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Did i marry the right person?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mallaba, Nov 26, 2010.

  1. Mallaba

    Mallaba JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Nov 26, 2010
    Joined: Jan 30, 2008
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    During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
    She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
    I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, It depends. Is that your husband?"
    In all seriousness, she answered, "How do you know?"
    Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing
    on your mind.

    Here's the answer:
    EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
    your spouse.
    You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
    Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. Infarct, it was a completely
    natural and spontaneous experience.

    You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

    People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."

    Think about the imagery of that expression.

    It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then
    something came along and happened TO YOU.

    Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
    But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.

    It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship..

    Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all).

    Touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's
    idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

    The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think
    about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the

    initial stage when you were in love; and a much duller or even angry
    subsequent stage.

    At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the
    right person?"

    And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once
    had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

    This is when marriages breakdown.
    People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their
    marriage for fulfillment.

    Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the

    most obvious.

    But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or
    abusive substances.
    But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
    It lies within it.

    I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

    You could.
    And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few
    years later.
    Because (listen carefully to this):
    THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;

    IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

    SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.

    It'll NEVER just happen to you.

    You can't "find" LASTING love.

    You have to "make" it day in and day out.

    That's why we have the expression "the labor of love", because it takes

    time, effort, and energy.

    And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.

    You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work, make no mistake
    about it.
    Love is NOT a mystery.

    There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to
    succeed with your marriage.


    Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
    are also laws for relationships.

    Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger,
    certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.


    It's a direct cause and effect.

    If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..You can
    "make" love.

    Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.

    Remember this always:
    "God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you
    let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
     
  2. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Nov 26, 2010
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    Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.

    my statements exactly!!
    a few years ago here in JF
     
  3. Mkeshahoi

    Mkeshahoi JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Nov 26, 2010
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  4. roselyne1

    roselyne1 JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Nov 26, 2010
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    Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the

    most obvious.

    But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or
    abusive substances.


    veeeery true...:redfaces:
     
  5. M

    Mfwatiliaji JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Nov 26, 2010
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    I turned to work !!

    May I reverse?
     
  6. Mallaba

    Mallaba JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Nov 27, 2010
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    You still have the time to make it done...
     
  7. Mallaba

    Mallaba JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Nov 27, 2010
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    sure,they forget what is their primary role in their relationship..
     
  8. Mallaba

    Mallaba JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Nov 27, 2010
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    please be more specific,what happed few years ago here in JF??
    Ofcourse marriage is more than just a feeling..
     
  9. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Nov 28, 2010
    Joined: Jul 14, 2010
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    SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
     
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