Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Employment rules

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Che Kalizozele, May 28, 2011.

  1. Che Kalizozele

    Che Kalizozele JF-Expert Member

    #1
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Jul 20, 2008
    Messages: 778
    Likes Received: 4
    Trophy Points: 0
    New International Employment Rules



    SICKDAYS
    We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.



    MARTENITY LEAVE
    Kort Kort pregnant is banned. You must first apply to your superiors and with their approval you'll then be allowed to do pregnancy. It will only be allowed once in 10yrs and you only get 1 month maternity leave. No male shall get leave related to his wife's pregnancy, sickness or even death (he is not a midwife, a doctor nor an undertaker).

    SURGERY
    Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.



    HOLIDAYS
    Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.



    BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.



    ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
    This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks' notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.



    TOILET USE
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allo
    cated time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
    In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open..



    LUNCH BREAK
    Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.



    DRESS CODE
    It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.
    Have a nice day
    Personal Secretary - please charge the time spent reading this email to ANNUAL LEAVE.


    Regards,
    HR



     
  2. Jaluo_Nyeupe

    Jaluo_Nyeupe JF-Expert Member

    #2
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Dec 21, 2010
    Messages: 2,133
    Likes Received: 264
    Trophy Points: 180
    masharti bomba sana hasa kwa sisi atunaotafuta ajira.
     
  3. s

    sugi JF-Expert Member

    #3
    May 29, 2011
    Joined: Feb 12, 2011
    Messages: 1,248
    Likes Received: 35
    Trophy Points: 145
    bonge ya mashart,nadhani mshahara upo juu saaaaaana
     
  4. MUREFU

    MUREFU JF-Expert Member

    #4
    May 29, 2011
    Joined: Oct 1, 2010
    Messages: 1,224
    Likes Received: 33
    Trophy Points: 145
    haya ni yaukwel na kama ikija bongo watanzania wote wametosa ajira yan wanavyopenda kupoteza muda wakat wa kaz yan ni kaz kwel kwel
     
  5. Good Guy

    Good Guy JF-Expert Member

    #5
    May 29, 2011
    Joined: Oct 24, 2010
    Messages: 4,451
    Likes Received: 26
    Trophy Points: 145
    sign me up!
     
  6. MAYOO

    MAYOO Senior Member

    #6
    May 30, 2011
    Joined: Feb 14, 2011
    Messages: 196
    Likes Received: 7
    Trophy Points: 35
    Du! hapo kazi ipo
     
Loading...