno figa la kwanza ni
    1.Must be good in bed yaani ulizishe mwenzi wako kimapenzi.(hadithi ndefu)

    Figa la pili ni
    Uwe presentable & care........aweze kutambulisha au kujivunia mbele ya wenzake huyu ndio mpenzi/mume wangu.Na ku match wasifu wa ndani hasa interest

    Figa la tatu
    Must be financial fit.........uwe na pesa kiasi wanawake wana matumizi na pesa hata ktk kujiremba na anasa nyinginezo(si wote majority).Pia hupenda kuangalia familia yake kwa hiyo akihitaji support wewe ndio wa karibu.Wanahitaji kinacho itwa security si kwamba pesa tu kwa sababu ya anasa

    Basi ktk mafiga matatu chungu hutulia juu yake.

    Kwa kuwa si rahisi kukuta asilimia kubwa ya sisi vidume/wanaume kuwa na sifa zote hizo,hapo ndipo matatizo huanzia.Ndipo version mpya ya kukamilisha mafiga matatu ikapatikana ,ya kuwa ndio unampenda mwanaume ila hana kipato cha RAV4 ,vidani vya kumwaga,Nyumba bomba n.k sasa hutafuata/hushauriwa tafuta wa ku cover hivyo.
    Ama ndio ana pesa na yuko presentable ila unalalamika hufiki kilele tafuta kidume cha kukukuna vyema.Ama inafikia kipindi interst hazi match
    Basi bwana kwa kifupi mahusiano ya kimapenzi ni magumu yako complex ikasi kwamba unashindwa ku guess tatizo ni nini.Maana tafiti zinaonyeshwa pia binadam tunapenda kujaribu taste mpya bila kujali ile tuliyonayo ni taamu kiasi gani.
    Hapa ndio hata wale wenye sifa zote huwa na matatizo ktkt mapenzi pia .Inawa mtu huweza kujirudi na kuona you're the best kwake ila ndio hivyo doa limeingia na bad memory ndio inatusumbua binadam ukikumbuka usaliti.

    Sasa wewe hujaweka wazi kwa nini mlikatisha uhusiano inakuwa ngumu kukushauri kunachokumbuka kwake ni chema uwe naye au hakitakuwaidia zaidi ya kuletea madhara achana nacho focus kwingine na njinsi gani ya kusonga mbele.

    Huyo wa 18 tatizo ni kuwa ame compare na ku contrast vya kutosha ,ni juu yako kumuangalia kuwa anaamini na kujua anachoamua .
    Mwaga more data we need more sign and symptom kutibu tatizo
     
  10. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #10
    May 21, 2008
    Joined: Sep 3, 2007
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    Kaka, siwezi sema kuwa kama hizo sifa ninazo au sina ila yeye ndiye jaji wa hilo; na sijui kama yele maneno ni kweli kuwa she made me the real of her life, in such i can speak for her!

    The exactly reasons for such break ni lack of consistence communication mean he create to me; hapo mwanzo aliweza kuwa na number moja na nilijaribu kumnunulia simu karibu mara tatu dukani ila baada ya muda utasikia simu imetapeliwa au nimeibiwa yaani it sometimes hurt me not to be able to prove things which i guess to her, na juzi March nilimnunulia simu nyingiene baada ya kukutana naye mara ya mwisho nikaona huenda nikaweza kuwasiliana naye muda wote, ila huwezi amini toka nimnunulie hiyo simu aliyoitaka yeye mwenyewe, hakuwahi kunipigia simu hadi leo ila maneno yake ya mwisho ni kuwa eti ile simu feki, nikamwambia "OK" maana naona kama ananichanganya! sasa wewe mazingira kama hayo unayachukuliaje na ni kwa nini namwona mwema on the other side while i can not prove what i guess to her? cuz i think she fool on me, but i always see her as wealth to me cuz she have all character of GOOD wife, yaani she has THAT na hili ndio tatizo ambalo naliona, maana kila ninapomuangalia mtu mwingine yaani hata ile ongea yake tu na labda attitude yake towards ndugu zangu au hata majirani ni tatizoi ila kwa yeye nilimuona yupo too wise to them and in short she can keeo house.

    Or is not mine for God!!
     
  11. LazyDog

    LazyDog JF-Expert Member

    #11
    May 21, 2008
    Joined: Apr 10, 2008
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    Shukuru,

    Huyu binti hakupendi kwa namna wewe unavyompenda.
    Kwenye mapenzi wanawake wanazungumza lugha usiyoijua. Huyu binti anakufunza hiyo lugha


    Anakupenda kwa namna ya tofauti, yaani kama kaka na dada vile na amekuonea huruma sana hata amefikia kiasi cha kukutamkia
    au niseme kukutafunia.



    Hii kwako ni hatua ambayo wanaume wengi tumepitia.
    She could be too good for you, ila kama nimekosea soma post ya Haika niliyoiweka hapo chini ili baadae ufanye maamuzi sahihi.







    Post ya Haika: Golden rules for finding your life partner and maintaining by Dov Heller, M.A





    Wakati unaisoma, chukua kalamu na karatasi andika list ya mambo ambayo unaona mwenzio hakutendei haki.
    Litakalokupa tabu washirikishe watu walio karibu nanyi (wewe na huyo binti), ukipenda tushirikishe wana JF, hata hivyo you need to trust your instincts, uwezo wa kufanya uamuzi sahihi unao.​

    Ni muhimu ukaelewa vizuri kilichomo kwenye hiyo post ya Haika. Lugha ikikusumbua tafuta msaada, hapa JF watu wapo kibao.


    Wakati mmeachana na wewe ukifukuzia mabinti wengine, yeye hakuwa ameanza uhusiano na mtu mwingine?



    .
     
  12. L

    Ledwin JF-Expert Member

    #12
    May 21, 2008
    Joined: Oct 9, 2007
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    Shukuru Pole na yote,nafikiri mimi nimekuwa mtu mzima sasa na naona sighn zote ambazo siziaccept kwakweli ,mfano upotevu wa simu ,na kutokupigia simu bila sababu yoyote,etc...KUNA KITU KINALACK HAPO BETWEEN Her AND You,na hamko serious hata kidogo,na muwe makini sana na magonjwa ,maana kila mtu hapo navyomjudge ni kama analipiza kwa mwenzio,Bado hujachelewa ,mchukue mahali Patulivu ,mwelezee nia yako ,na yeye akwambie anachohitaji toka kwako ,mrekebishe yote ambayo ,yanawaletea tabu,naamini kuanzia hapo mtaendelea mbele,Inavyoonekana bado unampenda ,ila naye inabidi abadilike kidogo,na mgrow up kama mko serious,jamani,,pole lakini na yote.
     
  13. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #13
    May 21, 2008
    Joined: Sep 3, 2007
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    Dah! i thank all JF members for all your kindness to my problem though nili-hope kuwa ni kero kwenu but i realize that JF is real "Ukumbi wa Jamii"

    Brother LazyDog naipitia hii post ya Haika then i will reply anything from there relate to the relationship with this girl.
     
  14. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #14
    May 21, 2008
    Joined: Jan 11, 2007
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    Naam, kwa umri wake (miaka 18) sikushauri kujipa "pingu ya maisha".

    ndugu yangu, heartbreakers ndizo zitazokujenga uwe stronger katika maamuzi yako siku za usoni. Maamuzi magumu kama kuachana na mpenzi uliyempenda lakini hakufai kwa tabia zake ni mojawapo ya maamuzi magumu lakini yana faida kwako.

    Usikubali kuwa mtumwa wa mapenzi, utataabika sana maishani. Dalili njema zinaonekana tangia asubuhi, hizo dalili uzionazo sasa ndio tabia ya mtu, huenda hata ukiwa naye ndani ya nyumba maudhi hayo na labda zaidi ya hayo yatakuwa vitu vya kawaida.

    Mapenzi sio upofu, ila ni wewe mwenyewe unapoamua "kutokuona"! shukuru mungu umeyaona na mapema, usidharau hizo warning signs uzionazo sasa...zina maana yake maishani mwako.

    Kila la heri katika maamuzi yako.
     
  15. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #15
    May 22, 2008
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    Ebwana thanks sana kaka, hope your advice will be useful to me, thanks sana, I real have to follow your advice,and i Pray so that God will guide me to have someone of my happness.

    Thanks KAKA!
     
  16. m

    murra wa marwa Senior Member

    #16
    May 22, 2008
    Joined: Apr 24, 2008
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    mwache asome bana kama anasoma, mbona mtoto mdogo sana, labda nyumbani kwao hawezi kuwa na uhuru wa kupiga simu, au akikupigia labda kaiba simu ya mama yake, kama unampenda kweri utamsubiri na hutamuwekea vikwazo kwamba ooh kwa nini hadi yeye akupigie, kwa nini huwezi kumpigia au ni wewe umenunua simu yake na bado hataki umpigie, inawezekana huyo ndio best choice na hutopata kama huyo, anaonekana ana msimamo wa aina fulani hivi na ndio maana humpati kirahisi. kama hasomi hapo tena itakuwa stori nyingi, jaribu kuangaria pengine wazazi wake ni wakri na ndio wanaomfanya ashindwe kuwasiriana na wewe kama unavyotaka.
     
  17. M

    Mutu JF-Expert Member

    #17
    May 22, 2008
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    Yaani I can feel you brother!Inaonekani kuwa binti unampenda na alikuwa na sifa nzuri ila kulingana na maelezo anabadilika ama alikuwa aki pretend muda wote sasa anajifunua tabia yake cause you can't pretend forever.

    Kipindi hichi ndicho kigumu kwako kufanya maamuzi mazito kwako kwa maana inaonekana binti unampenda na tabia inayojitokeza si njema .Kwa kifupi inaonyesha ana cheat /dating na mtu fulani ambapo watu huonyesha ku-please sana mwanamke siku za mwanzoni ,na wewe huku kama mlikuwa na misunderstanding huonekana kero kubwa kwa mwanamke.
    Sasa ni juu yako kuangalia kuwa kama ni mtu ambaye kweli unaweza kupigania penzi lake na kurekebisha mambo yaliyopelekea hilo kutokea ni kiwa na maana kama kweli unaona anakupenda kihalisi (set criteria to prove) basi rudisha pendo mahala pake maana nawe wampenda.
    Ila kama unaona ya kwamba she'll never repent hata badili tabia yake (set criteria to prove) basi ujapo mpenda kiasi gani,ujapo mkumbuka kiasi gani kaa nae mbali ingawa utapata taabu za kumkumbuka kwa muda ila utakuwa ume save future yako maana utakuja umia mara dufu siku za mbeleni kwa kuwa "the more you love the more the pain you 'll get when things get wrong".

    So its all on you,its up to you to make a decision! Haya matatizo watu wengi sana tumepata sasa usione taabu kurudiana na mtu ambaye unaona ndoa ita work na usione taabu kuachana na unayempenda sana kama unaona ndoa haita work hata yeye akisema anakupenda sana.It involves critical thinking and tough decision.
    Takecare brother!
     
  18. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #18
    May 22, 2008
    Joined: Sep 3, 2007
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    Nashukuru sana kaka for your advice ila kama nilieleza hapo juu ni kuwa nilifikia kutaka kupeleka posa so ni mtu ambaye hata wazazi wake wanifahamu kuwa mimi ni nini kwake na mbaya zaidi ni kuwa alipoanza kutoeleweka eleweka ndio hapo alianza kuishi na namba tofauti tofauti za simu yaani akikupigia simu na namba fulani leo basi kuanzia kesho yake hiyo namba haitapatikana tena, na ndio hapo nasema kuwa ni mpaka yeye aamue kukupigia.

    Ila nashukuru Kaka kwa ushauri wako kwani mpaka sasa kutokana na advices mnazonipa najiona kama siko peke yangu na kidoga naanza napata mwangaza!!


    Thanks sana kaka for your kindess on what your see in this.
     
  19. m

    murra wa marwa Senior Member

    #19
    May 22, 2008
    Joined: Apr 24, 2008
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    Mkubwa Shukuru, mnunulie simu na sim card kabisa, uone kama ataendelea kubadirisha badirisha, hapo ndipo utakapojua mbichi na mbivu. Ira kama anasoma uwe unampigia usiku tu iri kumpa uhuru wa kujisomea kwa ufanisi zaidi. all the best penzi la kweli hariji tu rinatafutwa hivyo usichike kutafuta.
     
  20. Shukuru

    Shukuru JF-Expert Member

    #20
    May 22, 2008
    Joined: Sep 3, 2007
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    Nilifanya hivyo kaka, kwa sim ya kwanza ila baadae sijui hata iliishia wapi! ila naamini kuwa huenda ni kweli labda alikuwa aki-pretend as Brother Mutu said, but i fail to underestand how much effort she does in pretending while sioni chochote ambacho alikuwa akikipata kwangu for such big time pretending,

    ila ngoja nitaeleza kitu fulani hapa chini.
     
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