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Dilema ingine hii hapa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Lasthope, Sep 9, 2008.

  1. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #1
    Sep 9, 2008
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    Jamani wanajanvi, nimepata hii email asubuhi hii kutoka kwa shost wangu, and belive me ijaweza kumshauri chochote maana sijapata muda wa kufikiria na it seems she is really disturbed and need urgent advice, naomba tuchangie kwa upana ili nijue ntamshauri nini. Jamani msiniulize maswali mengine maana sitaweza kuyajibu, nami nimeisoma na kuibandika hapa kama ilivyo sina more detail na huu haukuwa muda mwafaka kwa mimi kumuuliza maswali zaidi, tumsaidie maana najua JF mambo yote


    I woke up this morning very peaceful after a night of prayers and prayed all the way through on my way to work, praying for him, for God to give him health, to give him confidence and courage, for God to protect him and keep his memory so that he pass his exams. When I reached the office I remembered that I had to text him and inquire about his night, if he slept well and also to tell him that the 10,000 he left me when he was leaving is not enough because there was no cooking oil in the house, there was no flour and milk for our 1 year daughter. No money to buy water and also daily expenses as you know 1kg of meat now goes up to 4000 not to mention tomatoes, snacks for tea and all that. So I asked him to give me a password for one of his two ATM cards he left me “in case of emergency” as he said when he was leaving. He said no, that is only for emergency, the money I left you should be enough for all those things. Can you imagine I was fasting for the last two days and was determined to continue until he finishes his exams just to pray for my dear husband so that he passes, I am asking myself is it really worth it to fast and pray for this kind of a husband, even if he passes his exam and have a more better life than now, even if he gets more money than he has now, with this attitude, will his family benefit from it. I am in dilemma, what should I do with him, does it need a counselor to show him that 10000 is not enough to leave to your family for one week while he is away? Tell me does it need an economist to do calculation and advice on that? I could understand it if he has no money but he does have money in the banks, I mean he can more than afford but I don’t know if he is mean or what. I am fade up I am thinking of separation, please advice.
     
  2. Mambo Jambo

    Mambo Jambo JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Sep 9, 2008
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    Script nzuri kwa igizo fupi.
     
  3. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Sep 9, 2008
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    1. apart from passing his exams .. keep praying to God to give him wisdom too
    2. mkalishe chini you talk to him seriously and tell him that what he's doing is unfair and that you have become a begger now coz of him ... kwani you have to go to relatives to seek financial help .. inamdhalilisha yeye na si wewe coz watu wanajua financial status yenu
    3. he allows you to look for a job .. that way you can be free .. bcse ndugu yangu hela ya kutoka mfukoni mwa mtu kila siku atakugaia anavyotaka yeye hata kitu cha muhimu kwako kwake ni kuchezea hela
    4. make a point of taking your grocery from the one shop ili hata ukikwama uweze kukopeshwa till ukipata pesa then you pay

    All in all mkalishe chini tell him how serious the problem is akirudi .. dont just walk away make an effort kwanza kubwa zaidi nawe think of kufanya kazi
     
  4. Che Kalizozele

    Che Kalizozele JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Sep 9, 2008
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    Kwanza mpe pole yake ila asikate tamaa kwani huo ndo ukubwa na kujenga familia yenye furaha si kazi ndogo na si ya muda mfupi.Muhimu katika yote ambayo amepanga kufanya,cha kwanza ni kutafuta muda wa kuliongea tatizo na huyo mu.mewe.Awe makini na lugha atakazo kuwa akitumia kwani naamini mumewe anaamini yuko sahihi hivyo ni lazima atakuwa mbishi,lakini ajaribu kumuelewesha hasa athari ya hilo analolifanya hasa kwa mtoto wake.Ikishindikana basi awashirikishe wakubwa na wazee,lakini talaka sidhani kama itakuwa ndo suluhisho kwani unaweza kukuta ndo unaongeza tatizo,sio siri ndoa inahitaji uvumilivu,cha muhimu waongeee
     
  5. K

    Kipanga JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Sep 9, 2008
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    Hayo mambo yapo si kuwa ni kitu kigeni sana na mara nyingine husababishwa na kati ya mambo yafuatayo (kwa mtazamo wangu Please). (a) Kuna baadhi ya wanaume huamini kuwa kumpa mwanamke pesa nyingi kwa matumizi ya familia wakati mwingine mwanamke hutumia pesa vibaya akijua zikiisha tu ataomba nyingine so wao hudhani kuwa suluhu ni kumpa kiasi fulani then mengine akili kichwani mwako.
    (b) Hili pia linaendana na la kwanza mwanaume kukupa ATM card na namba ya siri ili mwanamke aweze kuchukua pesa kwa ajili ya matumizi ya familia nalo pia mwanaume anahofia matumizi ya fujo ya pesa ( Binafsi limenikumba hili) hivyo hawezi kumuamini sana mke wake kumuachia ATM card na password.
    (c) Wakati mwingine ni tabia tu ya ubinafsi ya mwanaume kutopenda kuweka wazi masuala ya fedha kwa mke wake kwa sababu anazozijua yeye mwenyewe.
    (d) Malezi ya Uchoyo aliyopata tangu utotoni mwake.

    Sasa kwa hayo niliyogusia hapo juu ni kweli kabisa kuwa kuna baadhi ya wanawake hawana discipline katika matumizi ya pesa na hasa mwanamke anapo-access account ya mume kwa kutumia ATM card. Na hata mwanaume akiuliza majibu yake hayajitoshelezi.

    Ushauri: Akae na mumewe walizungumze in diplomatic way kwani wakati mwingine unaweza kuwa na jambo zuri na muhimu lakini how you present it ukaharibu maana nzima.

    Kisha ili kumuweka huru mumewe afikirie uwezekanao wa kuwa na bajeti ndogo ya matumizi kwa familia yao then mume atoe pesa kulingana na mahitaji hii itapunguza kuomba pesa here and there. Mwanamke nae afanye matumizi kulingana na mahitaji sio ukipita kariakoo unanunua hata ambavyo hamkupanga kununua simply tu ulikiona dukani basi huchangia kuharibu bajeti.

    Pia kama mama hana shughuli ya kuingiza kipato ni vizuri nae akafanya jitihada ya kuwa na shughuli ya kuingiza kipato ili kuziba mapengo yatakayojitokeza. Ikishindikana kabisa kuliko kusononeka kila kukicha bora uangalie ustaarabu mwigine tu.
     
  6. A

    Aunty Lao JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Sep 9, 2008
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    Kipanga nashukuru kwa maoni yako mazuri na yamenigusa mimi sana maana mimi pia ni mama wanyumbani. Hivi nipe pia ufafanuzi hivi anayetakiwa kuwajibika na swala la bajeti ya chakula ndani ya nyumba ni nani! Na kama umejaribu kumueleza mwenzi wako kwamba aache kwenda sokoni na kununua chakula cha ndani aniachie jukumu hilo. Then ikifika mwisho wa mwezi hakupi hata hela iliyokamilika baada ya wiki hela zote zimeisha atawekwa kundi gani mtu kama huyu. Kwa kweli hiki swala linatukera sisi wanawake sana. Maana kama bajeti mathlani ni 30,000 kwa mwezi kwa nini utoe 1000 leo, kesho 500 and so on. Mimi binafsi hili swala linaninyima uhuru wangu wa majukumu kama mwanamke ndani ya nyumba.
     
  7. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #7
    Sep 10, 2008
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    Nimejaribu kuongea naye jana jioni kwa kweli inatia huruma coz it seems ndiyo tabia ya mumewe hawi wazi kwenye ishu za pesa , the lady is working but what she earns monthly ni half of what he gets. I told her to talk to him patiently akirudi, asibishane naye at this time kwenye simu.
     
  8. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #8
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    Kweli Lorain, wanaume nao wana mambo, ni ngumu sana kuwaelewa.
    But vumilia ndugu yangu jitahidi upate kibarua hata business ili upunguze matatizo.
     
  9. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #9
    Sep 10, 2008
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    Kipanga thanks kwa mawazo mazuri, nakubaliana na wewe kuwa wanawake sometimes tuna matatizo ya ku overspend, lakini hivi hata kama huyo mwanaume alikuwa anaogopa hilo inajustify kuacha elfu kumi kwa familia ya mke, mtoto na housegirl kwa wiki moja? That if he will come back after that one week, si angetoa basi pesa bank hata 30,000 amuachie aende na hizo atm zake? Najaribu kuwa neutral ili nimshauri vizuri shoga yangu ila najikuta tu simwelewi huyu jamaa. Kwa wanawake wenye akili fake wanaweza hata kutoka nje ya ndoa kwa sababu kama hizi, japo i dont advise kabisa, ila wanaume mnaosoma hapa kuweni makini na vitu vya aina hii, hata lorain kasema kweli hii inachosha sana. Unaweza kutahuko yeye kila siku anabwia bia na washkaji lakini pesa ya kula kwa familia yake anaona ni anasa, kweli dunia ina mambo.
     
  10. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Sep 10, 2008
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    ...mama, tena Shukuru mungu walau kakuachia hizo Cards kwa emergency, he is one in a million ...

    ...faith makes a prayer to work, kama unaamini hilo mwachie basi Mw'mungu ajibu dua zako, mje faidika nyote.

    ...One sided story; Tutajuaje kama naye alishafanya shopping ya kila kitu ndani?

    Tell me does it need an economist to do calculation and advice on that? I could understand it if he has no money but he does have money in the banks, I mean he can more than afford but I don’t know if he is mean or what. [/quote]

    ...Ulisema nawe umeenda kazini vile? Vipi mama, huko unafanya kazi ya Charity, hulipwi? au pesa ya kulisha familia lazima atoe Mume pekee?

    ...Separation sababu ya kunyimwa PIN number? You must be joking!

    Huenda kuna tatizo la ubadhirifu, trust, na lack of effective communication katika ndoa yenu. Hebu kaa chini na mumeo myazungumze haya na myatatue kwa manufaa ya familia yenu, badala ya kuomba talaka/separation eti tu sababu umenyimwa PIN number.

    Cheer Up na swaumu njema.
     
  11. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    ...ni jukumu lenu nyote wawili kwa kadri ya uwezo wenu.
     
  12. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #12
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    ...Naam, huenda kupunguza ikawa si neno sahihi, jaribu kuwa na mawazo chanya na kusema, kuepusha matatizo kwa kumsaidia mumeo.
     
  13. Triplets

    Triplets JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Sep 10, 2008
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    Last hope usisahau kumwambia shosti wako, for the time being achukue mshahara wake atimize huo mlolongo ambao 10000 haiwezi kukidhi, halafu mumewe akirudi akae nae chini kwa heshima na taadhima amuulize kulikoni, labda yeye kwisha pata nyumba dogo
     
  14. africa6666

    africa6666 JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Sep 10, 2008
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    [COLOR="DarkRed[COLOR="Red"]"]...Ulisema nawe umeenda kazini vile? Vipi mama, huko unafanya kazi ya Charity, hulipwi? au pesa ya kulisha familia lazima atoe Mume pekee?[/COLOR][/COLOR]


    ...Separation sababu ya kunyimwa PIN number? You must be joking!

    Huenda kuna tatizo la ubadhirifu, trust, na lack of effective communication katika ndoa yenu. Hebu kaa chini na mumeo myazungumze haya na myatatue kwa manufaa ya familia yenu, badala ya kuomba talaka/separation eti tu sababu umenyimwa PIN number.

    Cheer Up na swaumu njema.
    [/QUOTE]

    Mambo ya wanawake si unayajua? mshahara wake kwenye vipodozi tu hata kama anapata mara mbili yako, nyumbani hatoi senti moja

    Halafu hawa watu wanapenda kulalamika sana katika public mambo madogo tu kelele nyiiiiiingi kuweni wavumilivu
     
  15. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #15
    Sep 10, 2008
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    ...Ulisema nawe umeenda kazini vile? Vipi mama, huko unafanya kazi ya Charity, hulipwi? au pesa ya kulisha familia lazima atoe Mume pekee?



    ...Separation sababu ya kunyimwa PIN number? You must be joking!

    Huenda kuna tatizo la ubadhirifu, trust, na lack of effective communication katika ndoa yenu. Hebu kaa chini na mumeo myazungumze haya na myatatue kwa manufaa ya familia yenu, badala ya kuomba talaka/separation eti tu sababu umenyimwa PIN number.

    Cheer Up na swaumu njema.
    [/QUOTE]

    Mchongoma thanks kwa ushauri wako mzee wa hii forum, nimeshindwa kutoa ushauri wowote nikaamua nililete hapa kwa ajili ya watu kama wewe maana huwa naona nondo zako, lakini mchongoma hapo kewnye bold hata kama shopping ishafanywa ndani which i doubt coz ile email imejieleza kwamba kuna some of the things hazikuwpo ndani, na kwa maisha ya dar haya elfu kumi kweli inaweza kusustain familia kwa wiki hata kama ni kununua mboga peke yake achana na viungo wala matunda, tuwe wazi jamani itatosha? hilo ndio swali la msingi.
     
  16. K

    Kipanga JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Sep 10, 2008
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    ...Lorain ukweli ni kuwa suala la bajeti ya chakula ya familia linawahusu wote mume na mke pia ingawa kwa mazingira (sitaki kusema kwa mazoea) wengi huamini ni la mume peke yake (may be kwa kuwa katika baadhi ya familia baba ndio bread earner) lakini ukweli ni kuwa nyote mume na mke hutakiwa ku-share katika bajeti.

    Sasa muafaka wa kushare katika bajeti ya chakula ya famili unaanzia mbali kwani kwa mtazamo wangu (am family man as well) lazima kuwe na mawasiliano mazuri baina yenu na statement zinazojitosheleza na hasa kwa mwanamke katika kupanga hizi bajeti. Wanaume wengi hufikia uamuzi wa aidha kuingia sokoni wenyewe kufanya manunuzi au kutoa pesa kiduchu kwa mtazamo aliouona kwa mkewe huko nyuma katika matumizi ya pesa. Lorain believe me na sisemi hili kwa ubaya majority ya wanawake wana matumizi mabovu. Mwanamke yuko radhi apunguze pesa ya chakula alipie wax au kuweka pesa ya kusuka nywele za kimasai hata kama mume anampa pesa kwa matumizi ya vitu vyake kama mwanamke!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hapa namaanisha kuwa mama unaweza kufikiria kutaka kununua kopo la maziwa ya NIDO may be kwa ajili ya uji wa mtoto ambalo mara ya mwisho bei ilikuwa around Tzs 18,000, mume akaona si muhimu kwa nini usinunue maziwa fresh ya ng'ombe 1/2 lita kwa jirani? ambayo yaweza kugharimu just 12 -15,000 kwa mwezi? hapa mnaweza kutofautiana wakati kumbe mama ungeweza kujustify wazo lako la kutaka NiDO kwa kuzingatia upatikanaji, convinience ya utunzaji n.k. Kwa hiyo wakati mwingine mama akifanya bajeti ya chakula ya familia akampa baba kuna vitu ambavyo akikuuliza unaweza kushindwa kuvijengea hoja ingawa kwa upande fulani ni muhimu.

    Sasa naomba wapendwa wangu kwanza akina dada/mama mbadilishe mitazamo yenu katika matumizi ya pesa. Gharama za maisha zimepanda sana ni vyema ukawa mstari wa mbele kumshauri mumeo juu ya matumizi mazuri ya pesa. Maisha ya familia si chakula tu, kuna mambo mengi ya kimaendeleo mnayotakiwa kufanya, elimu ya watoto wenu, kuwa na assets za familia, investment za familia vyote hivi hamuwezi kupata kama hamna good financial management.

    Lakini kubwa hapa ni mawasiliano si rahisi kukaa chini na kupanga maendeleo ya familia kama mnawasiliana wakati wa chakula cha usiku tu tena kwa signals. Na Lorain kama kweli wewe ni mama wa nyumbani ni vizuri ukafikiria kuwa shughuli ya kuleta kipato inaleta raha nadhani hata kwako wewe mwenyewe na itapunguza hata hizi lawama!!! Hivi ukiwa na kipato chako siku moja ukam-surprise mumeo kwa shati au suruali kali kuwa itaongeza mapenzi??

    Na pia inakujengea heshima wewe kama mwanamke sisi waswahilii wengi mama akiwa kula kulala kashfa zinakuwa nyingi kwa sababu tu sh.2,000 zilichepuka ukanunua sidiria hata kama ni ya mtumba!!!!
     
  17. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    PHP:
    ...I feel your pain, and your empathy kwa shoga'ko. Kuna jambo limejificha kwenye hiyo ndoa ingawa kwa nje ya boksi, kina sie tunahukumu kwa experience zetu mbali mbali. Shillingi Alfu kumi, (10,000/=) 'bila back up', kwa juma moja haitoshi.

    Muhimu ni kumshauri huyo mwanamama wakae chini na mumewe walijadili hili, kuliko kuukoleza moto kwa kumuumbua hadharani kama hivyo. Kwa muono wangu wa juu juu, there is a serious breakdown of communication and trust between those two.

    Every story has three sides, Her side, His side and the truth. Wao wawili pekee ndio wanaojua the truth, japo kila mmoja wao anaweza ku exaggerate story yake.

    "Siri ya mtungi,...!"
     
  18. C

    ChiefmTz JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Yes, it seems that she also works for gain somewhere, did she bothered to to top up any thing to the deficiency?

    Emergency should mean so

    As he knew that his wife was also working for gains somewhere also, she would cotribute something at circumstances.


    Hapo hata mimi nakusupport uanze mapema kwa sababu yaonekana hukujiandaa kwa ndoa. Kwani ungetambua thamani unayopewa na mmeo usingeexpose upuuzi wako.
     
  19. T

    TanzanianFemale Member

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  20. Lasthope

    Lasthope Senior Member

    #20
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    Thanks kwa mchango wako, lakini kwa ufupi tu kaka uwe unasoma vizuri kabla ya kuchangia i mean read between the lines. Sasa mpuuzi ni nani, mimi niliyeleta hii story hapa au muhanga wa hili tatizo? Halafu sijui kama unaelewa jina la hii forum na maana yale nzima na kwa nini iliwekwa hapa, kwa kukusaidia tu hii forum ipo kwa ajili ya mambo kama haya, ili kuweza kumsaidia mlengwa kwa ushauri utakaotolewa kwa kupitia experience mbalimbali, na pia kumsaidia mtu kuspeak out ili kama ni hasira ziishe, badala ya kukaa nazo zikalipuka siku moja na kuleta madhara. pia hii inasaidia wenye matatizo kama haya wengine ambao ni wengi tu humu kujua jinsi ya kudeal nayo. Inaonekana hujui umuhimu wa ushauri katika jamii, basi jifunze kwa kuwa ni muhimu sana, na siyo ku expose upuuzi kama unavyotafsiri, maana hakuna mahali popote ambapo majina ya wahusika yametajwa au hata clue yoyote itakayokuwezesha kuwatambua, by the way usiwe mkali sana au wewe ndo muhusika mwenyewe? na kama siyo basi napata wasiwasi kwamba una tabia hiyo maana umekuwa so defensive.
     
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